


Make It Go Away, Or Make It Better

by rayemars



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anger Management, Dom/sub, Family Issues, Incest, M/M, Rough Sex, Swearing, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-16 02:09:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 162,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayemars/pseuds/rayemars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a normal summer vacation until Thor spotted Loki in his bedroom when his cousin thought he was alone. Then it turned into something else completely; something that upends more than a few family secrets, and changes quite a few things for them both.</p><p>Based on <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/amberfox17/pseuds/amberfox17">amberfox17</a>'s <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/953430/chapters/1865049">fic</a> for <a href="http://marty-mc.tumblr.com/">Marty-Mc</a>'s <a href="http://marty-mc.tumblr.com/post/60187755259/unfairlymostfairly-marty-mc-finished-my">fanart</a>. The only sfw links in that sentence are the names.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. if the first attempt didn't work then up the ante

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [30 Day OTP Porn Challenge Fills](https://archiveofourown.org/works/953430) by [amberfox17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberfox17/pseuds/amberfox17). 



> I read [the first fill](http://archiveofourown.org/works/953430/chapters/1865049) in [amberfox17](http://archiveofourown.org/users/amberfox17/pseuds/amberfox17)'s 30 Day OTP Porn Challenge Fills, based on Marty-Mc's smoking [fanart](http://sexualthorientation.tumblr.com/post/60186723692), and I kept wondering what happened afterward until I finally stopped wondering and started writing.
> 
> Amberfox17 was supremely gracious to let me play in her sandbox! I can only apologize for taking the story off the deep end into a D/s bildungsroman laced with Southern family politics; but the heart wants what it wants.
> 
> This fic starts up roughly a week after the events in amberfox17's story.  
> ~

The only real fault with their summer cabin is that after the first couple weeks, it starts to get boring. The town's not that big; there's no sports field, and the only places to go are either tourist traps or local spots where the townies get defensive about intruders. It doesn't matter that Thor's family has been coming here every summer since forever or that he knows half the teenagers in town by name: he doesn't live here, so he's still intruding.

The beach is neutral ground, but it's got its own problems. Especially since this summer's been record-breaking hot.

Loki refuses to go out to it half the time, for one. That wasn't so bad before; but ever since Thor saw him masturbating last week, now if his cousin stays back at the cabin Thor keeps wondering whether his parents have gone out and left him alone there. If they have, Loki might be doing it again--and then Thor starts trying to come up with an excuse to go back and see if they have and he is.

That lasts for about five seconds before he gets pissed at himself for being so gross.

Like it wasn't creepy enough, spying on his cousin getting off when Loki thought he was alone. Thor doesn't have any excuses for not just leaving like he should have, but at least he wasn't _trying_ to catch Loki at it. Being a skeevy asshole who stayed and watched is at least one step less awful than being a skeevy asshole who lurks around trying to trick Loki into thinking he's alone so he can watch his cousin fuck himself to coming with a dildo another time.

That reminder is usually enough to make Thor stay at the beach, even if he never manages to concentrate on anything else again. But if doesn't help the fact that he has to go back each day eventually.

He always feels awkward when Loki sits down across from him at the table or whenever they end up in the same room. Thor's never sure if he's staring at his cousin too much, or if he's being weirder by not looking at Loki at all. Sometimes it feels like Loki's scrutinizing him--but whenever Thor checks, his cousin's busy on the tablet or reading or watching TV.

The first couple times it happened, Thor was left with an adrenaline rush at the ugly thought that his cousin **knew** he'd been watching before, that Loki caught him at it, and he was just biding his time until he could humiliate Thor the most for it.

But Loki never said anything; and after a couple days, Thor finally started to relax and shrug the idea off.

He still gets jumpy whenever it feels like he's being watched, obviously, but it isn't so panicky anymore. At this point, it's just starting to irritate him--because even though he's _pretty_ sure it's Loki, he can't prove it. And if it isn't Loki, he doesn't have any other candidates. He methodically tore up the cabin one morning looking for bugs and wiretaps and then had to come up with an explanation for his mom about why he was acting so paranoid out of nowhere. Frigga didn't look like she bought it, but eventually all she said was to be subtler until Sif left.

The wet dreams aren't helping, either. He's been waking up from them once or twice a night for days now, and he has to pass Loki's door to get to the bathroom. Every single damn time, he can't stop himself from imagining what could happen if he went into his cousin's bedroom instead.

He knows what would _really_ happen. Loki would reflexively try to stab him when Thor startled him awake, and then they'd end up arguing and yelling at each other until they woke everyone else. But good luck telling his dick that.

So instead Thor ends up jacking off in the bathroom to half-formed fantasizes where Loki just...isn't surprised, isn't freaked out, ones where he lets Thor stay and pulls him down on the bed and lets Thor strip them both, where Loki likes the idea of having sex with him. Thor thinks repeatedly about the little whimpers his cousin made as Loki was settling into his rhythm with the dildo, and curls a hand around one of his hips as he jerks off, imaging how Loki's own would feel under his palms while Thor fucked him, wondering what angle he'd need to bring Loki from those half-pained noises to his louder, eager moans.

They're nice thoughts while they last. But once he's come, he can't ignore how impossible they are--there's no way in hell Loki wouldn't be completely creeped out by Thor busting into his room and wanting to have sex. And Thor doesn't entirely put it past his cousin to try stabbing him for real and then brushing it off as reflexes if he got really angry. They haven't seen each other much for the last few years, and it's obvious Loki's gotten meaner.

Thor holds tenaciously to that thought, reminding himself about the consequences of being stupid, in an effort to shore up his steadily evaporating resolve to stop being such a goddamn freak and leave his cousin alone.

At this point, he's just avoiding the cabin and Loki as much as possible. But then Thor runs right smack back into the same old other problems: the town is small and boring, and the beach is really damn hot.

Loki surprisingly came down to it with Thor today, but then he got bored and went into town with Fandral. Thor almost thought about joining them, but the volleyball game was getting pretty intense and Sif was in a bikini and didn't care, and it was hard to walk away from that. Not to mention she would've thrown the ball at his head for leaving her team undermanned. 

Plus, since he knew Loki wasn't going back to the cabin, Thor wasn't distracted with fantasizing. That meant he was finally winning against Hogun for the first time in a week--and the guys had harassed him so much for the last several days that even when Thor realized he was starting to feel lousy he still didn't want to drop out of the game and lose again.

Which is how he ended up here: nauseous, with a high pulse, stuck in the empty cabin and lying on his bed with a cold, wet washcloth over his face.

He's gonna have to admit Volstagg was right about the heatstroke, Thor thinks sourly. That'd be bad enough, since Volstagg likes to remind Thor that he's older: out of college and married and a grownup in the way Thor doesn't feel like yet. It's going to be even worse since it was dumb of him to keep arguing in the first place.

He's lucky it isn't turning out too bad. Thor finally gave up and left the beach once Volstagg threatened to haul him home over his shoulder and Hogun looked willing to help; Sif and Brunhilde were just snickering at him, so there was obviously no backup coming from that corner. Halfway back to the cabin Thor thought that just because Volstagg was about to _be_ a dad didn't mean he had to **act** like it already, and the fact that he didn't think of it sooner adds to his irritation.

Down the hall, the porch door slides open before slamming shut. Thor reaches reflexively under his pillow for his brass knuckles and thinks that if it's Sif, he's using that quip and to hell if it doesn't make much sense twenty minutes later. At least it won't be wasted.

"Hello," Loki calls. "--Anyone here?"

Thor shakes the brass knuckles off and presses the cloth against his face as he works up the will to answer. He can't sound weak when he does--Loki'll never let him live it down, getting heatstroke over a lousy volleyball game. He's not giving his cousin any more ammunition to call him an idiot with. 

"Anybody?" Loki says louder.

\-- _Holy shit_ , Thor realizes as his brain finally catches up through the drag of listlessness. If Loki thinks he's alone, then maybe....

Loki casually yells an incredibly nasty string of swear words. Thor chokes on a snigger and smothers it with his hand.

He presses down harder in the beat of silence that follows. For a long time the house is still; and then he finally hears Loki rummaging in the kitchen.

His door is half-shut, but Loki has to pass it to get to his room. Thor thinks about getting up and shutting it further before his cousin comes into the hall--but. The idea seems messed up.

Thor scowls a second later and presses the washcloth harder to his face, and reminds himself that _every_ thing he's been doing the last week is messed up.

The first time was an accident, and he should have left instead of staying, because Loki didn't know he was there. Loki didn't know Thor was jerking himself off in the hall outside his door, thinking about his _cousin_ , thinking about wanting to take over, wanting to go in and replace that dildo and make Loki make all those gut-twistingly hot sounds for _him_ \--

Thor bites his lip as his cock starts harding in his shorts.

Last time was an accident, and he should have left. Shutting the door this time, so Loki won't even have the _chance_ to spot him, feels like a trick. It's completely screwed up.

Loki starts padding up the hall. Thor pulls the cloth away from his face, ready to see Loki jerk and stop when he catches sight of him through the doorway. He'll probably scowl even more than usual when he realizes he's not alone after all--if someone came in when Thor thought he had a chance at some good, worry-free masturbating, he knew he'd be pissed. Especially if it was complicated the way Loki's is, needing more time than a quick jerk-off.

He barely gets a glimpse of his cousin as Loki passes, tossing a water bottle absently from hand to hand as he strides toward his room.

Thor holds his breath, but Loki doesn't double-back. He doesn't lean through Thor's doorway and glare and demand to know why he didn't answer.

Did Loki not see him?

 _Shit_ , Thor thinks again, his heart speeding up as his cock twitches more. If Loki didn't see him--

There's more sound in the hall, this time from the bathroom. Thor startles at a loud, wooden cracking noise--what the hell, did Loki make a false bottom in a drawer? Is he breaking off a cabinet door to come back and bash Thor with it?

There might be something to that. The bathroom cabinet's so full of towels and sheets that Thor doesn't remember ever actually seeing the back of it. And Loki's good with his hands. Thor should know; he's stared at them a lot the last several days.

Loki's really good with his hands, whether he's cracking open mussels or doing coin tricks or working on equations or winning yet another board game Frigga pulls out when it rains in the mornings. And he must be keeping that dildo somewhere.

Thor's cock jumps again as he shivers. He palms it through his shorts, lifting his hips into the friction, and then goes still when he hears Loki leave the bathroom and kick open the door to his own bedroom.

He should leave. He doesn't feel that sick anymore, except for the way his stomach and chest are knotted up in anticipation and guilt. He could go back to the beach, or walk down into town; it doesn't matter as long as he leaves the cabin and gives his cousin the privacy Loki thinks he has. He needs to go.

Thor forces himself to sit up and shove off the bed and move to the door. But in the hall he pauses.

He could stop next to Loki's door and call out, maybe ask if he wants to come to town with him. He could say Loki woke him up and he didn't answer because he was groggy. Maybe Loki isn't doing anything--maybe he just came back because he got bored.

Maybe Thor should quit pretending and just admit he's being a fucking creep.

He goes down the hall and pauses outside Loki's door. His heart's beating so hard Thor half expects Loki to come out to see what the noise is and then punch him in the mouth. If he leaves now at least he won't be a complete asshole.

In the room, Loki's breath hitches and he makes a small discomforted sound.

 _Shit_ , Thor thinks helplessly, and glances inside.

Loki's sprawled out on his back on the bed, his head tilted up to the ceiling and his legs splayed open wide, his hand between them. 

Thor thinks distractedly that he's not wearing the panties this time. He's not wearing anything: his clothes've been kicked into the corner next to his crumpled bedspread.

For a second he thinks Loki's playing with his balls, since the dildo's sitting on his nightstand next to the water bottle. Thor feels a spike of disappointment that he's changed his mind--and then his cousin drags his legs higher up the sheet, bending his knees and lifting his hips, and Thor realizes he's fingering his ass. Loki's getting himself ready.

The shudder that wracks through him is so violent Thor almost bangs into the wall. He freezes up, afraid to do anything that could startle Loki into noticing him. He's not even willing to undo his shorts to rub his cock.

Last time was an accident, and maybe he could've thought up a way to talk himself out of it. At the least, he could have let Loki slug him so they could move on. But this time he's got no excuse.

The thought has him freaked out and turned on at the same time. Like this needed to get more screwed up.

Thor struggles to remain still as he listens to Loki's breath catch on shaky little whimpers as he bucks against his hand. His cousin's legs keep shifting, rumpling the sheet around his feet.

Thor imagines kneeling on the bed between them. He'd spread his own legs wide as he got in close, forcing Loki's thighs out around him. He'd be able to feel his cousin's muscles flexing as Loki squirmed under him.

Thor shifts on his feet, trying to ignore the ache in his balls, and leans forward a little further to get a better view. He exhales through his teeth when he sees that Loki's got two slick fingers spread inside himself.

One time when he was in the shower he tried sliding a finger into his ass just to get an idea what Loki liked about it so much. With enough soap he managed; and it felt weird as hell, just like he'd figured. When Thor tried to put in a second one it stopped being uncomfortable and started to really sting--and he definitely spent longer on it than his cousin could've for this.

But Loki's working himself **hard** , driving his hips down onto his fingers in sharp jerks, panting harshly. His head's tilted way back, his eyes squeezed shut and his throat taut; he keeps biting off curses as he pushes forward. Thor doesn't know how it's not hurting him to take it so fast--even if Loki's used to this, it's still got to sting **some**. Especially with how rough he's being.

...Maybe it _is_ hurting him, but Loki doesn't care. His cousin's always been pretty tough.

Another shiver runs down his back, and Thor bites his lip hard.

Maybe it just doesn't bother him. Thor was always impressed with Loki's tattoos, but once he got his own he had to respect the way Loki was able to endure that much ink. And Loki was definitely into what he was doing last time: he didn't look or sound like it hurt at all. Maybe he's just used to it.

Loki swears out loud the next time he forces his fingers into his ass, the noise high and sharp, and then he strangles out " _Please_."

Thor nearly bites through his lip.

Last week he thought he'd seen his cousin's smirking, distant attitude stripped away as he fucked himself, but this is miles past that. Loki's **begging**. Thor can count on one hand how many times he's heard his cousin use that word--and those were only to Frigga when Loki was asking for a second helping of dinner or something. It was nothing like this: Loki sounds desperate. He sounds like if he doesn't get what he wants he's going to collapse, to break down completely into a sobbing, pleading mess.

Thor's so hard now it hurts. The zipper's biting into his cock, and his underwear is sticking unpleasantly from the precome dribbling into it. Thor fists a hand into his shorts and grips another around the doorframe, and thinks that if Loki spots him now he's not gonna be able to get his head together before his cousin's on him and punching. He's not even sure he'll care. Not if it means he'll get the chance to grab Loki's hips and rock against him, to feel his cousin's cock slick and dripping along his skin and hear Loki's sharp panting in his ear.

He's so hard it's hurting, but he holds back from sliding a hand under his shorts or rubbing himself through the fabric. He almost doesn't even want to pull down the zipper; he's half sure if he touches his cock at all he'll come right then. He can't stop trembling.

Spying on his cousin getting off is messed up. Spying on his cousin getting off, after tricking him into thinking he's alone, is really messed up. Spying on Loki because for the past week Thor hasn't been able to stop dreaming about sex with him is flat-out fucked up. But spying on Loki when his cousin thinks he's alone and he's imagining some fantasy that Thor is a hundred percent sure Loki would never forgive him for overhearing, some jerk-off dream that's got Loki riding on pain and begging for--less? More? Shit. Thor doesn't know what comes after fucked up, but that's what this is. If Loki beats him to a pulp for this, he'll deserve it.

Loki bangs his head against the mattress, making it bounce. " _ **Please**!_ " He sounds even more frantic, and angry about it. Thor bites down harder.

It's not enough to muffle his gasp when Loki wrenches his fingers from his ass, crying out as he does, and slings himself over onto his stomach. He flails a hand to the side, knocking over the water bottle as he grasps the dildo.

It glistens in the light, and Thor realizes Loki must have lubed it up beforehand. That's--that's even less time he had to strip and get his fingers inside his ass. Jesus. Just how harsh was Loki taking himself?

His skin feels too warm, sweat prickling along it and making his clothes hot. The pressure on his cock is past what he can take anymore; Thor barely manages to swallow down a relieved moan as he tugs the zipper loose and jerks his shorts off his hips. He squeezes his cock through his briefs as he watches Loki work the dildo into his ass.

His cousin's moving slower now, going easier on himself, and Thor's relieved. He knows there's people that get off on being hurt, but he's not sure how he feels about his cousin being one of them.

Or maybe he's just not sure how he feels about still being this turned on after watching Loki use himself so roughly. Or about getting harder from listening to all those smothered, whimpered curses and shivery pleas.

\--Okay, he _does_ know how he feels about that: pretty fucking disturbed. What the hell is wrong with him?

Loki gets the dildo all the way in and holds it there, his breath coming harsh and loud. Thor forces himself to pull his hand away from his cock and fists it back in his shorts. He's gripping the doorframe so hard he can't feel his fingers anymore.

Loki draws a long breath, and lets it out even more slowly. Then he shoves the dildo forward, rocking his hips down and dragging a sharp whine out of his throat.

The bed creaks as he does it again and then again, not pulling the dildo out for proper thrusts, just using it to force himself harder against the mattress. It makes his cock bounce when he does. Despite the uncomfortable, almost pained sounds Loki's making, his dick is hard and flushed so dark that Thor thinks it must be aching as bad as his own.

Thor's breathing in hard, ragged pants, vaguely aware in the back of his mind that he's gotta be too loud but unable to make himself stop. Loki probably can't hear him anyway over his own rasping gasps as he goes still again.

Loki stays slack and breathing hard into the sheet for a couple more moments, so long that Thor can barely stand it. He needs Loki to start moving again, needs to give in and get a hand back on his cock, needs to find out if Loki's going to ease up and start fucking himself like last time or if he's going to keep up this vicious pace, needs to know--needs to--shit. He doesn't know. He needs to come. His legs are shaking, he needs it so bad. He's never been strung out this tight, not even that time with his last girlfriend in the backseat, not even last week. He'd probably be begging himself right now if it was anybody else holding him back. He's about ready to throw away everything and go in and beg Loki.

His cousin draws in another breath, hoarser this time, and starts shifting on the bed again.

Thor's stomach clenches as he watches Loki reach back and deliberately pull his legs farther apart instead of just spreading them. His cousin drags his arm back up and braces it by his head, then forces his chest further against the mattress as much as he can with one hand still around the dildo.

Shivers keep wracking through Thor hard enough that he's bent forward from them as he watches Loki arrange himself. If there were someone else behind his cousin on the bed, they'd be the one doing this: tugging Loki's knees wide until his thighs shake, pinning him down on the mattress, leaving his ass tilted up and ready to be fucked. If it were him behind Loki....

Loki rolls his head to the side, rubbing his forehead against the sheet to scrape his hair away from his flushed face. His forearm's still flat against the mattress, like he's pinned there too.

For a second a sharp pulse of terror cuts through all Thor's lightheaded lust. Loki's facing him now. If he opens his eyes, if he sees Thor watching--

But Loki keeps his eyes closed as he licks his lips and shifts his grip on the dildo. Thor watches him swallow thickly and lick his lips again before murmuring, "Please."

It's softer than the others. It's not pleading, not demanding; Loki's pinned and spread and about to be fucked the way someone else decides. It almost sounds like an encouragement.

Thor shudders so hard that his hand spasms against the doorframe and he tastes blood as he bites through his lip. He rolls away from the door and presses his back against the wall as he shoves a hand into his underwear.

He barely squeezes his cock a few times before he's coming, strong enough that his knees buckle and his vision blacks out at the edges. He's not sure how long it takes for it to pass; when it finally does, he's crouched on his heels in the hall, one hand sticky and the other still numb, gasping raggedly. The back of his head hurts, like he banged it against the wall. He doesn't know if he made noise.

Maybe he didn't. Maybe he did and Loki didn't notice--Thor can hear the squelching as Loki fucks himself with the dildo, and the bed creaking under his ruthless pace. Or maybe he did and Loki _did_ notice, but he can't be bothered to come strangle Thor until he's finished. His cousin is making trembly, keening noises strung together with barely a pause for breath, but they sound stifled.

Thor, too fucked out to think of consequences, takes the risk and glances into the room.

Loki's driving the dildo into his ass just as harshly as it sounds. His legs are still spread wide, and his eyes are still shut as each thrust jars his head against the mattress; but he's got his hand against his mouth now, three fingers shoved deep inside it, choking down his moans.

Thor smothers a groan and pulls away, pressing his head against the wall as he slumps to sit on the carpet. He wonders if it's possible to come again already. He wonders if it's possible to come again, ever. If not, this might've been worth it.

He spends way more time than he should drifting in the aftershocks of his orgasm and trying to catch his breath, swallowing whenever one of Loki's whimpers is forced out harder.

When they start getting louder and louder, bordering on sobbed shouts, Thor shivers and wonders if Loki's about to come.

He wants to see it. He's wanted to see it ever since he missed it last week. But he's no longer so stupid-headed from coming that he's willing to risk getting caught, so he settles for listening.

It sounds like Loki's being merciless to himself--the pace of the squelching and creaking is so brutal it makes Thor flinch in sympathy--and it sounds like he's going to make himself come from it. It's hard to tell with the way he's gagged by his fingers. Just how long's Loki been finger-fucking himself in the mouth while pounding the dildo into his ass? The whole time? Jesus, Thor can't even imagine what he's fantasizing about anymore.

It's hard to tell with the hand smothering his mouth, but it sounds like Loki's making himself beg for it.

If it _were_ possible to come again already, Thor thinks he might. If Loki goes on like this much longer, he's going to get hard again before he's even cleaned up. His cousin's got some impressive stamina.

\--Has he even touched his cock this whole time?

Jesus _Christ_. Just how much does Loki like torturing himself? Even if he likes being fucked enough to come from it, even if he likes being fucked as rough as this, that's gotta be too much. Thor wouldn't make him go this long without a hand on his dick.

A few seconds later-- **finally** \--the creaking stops as Loki lets out a long, ecstatic, still-smothered moan. It's pained enough that Thor shudders; it's pleased enough that he swallows hard.

He keeps his jaw clenched as he listens to Loki collapse on the bed, his cousin's breath coming in shuddery gasps, and tries not to move or make noise.

He needs to get up and get back to his room. He needs to get up **now** , before Loki comes down and starts to pay attention to what's around him again. He has to go.

The bed creaks and Thor scrambles to his feet, yanking his shorts up his hips as he stumbles down the hall to his room.

He shoves the door shut most of the way behind him, stopping before the latch can catch, and makes a ridiculously grateful noise when he spots the damp washcloth where he dropped it. He feels sweaty and sticky and almost ready enough to jack off again that he wants a shower. But Loki's room faces the bathroom, so this'll have to do.  
  
  
Thor's hiding in his room, trying to clean up surreptitiously, when Loki comes up to the open doorway of his own. He hasn't bothered to dress.

Loki props an elbow against the doorframe, still panting slightly as he gulps water from the bottle he fished out from beneath the bed. He takes another as he studies the door next to his own, now shut a lot further than it was when he first passed by and pretended not to see Thor inside.

Loki snorts quietly and goes back into his room to grab his clothes and the dildo that needs to be washed. He claims the bathroom before Thor can get to it.


	2. Loki is an asshole; Thor's day doesn't go as planned

The rest of the day is weird.

The washcloth isn't much use, but by the time Thor gives up trying and leaves his room Loki's already in the bathroom. And he takes **forever**.

He takes so long that Thor wonders if he's jerking off while he showers. The thought makes his cock twitch again while he sits on the edge of his bed, even though it's still sore from being chafed by his shorts for too long.

Thor tries to stop thinking about it for a while as he waits, and reminds himself he doesn't want to be caught jacking himself whenever Loki finally gets out. But that only works for so long, especially since he _keeps_ waiting; and finally Thor bites down on his lip as he imagines just going in and getting into the shower behind Loki.

His lip stings where he split it open earlier. Thor flinches but then bites down harder, worrying the gash between his teeth. It's still not enough to get the idea out of his mind.

He's already stripped out of his shirt to cool off. If he left the rest of his clothes here, all he'd have to do is get through the door quietly. If Loki _is_ jerking off, he might not notice Thor until he's almost at the shower. Especially if he's fingering his ass again; Loki looks so focused when he's fucking himself. Thor thought as much last week, but it was even hotter this time.

He swallows at the memory, and gives in as the idea of all of Loki's sharp, wary observation being driven out of him--of his cousin's constantly darting, calculating eyes being forced shut as Thor makes him concentrate on nothing but his hands on Loki's skin and his cock in Loki's ass--breaks his resolve.

He doesn't bother trying to smother his next groan as he drops back onto the bed and slides his hand into his still-unzipped shorts.

When Thor palms his cock through his underwear, the touch makes him jerk--the rough fabric of the washcloth didn't help his dick any. But Loki's got to be worse off.

Thor bites his split lip more carefully and runs his hand slowly along his cock. Loki would be distracted, maybe not as into it as he was in the bedroom. He'd probably still be trying to brace himself so he can get a finger--fingers? he wouldn't do that much to himself again already, would he? shit, _shit_ , that shouldn't be hot, it's fucked up that he thinks that's hot--into himself while keeping a hand on his cock. Thor knows from trying that it's a hassle to pull off unless Loki wedges his shoulder into the corner while hoping his feet won't slip and make him crack his jaw open on the knob. No matter how well his cousin's been trained to be alert, he might not notice Thor before he pulled the shower door open.

Loki'd be too startled to react in the first breath or two, and Thor could use that. He could crowd Loki up against the tile before he got his bearings, grab his wrist while his cousin was still trying to figure out where to start cursing at him. Thor could pull Loki's fingers out of his ass and pin his forearm to the wall the way Loki was pretending before.

\--Would it hurt him if he did that? Shit, probably. It sounded like it did before. If Loki gasped like that again Thor would say he's sorry, he would, just as soon as he was sure he had his cousin trapped well enough that Loki couldn't get loose to fight him.

He'd still try, of course. Thor would be barreling into the bathroom when his cousin thought he was alone and attacking him in the shower; Loki had every right to try ripping his throat out with his teeth in response.

But even more than that, for all his cousin's smarts he's got a rotten habit of picking fights he can't win on his own. When he's pissed he doesn't back down, even when he should. If Thor gave him too much leverage Loki would take advantage of it--and **that** would end with Thor trying to think up an explanation for his parents about how he broke the shower door and got blood all over the bathroom and why Loki is locked seething in his room and how they'll probably wake up tomorrow and find that their nephew's murdered him, but they shouldn't press charges because Thor sorta deserved it.

Thor flinches as that last thought cuts a little too close to home, and reminds him just what's happened with his family over the last couple years and why his cousin's even here with them this summer to begin with. He shoves it away hard.

If he can just get Loki against the wall, get his hand wrapped around Loki's fist on his cock, it'll be fine. Thor can brace a foot against the other wall, keep Loki pinned down close, and apologize if he hurt him while he's making Loki change the way he jerks himself off. It'll be fine.

Even if Loki keeps fighting him, it'll be fine. Once he's got the advantage, Thor can stop him from breaking free. He can keep Loki caged in until his cousin finally gives up, until he slumps and goes still the way he did on the bed, just bracing himself for what's coming.

He imagines how Loki would pant softly against the tile while Thor controls the way his cousin's fist slides over his cock. Maybe he'll shiver a little as Thor makes him ease up, makes him be nicer to himself after everything he managed to take earlier. He'll probably refuse to make any noise. At least, not until Thor starts to rock against him, sliding his cock along the crack of Loki's ass.

Thor sucks his lip deeper between his teeth as he thinks of the sound Loki might make then, one of those little ones from earlier, caught between fear and hunger.

Would Loki think Thor would take him there, like that? Would he have cleaned himself up already, or would he still be slick with lube? Would he think he could take it? _Could_ he take it?

Thor doesn't know. He isn't sure he wants to find out if it means he'll hurt Loki; he isn't sure he's even up to it. Right now he's not even sure he could take trying to get inside his cousin. His underwear still chafes his cock enough that it's uncomfortable; if Loki were clenching around him, rocking back to take him deeper with one of those needy moans, Thor might just die. Or at least come so fast he'll never live it down.

Just moving against Loki might be enough, if he can get his cousin to come again like that. If he were pressed up tight enough to Loki that he could feel all the little tremors running through his cousin as he got closer and closer--if he could really _see_ and feel Loki come this time--that would be pretty good. That would probably be all Thor needs. Later, they could do more. Later he could--

The water shuts off. 

Thor bites down an embarrassing moan. He keeps palming his cock, rocking his hips up into the pressure, until he hears the bathroom door open. Then he jerks his hand away and rolls onto his side, facing away from the door, half-curled in on himself.

Thor hears Loki start to pass by in the hall and then--shit, shit, **shit** \--pause outside his door. It takes an insane amount of control to stay still.

Loki makes a little 'huh' noise, not sounding annoyed and only a little surprised, and then keeps heading into the main area. Maybe he thinks Thor walked in while he was showering.

Thor exhales slowly through his teeth.

He waits a little longer, but all he hears is Loki rummaging around in the kitchen. Finally he rolls off his bed, and grabs a new pair of underwear and shorts before scrambling for the bathroom.

Thor crams his old clothes down to the very bottom of the laundry basket before getting into the shower, and tries not to think about fucked up that fantasy was. What is **wrong** with him? Is he **trying** to make this shit creepier?

Despite that, he finds out soon that he's not too sore or sapped to come again.

He learns a little later that Loki used up almost all the hot water. Thor's still swearing as he rinses off and gets out.  
  
  
The rest of the day is so weird.

Hogun and Volstagg and Brunhilde drop by the cabin later with Sif, and Thor sits out on the deck with them listening to how the volleyball game went and trying hard not to look at Loki slumped against the doorframe, half listening and half leaning inside to watch TV.

He hasn't seen his cousin sitting since he came out of the bathroom and ran into him in the living room. Loki's only been sprawled out on the couch or lounging against a wall instead.

Every once in a while Thor has to fight down a shiver as he remembers just why his cousin's doing that. Brunhilde keeps asking if he's sure he's better.

Eventually Fandral returns with his car and takes the other guys back to their cabin for dinner. Thor turns them down the invitation to join them, and Sif agrees with a shrug. Loki just shakes his head, already gravitating back to the living room.

His cousin gets away with napping on the couch while Thor and Sif are roped into helping Frigga make dinner. His dad gives Loki an exasperated look when he comes down from the upper floor, but doesn't bother saying anything.

Thor tries to keep talking during dinner so he doesn't come off weird. But eventually his mom asks what's wrong, and Sif rats him out about the heatstroke; and then Thor gets banished to the living room with a bunch of frozen ice pops while his dad goes off to meet a work associate and his mom treats Sif to the action movie she wanted to see but that Thor and Volstagg and Hogun and Fandral all went to the day before her parents dropped her off.

Loki comes in a few minutes later and palms three of the ice pops. He almost gets four, but Thor yanks the loose one back out of his grasp. "Get your own."

Loki just rolls his eyes before stretching out on the couch. He drops two of the pops on the floor as he rips open the first. "Why do you watch this survivalist crap?"

"Lay off, it's better than your cop shows."

Loki makes a derisive noise and props his head on his arm. He starts sucking on the ice pop as he stares at the TV in blank boredom.

Thor stands that for about forty seconds before he gets up and says he's going to bed. He chucks the remote at the couch harder than he can justify, and ignores Loki swearing at him as he leaves.

He refuses to jerk off in the shower and then regrets it for what feels like hours as he squirms in his bed and listens to everyone come back and chat and eventually go to sleep. Thor keeps his hands balled up by his head and runs over rugby drills in his mind until he finally drifts off.  
  
  
He wakes up later that night after yet another dream, more intense than any of the ones before. Loki told him to move faster, told him he could take more, cussed him out and called him a coward when Thor wouldn't do it, and then whimpered when Thor relented and grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged his head back. He kept Loki like that, his neck strained as Thor moved faster--hard enough that his cousin shook from it, gasping out his name between pleased grunts, but not so much that Loki made any of those too-pained sobs.

Thor gives in and creeps down the hall to the bathroom. It doesn't take him long to get off; as he washes up and leaves, he hears someone in the kitchen.

Thor thinks he _has_ to quit this shit, because he forgot to bring his weapons out with him. His parents would be ashamed.

He rolls his neck and arms looser as he moves silently down the hall and wonders if it's Sif instead of an intruder. If so, maybe he can talk her into staying up for a couple hours. They could eat toaster pastries and watch the late night cartoons they pretend they're too cool for around Volstagg and Hogun and Fandral, so the guys won't have extra excuses to harass them about being younger.

If it's not her he'll have to make sure this is fast and quiet so she won't wake up. Sif knows a lot about his family, but not everything.

If it's her and he's lucky, she'll say sure. Thor needs a distraction--if he keeps thinking about Loki he's gonna jerk his cock raw.

He goes into the kitchen and finds his cousin raiding the cabinets. Loki tenses when Thor rounds the doorway and slides a hand into his pocket automatically.

Thor relaxes out of his ready stance, and then shoves his bangs from his eyes to hide his face as he wonders if Loki heard him in the bathroom. He needs to quit this shit for a **lot** of reasons.

"Make more noise when you're in here," he says. "I thought you were an outsider."

"If I made _more_ noise, wouldn't that have the opposite effect?" Loki replies, and Thor scowls at him.

Despite the sarcasm, his cousin's hand is still in his pocket and his shoulders are still tense. Thor huffs out a breath and goes to the fridge. "You know what I mean, smartass."

He opens it and pulls out the first thing he can grab to make it look like they're both just in here for a midnight snack. When he straightens up with an apple, Loki's shoulders finally relax a little.

His cousin steals their food a lot. He steals it blatantly, taking more than he eats at a time and hiding it all in his room. But Thor's mom asked him to ignore it, and his dad doesn't say anything, so Thor follows their example and lets it go.

When Sif pointed it out one afternoon, he told her to do the same. "He didn't used to," Thor added when she started to argue.

She made a face; but she dropped it. Sif knows as much as Thor does about what happened to Loki's dad a couple years ago, and even though she and Loki irritate each other, she knows Thor isn't okay with her crossing that line.

"I thought you were sleeping," Loki says as Thor hip-checks the door closed. He dangles a bag of chips from his hand as he leans against the counter.

\--So Loki didn't hear him. Good. Thor shrugs away his relief and tosses the apple between his hands. "Went to bed too early."

"Ah." Loki keeps leaning against the counter, bracing his forearms on the top.

Thor wonders if his ass is still sore from earlier. Then he jerks the apple up to his mouth and takes a giant bite to hide his face again and tells himself to fucking _quit it_ already.

The silence starts to get weird. Thor shifts on his feet and swallows, and asks, "Wanna watch TV?"

Loki shakes his head. "I'm going out."

Thor blinks and fully looks at him. "Where?"

"A party," Loki says. "I know some guys in the next town."

Thor frowns and starts to ask how, but Loki shifts the bag in his hand and then says, "Want to come? Then I won't have to walk."

Thor glances over at the microwave clock and sees it's close to eleven. The next town over is a fifteen minute drive on the bypass. "Why are you walking? It'll be over by the time you get there."

Loki shrugs. "It's pretty rude to thank your family for letting me stay for the summer by hacking Odin's car."

Thor frowns at that, not liking the way Loki says 'your family' like he's not a part of it. "It's secure."

Loki just gives him a long 'really?' look. "It's integrated," he drawls. "I just need time."

Thor frowns more in suspicion. Loki lies about anything whenever he's in the mood to, he knows that--but sometimes it's hard to be sure what's a lie and what's the truth.

"Well?" Loki demands, getting tense again. He starts to tap his fingers on the countertop.

Thor wipes his mouth with the back of his wrist and says, "Yeah, okay."

He'll probably regret it. His stomach is already twisting at the idea of being alone in his car in the dark with his cousin who he can't stop thinking about fucking.

But he doesn't like the thought of Loki walking on the road this late; most of the bypass between the towns doesn't have streetlights. And Thor doesn't want to deal with the inevitable argument if he tries to get Loki to stay here instead of going off and doing whatever he wants.  
  
  
They get lucky: Thor's car was parked by the curb, so it isn't boxed in by his parents'.

He pushes it along the road while Loki steers until they're far enough from the cabin that Thor's willing to start the engine. Loki snorts when he drops into the drivers' seat and calls him a jock while Thor stretches.

It feels like Loki's staring at him once they hit the dark part of the bypass. But Thor has to focus on the road's sharp curves; and even if he looked over, it's not like he could see his expression.

Once they hit the town, Loki flips on the interior light and reads a piece of scrap paper covered in his deliberately indecipherable scrawl. He directs Thor past the main square and down into a neighborhood until they finally come to a house on the corner with a bunch of cars around it. Thor parks on the next street over in case any neighbors call the cops, and then follows his cousin into the party.

The only people he knows at it are some juniors from the rival team, and they actively avoid him once they recognize him. Loki disappears the first chance he gets, and Thor ends up wandering the bottom floor with a lukewarm beer from the kitchen, feeling dressed wrong.

He spends a while arguing with one girl about whether A.J. or Lita is the coolest diva champion, and more time debating with a couple guys about the best videogame that year until the conversation derails into an argument over which system is gayer. Thor leaves then; and a little later the air conditioning cuts out. Everybody starts to get really hot and sullen but most of them still don't want to go home yet.

Loki finds him out on the back steps where it's cooler. The guy Thor was chatting about baseball with takes one look at his cousin and then says he's gonna get another beer and takes off.

Thor watches him flee before giving Loki a disapproving look. "How many rumors at your school _are_ there?"

Loki shrugs, shifting the two beers he's carrying into the same hand that's holding his shirt. He tugs a Swiss army knife from his pocket. "I don't pay attention."

"Bullshit," Thor says dryly.

"Other people's bitching is a waste of my time," his cousin replies, prising the cap off of one of the beers.

"You need to keep a lower profile," Thor warns.

Loki snorts derisively. "Like you're one to talk."

Thor narrows his eyes slightly; but then his cousin holds out the opened beer. Thor makes himself shake off the slight--his parents said he was never to talk about that incident again, not even to family--and takes it. He set his half-finished one down somewhere and the house is too stifling to bother finding it again.

Loki settles onto the steps next to him, cracking open the other bottle, and Thor tries not to look at his bare chest. He takes a drink to give himself something to do, but the beer's still cheap and even warmer.

Loki looks over when he makes a face and raises an eyebrow in disparagement. "You don't drink?" he asks, before taking an obnoxious swig of his own. "Didn't your coach let you do anything?"

"How can you drink that crap?" Thor replies, his lip still curled up a little. "I thought you would've found the decent stuff."

Loki gives him another sidelong look. "Sorry it's not good enough for you."

"Whatever," Thor shrugs, resting his bottle on the steps between his knees. He's got to drive them home anyway. "You can have mine."

Loki takes another pull of his beer, holding it in his mouth for a while before finally swallowing deeply. Thor fidgets and rubs the neck of his bottle.

"Nah," Loki replies, running his tongue over his teeth. "It tastes like piss."

Thor snorts in amusement, and his cousin adds: "We should've brought your dad's scotch."

He raises an eyebrow. "You found it? Where?"

Loki smirks. "Why should I tell you?" he points out, the corner of his mouth curving up a little more. "What'll you give me?"

"Brat," Thor replies automatically. He shifts on the steps a lot more uncomfortably and thinks that yeah, he's definitely regretting this. "Fine, I'll find it myself."

"Bored?" Loki asks.

Thor shrugs and presses the sweating bottle to the back of his neck. "Are you?"

Loki makes a noncommittal noise.

His cousin keeps playing with his beer, taking tiny sips. Thor sits there with him for a while and notes that nobody else is coming near the back door now, and resolutely keeps his hands to himself.

Eventually he fishes for something to break the silence. "Anybody know if the air's gonna come back on?"

His cousin makes a vague gesture. "Someone's looking at it."

"Have you yet?"

"I'm not an electrician."

"What, _you_ can't figure out an air conditioner manual?"

"Why do I have to stay in there just because their shit broke?" Loki snaps, his tone colder.

Thor rolls his eyes but changes the subject. "How do you know these guys, anyway?"

"They're related to some people at school," Loki says with a loose shrug.

Thor shifts the beer along his neck. "Ah."

Loki looks over at him with another raised eyebrow. In the light from inside, Thor can see the bottle rim resting on his lip, tugging it down slightly. "What?" his cousin asks.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

Thor points a thumb at the door over his shoulder. "They don't seem like the kind of people you'd hang out with."

Loki snorts. "You can call them stupid assholes," he says. "I don't care."

Thor exhales shortly and shoves his bangs from his face as a breeze wafts past.

The corner of Loki's mouth curves up again as he glances at Thor from the side. "Besides. Stupid people can be fun to hang around."

He elbows his cousin hard in the arm, and keeps frowning when Loki sniggers. "Quit getting into shit," Thor tells him.

Loki hisses out a breath and shifts away to glare at the two-story garage on the edge of the property. Thor drags the beer from his neck and starts tapping it agitatedly on the concrete steps.

This is exactly what he started to worry about half an hour into the party, after he'd talked with everyone who wasn't busy making out.

His cousin's insanely smart. He's skipped two grades, and in junior high he learned German just to read cryptography papers without translations; and in high school Thor was always being reminded that Loki was acing the same calculus classes that Thor hated to sit through because they were the period right before rugby. He only escaped getting arrested for exploiting unprotected surveillance cameras because no one completely believed an elementary-school kid could do that before Frigga and Odin and Laufey managed to cover it up. If Loki gets sick of what Thor and his dad are watching on TV and Frigga will lend him her tablet, he'll start screwing around with matrices on LaTeX like some kind of math sorcerer. Once when they were younger and still talking, Loki claimed he'd broken the Voynich manuscript's code but refused to prove it after Thor reflexively called him a liar.

But for all that intelligence, his cousin's got a really, really rotten habit of picking fights he can't win on his own.

When they were in elementary school together, Loki was always tricking dumber or more gullible guys--or Thor himself, he remembers sourly--into taking the fall for the pranks he pulled. He never seems to think about how other people can remember grudges too, or about how a lot of those guys usually have more friends than him, friends who'll back them up in a fight. And he's gotten way, way more spiteful in the last few years.

His final semester of junior high, Thor had to run out of the locker room half-dressed in his padding after one of the cheerleaders busted in and said Loki was getting his ass kicked behind a portable by three high schoolers.

Loki was holding his own okay, but it was three to one and the other guys were bigger. As soon as he arrived Thor smashed the closest one in the head with his helmet hard enough that the face-guard cracked loose and the guy just dropped, bleeding; and once the sides were even, he and Loki fought the other two off. They dragged their friend away, yelling a bunch of threats at Loki and a couple at Thor until Thor threw his helmet and clipped one of them in the back of the head. Then they just fled.

And then Loki kicked him hard in the leg, right over a forming bruise, and staggered off without even fucking saying thanks.

Thor was late to practice. He got pulled off the field and hauled in front of the principal as soon as the coach learned about the fight, and he was almost suspended for the rest of the month until his dad pulled some strings.

Even afterward, there was more noise about sending him away to a specialty school for his behavior problems until both his parents visited the principal. After that the talk evaporated the same way it had last time; but Thor was still only able to keep from getting kicked off the team permanently by promising to go to an extra anger management session each week for the rest of the school year. 

When they did agree to let him keep playing, the coach made him stand in front of his teammates and apologize to them for almost ruining all their hard work over the year by being stupid and reckless. It was humiliating--Thor's skin prickled the whole time, until it was finally over and he could pull his new helmet on.

He knew the coach had a point: they could've made state two years ago if one guy hadn't torn his knee, and their chances were even better this year. And he knew the man had taken a huge gamble just letting him return after what happened the first year of junior high. Thor knew he was lucky to be playing anything again at all. The baseball team had refused him.

But Loki was family. It wasn't like Thor could have done anything else. Even if Loki started it, those guys should've had some fucking decency and not attacked him three at once.

He never did find out whether Loki started it, or how those guys knew his cousin or why they were at their school. He never even got their names; their parents didn't press charges. Not even the ones of the guy Thor concussed.

That summer was the first one his aunt and uncle and cousins didn't come to the family barbecue.

Thor hadn't cared at the time--he was still pissed at Loki and glad he didn't have to see him again yet. But then his uncle moved to the next town over, and Loki transferred to a different junior high and then went to the other high school, and then his dad stopped talking about them at all.

After that, Thor almost never saw any of them again except at holidays and their grandfather's funeral. The little he heard about Loki's family came from news Frigga would mention: that Helblindi had joined the army, that Byleist had moved out to the capital, that Loki was skipping another grade and going to graduate the same time as him, that his uncle was in jail in another state for something no one would talk about. By the time he was told that, the story was buried under new news.

Thor couldn't find anything about it online. And the librarians were all friends with his dad and wouldn't let him go through back issues of the newspapers. 

He talked Balder and Sif into helping him figure out when the library recycled the papers, and once it happened the three of them went over that same night. Balder stood guard while Thor and Sif climbed into the recycling bin and started rummaging through everything, but it was hard to search with just a pair of flashlights when they were standing on the stuff they needed to read. They didn't find anything before they heard the siren.

Most of the cops were friends with his parents, too. Thor told Sif and Balder to take off into the closest neighborhood while he headed up the main road to draw attention--but another police car was coming from that direction.

Sif got away. Balder boosted her over a fence and then let himself be caught, since nothing was going to happen to him for it.

Thor was grounded for months until school let out for the holidays, and got lectured on setting a better example for his brother. Sif felt bad enough about ditching them that she actually got in touch with her older brother, the one Thor'd only heard her talk about once before. He was already out of college and living a few states away, working for the Secret Service or the NSA or something.

He didn't answer at first, and when he did it wasn't much: that Laufey had been arrested as an accessory to multiple accounts of murder, that his trial wasn't public for a reason, and that Sif wasn't going to get far in the army if she was already questioning military decisions.

Thor realized then that maybe the dead silence about his uncle was his parents' own way of looking out for family.

He told Sif things were fine and she didn't have to keep arguing with her brother for more info, and stopped asking questions.

Whatever had happened, it made Loki go from being a brat, someone who could be fun but could also get you in a ton of trouble if you weren't careful, to being reckless about everything.

One of the rumors Thor heard, from a guy on the rival team, was that Loki got in a knife fight with someone at school and got away with it because he had an alibi. He almost couldn't apply to any decent colleges because he pissed off all the math teachers by being smarter than them and an asshole about it, and nobody wanted to write him a recommendation until Thor's dad went to talk to the school. He started getting all those super complicated tattoos; he went to the hospital one night with a broken nose, a sprained ankle, and a lot of bruises on his chest and stomach and jaw, and wouldn't file a police report or even say what happened. Thor came home early from practice one day and heard his dad yelling at his aunt on the phone. He and Balder learned not to ask about that side of the family.

They might have lost touch entirely if his mom hadn't been so aggressive about keeping in contact with her nephew, and his dad hadn't grudgingly agreed because Loki was as good at hacking as her, and his aunt didn't need the money.

Thor had realized belatedly that Loki was already changing in junior high, once he knew to look for it. He only half-recognized his cousin when Aunt Farbauti dropped him off at their house for summer vacation.

His dad found Loki on the porch when he went out to get the paper before breakfast. He was sitting between the balcony post and the shrubbery, hidden from sight of their neighbors; it was hours before they were supposed to leave, way before his aunt said she'd be by, and Loki wouldn't tell them how long he'd been there. He barely talked at all until Frigga asked him to help her pack up and got him away from Thor and Odin's questions for a while. Balder had already left for camp.

"I mean it," Thor says angrily, still rapping the bottle on the steps, too restless to stop.

These people aren't the kind Loki would like. They aren't wicked smart or interesting or funny enough, which means he's just fucking around with them and it's going to backfire on him eventually. His cousin can get away with it for now, Thor's here to watch his back in a fight, but once they're off at different colleges who's going to be there if Loki won't learn to just **stop** already?

"Quit getting into shit," Thor orders. "You're lucky you've still got that scholarship. Just _stop getting in trouble_ and you can go breeze through college and be fine."

A really, really ugly look passes over Loki's face.

But when Thor jerks his head over to stare, it's already gone. Loki eyes his half-drunk bottle, a normal sneer on his face now. He dangles it between two fingers, making the beer slosh against the sides. "I don't need you to look after me."

"You need **someone** to," Thor mutters, grinding the edge of his bottle against the concrete.

"And it should be you?" Loki keeps rocking the bottle idly as he adds, "Is that why you've been _looking_ at me so much lately, **Cousin**?"

Thor drops his beer.

 _Shit_ , he thinks, staring wide-eyed at Loki as his cousin turns to glare at him. _Shit, shit, shitshitshit_.

Loki keeps glowering. Thor tries to calculate how many fences he'll have to vault to get back to his car; if he gets in a fistfight at a stranger's party that he snuck out of the house to attend his dad will never let him hear the fucking end of it.

\--Except he can't run to the car. He has to take Loki back to the cabin eventually.

If he doesn't, his cousin'll walk back in the dark. And if he makes Loki do that, by the time he returns or Thor makes himself quit being a coward and goes back for him, he'll be so pissed that Thor won't be able to get him to listen.

. . . If he lets Loki win a fight with him, maybe his cousin will burn off enough anger that Thor can talk him into just blackmailing him and not telling anyone else in their family. _**Shit**_. He's fucked up so much.

Thor braces himself for the first punch, and keeps his arms by his sides.

The bottle slips in Loki's fingers as he shivers faintly.

He manages to catch it before it hits the steps. A couple seconds later, he breaks out laughing.

"You should see yourself," he sniggers.

Thor blinks, staring at him.

Loki shakes his head with an exasperated, mean smile. "You just keep proving the dumb jock stereotype." He adds with mock-patience: "If I knew you were there the first time, Thor, _why_ would I do it again?"

Thor curls his fingers around the edge of the step until it cuts into his skin, because he can't be hearing this right--Loki's setting him up for something.

But his cousin just keeps staring at him, waiting with that derisive little smile he gets whenever he's proven he's smarter at something.

"You mean. . . ?" Thor tries to say, but his throat's too dry. He swallows, licking his lips, and Loki's gaze flicks to his mouth. Thor swallows again as his cousin runs his tongue back over his teeth, slower this time. "Loki...."

"There we go," he murmurs. "He starts to get it."

He grins, his lips pulled back to show teeth as he keeps watching Thor closely. For a second in the dimness, Loki--with his hardcore tattoos and his tangled hair and the things he's into that Thor doesn't get--looks so different from the cousin he grew up with that Thor digs his fingers harder into the steps and thinks _What happened to you?_

"Come on, Thor," Loki prods, his voice still low. "We're at a party in another town where almost nobody knows we're related. You're telling me you **didn't** decide to come here for that reason?"

Thor sucks in a breath before shaking his head hard.

" **No** ," he insists, because he _didn't_. He didn't think about that at all. He wasn't trying to trap Loki like that--he's not that much of an asshole, even if his cousin's got no reason to believe him anymore. "I mean it, Loki. I didn't."

"Well," Loki says. "I did."

Thor's breath catches. Loki starts snickering again, his arms braced over his stomach as he laughs, and Thor has no idea if he's fucking with him or not.

He can't figure out what else to say. Finally, Loki tilts his head to grin sharply again.

"So how much more time are you gonna waste? We have to go back eventually." Loki arches a brow, giving him a patronizing look. "Or do you only like to watch?"

"...We're _cousins_ ," Thor says lamely.

Loki makes a face. "So what?" he retorts. "My parents are fourth cousins."

"Yeah, but...." Thor starts to point out that they're _first_ cousins, and then realizes why that's stupid about the same time Loki exhales exaggeratedly and tilts his head upward to point out, "It's not like either of us is going get pregnant."

And yeah, okay, true. So if Loki doesn't care--but Loki was digging into him about it just a minute ago. --But Loki can be an asshole just for the sake of being one.

Thor scrubs at his face. Maybe he could say he's not gay--except he's spent the past week jacking off to thoughts of fucking his male cousin, so he's pretty sure he can't say he's straight anymore. And even if it _weren't_ hypocritical, he can't think of a way to say it that doesn't sound as douchebaggy as those guys arguing over the game systems.

He jolts when Loki rocks onto his feet and grabs his forearm.

"Come on," his cousin orders, pulling. Thor gets up off the steps and Loki starts hauling him across the yard.

"Where're you going?" Thor demands, twisting his arm. Loki lets go with an exasperated noise before Thor can break the hold.

"Just come on," he repeats, hooking his hand in the waist of Thor's shorts instead and tugging hard.

Thor shivers at the press of Loki's fingers against his hip. He follows his cousin over the grass, fighting the sudden urge to reach out and touch Loki's back, to run his fingers over the ridges of Loki's spine and see if it makes him react. Does Loki really want him, too? Or is this some horrible trap he's setting up?

Loki takes him up the garage's exterior stairs to its second floor, and then swears under his breath when the doorknob rattles in his hand. "Dammit--give me your credit card," he says, holding out a hand.

"Fuck off!" a guy yells from inside. Thor jumps and then automatically gets irritated at himself for being caught off guard. He looks harder at the windows and spots the faint light behind them.

"Get out!" Loki shouts back. "I want to use this."

"Fuck _you_ ," the guy inside replies, now starting to sound less interrupted and more pissed. "We were here first. Who the fuck are you, anyway?"

" **Loki** ," his cousin says, pulling the knife from his pocket.

Thor hisses out a breath.

This isn't the right way to fight. He drops a hand on his cousin's shoulder, and Loki jerks his head slightly toward him. Thor runs his hand slowly down his back and feels relieved for several reasons when Loki draws a long, quiet breath at the touch.

"Low profile," Thor reminds under his breath. "Look, I've got my car. We can go...."

He pauses, trying to figure out where to suggest. The cops patrol the beach, and Thor doesn't know this area as well as their hometown. But there's got to be somewhere.

The door rattles for a second before jerking open. Thor shifts them back as a couple darts past them, the guy still buttoning up his fly, the girl with a baseball cap pulled so low over her face that it's not visible. They don't look over or speak as they pass.

Loki watches them clatter down the stairs with a tiny smirk, and slides his knife back into his pocket. He glances at Thor as he tilts his head at the open doorway. "Looks like it's free."

Thor stares.

He remembers again how one of the guys on the rival team said everyone knew Loki was in a knife fight--he just got away with it because he had an alibi nobody could pick apart, and the other guy couldn't get any witnesses who were willing to take his side.

"Loki," he starts lowly.

"Hurry up before someone sees us," his cousin replies. He grabs Thor's forearm and pulls him into the room.

Loki kicks the door shut behind them. Thor hisses through his teeth but his cousin ignores it, moving further into the room and stepping around the clutter with ease, like he's familiar with the place. Has he been here before? When?

With who?

Thor glances around the room, not sure he wants to keep following that train of thought. It looks like the area was an apartment once, but now half of it's filled with boxes. The only light comes from a weak bulb over a sink in the corner, and there's a futon pulled out against the back wall with a rumpled blanket on it. The whole place is hot, the air close and sweltering, and it smells like other people having sex.

As Loki starts rummaging among the boxes, Thor wrinkles his nose and moves to one of the windows.

Then he remembers the way Loki moaned that afternoon, shuddery and hungry and **loud** as he got closer to coming, and he realizes that opening it for air is a really stupid idea. What the hell is he doing? What's he doing here at _all?_

" _There_ ," Loki says, unearthing a box fan from the piles of crap. He shakes his head disdainfully as he drags it across the floor to an outlet. "Idiots."

As Loki plugs it in and turns it up high, Thor realizes he needs to lock the damn door.

He goes and does so and then pauses there, studying the lock. Loki was right: it could be jiggled open with a credit card. With the fan going, Thor's not sure he'll hear anyone coming up the stairs--and if that guy has friends at the party, after a couple beers he might be pissed enough to come back and try starting some shit.

There's a dresser half-hidden behind some of the boxes. Thor shifts several of them out of the way and then hauls it over and shoves it up against the door. It's missing a drawer, but it should be heavy enough to block anyone wanting to bust in. He hopes.

Thor steps back and eyes it critically, trying to figure out how much force he'd need to break the door in. He couldn't get everyone at the party to agree to arm wrestle with him, but he managed to get most of the people who looked as strong as him to do it--and all of them lost, so if he makes a barricade he can't get through easily then it should be enough. Behind him, just barely audible under the fan, Loki makes a noise.

Thor turns around, ready to retort that he doesn't know what's in this room and he's doing his best with what he sees so Loki can just shut his mouth or come up with a better plan. The words die unsaid when he sees his cousin standing by the futon and staring at him, his eyes a little wide.

Loki shakes his head faintly a breath later. Then he hooks a hand around the waist of his jeans and thumbs open the button of his fly.

"Are you just going to keep standing there?" Loki asks.

He tilts his head to the side, giving Thor a long, considering look. " _Do_ you just like to watch?"

A faint tremor runs through Thor, spurred by the heat coiling in his gut and humiliation. Before, outside where anyone could have heard, the question sounded like a threatening insult: like Loki was twisting the knife in about the blackmail he could hold over Thor now.

But here, in the closeness of the room, it comes out differently.

Thor swallows and scratches his arm evasively. "...I don't...."

"Okay," Loki interrupts with a murmur, his head still tilted as he studies Thor with half-lidded eyes. "I didn't bring the dildo, so you'll have to be satisfied with me using my hand."

His cousin laughs quietly when Thor's breath hitches. Loki licks his lips and takes a step backward towards the futon.

"Just remember, Thor," he adds, his mouth curving up as he starts dragging the zipper open slowly with his thumb, "voyeurs don't get to touch."

 _Shit_ , Thor thinks again, or maybe even says out loud, as he shudders hard. His cousin chuckles once more and takes another step back.

Loki's breath catches when Thor pushes away from the dresser. He covers the space in a few strides before he can keep thinking about why he should stop this; if Loki's springing a trap on him, he doesn't care anymore.

Loki stumbles against the frame of the futon as Thor grips his waist and kisses him hard. His cousin makes a shaky little sound against his mouth, and then laughs again.

It sounds more apprehensive than before, and Thor tenses and pulls back. But Loki's smirking when he looks at him.

"Better," he drawls. "I was gonna be annoyed if you kept making me do all the work."

He drops onto the futon and tugs hard at Thor's shorts, so Thor follows him down. Loki scoots back until he's leaning against the wall to make room for him.

Once Thor's kneeling on the futon his cousin yanks his shirt off. Loki tosses it over his shoulder before drawing his legs up and crossing them behind Thor's back, forcing him closer. Thor exhales raggedly and kisses him again.

He leans in further when Loki digs his knees into his waist. Thor runs his hands along his cousin's sides as he pushes Loki up against the wall, and Loki kisses him back shallowly. He won't let Thor linger, or get in deep; he bites Thor's tongue the one time he tries to use his position to force it.

"Ow!" Thor hisses, jerking back sharply. Loki squirms.

For a second Thor goes cold as he thinks that Loki's changed his mind--dammit--but he has to let him go, he has to let go, he can't make Loki stay. Then Loki kicks the blanket off the futon and starts fumbling with his jeans.

"Help," Loki orders, somehow managing to sound arrogant even while he's panting. Thor lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and shifts back enough to tug Loki's jeans over his hips.

Thor makes an unsteady, needy sound he'd be embarrassed by if he could be bothered to care when he sees Loki's not wearing underwear. "Jesus."

He didn't think Loki was the type to go commando. Just how much has his cousin changed? Is this normal for him now? "Doesn't that chafe?"

"I usually wear underwear," Loki snorts, kicking the jeans off one leg. "You've **seen** some of it."

Thor closes his eyes as he thinks of those little black panties from last week. He groans when Loki leans forward and bites his earlobe.

"I went back to my room and took it off," Loki whispers, his breath hot against Thor's ear, "when you said you'd come with me."

He chuckles as Thor shivers. Loki runs his palms up his back. "I **told** you, I planned this."

" _Loki_ ," Thor moans, his voice cracking in his dry throat. His cousin makes a pleased noise that turns to a gasp when Thor grasps his hips and drags him up onto his lap.

"Ah!" Loki's head drops back as Thor rocks hard against him, hitting the wall with a heavy thud. Thor knows he should check that Loki didn't crack it too hard, and he will, he will, he just needs some pressure against his cock first, needs this friction for a little longer. Loki digs his fingers hard into his shoulders. "Haaah. Thor, it--" He flinches when Thor's zipper scrapes his balls. "Get your pants off, come on, it-- _ow_. Aah."

Thor swears and lets Loki slide back onto the futon. His cousin pants harshly, slumped against the wall, as Thor wrenches his shorts open and kicks them off along with his boxers. "Sorry, shit, sorry. I didn't--you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Loki says; but he's still grimacing a little, his thighs pulled together as much as he can manage with Thor between his legs.

Thor tugs his cousin's jeans free and drops them on the floor too before reaching out and wrapping a hand around Loki's cock. He starts stroking it lightly. "Sorry. This better?"

Loki moans lowly and arches, pushing his dick into Thor's hand as his head sinks back again. "Harder."

Thor's thoughts flick uncomfortably to the way Loki fucked himself that afternoon, too damn mean. "Are you--"

" _ **Now**_ ," Loki snarls, dropping his chin to bare his teeth. Thor exhales shortly and obeys, some.

Loki makes such good sounds as Thor jacks him off that soon he's squeezing his cousin's cock harder than he meant to, because it makes Loki stop those sharp, frustrated pants and buck into his hand instead. Loki rolls his head to the side and his eyelashes flutter when Thor pulls his foreskin back further before rubbing the pad of his thumb roughly against the slit in his cockhead, and he spreads his thighs wider across Thor's lap with a little moan when Thor cups his balls a fraction too tight. But none of it seems like it's too much, or too bad.

Maybe this afternoon Loki was fucking around with him. Thor can kinda get how a little roughness might be good to him: Loki doesn't really sound like it's hurting, and the way he pants and shifts and sometimes whimpers is so hot that Thor keeps ignoring his own cock to focus on his cousin's so Loki won't stop.

Soon--too soon, but also after way too long--Loki starts making these long, urgent whines, rocking harder and harder up into Thor's hands. Thor shakes as he realizes he's finally going to get to **see** Loki come.

Then Loki drags his hands down from Thor's shoulders, and grips his wrists and pulls them away.

He fights when Thor tries to get his hands back on him, shoving and scratching at Thor's forearms and growling through his teeth. Thor finally stops trying, but he presses his face against Loki's shoulder as his cousin pants hoarsely.

Thor's face feels too hot and all he wants to do is beg Loki to let him keep touching him, to let him finish him, to get to see that. He starts kissing Loki's neck to stop from embarrassing himself that far; and when Loki lets him get away with it, Thor keeps doing it and ends up talking anyway. "Loki, come on, let me, let me do it, it'll be good, come on, let me please--"

Loki strangles down a noise and shoves his chest. Thor goes back, but it takes everything he's got to make himself do it. He still drops his hands to Loki's thighs and squeezes, harder than he knows he should but-- "Loki, come on, don't you want to come?"

" _Yes_ ," Loki hisses out, and pushes him back further. His eyes are dark as he stares at Thor. "Once your cock is in me."

Thor shudders and tries to drop his head back to Loki's shoulder, but his cousin's pushed him too far away. "Loki, _**please**_...."

Loki reaches out and wraps a hand tight around his cock, and Thor jerks his hips into it.

His cousin laughs at him. "Unless you don't think you can last that long." He squeezes harder, and Thor flinches. "Mm? Is that why you never seem to keep girls around long?"

Thor grabs his waist again, trying to squirm free. The hand on his cock felt good at first--but Loki's palm is mostly dry, and he's stroking too roughly. Thor pulls back, but his cousin just leans forward with him. "Loki, stop."

"Please," he says harshly. "You can't pretend you don't want me." He bites Thor's shoulder with an angry noise; his grip is starting to really hurt. "Not anymore."

"I'm not," Thor replies, trying to shove him back without slamming him against the wall. "I'm not. I can last," he promises, just in case that will make Loki let up. "I can last, Loki, just stop. It hurts."

Loki laughs quietly again, an ugly little sound. "And you don't like it?" he replies derisively, before squeezing the head of his dick so hard that Thor bends forward with a jerk and bangs his fist reflexively against the wall. Loki jolts.

" _No_ ," Thor answers, still wincing. "Stop it." He shoves Loki again.

His cousin goes this time, slumping against the wall with an odd, quiet noise. Thor braces his fists against the futon and lets his head drop, panting roughly, not wanting to look up and see the scorn on Loki's face. He's normal to not like being hurt, right? He's not the weird one here.

Thor shies back when Loki touches his cock, and his cousin makes a shushing noise. Loki licks his palm and then starts stroking him again, more attentive this time. "Here," he murmurs, low enough that it's hard to hear under the fan, "is this what you like?"

" _Yes_ ," Thor says with a long shudder, dropping his forehead to Loki's shoulder. "Yes, like that, Loki, that's good, do it like that."

Loki makes another soft considering noise and squeezes. Thor flinches instinctively; but it's not as bad as before.

"What about that?" Loki asks, voice still appraising. "Can you take that?"

"I...." Thor swallows and makes himself nod. "Yeah."

"Mm." Loki leans forward and kisses his shoulder.

Then he slides his hand up and circles his fingers tight around the base of Thor's cock and his balls. Thor chokes and shouts, and tries to shove away again.

"Shh, shh," Loki repeats. He squeezes harder when Thor keeps struggling; Thor seriously considers kidney punching him to break loose.

But that won't do him any good beyond getting out of Loki's immediate reach. His cousin still has blackmail over him.

. . . And he was going to let Loki win a fight against him earlier. This is just a different--a very different, much weirder, completely dirty and unfair--kind of fight.

Thor forces himself go still, breathing harshly. Loki hums out another pleased sound and eases his grip some.

"There," he says, running a hand over Thor's shaking shoulder. He presses his mouth to Thor's ear again. "I don't want to jerk you off, Thor. You said you could last; I'm holding you to that."

Loki lets go of his cock entirely, and Thor bites back a relieved noise because _**hell**_ no, he is _not_ giving Loki that satisfaction. The goddamn asshole.

Loki splays his hand over Thor's thigh. "All right?"

When he doesn't answer, Loki squeezes his thigh sharply until his nails cut into the skin. Thor sucks in a ragged breath through his teeth, and makes himself nod.

"Good." The smirk is so clear in Loki's voice that for a split-second Thor **really** wants to punch him, to hell with blackmail or consequences. Loki drags his palms down Thor's thighs as he leans back against the wall. "Hand me my pants."

Thor refrains from telling him to go fuck himself only because Loki's still rubbing a palm over his thigh, and it feels just good enough to be worth not slugging him. He twists around and fishes the jeans up from the floor.

Loki pulls a condom and small tube of lube from one of his pockets, and then tosses the jeans back. He snaps the lid open before pausing and glancing up at Thor through his lashes. The look's ruined by the fact that he's still half-smirking.

"Do you wanna watch me spread myself open?" Loki asks sweetly, tilting his head. "Or did you want to give it a try?"

Thor examines his face sharply, but Loki looks sincere. Or at least as sincere as he can while also looking too fucking smug. "...Which do you want?" he asks.

Loki's smile widens as he gives Thor another hooded look.

"I already know what my hand feels like," he replies. He pulls his legs up to press his knees against Thor's sides once more. "Why don't we do something new for both of us?"

"Why are you such an asshole?" Thor can't help asking, and Loki cracks up and drops onto his side.

"Because you make it so easy," he answers, still snickering.

His cousin rolls onto his back a few breaths later, slinging his legs open wide around Thor. When Thor shivers and moves to kneel between them, Loki bends his knees and brings them up before holding out the lube.

He makes a face when Thor squeezes a large dollop onto his fingers. "I don't need that much," Loki says aggravatedly.

"Just shut up," Thor mutters as he rubs it over his fingers, feeling awkward and two steps behind his cousin and aggravated himself because of it.

He expects Loki to sneer back, but he falls quiet instead. A few breaths later, Loki folds his arms loosely above his head and settles on the futon, watching Thor with an inscrutable expression.

Thor bites down on his lip at the way Loki's stretched out and spread beneath him. The half-healed cut in it threatens to split open again as he takes in the sight, because this is _real_ , it's not a guilty fantasy or a dream that's going to end too soon.

He reaches out and runs a hand over Loki's chest and stomach, tracing the narrow lines of his tattoo there until his cousin's chest starts rising a little faster under his touch. Thor thumbs one of his nipples to see if he likes it, and Loki's eyes drift shut.

Thor does it again, and Loki exhales slowly and digs his fingers into the futon. 

Smiling, Thor keeps the light touches up, rubbing his palm along Loki's side as he slides his fingers under Loki's balls to find his hole.

Loki huffs out a breath when he touches it. "Finally," he mutters, lifting his hips. "You don't have to talk yourself into being gentle. I can take it."

Thor swallows hard as his cock jumps. That last sentence is way too close to the things Loki said in his dream, the one that woke Thor up and got him here in the first place. "I'm not--"

Then he frowns as he wonders if Loki's trying to piss him off on purpose.

When he was fantasizing, Loki kept taunting him until Thor did what he wanted. Is he trying to **make** Thor hurt him, if he thinks he won't do it willingly?

"...I said shut up," Thor says roughly, remembering how he wanted to slug Loki just a couple minutes ago. His cousin's breath hitches as he shivers below him. "Tell me if it starts to hurt."

"I can't do both," Loki retorts, and Thor growls out a frustrated noise and presses two fingers hard against the muscles of his asshole. Loki gasps sharply and arches, twisting his fingers tighter into the futon.

Thor tugs his hip until Loki eases back onto the futon, his breath still coming a little more rapidly than before. Thor arranges him better, pushing on Loki's thighs and tilting his ass until he's got a good view--he thinks weirdly in the back of his mind that normal assholes look different from in porn magazines--and then he starts to work one of his fingers in.

He's glad he tried it on himself before, because it doesn't feel too strange now. And the angle's definitely better. Plus, it helps that Loki's making some of those really good noises again as he rocks his hips to take Thor's finger deeper.

Loki's going to be doing that to his cock.

The thought sends a shudder wracking through Thor. His cock is flushed and hard again, the ache from his cousin's manhandling long forgotten. He wraps his free hand around it and starts stroking himself slowly, trying to match up with the way he's moving his finger in Loki.

Loki whacks his shoulder with a knee. "No."

"Dammit, Loki--" Thor starts, because he _wants_ \--

" **No** ," his cousin repeats. He braces a foot against Thor's forearm and shoves. "If you want to get off, then hurry up and get your cock in me."

Thor spits out every single swear word he can think of and fists his hand into the futon. He focuses back on working his finger in and out of Loki, tense and shaking with need.

His cousin lets out a slow breath and drops his head to the side, closing his eyes. "Are you _that_ determined to go slow?" he mutters. "I'm not a girl."

Thor rolls his eyes automatically. "Whatever."

Loki rocks his hips down the next time he pushes in, pulling Thor deeper. "Give me two fingers," he orders, eyes still closed. "I can take it. You saw how **well** I fucked myself open this afternoon, Thor," he adds, and Thor's breath catches. "I can take two easy."

Loki rolls his hips down again, and Thor's hand bumps up against his ass as his finger slides in farther. "Come on, Thor," Loki murmurs. "Quit dragging it out for both of us."

Thor swallows. "All right," he says finally. "Okay. Just...."

He hesitates as he pulls his finger back to press it and a second one against Loki's hole, remembering how it felt when he tried to take two. Loki may be right about this afternoon, and the lube probably helps too; but still. "Tell me if it stings."

"I'm not a girl," Loki repeats irritably.

"Knock it off," Thor replies. He adds, "Girls aren't such dicks," as he works both fingers in.

Loki exhales slowly, sinking into the futon as he tries to relax around Thor's fingers. When he pushes deeper, Loki shivers a little but makes a soft noise that sounds satisfied.

Thor works him with both fingers, moving a little more firmly once Loki doesn't feel so intensely tight around him, paying attention to the things he does that make Loki's breath catch or that cause him to make little open-mouthed moans. Thor makes sure he repeats them, because the way Loki squirms with the sound is the hottest thing Thor's known.

There are other things he does that also make his cousin rock down onto Thor's hand, things that make Loki tell him to move faster, harder, goddammit Thor I don't have all fucking night just-- _ah_. Aah.

Thor pays attention to those too; but not as much, because he doesn't trust them. Mostly he concentrates on making Loki moan.

It takes enough focus that it almost distracts him from how bad his cock is aching. The noises Loki's making are all for _him_ now, and so is the way Loki rocks and twists under him. Making sure he keeps doing what he needs to for Loki to keep them up is almost a distraction. Sort of. A little. Okay actually not at all.

Thor really hopes Loki's being honest about being able to take it, because it's getting harder to keep holding out. If Loki can't take him yet he's just going to have to beg until his cousin quits being such a jackass and lets him jerk off.

Thor pushes his fingers in once more and then spreads them, remembering how Loki did that earlier. Loki jerks violently with a harsh, sharp cry, writhing on the bed.

Thor freezes up and pulls his fingers out before he can remember to be careful. Loki shouts again--but then he's scrabbling at Thor's arm, scratching and swearing as he wrenches Thor forward. " _ **No**_ , **damn** it Thor don't stop, _fuck_ , come _on!_ "

Thor goes and uses the momentum to pin Loki's wrists. His cousin spits and fights back, but this time Thor isn't going to let him win. "Dammit Loki, I _told_ you to tell me when it hurt! If you're not going to, I'm not--"

"Shut **up** ," Loki interrupts viciously. "You fucking--you were _watching_ , you fucking voyeur creep, you **know** \--"

Loki finally stops bucking under him but keeps glaring, breathing harshly.

"...You know I like that," he finally grits out. "Quit pretending you're better than me, you're the one who got off watching in the first place. Just _do_ it!"

"I _don't want to hurt you_ ," Thor snarls, because what is so fucking hard to understand about that?! "If you aren't gonna tell me what's not okay, I don't want to do this!"

"Do I **look** like I'm not okay?" Loki sneers back, arching up to grind his cock against Thor. "Did I **say** 'stop'?"

"No, but...." Thor swallows as he stares down at Loki. His cousin's still got his lips peeled back like he wants to bite off Thor's face.

Shit, he's going to sound like a total scumbag saying this, but he has to. "Loki, I'm the one with the car."

His cousin goes still again, much much stiller than before. Thor swallows harder.

"It's our house you're staying at," he makes himself continue. "Nobody...nobody saw me except you. And if it's your word against mine, who's going to believe you over me?"

"Wow," Loki eventually says, quietly, tense beneath him. "You're way worse than I ever thought."

Thor grimaces. Loki tugs at his wrists--very lightly, like he's testing for give instead of trying to make Thor let go. Thor eases his grip, and his cousin asks, "What if I filmed you there?"

"Your phone can't do that," Thor reminds him. They both know Loki's cell is an old hand-me-down from one of his brothers; Aunt Farbauti mailed back the custom-built smartphone Frigga tried to give Loki for his birthday last year ago with a note to stop encouraging him.

"Maybe I stole someone else's," he says softly.

Maybe he did. Frigga lets Loki mess around with her phone a lot, as long as he doesn't eat up her data.

Thor shakes his head. "That's not the _point_ ," he replies. "The point is, maybe you already thought of all that."

He lets go of Loki's wrists completely and pulls back, not comfortable saying the next words with Loki still pinned. His cousin shifts away, hauling himself into a sitting position at the very edge of the futon and dragging his knees close to his chest.

Thor leans back on his heels to give him more space. "And--maybe you decided if you said stop I wouldn't want to drive you back. Or that if you told anyone, even if they believed you, Dad would still make you go back home."

Loki tenses more.

Thor shifts back further. "So maybe you decided you just wouldn't bother saying it."

Loki stares at him silently, with that wary, calculating look. Thor picks at the futon, starting to wish he wasn't so completely naked, this is awkward enough as it is.

After a long time, Loki snorts. There's no humor in it.

"It's cute," he says quietly, "that you're pretending I could even get out of here to worry about the car." Loki jerks his head toward the dresser blocking the door, not taking his eyes from Thor. "Show-off."

 _Shitshit **shit**_. "Shit, no, that's not--" Thor shoves himself off the futon, remembering how Loki's eyes were wide when he finished hauling the dresser in front of it. "That's not what--I just wanted to make sure nobody could get in." He heads across the room to shove it out of the way.

"In case those guys decided to come back?" Loki asks.

"Yes," Thor nods sharply. "That was it. I swear."

"I figured," Loki says. He pulls his legs away from his chest, and swings around to sit on the edge of the futon. "Stop," he orders when Thor shoulders the dresser hard. "It was a good idea. That door's too easy to break into, you barely have to try."

Thor looks over at him, a hand still resting on the top of the dresser. "But...."

"It's a good idea," Loki repeats with a shrug. He gestures for Thor to come back to the futon. "Leave it."

Thor hesitates, but does.

He walks back slowly, stopping before he crosses the line of their clothes. Loki exhales in frustration and shoves his hair away from his face.

"All right," he mutters. "If you're such a pansy, and you won't believe I'd punch you in the teeth, let _alone_ **say** to stop--"

"If you punch me in the teeth you're gonna bust up your knuckles," Thor replies. "Don't you remember anything I taught you?"

Loki throws his hands in the air. "What do you want?" he demands. "A safeword?"

"A what?"

Loki stares at him, and then makes a stifled snorting noise. And then he gives up and curls in on himself, laughing.

Thor is standing in the middle of a too-warm room, naked and half-soft, after being mentally fucked around with and in the middle of the weirdest maybe-sex thing he's ever encountered, and being laughed at **again**. There's only so much his pride can fucking take. He kicks Loki in the shin.

Loki pulls his legs up and out of range, trying to swallow down his snickering. He shakes his head. "I didn't realize this was going to be so..." and then he cuts himself off and shakes it again.

His cousin huffs out a breath and shoves his hair back again as he straightens up, looking at him. "A safeword," he repeats. "It's like...something you say when you want things to quit. Like--pineapple, or platypus or something." He makes a face. "You seriously don't know this?"

Thor shrugs the insult aside. "Why can't you just say 'stop'?"

"What if I like the idea of being able to say 'stop,' or 'no,' or to fight, and know it'll be ignored?" Loki asks quietly.

Thor shudders and stares at him. "Seriously?"

"Don't try to make me feel fucked up," Loki retorts, voice cold; but his shoulders are hunched in a little. "There's plenty of people like me."

"I'm--not, it just...." Thor drags a hand through his hair, pulling his sweaty bangs from his face. "...When I say stop I mean it."

"Yeah, I got that," Loki drawls. "There are differences between us, quelle surprise."

Thor shifts on his feet. ". . . Is that what you want to do?" he asks. "A safeword?"

"If it means you'll stop blue-balling me, _yes_ ," his cousin replies, and Thor can't help snickering.

He shakes it off a couple seconds later. "--And you'll use it?"

Loki gives him that assessing look again. "Are you going to listen if I do?"

"Yes," Thor swears.

"...If you'll listen if I use it, I'll use it if I have to." Loki's still considering him as he adds, "Are you going to quit freaking out about stuff I _don't_ need to use it for?"

That one's harder to promise. Thor fidgets as he says, "I'll try."

Loki arches an eyebrow with a dubious look, but finally he seems to accept that that's all Thor's able to give. "Fine. Just try hard." He gestures for Thor move closer.

Thor stays where he is. "What's the word?"

Loki rolls his eyes dramatically, and then tilts his head up to stare at the ceiling. "I don't know...." He taps his teeth together for a few moments, and then says, "'Útleg∂.'"

Thor draws his brows together as he mentally translates it. "Why?"

"Because that's what I picked," Loki retorts. "Come here."

As Thor returns to the futon, Loki shifts over and pats a spot beside him. When Thor sits down, he reaches out and pushes his bangs aside. Thor starts to flinch back automatically when Loki brushes the dent in his forehead as he does, but then his cousin's leaning in to kiss him.

It's good, nicer than before. Loki lets him draw it out, lets him slip his tongue in this time, and kisses him back gentle and open-mouthed. He runs his palms over Thor's back and sides for a while before sliding them down his hips to cup his cock and sac.

Loki begins stroking his dick steadily as he plays with his balls, and he makes a satisfied noise once Thor moves into the touch as he grows harder again. "Mm. That's better. Come on, Thor, you've been jerking yourself off all week thinking about me, now I'm right here--oh. Like that?" he asks, and swirls his thumb over the head of Thor's cock again the same way.

" _Yes_ ," Thor moans, rocking up into his hand. He grips Loki's waist and presses his forehead against his cousin's shoulder, to have something to steady himself with and to hide what's gotta be a ridiculous look on his face. Loki hums again, and then chuckles and starts doing it with each stroke.

Thor's starting to feel the pressure of an orgasm building when Loki pulls his hands away and leans back. He makes a whining, frustrated sound that his cousin will probably never let him forget.

Loki shakes his head. "That close?" he snorts. "I should've figured you'd be soft."

"If I'm not giving you shit about what you like, you can shut up too," Thor growls.

Loki just snickers. "Fair enough," he grins.

Then he grips Thor's bangs and tilts his head back, enough that Thor swallows reflexively. Loki's eyes dart to his throat before drifting up over his face again. "You _do_ look good like this."

Maybe, Thor thinks as he stares at his face, maybe he should just be glad that Loki likes feeling pain instead of causing it. His cousin can be such a petty, vengeful shit about normal stuff--if he were that way about sex, too....

Thor shivers slightly. Loki's fingers tighten in his hair, and this time Thor's sure he brushes a thumb over the dent in his forehead deliberately.

He pushes his cousin's hand up, away from the spot. "Cut it out."

"Mm," is all Loki replies, but he keeps his hand away.

Loki's still studying him appraisingly, and Thor doesn't want to see it anymore. He darts his gaze down to Loki's mouth, over his shoulders and what he can see of his chest with his head tilted back, not feeling safe enough to shut them. He _knows_ he's stronger than his cousin, they both know it, but--

\--But it's not going to do him much good if Thor's pulling his punches and Loki **isn't**.

"You should see yourself," Loki murmurs, and lets him go.

He drops back onto the futon, bracing himself up with his elbows and grinning too wide. "All right, deal--but if you don't want me to harass you about being such a wuss, you better be as good at doing what **I** like."

 _...I walked into that one_ , Thor thinks, dragging his bangs back over his forehead.

"Lay off," he mutters, and glances away to search for the lube. "I'm not a wuss just because I don't like feeling like a rapist."

Loki tilts his head silently, giving him a long, unreadable look. Thor finds the tube and snaps it open again.

"Is that how this makes you feel?" Loki asks.

He doesn't sound mocking, at least. Thor squeezes out more lube and rubs it over his fingers, staring at them. "...Kinda. When you sound like it's really hurting."

Loki makes a low noise that Thor almost misses under the fan's whirr. When he looks up, the trace of a mean little smile is sliding off Loki's face.

But then Loki bumps the heel of his foot against Thor's knee. "I'll tell you if it really hurts. Now come _on_ already."

Thor shakes the thought of that smile away--Loki likes being an asshole just for the sake of being an asshole--and pushes his cousin's thighs up and over. "Okay, okay."

"Mm," Loki murmurs as Thor rubs his fingertips against his asshole; and Thor bites down a sudden laugh at the realization that sticking his fingers up another guy's ass **hasn't** been the weirdest part of this night. When he pushes one back in, Loki shifts his hips and orders, "Two."

Thor huffs out a breath, but does it. Loki hums low and pleased in his throat.

He's soon rocking down on Thor's hand again, making short, breathy grunts as he tries to get him deeper even though Thor's fingers are already as far in as he can make them go. Loki starts whimpering every time Thor's knuckles bump up against his asshole, sounding like it's good but it's not _enough_ , like he needs more.

Thor knows that feeling well by now, and knows it sucks, so he swallows a couple times until he can say, "I'm gonna spread them again."

"Ahhh," Loki groans. "Good. Finally. _Do it_."

Thor swallows again and then does, moving slowly.

Loki squirms as he stretches around Thor's fingers, digging his heels into the futon and twisting the fabric between his fingers. "More," he orders. He draws a shuddery breath when Thor does it.

"More," Loki repeats, and when Thor spreads his fingers a little further--way wider at this point than he could imagine ever wanting in his own ass--Loki whimpers sharply and bites down on his lip.

Thor flinches, but forces himself to remember that Loki likes this. He promised to say when he quits liking it.

But he still wants to know that it's not too much, even if Loki's just going to bite his head off again for asking. His cousin has a rotten habit of getting in over his head.

\--Maybe if he changes the way he asks. Thor shifts his fingers very slightly, careful not to spread them any wider, and watches Loki dig his heels harder into the futon. "Why did it hurt more last time?" he tries. "Because I didn't warn you?"

"Mn." Loki makes an abortive shrug. "You surprised me."

"Okay," Thor mumbles, filing away a reminder to always warn him. "But this feels better?"

Loki exhales sharply. "What do _you_ mean by better?" he demands, eyes still shut. "It hurts. Your hand's big. I like it. Why do I have to keep repeating it? Do you **like** hearing me say it?"

Thor stills, pulling his fingers a little closer together reflexively. Loki groans.

He thumps his head against the futon and exhales in frustration. "Thor," he says, sounding like he's trying for patience. "I will tell you if I don't like it. Quit _stopping_ , are you trying to make my balls fall off, come **on** already. I gave you what _you_ wanted."

Thor sucks down a shaky breath, but forces himself to nod. "Okay," he says, since Loki really does sound like he's being cockteased. "Okay, okay. Here, I'm gonna...."

He spreads his fingers again and wraps his free hand around Loki's cock, starting to stroke it loosely. He's sure it's too light and slow for his cousin--the way he tries to buck harder into the touch makes that clear--but it should be enough to distract him a little, should give him something that feels good to counter the pain. Thor starts moving his fingers again, keeping them apart, and Loki trembles and moans and spreads his legs wider.

He's barely started rocking down again when he demands, "Three."

Thor bites his lip and almost argues. Loki's chest and neck are flushed; his face is pressed hard into the futon, and the fabric's wet beneath his mouth because he hasn't been able to stop gasping and groaning long enough to swallow. His hands are fisted so tight in the cloth that he's pulled it up. He doesn't look anything like the aloof, disinterested facade he usually conceals himself behind--that's long gone, shredded apart because of the way Thor's touching him. He's so hot that Thor keeps expecting to come just from _looking_ at him, just from listening to how much Loki's getting off on _him_.

But his eyes are squeezed tight, and Thor's afraid that anything more is going to push him over from good and into pain. This is okay, Loki's amazing like this, loud and hungry and so fucking hot--but more....

" _ **Thor**_ ," Loki snaps when he hesitates.

"Okay," Thor relents, and pulls his fingers out and his hand away from Loki's cock. His cousin curses furiously. "I need more lube," Thor pacifies. "I'll do it, Loki. Hold on."

He squirts more onto his fingers as quickly as he can while Loki pants heavily below him, his fists still tight in the futon. His breath catches when Thor presses his fingers back against his asshole.

"Okay," Thor says, "I'm gonna put them in. You ready?"

" _Yes_ ," Loki hisses.

Thor wraps a hand around Loki's cock first and starts stroking again, because no matter what his cousin likes if two fingers stung at first three has to hurt. He shifts them around a little, trying to figure out how to fit all three past the muscles at once; and then he gets it and squeezes them together into a wedge, and pushes in.

Loki starts whimpering immediately, his hips arching as he gasps. Thor freezes, but doesn't let himself pull back this time.

He waits, but Loki doesn't say the word. His cousin doesn't say anything; he just keeps breathing hard. 

Thor takes a breath, and squeezes Loki's cock more firmly with his next stroke before pushing a little deeper. Loki's breath hitches wetly.

"Does this feel okay?" Thor asks.

Loki sneers; and Thor clarifies quickly before his cousin's pride gets in the way of a real answer again. "I don't mean does it hurt or--whatever. Just, I'm not poking you weird? Do I need to change anything?"

Loki manages a snerk, and then shakes his head faintly.

"...It's just a lot?" Thor asks. He shivers a little when Loki nods.

Loki chuckles breathily and tilts his head up to smirk at him. "You like hearing that?" he manages. "You need to be told how big you feel? Didn't figure you for low self-esteem."

Thor scowls and considers telling his cousin that it's stupid to piss off the guy who's got his fingers up his ass. But then Loki rolls his hips and winces a little. "Do you have them pressed together?" he asks.

"Yeah," Thor nods. He tries to get them a little closer, and then lets go of Loki's cock and squeezes the fingers together at his knuckles. Loki makes a muffled noise. "Better?"

Loki nods once more. "Yeah. Give me that for a little bit." He adds grudgingly, "You _are_ big.

"Stop smirking," he mutters a breath later, glaring.

Thor snerks. Loki's scowl widens before he lets his head drop back to the futon.

Thor's fingers start aching quickly where he's squeezing them, and the hold stops him from getting too deep into Loki. His cousin pants as he pushes his hips down, and soon he's making those needy not-enough whimpers again each time Thor's grip stops him from going any farther.

"Let go," Loki tells him after he's swallowed down another one.

Thor makes himself say "Okay," instead of 'Are you sure?' But he does it slowly.

"Mmph." Loki presses his heels into the futon and drags himself forward, sinking down all the way. "Ah. Hah." He pushes his hair back from his face, and takes a deep breath. "All the way, Thor. Put them side-by-side."

That time Thor has to ask, "Are you sure?"

"I can take it," Loki repeats, but he doesn't sound as derisive or certain as before. "I'm still sore from this afternoon, or it wouldn't be a big deal."

" _Oh_ ," Thor says, the groan choking out of him before he can stop it. Loki shivers, and then licks his lips and lifts his head to smirk at him again.

"Yeah," he breathes. "You're gonna be fucking me open **again**. You'll be the second cock I take today, Thor. Think you'll be the better one?" He rocks down on Thor's fingers, hard. "Or the disappointment?"

Thor shudders hard as Loki's words go straight to his dick. More precome beads over it as he gasps out, "Loki."

"Come on," Loki repeats, his smirk widening as he rocks sharply again. "Do what--aah--I want and shut me up. Or I'm going to keep telling you how I did it earlier, and did it _better_."

Thor shakes again, and remembers the way Loki choked down his moans with his fingers forced into his mouth; and he suddenly realizes the problem with the safeword. "Loki--"

"Come **on** , Thor, do I have to show you how to use your own dick--"

"Loki!" Thor squeezes his hip sharply. Loki jerks and blinks, focusing on him. "The safeword--"

His cousin snarls furiously. "I'm gonna fucking _kill you_ if you don't quit--"

Thor squeezes his hip harder and says, "What if you can't talk?"

A long, violent shudder wracks through Loki as he makes a shocked noise, and he clenches tight around Thor's fingers. Thor's breath is punched out of him.

"--Jesus, Thor." Loki stares up at him, eyes wide. "What're you going to do?"

Thor wishes, desperately, that he had something planned. He feels like he's about to let Loki down. "Just--if. How do I know then?"

Loki's still breathing shallowly as he stares at him, twisting the futon in his fists hard enough to rip it, precome pooling on his stomach. But finally he draws a longer breath and closes his eyes.

"A hand signal," he decides.

"Okay," Thor says.

Then--because the sound Loki made turned him on more than Thor's fully okay with, and because he really doesn't want to let his cousin down if the thought got Loki _that_ hot--Thor presses his free hand hard over Loki's mouth. "When I shut you up, how're you gonna show me to stop?"

His cousin quakes under him again, his keening noise stifled by Thor's hand but still audible, unnerved and ravenous. Thor's cock jumps as Loki goes tight around his fingers once more; it aches so badly at this point that he thinks any touch could push him over.

Then Loki flips him off.

Thor sputters out a laugh. "I thought you _didn't_ wanna be blue-balled," he retorts. "You do that all the time, I'll never even manage to get my hands on you."

Loki says something muffled and rude, and then releases his pointer finger so that it's up as well, his thumb crooked out but his ring and pinkie fingers still down. It's distinct enough as a gesture that Thor would notice if Loki did it, so it would work--

\--except Thor's been to Europe too. "I know you're still flipping me off, brat."

Under his palm, Loki grins.

Thor holds his scowl for a few seconds longer but then can't keep it up any more. "--Pffftt." He drops his head and shakes it. "Alright. All right. Fine. Do that."

Loki snickers softly before falling quiet.

A few breaths later, he curls his hand into a fist and catches Thor's eyes. Then he repeats the gesture, and taps his fingers against the back of Thor's hand.

Thor pulls it away, and leans back some as well, just in case. He stops short of pulling his fingers out.

Loki swallows and licks his lips before nodding. "That's good," he says. "Just...."

He licks his lips again. His voice is a little shakier as he says, "Just, don't pin my hands and mouth at the same time."

Thor nods heavily. "I won't."

"Good," Loki says quietly. He draws another breath, and then rocks his hips a little against Thor's hand. "...I said move your fingers."

Thor shivers as his cousin clenches around his fingers again. "Loki...."

He swallows, fighting between his urge to make sure Loki's really ready for him and his need to get some friction on his cock and _come_ already, and his worry about how different Loki's idea of 'too much' is from his own. "...You think you can take me now?"

Loki groans softly. " _Finally_."

He sprawls his legs out wider, smirking. "Hurry **up** and get your cock in me," Loki tells him, "before you're so edged you can't last more than a couple seconds."

"I can," Thor mutters as he works his fingers out, because he hopes he can. He has to, if only so Loki can't mock him for the rest of their lives. He absolutely would--if he lives longer than Thor, he'd probably even sneak it into Thor's damn obituary.

"You better," Loki retorts, sighing out a breath as Thor's fingers tug free. "Or next time I'm putting a cock ring on you."

Thor gets that that's a threat, and decides not to ask what the fuck Loki's talking about right now. He takes a gamble instead.

He grabs the underside of one of Loki's knees and shoves it up, pushing Loki's thigh against his stomach and making him gasp. "Shut up and get ready for my cock," he growls out, self-conscious and hoping his face doesn't look as hot as it feels. If Loki laughs he _is_ going to punch him.

His cousin lets out a low and shaky moan, his leg trembling under Thor's hand.

" _That's_ it," he praises. "Keep it up, Thor." He hooks his ankle over Thor's shoulder, pulling him down closer. "I could barely handle a few fingers," he prompts, running his tongue over his mouth and reaching out to grip Thor's cock, "and now you want to shove _all_ this in me." Loki squeezes him lightly with a little shiver. "I'll try to take it."

" _ **Shit**_ ," Thor gasps, grabbing at Loki's hip as he shudders hard, rocked forward by the touch and Loki's words. "I--Loki, are you sure you--"

"Shh," Loki cuts him off, abruptly sounding exasperated. For once Thor doesn't care, because it means--he hopes it means--Loki didn't mean those last words, or at least didn't mean that edge of nervousness running under them. His cousin's still panting, at least. "I can take it, Thor. If I can't, I'll say so."

"Then why--" Thor starts, and cuts off and jerks into his hand when Loki squeezes him again.

"Why do I say stuff like that?" he murmurs.

Thor nods his head shakily. Loki huffs out a laugh.

"Because it makes you look like you're about to come without me even touching you," Loki tells him. "Fucking Thor Odinson, everybody's favorite, the golden son--but you're falling all over yourself for **me**. I bet could make you come without even letting you fuck me." Loki squeezes him again, this time right at the edge of too hard. "Maybe I should find out. Think you could get off on just the shit I say to you, Thor?"

Thor makes a desperate keening sound he didn't know he could and grips him tighter.

"No," he says hoarsely. Loki laughs at him again, low and under his breath, but Thor doesn't give a shit. " _No_ , Loki, come **on** \--" the only thing worse than the thought of hurting Loki too far is the thought of Loki changing his mind now after everything, after Thor's waited so long, after Loki **made** him wait-- "please let me, _dammit_ , I can't--"

"Are you going to refuse to take me home if I say no?" Loki asks, very quietly; and Thor goes still.

Loki slides his ankle off Thor's shoulder and pulls his hand away. "Are you going to make me walk back?" he asks, voice still soft as pushes himself up. Loki leans in closer, resting his chin on Thor's shoulder, his mouth brushing Thor's ear. "Like you said, no one's going to believe me over you...unless I had proof."

"God _dammit_ , Loki--" and under his hands Thor feels a tremor go through him.

He's stronger than his cousin, and they both know it.

Thor sucks in a ragged breath, and then forces it out and makes himself let go. Loki shifts, lifting his chin, as Thor pushes himself back across the futon until there's distance between them again.

"I'm not gonna fucking make you walk," he grits out. Thor glares at the futon, then shuts his eyes. "If you want to go, let's just go."

Loki doesn't say anything or move to get off the bed, and Thor remembers the dresser. It's still half blocking the door. He'll go shove it out of the way, and then he'll go back to the party and find the bathroom and get off and hope no one starts banging on the door or realizes what he's doing before he's finished. Or, he'll see if Loki heads for the bathroom, and then he'll take all the ice out of the kitchen and dump it in the passenger seat and lock the back doors so Loki can't get in through them.

Feeling slightly better with that idea, Thor shifts around to climb off the bed. He stops and goes still when Loki touches his face.

"What a waste of an escape if we leave already," Loki answers, running his thumb over Thor's mouth. Thor shivers slightly at the touch, then tightens his jaw. "Don't you want to stay?"

". . . Just stop," Thor says tiredly, and Loki's hand stills. He's too hot, and his cock aches, and it's late, and he doesn't understand any of this except the fact that Loki's going to just keep taunting him and never let him come, and he abruptly feels exhausted by it all. "Quit fucking with me, Loki. Just...stop. Let's go."

His cousin is silent. Their shallow panting is the only sound over the fan, and Thor feels a little vindicated that Loki's going to have as uncomfortable a ride home as he is. He **will** kick him onto the side of the road if Loki tries to jack off in his car.

Then his cousin pulls his hand away.

Thor lets out a shaky breath, frustrated and embarrassed that a part of him hoped--

"All right, all right," Loki says, appeasing, resting his hands on Thor's chest. He pushes lightly and Thor sits back without really thinking; he's been doing what Loki wants so far, been doing it for the last couple hours, apparently been doing it all damn day. "I'll stop. Here, I'll even be nice."

Thor doesn't trust him at all, so he keeps his eyes shut when Loki crawls onto his lap, waiting for Loki to get bored when he doesn't take the bait. It's been a long time since they were kids--Thor forgot that the only sure way to make his cousin stop his shit is to not play along.

Loki cups a hand around his neck and kisses his shoulder, rubbing his thumb over Thor's spine. His weight tips to the side. "You do look good like this," he murmurs. "Though I didn't think you'd break so fast."

Thor clenches his jaw again and forces down the urge to shove Loki off the bed and onto the floor. He also forgot how good his cousin is at goading him to play anyway.

Loki chuckles and kisses his jaw, and then shakes his head when Thor still doesn't react.

"All right," he repeats. Thor hears a ripping noise. "I don't mind. This is new. Hold still."

Thor jolts hard, his eyes startling open as Loki grips his cock and begins unrolling the condom over it. His cousin snorts.

"'Hold still,'" Loki says dryly. "Two words. Not hard."

" _Loki_ ," he grits out, grabbing his wrist. "Quit fucking around with me."

"I have," Loki replies. He gives the base of Thor's cock a quick squeeze when the condom's on. "I'm not fucking around with you anymore. Now I'm going to fuck you."

Thor snorts derisively before he can stop himself. "Seriously?"

"Shut up," Loki retorts, piqued. "You've been holding out on me for a fucking half-hour. I'll be a genius again later. Now hold still or _help_."

Loki spreads his legs wider over his thighs, and Thor grips his hips to steady him. Loki makes a borderline grateful noise and grips his cock again, positioning it against his asshole.

Thor stays still and lets his cousin arrange him how he needs. If Loki's used to getting a dildo into his ass, he probably knows what he's doing here better than him. And Thor doesn't want to risk doing anything to make Loki change his mind _again_ , not now, not when he's _**finally**_ \--

His cousin grunts as the head of Thor's cock presses hard against his asshole. Thor breathes shallowly through his teeth as Loki shifts and then pushes down more.

Loki grunts again, higher, as he forces it through and slides down further on Thor's cock. Thor keeps his hold on his cousin's hips steady, bearing up more of his weight.

Loki rocks his way down his cock, his breath growing more uneven until he finally bites his lip. Thor grits his teeth, tamping down the urge to ask how he's doing; he makes himself keep his grip supporting instead of guiding, and doesn't interfere with the way Loki takes him in.

Loki's shaking by the time his ass hits Thor's thighs, making little sharp whines with each breath. Thor waits, but Loki doesn't move again. He just trembles and pants and keeps still.

Finally, Thor slides his hands up from Loki's hips and runs them soothingly along his sides and back. Little by little, some of the tension leaves his cousin.

Thor runs his hands up Loki's back one more time, and drops his head to kiss Loki's shoulder, because it's right there and he wants to. Loki shifts on his lap, changing his angle so he slides a fraction lower with another raw gasp. Thor braces a hand at the base of his spine, and Loki shivers again.

"Big?" Thor asks.

Loki's attempt to laugh at him comes out strangled. "So what? Doesn't matter if you don't know what to do with it."

"Let's see," Thor replies, and drops his other hand to grip Loki's hip again.

Loki gasps when Thor starts moving, and clings tight to his shoulders as Thor maneuvers them both until he's got his legs underneath him. When Thor bends forward slightly, Loki groans out a long, low 'ohhh.'

"Yes," he pants, biting Thor's shoulder. "Do it. **Now** , Thor, fucking _do it_."

He bites deeper when Thor is careful about dropping forward to put Loki on his back. It hurts enough that Thor would be pissed off, if his cousin wasn't shaking and gasping against his skin as he leans his weight harder onto him.

Thor remembers how Loki had to give himself time to adjust to the dildo once he got it in. He tries hard not to jostle his cousin too much as he shifts Loki's thighs out and tilts his hips up, moving him until he's got that good, deep angle from before. Loki moans something indistinguishable and tries to push further down onto his cock.

Thor waits a little more, trying to give Loki enough time, counting out breaths until he can't any longer. He barely remembers to warn Loki before he starts: "I'm gonna move."

Loki shivers and clenches around him, digging his fingers into Thor's shoulders. "Do it."

Thor quickly learns that anal is definitely tighter than normal sex, and that a bed is way better than the backseat of a car. Here, he's got the room to spread his arms and brace himself up, to dig the balls of his feet into the futon as he pushes. And Loki's so fucking _tight_ around him that Thor just wants to push and push so he can get as deep as he can, until he's snapping his hips forward at the end of each thrust to shove Loki's thighs wider and work his cock in more. Loki's nails bite deep into his shoulders as his cousin gasps out high little cries with each thrust, and Thor can't tell if they're hurting or hungry or both anymore. But Loki lets him keep moving.

There's a clonk past his head, and Loki shouts and curses. Thor shakes his bangs from his face and blinks sweat from his eyes, looking up.

He's shoved them higher up the bed than he realized--Loki hit the frame of the futon. His cousin's rubbing the back of his head.

Thor grabs Loki's thighs and starts to drag him back down, trying not to slide too far out as he does. Loki grips his shoulder tighter with a groan.

The sound slides over Thor's spine, and he changes his mind. He keeps a grasp on one of Loki's thighs, forcing his cousin's ass hard against his lap, and grabs Loki's hand off his shoulder. Thor shoves it down above him, between Loki's head and the frame, and then catches his other wrist and pins them both in his fist.

Loki makes a shrill, panicked noise.

Thor stills and stares down at him. Loki's biting his lip viciously, his eyes squeezed shut. He's breathing so hard it almost drowns out the fan.

Thor waits. When Loki doesn't say anything-- _can_ he say anything, with how hard he's breathing?--he loosens his grip.

" _ **No**_ ," Loki spits.

Thor swallows down his relieved groan. He makes himself ask, low: "Are you gonna let me?"

Loki shudders again.

Then he slings his legs up, hooking them around Thor's waist. Thor gasps, and Loki digs his heels into his spine as he tilts his chin up to bare his throat and bare his teeth. " _Make me_ ," he growls out.

Thor tightens his grip back around Loki's wrists, and then squeezes them further until Loki whimpers.

It takes him a little while to find the way to brace his weight now with his hands splayed asymmetrically. His next few thrusts are shallow and easier than before, partly to test that he can hold himself up and mostly to gauge how Loki takes it. His cousin pants harshly under him, grunting whenever his head's jostled against his arms; but soon he's pushing his shoulders into the futon to shove further onto Thor's cock and squeezing his legs around Thor's waist.

"Okay," Thor relents. He curls his toes into the futon, and adds, "If that's how you wanna do this," to see if it makes Loki shiver. It does.

It only takes a few thrusts before he's back into that good rhythm. Loki's so tight around him, letting him in so deep; and the whines he makes as he takes it, as he lets Thor keep giving it to him, make Thor's stomach twist with need.

When he feels the frame start banging into the back of his hand he shifts over. But the next time he drives in, Loki's wrist cracks against the metal bar and his cousin cries out sharply.

"Shh," Thor says, because that's pain pure and simple, and he doesn't want to hear that. He moves his hand back, spreading his fingers to protect Loki's wrists. "I got you, I got you."

Loki presses his face hard against his own shoulder. He almost sobs the next time Thor pushes in; but when Thor hesitates he digs his heels down again.

Loki soon starts gasping desperately with each thrust, and if Thor could figure out how to keep himself up without crushing Loki's wrists he'd get a hand on his cock and jerk him off. He sounds like he needs it bad.

"Come on, Loki," he urges. "Come on, tell me how to make you come, you look so good, god, you _feel_ so good, come on." He's babbling--his last girlfriend told him he talked a lot during sex--but he was probably doing it earlier without realizing it, so why stop now. "Do you want me to let you go, get a hand on your cock, let you do it?"

Loki shakes his head convulsively and then sobs again the next time Thor rocks in. Thor tries to nuzzle his neck, can't reach with the angle, and makes a pleading noise instead. "Then tell me how to get you off, you look so good, I can't--I can't hold on much longer." He's trying, but he needs to come as bad as Loki does, and if his cousin won't let him slow down--and he can't pull out, he can't, Loki kept him waiting so long he'll die if he has to. "Tell me what I need to do Loki, come on, I want you to come."

"Trying," Loki snuffles, his face still pressed against his shaking shoulder.

A shudder runs so fiercely through Thor that his next thrust drives his hand hard into the metal frame and makes Loki keen thinly. Thor drops his head, getting as close to Loki's ear as he can. "You can do it."

Thor shoves back into him just as hard, and this time Loki's cry is drawn out, long and shaky and hitching into a new one when Thor does it again. "You can do it, Loki, come on, _please_ \--" He can feel his orgasm building, too close. Thor bites down savagely on his lip and splits the cut there back open; but even the pain isn't enough to buy him more than a couple extra seconds before it hits hard.

He braces himself up on his forearm with a groan as he rides it out, half-hearing Loki shout and bang his head against the futon through the white noise in his ears.

It was a good one, really good, but he doesn't get much time for it. Loki is twisting under him, arching up to rub his cock along Thor's stomach, gasping out his name half in misery and half hatred.

Thor tries to let go of Loki's wrists so his cousin can get a hand on his cock, and finds that he already has. He has to blink a couple times before he realizes that Loki's the one keeping his hands above his head now. Loki bites his arm.

"Ow." Thor shrugs him off and pushes back onto his knees, sliding out. The condom catches in the tightness, and Thor grunts and drags it the rest of the way off his cock. Loki cusses him out furiously.

Thor shakes his head hard to fight off the lethargy creeping up in his limbs, and dumps the condom to the side to tie off later. He kneels in closer to Loki, pushing his thighs further apart, and grips Loki's wrists in his fist hard enough that his cousin cuts off his insults with a startled noise.

"I got you," Thor tells him. He wraps his hand around Loki's cock and starts stroking firmly.

Loki arches up into his fist with a low groan and clenches his legs around Thor's thighs; but he doesn't sound as close as he was. Thor feels a sting of guilt that's only slightly mitigated by the fact that Loki called him an impotent shit at least twice a few seconds ago.

"What do you want me to do?" Thor asks. He squeezes as he rolls his palm over the head of Loki's cock the way that his cousin liked earlier, and Loki moans and jerks against him again. But it still doesn't sound like enough. "You want me to keep up this? Or use my fingers again?" He gives Loki's wrists a light squeeze. "Or both?"

"Tell me--" Loki starts raggedly, before cutting off. A few seconds later, he pushes into Thor's hand again. "Keep it up."

For a second Thor thinks he just missed what Loki said between the two things. He still feels sluggish from coming, and the fan's loud and Loki's panting is harsh and raspy.

But then Loki buries his face back in the crook of his arm, and that's when Thor realizes that for all his cousin's needling, there's things about this that embarrass him, too.

Thor shakes his head again, trying to drive his sweaty bangs out of his eyes, and looks him over. Loki's flushed across his chest and neck and face, still gasping into his arm. Precome's smeared across his stomach and cock, slick against Thor's fingers as Loki rocks his hips up to drive his dick into his fist.

Thor swallows thickly, and takes another gamble. He squeezes Loki's wrists hard. "You should see _your_ self."

Loki jolts and jerks his head over to stare at him.

Thor takes in the look on his face, and keeps going. "Where're all your smartassed comments now?" He doesn't let up the hand on Loki's cock as he talks. "You'll go back to being a genius later, sure, but right now you're falling to pieces because you couldn't have my cock in you long enough."

Loki shudders hard and then tries to sneer. "You're the one who couldn't keep it--"

"Shut up," Thor orders, dropping his head to rest his forehead against Loki's. His cousin's eyes are dark, his pupils blown. Thor thinks he has to see Loki like this again, more, just this time will never be enough. "You can say all the shit you want, your grades can get shoved in my face all the time, but I'm gonna know I can make you look like _this_." He rolls his palm over the head of Loki's cock with another squeeze. "I can make you come without my cock, just from _remembering_ it in you."

He repeats the gesture with the next stroke and then makes it part of his rhythm; and the next time Loki moans the sound catches on that urgent cry.

" _Yeah_ ," Thor breathes, "that's it, Loki, come on. You were so goddamn good, so good to me, now it's your turn." He lets go of his cousin's wrists and grabs one of his hands instead, giving it a squeeze as Loki whimpers. "Come on, you can do it, it's all you now. I got you, Loki. Come on."

Loki clenches his hand desperately as he comes, burying his face in his elbow and almost screaming it out through his clenched teeth. Thor squeezes back and nuzzles his jaw, dropping kisses along his neck and shoulder.

Even after he slumps down onto the futon, Loki keeps shaking for a while, sudden quick tremors jolting through him as he gasps. At first Thor thinks he's coming off of a really good orgasm and smiles as he rests his forehead on Loki's shoulder, glad and pretty proud of himself.

Only it doesn't stop; and eventually Thor's skin starts to prickle.

He pushes himself up to look at Loki, but his cousin's pulled his arm down over his eyes. "Loki? Hey--"

"Get off," his cousin manages. "It's too hot."

Thor rolls over to the side, but gets back on his knees and reaches for Loki's arm. "Are you ok?"

Loki lashes out, shoving and kicking him back with a strained noise, and then curls up on his side away from Thor. Thor's first instinct is to tackle him and make Loki look at him; but he catches himself.

He scoots back across the futon to the opposite corner instead, and pulls his legs to his chest, making room between them.

"Okay," Thor says, quiet and calm, the way he talks to guys who're injured on the field while they're waiting for the stretcher to get over. "I'm gonna sit over here. I'll stay here, if you want. But Loki, you have to tell me if something's wrong." Thor shifts, tensing, as fear starts to dig in. "Did I hurt you?"

Loki stays curled in on himself and doesn't answer.

Thor swears under his breath. "I'm gonna go back to the house and find some aspirin--what do you need?"

"Nothing," Loki replies. He's still not talking much above a hoarse whisper, but his breathing's getting evener. "I'm fine."

"I'm getting aspirin," Thor repeats. "What else do you want? Water? Ice?"

"I said I'm fine!"

He's starting to sound irritated, which is, oddly, heartening. "You tried to kick me in the face when I asked if you were okay," Thor says bluntly.

"Your face is very kickable," Loki mutters. "Christ. Don't you _ever_ get sick of being dependable?"

Thor doesn't bother to answer that, and soon Loki blows his breath out through his teeth.

"I'm fine," his cousin repeats, turning his head a little more towards him; and this time it sounds mostly true. "I just.... You're good at that," Loki grumbles, not sounding like it's a compliment. "I'm fine. Give me a minute."

Thor frowns, not sure if Loki's saying it was good for him too or that it sucked. It kind of sounds like both.

Loki catches the look on his face. He rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically, and flops onto his back. "Do you have to be praised afterward?" he taunts exasperatedly. "Maybe that's why you can't get a girlfriend to stick around, if you're so needy."

"Why are you angry?" Thor replies.

A frustrated look passes over Loki's face. He tilts back to onto his side, turning away again. "Don't say shit like that anymore," he mutters. "I know nobody compares you to _me_. It makes you sound stupid."

Thor frowns harder, really disliking the ugly way Loki spit out 'me.' "I meant it."

Loki rolls his eyes again. "Fuck you," he retorts, his irritation forced out.

"Seriously?" Thor says, disbelieving. "After you skipped a second grade, I could never bring back a math test or a report card without Dad reminding me you were getting better grades _and_ playing sports. You have to know he thinks you're smarter."

"--Útleg∂," Loki hisses. "Stop it, _stop it_."

He starts to shove off of the futon, wincing. Thor tackles him.

Loki fights like he's enraged, cursing venomously and trying to make him bleed. But Thor manages to get him in a bear hug from behind, and after that Loki doesn't have enough purchase to break loose. Thor isn't as good at wrestling as his brother, but he's sparred with Balder enough that he's better at it than his cousin.

Thor swears when Loki slams his head back, smashing it into his nose, but he doesn't manage to break it and Thor's taken worse. He forces Loki's chest down until it's almost against his thighs, trapping his cousin between him and the floor, and swallows down the pain in his face.

"Loki!" he shouts over his cousin's threat to cut his throat. "I meant it."

" _Shut **up**!_ " Loki snarls back.

"I meant it," Thor says evenly, once Loki stops snarling long enough to catch his breath. "You're a fucking genius, everyone knows that. I just get sick of Dad riding me about how I'm not keeping up with you."

Loki's fallen silent, panting harshly and shuddering against him. Thor loosens his grip carefully, and then--when his cousin doesn't try to break loose--straightens up and leans against the futon. Loki lets him pull him back with him.

"That son of a bitch," Loki whispers eventually, still shaking, so low Thor barely catches it over the fan.

"Nn," is all he replies, because even if he doesn't disagree he's not okay with other people saying it. But Loki's family too, so Thor gives him a pass.

Eventually Loki starts trying to twist free again. Thor lets him go, since he seems to have calmed down and also because it's way too hot. Loki shifts closer to the fan, keeping his back to Thor as he drags his hair away from his face.

". . . You mean it?" Loki asks quietly, a long time later, still facing away.

"Yeah," Thor answers, because it's true. He knows he's not stupid, but sometimes he wishes he were as good at seeing through problems as Loki is, that he were able to jump to a solution three times faster than anybody else in the room, to _understand_ things so easy. It'd make his dad get off his back; and it sure as shit would've been nice tonight, like, starting a few hours ago. More. Last week, actually.

Loki snorts, and finally turns enough that Thor can see part of his face. His mouth's curved up a fraction. "Would you if I **hadn't** played sports?"

"Well, yeah," Thor replies. "It helps you're not a total nerd, though."

His cousin snorts again, and his mouth shifts to a full smirk as he shakes his head.

"What do you mean, 'hadn't'?" Thor asks. "Are you quitting?"

Loki shrugs a shoulder, turning back toward the fan. "They don't have fencing at the school that took me."

"You could go back to track," Thor suggests. "Everybody's got track.They're not going to care about tattoos as much in college."

"It's not a sports scholarship," Loki answers. "If I want to keep it I can't fuck around."

Thor shifts uncomfortably, feeling restless at the harsh resignation in Loki's voice. The look his cousin gave him when Thor mentioned the scholarship is making more sense.

It's Loki's own fault for burning up all the opportunities he had; but then, it's not Thor's dad who's practically disappeared off the face of the earth.

Loki was always a brat, but he knows how to work people when he wants them to do things for him. Thor can't imagine he would have pulled all that shit and fucked up his future so bad if the thing with his dad hadn't pushed him over a ledge.

"I'm thirsty," Loki says abruptly. "Go get me some water."

It's a lot more irritating to have Loki order him around now, instead of before when Thor needed to know the things he was doing were okay. But he remembers the way Loki grimaced in pain as he shoved off the futon and decides to just give him this one. "All right."

He pulls his clothes back on and pushes the dresser out of the way, and heads outside, shuddering in the sudden drop in temperature and feeling incredibly weird walking back into the party. He can't remember any of the names he was told earlier, and every time somebody glances at him as he makes his way to the kitchen Thor gets the awkward feeling that they _know_ he's just come back from having some really good but kind of fucked up sex. He doesn't see either the guy or the girl from before, although he's not sure he'd know them if he did.

He grabs a couple plastic cups next to a box of wine and waits in line for the bathroom, and palms four ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet. He downs three glasses of water before he feels less dehydrated, and then fills up the other cup and heads back to the garage as stealthily as he can.

When he gets inside, Loki's sprawled out on the futon, still naked, and it takes Thor a few seconds to realize he's dozed off. He manages to smother down his snicker in time.

He sets the cup on the floor and studies his cousin. Loki's ass is still red, his asshole and the skin around it still glistening a little with lube; and looking at it makes Thor's stomach flutter. He really wants to reach out and touch him. He wants to soothe the marks there a little and feel Loki's hole again, see if it's any looser after his cock was in it, maybe slide a finger back inside and find out what noise Loki would make then. Would it finally be too much this time, too sore, making him shift away and whimper? Or would he push back and tell Thor to give him more? Could he take three fingers easier now?

Thor shivers and then shakes his head and forces himself to step back. He can't just fucking feel his cousin up while he's asleep. Christ, wasn't getting off on Loki sounding like he was in pain bad enough? What is fucking _**wrong**_ with him?

. . . Anyway, as hilarious as it is that Loki's the one who crashed first after all the shit he gave Thor about having no stamina, Thor doesn't feel like waking him up right away. The party hasn't died out yet, so they can probably stay up here a little longer. He can make fun of Loki any time.

He strips off his shirt and settles by the fan, and after a couple moments' hesitation kicks off his shorts as well.

Thor uses his phone to look up 'safeword' and 'cock ring,' and then reads a couple websites on BDSM and quietly freaks out for a while.  
  
  
Loki stirs awake soon after Thor turns on the sink to clean up, even though he tried to keep quiet. Thor glances over his shoulder when he hears the futon creak, and then grabs another fistful of paper towels and soaks them under the faucet.

He tucks the rest of the roll under his arm and takes it with him when he goes back to the futon. "Hey, can you stand up?" he asks, cupping a hand under Loki's arm and lifting slightly.

"Why?" Loki mutters, still sounding half out of it; but he gets on his feet when Thor keeps urging. He sways a little before bracing a hand on Thor's shoulder.

"That's good," Thor murmurs, and starts cleaning off his stomach.

Loki shudders and tightens his hand sharply.

Thor slows a little. He figured this would be a good place to start, not too sensitive, but he could've misgauged. But after a long pause, Loki relaxes fractionally. "What're you doing?"

"Cleaning up," he replies. "We have to go back eventually. You didn't want to pull your jeans on like that, did you?"

"...Nn," Loki says. "Worried about your car upholstery?"

"Maybe," Thor hedges. His cousin snorts.

He shivers when Thor starts to wipe off his cock. Thor tries to keep his touch as light as he can.

"...This is weird," Loki says. He plucks at Thor's wrist. "Stop it."

"I did what you like," Thor argues. "So now let me take care of you."

Loki flinches, and his hand tightens on his shoulder again. Thor bites the inside of his lip.

"...Unless you want to use the shower," he amends. "It doesn't have a curtain and I couldn't find any towels, though."

Loki hesitates before pulling at his wrist again. "I'll take the shower."

Thor hands him the roll of paper towels without an argument, and goes to his shorts and fishes the ibuprofen from the pocket. "Here," he says, shoving them into Loki's free hand before he can argue and grabbing the cup off the floor. "I got your water."

Loki makes an exasperated noise as he takes it and steps away without any thanks--but Thor sees him down the pills once his back is turned. He walks stiltedly as he picks his way around the boxes and over to the corner where the bathroom is.

Thor thinks again of that night Loki ended up in the hospital with all those bruises and a broken nose; and he decides that once he gets Loki to tell him who did it, he's going to find the guy and teach him a lesson.  
  
  
When Loki gets out of the bathroom, he finds Thor lying face-down on the floor in front of the fan, water dumped over his head and chest, his wet hair clinging to his face as he rests it on his crossed arms. He's opened some of the windows.

"Does that help?" Loki asks.

"Little," Thor mumbles. "You ready to go?"

Loki eyes him critically as he picks up his jeans. "How tired are you?"

"I'm fine." Thor shoves himself off the floor, rising with an easy fluid pushup. "It's not that far."

"You can get a DUI for driving while exhausted," Loki tells him. "They write you up as 'driving under the influence of fatigue.' So," he repeats, "how tired are you?"

Thor gives him a suspicious look. "How do you know that?"

"Movies," he answers.

"Oh it must be true then," Thor responds; but he drops back to the floor. "I'm gonna nap for fifteen minutes, then we'll go." He pillows his head back on his arms.

Loki rolls his eyes.

He tugs his jeans over his hips and leaves them unbuttoned as he pulls the futon off its frame and flips it over to the less filthy side. Thor grunts when he drops it on the floor next to him.

"Up," Loki says.

Thor gets on his feet with a grumble, but he tugs the futon flat before dropping back onto it. He moves over enough that there's some room in front of the fan for Loki. "Wake me up then," Thor yawns.

"Sure," Loki says.  
  
  
When Thor finally rolls over and shakes himself awake, Loki's lying on his back and tinkering with his phone.

". . . Did you break into my phone?" Thor asks groggily.

"Make better passwords," Loki replies.

Thor makes a face at him, and then rubs at his eyes, his brows drawing together as he frowns. "...What time is it?"

"About four-thirty," Loki answers, not looking over.

Thor swears and shoves to his feet.

Thor swears more, at him, when Loki makes him go fetch his shirt from where he left it on the back lawn. But he shoves his car keys at Loki's chest once they're at the bottom of the stairs and goes to do it. The house is dark now, but all the windows are open. Loki assumes no one found the part he pulled out of the air conditioner.

He heads back to the car and waits inside. Thor arrives soon, tossing the shirt at his head as he slides into the driver's seat and making a face as he pulls the door shut. "You could've started the heater." He rubs the goosebumps on his arms. "Just because you're named after a giant doesn't mean you've gotta act like one."

Loki finishes pulling on his shirt and casually slugs him in the arm.

Thor just snorts like the blow didn't even register and starts the engine.

"I could've driven off and left you here," Loki says, burrowing down into the seat and resting his head against the door. "Don't just hand your stuff over to me."

Thor frowns faintly as he stares at him, and for a few moments it looks like he's going to listen.

But then the frown slides away as his suspicion softens out to tolerance. Thor shakes his head and says, "Whatever," and pulls away from the curb. "Gimme my phone back."

Loki tosses it into his lap. He yawns once, and then closes his eyes and settles more comfortably against the door.


	3. let's play Count The Obstacles This Relationship Is Facing!

Loki dozes off again on the drive back.

Thor coasts the car quietly back to where he was parked. It's not as smart as waking Loki up to steer while he pushes it into place, but Thor doesn't really **want** to push it. His muscles are starting to make him pay for not stretching properly before.

Plus, Loki looks...better. Calmer. Even before he fell asleep, when he was still slouched in the seat and teasing Thor, he seemed mellower.

Thor didn't realize how much he'd become used to his cousin's edginess until he finally saw Loki without it again.

Ever since he joined them on vacation, Loki's been tense. The anger simmering under his skin eventually smoothed down to a prickly detachment, but that was as good as it got. The strain still slips through sometimes, even when he's smiling or working on the tablet or just zoned out and staring at the TV. At some point Thor stopped registering it. 

But it's not the way his cousin used to be. So seeing Loki like this now....

It makes the whole day feel a little less disturbing, and even worth the weirdness if it gave Loki enough of a release to loosen out like this. His cousin looks like he's finally feeling something besides spite and frustration again.

Thor's pretty sure it's going to dissolve once they're back in the house and around Odin.

But they can't sit in the car until the neighbors wake up and see them and start talking. So at last Thor cuts the engine and unbuckles his seat belt. Loki jolts awake.

He fumbles a knife out of his pocket and automatically curls up to spring until he recognizes Thor. Loki blinks at him.

After a few more breaths, the darting, half-panicked calculation in his eyes shifts to mild annoyance and fatigue. He shoves the knife back in his pocket and yawns.

Thor slowly drops the arm he brought up to block the strike, frowning hard, and thinks again about the time Loki went to the hospital.

Then he decides to ask later, when Loki's more awake. Thor's been trained in using disrupted sleeping patterns to get information, but it's not a tactic he likes. He's sure as hell not going to use it on family.

He gets out of the car instead. Loki climbs out while Thor's coming around to open his door, and shoots him an irritated look. "I'm not a fucking invalid."

"Are you always this much of an asshole when people try to be nice to you?" Thor replies in exasperation.

"Don't insult me," his cousin grits out. "I'm not your inferior."

Where the hell has Loki _gotten_ this stuff from? His parents? Thor's dad? Thor shoves his bangs away from his face, jittery with frustration. "I'm not, geez, I just wanted to...." He cuts off as they come up to the back deck.

Thor slides the door open quietly, checking that no one's in the kitchen before he shifts inside and nods to Loki. His cousin closes the door behind him and starts down the hall.

Loki hesitates by the kitchen entryway as they pass. Thor glances over.

"...Are you hungry?" Loki asks after a moment.

Thor nods. "Yeah."

Loki nods back once briefly and turns aside into the kitchen. Thor follows.

His cousin pulls a carton of eggs and the milk from the fridge while Thor starts making coffee, since it's close enough to five that his dad's going to be up soon anyway. He grabs a package of bacon from the fridge when Loki asks for it.

It's not his dad who comes into the kitchen a little later, but his mom. She looks at the two of them standing by the counter eating scrambled eggs and bacon from the pans, and then looks at the microwave clock, and then looks back at them with a raised eyebrow.

"Morning," Thor says as nonchalantly as he can manage. Loki has a mouthful of bacon, and just raises a hand.

"Hm," she drawls.

Thor tells himself to calm down as she pulls a mug from the cupboard. "Good morning. Thank you for making breakfast. Should I be worried?"

"No," Thor answers, since neither of them got into a fight or drank too much. Loki starts scraping the rest of the eggs and bacon onto a serving plate while she pours herself a cup of coffee.

Loki gets noticeably fidgety after Frigga's arrival. He doesn't fully look up when talking to her, and he grabs excuses to cook up more eggs at the stove, keeping his back to the two of them as they sit at the table.

His mom catches Thor's gaze and raises an eyebrow again, but this one is concerned instead of doubtful. Thor shakes his head and mouths 'It's fine,' and smiles at her and doesn't act weird.

It's easier, now. If Loki's starting to get nervous and freaked out about facing Frigga after last night, then Thor just **can't**. He's older; it's his job to keep it together and take care of things. 

When his dad joins them after a bit and Sif comes in yawning a little later, Loki goes back to being himself.

He returns to the table once the eggs are done, and occasionally drops into the conversation with a sly little aside when he spots an opening. Thor shakes his head and slurps his coffee, and wonders how Loki's still thinking fast enough to be such a smart aleck at this point. Thor's had more coffee than his cousin and he still mostly just wants another nap, since more sex is out.

Loki's back to being himself, snarky and distant and clever; but he still never quite looks at Frigga.  
  
  
Thor's mom holds him back in the kitchen after everyone else leaves to get dressed by asking him to help her with the dishes.

"'It's fine'?" she repeats, once they're alone. "What happened?"

Thor tried to think up a good lie while eating breakfast, but everything that came to mind seemed way too easy to pick apart. So he tells most of the truth instead. "We went to a party last night. I think he's just tired."

She gives him a sidelong look. "Just how late were you out?"

Thor shrugs. "We left after a while. It was kind of boring."

"Really?"

"They were people from his school," Thor explains. "I didn't know anybody."

"That usually doesn't stop you," his mom remarks. "Is there anything you aren't telling me?"

Thor thinks about how the air conditioning went out after those guys he was talking with started chucking around 'gay' like an insult, and how unwilling Loki was to fix it, and then he shrugs again. "'Sorry for leaving without saying anything'?" he tries.

"Mm-hm," she says dubiously. Frigga taps him sharply on the shoulder. "You and Sif aren't dating?"

Thor winces when the touch is surprisingly sore. He glances at his shoulder and sees a bite mark half visible under his tank strap.

He scrambles to keep a hold on the pan he's rinsing. His mom arches a brow and waits.

"No!" Thor replies. He and Sif both told them that last week, but his parents still insisted that she sleep in the extra room in their wing of the cabin instead of on the side where he and Loki are. Which, whatever, fine, he understands that. But this is different--maybe Thor's gone through a few girlfriends, but he always makes sure he's split up with them before he really flirts with anyone new. He's not his dad. " **No**. Geez Mom, I've told you that, Sif's told you that, come on."

"All right," she relents. "Just checking." She chuckles when he scowls, and then shakes her head. "You're still grounded until the afternoon."

"Really?" Thor asks. "We didn't get in trouble."

"It sounds more like you weren't found out," she answers.

When Thor focuses back on rinsing the pan, his mom makes an 'I thought so' noise.

She's silent for a while as she scrubs the last pan. After she hands it to him, she tugs the towel off the oven handle.

"Was it Loki who didn't get caught, or you?" Frigga asks, looking at him straight on as she dries her hands.

Thor huffs out a breath and scowls at the pan as he rinses it off. "Both of us. --But they were being assholes. And it wasn't anything that bad." Probably. Unless Loki broke the air conditioner permanently.

"Language," his mom replies. She drapes the towel back over the oven handle. "Hm.

"I'm glad you two are talking again," she murmurs. "But . . . try to be a good influence on him, Thor. The way you're supposed to for Balder--or your teammates, or everyone else who knows you're an Odinson." She tugs on the towel to straighten it. "He needs good influences."

"--Okay," Thor promises, a little thrown by the sudden seriousness. It's not like he's trying to be a _bad_ influence on Loki.

...Alright, he should have pushed harder about the air conditioner. It's not like the rest of the people in there were jerks; they didn't deserve to get caught in the crossfire.

Frigga nods once, and then pats him on the shoulder.

"Anyway. I think you'll survive staying home long enough to get some sleep," she says wryly. She asks him to take care of the rest of the dishes and leaves.

Sif comes into the kitchen while he's loading the dishwasher and waits until he's put the plates in before punching him in the arm. "Ow."

"Serves you right," she replies. "You went to a party without me?"

Thor frowns and starts adding the silverware. "Mom yelled at you too?"

"Yeah." Sif folds her arms and stares at him.

Huh. Maybe his mom didn't ask about Sif because she thought Thor was cheating on her at the party, but because she thought Sif was there with him. That's not so bad.

Thor briefly imagines if Sif _had_ come with them, which slides to the super-unlikely but pretty hot idea of her and Loki both in bed with him--which almost immediately segues to his imagining separating them when Sif and his cousin try to strangle each other, and that takes care of that.

"You didn't miss anything," Thor promises. "It was boring." He dumps in the rest of the forks, and then remembers, "You might've liked this one guy. He's in the ROTC."

Sif huffs, but then drops her arms. "Next time, get me."

"Okay, okay. I will," Thor tells her with a grin.  
  
  
Sif goes out to the beach to work on her tan, while his mom curls up in the sunroom with a novel and his dad leaves the house talking to someone low on his phone. Loki shuts himself in his room. Thor's still too caffeinated to sleep himself, so he sprawls out in the recliner and finds the least dumb day show he can on cable, planning to watch TV until he can leave the cabin. He wakes up hours later.

The house is quiet. Someone turned off the TV; and no one's in any of the main rooms. A note on the kitchen table from Frigga says she's left to meet his dad for lunch, and that they'll be back by mid-afternoon or so. Sif's added a sentence below that she's eating at Brunhilde and Volstagg's place, and Thor should call whenever he gets his lazy butt up. Thor rolls his eyes and tosses it into the trash.

When he heads into the hallway to grab his stuff, Loki's door is still closed.

Thor passes his room and stops outside of his cousin's. "Hey, Loki?"

There's no answer. Thor shifts on his feet and wonders if Loki's still asleep. He might be, after last night.

"I'm gonna head over to Volstagg's and meet up with everyone," Thor adds, lowering his voice a fraction just in case. "You want to come?"

He bites his lip a second later at the unintended double entendre. There's still no response from the other side of the door.

Thor waits a little longer, and then finally grabs his wallet and keys from his room. He pulls the note out of the trashcan and adds where he's gone, and leaves it on the table for Loki whenever he wakes up.  
  
  
For the next few days, Loki acts like nothing's changed and nothing ever happened, like the only thing that went on at the party was that they stayed there way too long after they'd gotten hot and bored, until Thor starts to feel like he's going crazy and he's ninety-nine percent sure his cousin's doing it to fuck with him.

But there's a one percent chance that things went too far that night. Or that Loki's regretting it, but hasn't figured out a way to tell Thor that still lets him feel safe. Like Thor pointed out, there's always the chance Odin would just send his cousin home regardless if Loki rats him out; it's Thor who's his son in the end, not Loki.

Thor's starting to regret saying that.

He should've figured out a better way to put it. He wanted Loki to understand that he could say no whenever; but it's starting to feel like Thor just gave his cousin yet another a reason not to trust him, even if Loki claims he was encouraging the voyeurism.

Thor ends up staying awake too long at night, thinking about everything for too long, until he really does feel like he might be going crazy. He keeps trying to get Loki alone for a couple minutes to talk to him about it--but each time he does, something about the situation gives him the ugly feeling that he's cornering his cousin, and Thor ends up backing away and letting go and asking something else instead, like if Loki wants to join him to hang out with the guys, or that he needs to tell Thor where he wants to eat dinner since his parents don't have any place particular in mind. Loki always stares at him for a long moment before answering, and Thor can't read the expression in his eyes.

It doesn't help that his dreams have become a lot more detailed.

Thor feels weird about using the bathroom to jerk off now--it's too close to Loki's room for comfort, and even if Thor bites his lip to stay quiet his cousin can probably hear the toilet flush--meaning he's stuck in his room. Someone wrote 'tissues' on the fridge shopping list, so he had to quit taking boxes of those. Now he's running out of socks.

He jumps on any excuse he can find to take showers. Thor takes over the bathroom every afternoon once he's back from the beach; Sif's started needling him about hogging all the hot water.

"Seriously," she scowls, when Thor shakes the sand out of his hair that afternoon and says he's going to back to the cabin. "Leave me _some_."

"I'm sure he can't help it," Hogun drawls from his beach chair. He gives Sif a sympathetic look. "He's still a teenager."

Sif screws up her face in disgust a second later, and Thor says, " _ **Dude**_." Fandral and Volstagg just cackle.

"I'm just gonna return in an hour," Sif says flatly, folding her arms. It inadvertently emphasizes her breasts; Thor thinks about pointing out that that's not really helping her cause, and then decides he doesn't feel like being kicked in the stomach. "Will that be enough _alone time_ for you?"

Thor makes an indecipherable growling noise and stalks off, face red.

He sees his cousin in the sunroom as he comes up on the back porch of the cabin. Loki's slumped over the table, his head pillowed on his arms.

Loki hasn't joined them at the beach recently. He's been burying himself in learning Latin ever since Fandral lent him a book two days ago, which has been a great excuse for him to shut himself away from Thor.

Thor exhales through his teeth.

But he's not riled enough from Sif and the guys' teasing that he feels like actively being a dick. So he doesn't bang on the sunroom glass as he passes even though he thinks about it, and he enters the house quietly.

Thor feels an aggravating mix of frustration and relief as he shuts himself in the bathroom and kicks off his shorts. This thing with Loki is starting to fray his nerves--he wants his cousin to just _talk_ to him, to acknowledge he exists again and to stop this weird, confusing pretending that nothing's changed or ever did or ever will.

But at the same time, with Loki asleep and his parents out and Sif staying at the beach, he's basically got the place to himself. He can take some time in the shower for once, instead of the bare minimum necessary to jack off and rinse away the come and sand. He'd rather have Loki awake and willing to talk to him; but this'll do.

Thor's still washing off the soap and shampoo and enjoying the anticipatory tingle of knowing he'll be taking his cock in his hand in a few moments when he sees movement in his peripheral vision.

He immediately tenses to kick open the shower door and attack, and then registers that it's his cousin. "What the fuck!"

Loki keeps unbuttoning his jeans and gives him a look that would probably be more insulting if Thor could see him better through the glass. "Really?" he drawls.

"I'm--" he's **obviously** using the bathroom right now, if he says that he's going to sound like a moron. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Loki replies, talking to him like he's a moron anyway. He pulls open the shower door.

"Loki, what the hell--" Thor shoves him in the chest when he climbs in. His cousin pauses and looks at him. "You can't--don't ignore me for days and then pull this shit, dammit!"

"Are you that mad?" Loki replies, tugging the door closed behind him. The shower's roomy, but only for one person. With two it's cramped, and Thor starts to have the ugly feeling of being cornered himself.

" _Yes_ ," he spits, angrier than he realized now that it's washing through him. He's really, really sick of Loki fucking with his head. "You can't **do** that!"

His cousin's shoulders tense at his tone. Loki glances obliquely at his hands.

Thor sees it, and tightens his jaw. Then he breathes in deeply and tells himself to calm down.

He knows better than to get this pissed. He needs to relax. And once he has, he can shove Loki out of the bathroom and lock the damn door behind him. Then he won't feel so crowded and edgy, and he'll be fine.

Loki shakes his head briefly, his hair already starting to cling to his face. "So let me make it up to you," he says, and gets on his knees.

Thor swears at him more. But Loki runs his palms over his thighs and kisses his stomach, and Thor turns his attention to bracing himself against the wall so he doesn't slip and dislocate a shoulder. " _Loki--_ "

Loki bites the spot he kissed hard, and Thor flinches. "Just shut up and take it."

"Fucker," Thor grits as evenly as he can, "if you don't get out right now I'm--"

He chokes as Loki grips the base of his cock and squeezes.

Loki chuckles and glances up at him through his lashes. "Quit pretending you don't want me to suck your dick, Thor. You haven't been able to take your eyes off me the last couple days."

If he braces himself better he can knee his cousin in the throat. He'd like to see Loki keep being such a jackass after that.

\--This feels too familiar.

It's not the first time Loki's tried to provoke him too far. Thor forces his fists to uncurl and exhales slowly, and reminds himself that he knows better than this.

He sets a hand on Loki's shoulder instead and pushes him back steadily. His cousin braces his heels against the lip of the tile and glares.

"I'm not pretending," Thor says, trying to keep his voice flat despite his tension and also the fact that Loki looks pretty good with his hair damp and his mouth inches from Thor's cock. "I don't like you screwing with me like this. You can't refuse to talk to me and then pull this crap, Loki. Stop it."

"Maybe I would've talked to you if you had the balls to bring anything up," Loki replies, and Thor's hand clenches again.

Fine. Maybe he _was_ a coward for always backing off--but every time he got a hold of Loki to **try** , his cousin's gaze would flick over Thor's shoulder like he was judging how far away everyone else was. And Loki was always so stiff and blank-faced that Thor couldn't tell if he was doing it in a 'we can't be overheard' way, or if his cousin was trying to determine who was close enough to rescue him.

He already wasn't sure if he'd pushed Loki too hard that night, or whether his cousin decided it was too creepy how Thor liked hearing him hurting and didn't want him that close ever again. Thor didn't want to drive him away completely.

"You acted like you didn't want to talk," he mutters. "I wasn't going to make you."

Loki keeps staring up at him for a few moments, and finally sighs exaggeratedly. "You are such a wuss."

"Knock it off," Thor tells him in frustration.

"Fine," Loki says shortly. " **Fine**. If we _have_ to 'talk,' then I'll talk. But first, you have to do this." He bites Thor on the hip.

Thor keeps pushing. "Dammit, Loki, I said--"

"Do I have to fucking beg you?" his cousin hisses. "Is that what you want to hear?" Loki's nails dig into his thighs as he sneers at him. "Are you _that_ mad you couldn't have something you wanted for a couple days?"

"Are you even fucking listening to me?!" Thor demands, pressing his other palm hard against the tile to keep from clenching it into a fist again. "You can't tell me you planned going to the party, and then want to--to be hurt, and then close off and lash out afterward, and then ignore me and look worried when I try to get you alone to talk and then act like none of that happened!"

Loki keeps looking at him coldly. Thor takes another breath, and tries to slow down. "I can't read minds, okay? I don't know what you're thinking if you won't _talk_ to me."

Loki's silent for several seconds.

Then he tips his head back and blows his breath out through his teeth. " **Fine** ," he repeats. "What do you need to know?"

"Do you hate me?" Thor asks.

His cousin blinks, and for a second he looks genuinely startled.

But then the facade comes down again. Loki eyes him speculatively.

When his silence keeps stretching out, a different kind of tension prickles along Thor's back. He presses harder against the tile to keep from shaking and pulls his hand away from his cousin's shoulder.

"Just say yes or no," Thor says roughly. "I can deal with the truth."

"Sometimes," Loki replies.

Thor's the one who blinks this time.

He wanted it to be 'no.' He was sure it had to be 'yes'--he didn't see how it could be anything _but_ 'yes' after the last few days. Thor stares down at him, and Loki keeps studying him.

"Is _that_ what you thought?" his cousin asks, the corner of his mouth lifting in a disbelieving smirk.

"What **else** was I supposed to think?" he demands.

Loki rolls his eyes. "Something rational," he replies. "If I'd realized you were going to freak out like this, I would've done something sooner."

"Bullshit," Thor says lowly, and Loki gives him a sharp look. "You're not stupid. You were doing this on purpose."

His cousin eyes him for a few more moments, and then exhales shortly.

"I was sore," he says curtly. "And then I was busy. I _didn't_ realize you were so... _sappy_ , or I **would** have done something sooner, so I didn't have to deal with this shit. My knees are starting to hurt, Thor. Do you want your dick sucked or not?"

Thor kind of _wants_ to punch him in the face.

But he forces that urge down, and squeezes his eyes shut instead. He has to get his head together enough to figure out what to do.

...Is his cousin serious?

Not about sometimes hating him--that stings, but Thor gets it. He was pissed at Loki for months after that fight in junior high. If any of the stuff Loki said the other night are things he really believes, Thor can understand his cousin's anger at him for it, even if it's bullshit and he should be smarter than that.

But is Loki telling the truth that he didn't predict this, that he didn't expect Thor to be 'sappy' or to actually give a shit about what he feels or thinks about him afterward?

What the hell has his cousin been doing that he thinks that's an okay way to be treated? Who the _hell_ has he been letting do that **to** him? When Thor finds them--

Loki kisses his hipbone gently, and Thor jolts and tenses further. A breath later, he cuts off the growl he didn't notice he was making.

His cousin rubs his palms lightly along his thighs and keeps kissing his skin when Thor doesn't stop him. Thor doesn't move to touch him at all; and Loki soon sighs and rests a cheek on his hip, his mouth close enough to Thor's cock that his breath ghosts over it. Thor shivers.

"My knees hurt," Loki says, much softer this time. "If you're mad, do you want me to wait in your room? This is easier, nobody'll hear over the shower, but I can."

His cousin nuzzles his hip. "I didn't know you were going to react like this, Thor," he murmurs. "Let me make it up to you."

Thor shivers again, and curls his fingers against the tile.

Maybe Loki really _is_ serious. If the websites Thor read were right, his job is to be the one who has it together, who takes care of things. Maybe his cousin honestly didn't think Thor would be bothered. Maybe he isn't supposed to be.

That makes even less sense to Thor than anything else about this. But the alternative is that Loki is still blithely lying and screwing with his head, and Thor can't actually believe that either. His cousin can be a real asshole, but he's not a monster.

Thor hesitates; and then he exhales slowly and reaches out to rest a hand on Loki's shoulder. His cousin makes a quiet, pleased noise.

Thor tightens his hand briefly when Loki starts to move, stopping him. "Look...I get that you like rough stuff. Okay? I get it. _But_ ," Thor says, tightening his grip again, and this time when Loki pauses he scowls up at him.

Thor holds his gaze. "Loki, this stuff isn't--I'm not used to it, okay? I don't want to hurt you more than you want. So when you seem hurt afterward and then you tell me you're okay but then don't talk to me at all, it freaks me out. Do you get that?"

Loki makes a deeply irritated face and looks like he's about to spit out something sarcastic. Thor squeezes his shoulder hard, and his cousin jerks and pauses instead.

". . . Fine," he says. "I understand."

"Good," Thor replies. "So either you can put up with me asking afterward and promise to tell me the truth, so I can know that if you spend the next two days reading a textbook during summer vacation you're not avoiding me, you're just being a nerd."

Loki gives him another irritated look. "Or?"

Thor swallows. "...Or we don't do this."

Loki's eyes flick over his face, considering. Thor makes himself look as serious as possible. "That's the rule," he finishes. "If you're gonna be honest when I ask, then I'll believe you."

Loki stays still for a while, his expression slightly distant, like he's calculating his options. Thor waits.

"...Fine," he eventually repeats. Loki makes a little exasperated face before muttering, "You're lucky you're a decent fuck."

"Shut up," Thor scowls. What does he mean, ' _decent_ '?

Then he swallows again and moves his hand from Loki's shoulder to rest it on the back of his neck. "Now make it up to me," he adds.

Loki snorts, but Thor sees the flash of a smirk over his lips as he shifts. He slides his palms back up Thor's thighs before leaning in to press a kiss to his cock.

He drops a hand drops to the floor as he does. Thor finally notices the condom Loki brought with him when he picks it up, and feels a little disappointed. "Can't you just spit?"

Loki looks at him with a raised eyebrow as he tears the wrapper open. "Seriously, Thor--you _did_ have sex with at least **one** of your girlfriends, right?"

"Don't be an asshole," he retorts, his face heating slightly. "Yes."

"Have you been tested since then?" Loki continues, starting to roll the condom onto him.

Thor pushes into his hands unconsciously, even as he blinks and stares. "No. I...we used protection."

"Good for you," Loki shrugs. "But I know I'm clean, and Mom's insurance is too shitty to cover anything. So no, I'm not gonna just spit."

Loki finishes with the condom and gives his cock a long, squeezing stroke, and glances up again with another little arched eyebrow. "If you want to fuck me bareback, go get tested." He rubs his thumb over the head of Thor's cock, and Thor rocks into the touch harder, biting down on his lip. "I won't say no then. But that's **my** rule."

"All right," he agrees, since it's a sign that Loki's at least doing _some_ of this stuff safe and sane.

"All right you will, or all right you're not gonna argue?" Loki smirks with another heavy stroke.

"All right just _suck_ already," Thor growls. Loki laughs and drops another kiss on his cock.

He tilts down to mouth the head a moment later, and then slides his lips around it and takes him in a lot farther and quicker than Thor expected. He swears in surprise and scrabbles against the tile, gripping the back of Loki's neck sharply and bucking forward. Loki hacks and pulls back.

" _Christ_ , Thor," he coughs. "Haven't you had a blowjob before?"

"...Once," Thor replies, loosening his grasp.

Most of his girlfriends in high school were leery about doing much beyond copping some feels, because a lot of them had gone to his junior high and the rest all thought he was going to brag. His first year there, a senior on the rugby team ruined his ex-girlfriend's reputation so bad after she broke up with him that she quit coming to school and her brother beat him up in the parking lot with a baseball bat, and then everybody else on the team had to deal with the fallout of no girls ever trusting them again. Thor rode in the ambulance to the hospital with the senior because none of the other guys wanted to at that point and the coach was dealing with the police; but he didn't talk to him. He left as soon as the guy's parents showed up.

Loki looks at him like he's crazy.

"You are completely wasting your popularity," his cousin says, shaking his head in disbelief. "I thought you were going to be more freaked out about the gay thing, but if you weren't even _doing_ anything with girls in the first place...."

Thor just shrugs. Realizing he was apparently not that straight was kind of weird, but he had bigger problems to deal with.

Thor reaches down and grabs Loki's hand. "Remember," he says, pushing Loki's first two fingers up straight, "tell me if something's wrong."

"Believe me, Thor, if you start choking me you're going to know," his cousin drawls. "Because I'll be barfing on you."

Thor laughs before he can help it. "Gross."

"It's called a gag reflex for a reason," Loki retorts. He pulls his hand loose and splays it across Thor's hip, pushing him back against the tile. Thor goes and settles his feet better.

He makes himself hold still as Loki starts to suck his cock again, even though it gets harder when his cousin keeps pushing farther down each time he slides his mouth forward. By the time Loki gets over half his cock in, Thor's braced heavily against the wall, shaking.

Loki pulls free, swallowing hard and wiping his chin with the back of his wrist. "Move the water," he says.

"Not off," he corrects when Thor starts to fumble with the knob. "Just get it out of my face."

Thor shoves the shower head down as sharply as it'll go so the spray's mostly hitting the tile and not them. "Like that?"

"Yeah." Loki rubs a thumb along Thor's hip as he looks him over, and Thor inhales at the hungry, predatory expression on his face. "I had no idea you were so inexperienced."

He scowls reflexively, his face feeling even hotter than when Loki was sucking him. "Asshole, I'm not--"

"Quiet," Loki interrupts, squeezing his hip hard. "I like it. You're letting **me** do all this to you _first_." Loki swallows again and takes a long breath as he grips the base of Thor's cock, and then he leans in to suck it again.

This time when Loki moves forward, he doesn't stop.

Thor tries to stay as still as he can while Loki sinks his cock deeper into his throat, but he trembles with the effort. He keeps swallowing without thinking, staring at Loki's mouth as his cousin takes in more and more with little pauses and pushes. Thor sucks in an unsteady breath when Loki drops his hand from the base of his cock to grip his hip instead, and then keeps going down.

When Loki finally gets his cock all the way into his throat and presses his nose to Thor's stomach with a shaky exhale, Thor bites down hard on his lip but still can't stop his moan. Loki shivers at the sound, his eyes shut tight.

His cousin whimpers when Thor cups his face. Loki tightens his grip on his hips.

"Shh," Thor says, brushing Loki's hair back from his face and rubbing his thumbs gently below his eyes. "Shh, that's good, Loki, that's real good, it's--" he shivers as he thinks about how far into him he must be. Thor slides a hand down to touch his neck. "Shit, Loki, how can you take it so _deep?_ "

His cousin breathes slowly out through his nose again, and then swallows hard and deliberate around him. Thor shouts and barely manages to keep from bucking into his mouth. He still moves enough that Loki chokes slightly.

Thor pushes him back, and Loki slides off his cock with a gasp.

Thor keeps a shaking hand braced on his cousin's shoulder for support as Loki catches his breath and wipes his mouth off again. He shivers harder when Loki straightens up and grips his cock again.

"You don't have to go that far," Thor says, squeezing his shoulder when Loki leans forward. "It's okay. It's too much."

"I'm going to anyway." Loki gives his cock a little squeeze and glances at him, the side of his mouth curved up. "It's not too much for me. And you sound good when you're taking it."

Thor shakes his head. "It's too much," he says, trying to make him understand. "I can't...I don't want to choke you."

Loki laughs softly.

He pulls Thor's hand off his shoulder and brings it up, pressing it to the back of his head. "Just remember, Thor." Loki smiles wide enough to show his teeth. "When your dick's in my mouth you're at **my** mercy."

Thor shudders hard and clenches a hand reflexively in Loki's hair as he stares. Loki's eyes flutter shut, and he swallows quietly.

"But..." he adds, tilting his head down so his mouth brushes the head of Thor's cock. "Don't be too rough at first. You're pretty big."

Thor shivers again, and then nods. "Okay," he promises, brushing more of Loki's hair away from his face and then tucking it behind his hand as he cups the back of Loki's head. "Okay."

"Good," Loki murmurs, and leans in.

He just sucks on the tip of Thor's cock at first, not going much farther than the head. It's shallow enough that Thor thinks it's okay to rock his hips into it a little. Loki lets him, and doesn't pull back or dig his nails in.

Thor tries to go still again when Loki starts sliding him in deeper. It's hard, even harder than before; now, he knows what Loki's doing and how good it's going to feel.

And this time his cousin's using his tongue, darting it along the sides of Thor's cock or pressing it hard against the underside as he goes farther. Every once in a while Thor can't help thrusting forward abortively. Loki makes little hitching noises when he does, and Thor swallows hard at the sound.

When Loki starts a rhythm, taking him down all the way and holding him there, swallowing tight around Thor's cock before slowly pulling back, it feels so good that Thor gives up trying not to tremble or ramble with it, and just does his best not to push too far into Loki's mouth or pull his hair too hard. It feels so good he's sure he would have come already if he didn't have so many things he has to concentrate on: not choking Loki and listening for signs that he's pushing too far; twisting the faucet knob higher when the water starts to cool; not losing his footing and smashing himself and Loki into the glass, _definitely_ avoiding that. Loki eventually pulls back all the way, Thor's cock slipping out his lips with a slick noise, and Thor moans at the loss.

"C'mon, Thor," his cousin says hoarsely. "How long're you gonna keep me like this?"

He forces his eyes open and looks down. Loki has a hand wrapped around his own cock--Thor didn't notice when he pulled it away--and his knees are red on the tile. He winces when he shifts on them, fisting his cock a little quicker with a sharp, frustrated noise.

Thor lets out a shuddery groan, and then tugs Loki's head closer. "Okay," he promises, "okay. Just a little more, Loki, please, it's so good. You're so good. Please."

Loki huffs, but draws a breath and takes him in again.

Thor braces himself firmly and cups his face. Loki's cheek hollows under his palm as his cousin sucks hard and then flicks his tongue over the head of his cock. "Yeah, like that Loki, that's good, that's really good-- _ohhh_." Thor groans as Loki slides further, able to take him almost all the way down in one push now. His thighs tremble with the strain of not thrusting forward--god, if Loki feels so good like this, all wet and tight around him, how would it feel if he let Thor do it without a condom?

Thor shivers at the thought and grips the back of Loki's neck hard, needing the support. Loki makes a stifled noise and starts to pull away, and Thor grips a little tighter and shakes his head.

"Please, Loki--I'm almost there, I just--can you do that thing, swallow, can you take it for just a little longer-- **yes** ," he grunts when Loki swallows hard around his cock, all the way down, "yes that, please Loki, can you do it a little longer, I'll make it so good for you, please, please--"

Loki does it again, and then again, making faint apprehensive sounds that Thor knows he should be worried about, should be disturbed by--but they just add to the heat building in him, because Loki's willing to choke himself just to hear Thor keep begging, Loki's that hungry for him, for this, he doesn't regret it or hate him for it like Thor was afraid--and then Loki swallows thickly around him once more with a sharper panicked noise. Thor quakes at the sound and comes.

He barely keeps his footing as he rocks through it. Loki jerks forcibly off of his cock and grips his hips, pushing him hard against the tile. His cousin's arms shake as he helps Thor hold himself up, and his panting is harsh and loud over the shower. Or maybe that's Thor's. He's not sure.

When he's mostly got his head back, Thor shakes his bangs out of his face and tugs off the condom, dropping it to the tile. He reaches down and grips Loki under his armpits and hauls him up.

Loki sucks in a ragged breath as he stumbles to his feet. He jolts when Thor pushes him against the wall. "Cold!"

"Sorry," Thor says, bracing his foot hard against the opposite wall and pressing against Loki as he grasps his cock. "But I can hold you up this way. Go ahead and let go, Loki, I got you. How do you want me to do this?" he adds, slicking his hand with the precome that's spilled over the head of Loki's cock before stroking him roughly. Loki bucks into his hand with a cry.

"That," he gasps. "Harder. Keep it up."

"Okay," Thor says, and does. He finds the rhythm Loki wants, squeezing and fast, and sticks to it while Loki rocks sharply into his grip and digs his hands into Thor's back.

"Your voice," Thor says with a shiver, as Loki strains against him with a raspy moan. "You're gonna be a little shit again later and I'm gonna remember how hoarse you sound right now, because you were sucking my cock so deep. You're gonna be a brat and I'm gonna remember you let me shut you up like that, god, Loki, it felt so good, you felt _so_ good." Thor brushes a hand along his face and presses his forehead against Loki's. His cousin stares at him wide-eyed as Thor rubs his thumb over his bottom lip. "So good, you're so good to me."

Loki shudders and shakes his head, and then sucks Thor's thumb into his mouth and bites hard. Thor groans and kisses him, sloppy and awkward with his hand in the way. Loki whimpers and closes his eyes, and tilts his face aside as much as he can.

Thor drops his head and kisses his shoulder and throat instead. Loki bites again, and Thor pulls his thumb loose and cups the side of his face. "Let go, Loki, let it feel good, you deserve it. I got you."

He keeps his hand steady and relentless on Loki's cock, even when Loki's thrusts start stuttering and his cousin clenches his back hard as he chokes on hoarse little cries. When Loki's feet slip on the tile as he comes, Thor braces himself harder against the wall and grabs his waist, and helps hold him up this time.

Loki slumps against him as he comes down, his head resting on Thor's shoulder as he pants shallowly.

Thor loosens his grip once Loki's legs seem steady. He drops his foot from the wall, wincing a little and flexing it as he feels a cramp try to form. Once he's forced it away, Thor runs his hands along his cousin's sides and kisses his shoulder again. Loki shivers faintly.

Thor slides a hand down to cup his knee. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Loki says after a moment. He swallows and then shifts on his feet. "I'm fine. ...You can let go."

Thor bites his lip, sure that Loki's going to insult him for his next question. "Can I...can we stay like this a little more?"

Loki shivers again.

A moment later he drops his hands from Thor's back, letting them fall to his sides. "I wanna wash off before the water gets cold."

...That's a valid point. At least Loki didn't call him sappy again. Thor nods and pulls back, a brief tremor running over him at the loss of warm skin contact. "Okay."

He readjusts the water spray, and then leaves the stall long enough to grab Loki's washcloth. Loki doesn't grumble when he gets back in, even though it's crowded enough that they keep elbowing each other as they soap off. Thor wonders aggravatedly how there was too much space to stay braced before but now there's none, that's stupid.

His cousin keeps his back turned to him as much as he can.

Thor finishes washing up, then grips Loki's waist and moves him over enough that he can get under the spray too. He doesn't let go.

"What?" Loki finally mutters, shifting.

"What are you mad about?" Thor asks. He wraps an arm around Loki's waist when his cousin tries to pull back further.

Loki exhales sharply and shoves down on his forearm. "You're clingy."

"Is that the problem?" Thor asks. "Or is it something else?"

Loki shifts again, pulling aside a little more; but the look on his face gets a fraction less closed-off and cornered. "...It's weird."

Thor feels another frisson of hatred for everyone else Loki's ever had sex with, who've made it so decency feels strange to him.

He shakes it off and pushes his wet hair away from his face. "...I like touching you," Thor says, his tongue feeling thicker with awkwardness, sure that Loki's going to insult him **now**. "I like knowing you feel okay, after you were good to me." He lets his arm drop and Loki shifts away, but only a little. "If you really don't like it I'll back off, but I want to be able to do it a little."

The water's starting to get cold. Thor tries to twist the knob to get it hotter, finds that it's already turned all the way up, and shuts it off instead. Loki moves back further when Thor turns to him, then hits the wall and jerks away from it sharply.

Thor steps back as much as he can to give Loki the space. "...Is that gonna be okay?" he asks. "If it's just a little?"

". . . 'Good to you,'" Loki repeats, staring.

Thor blinks and then frowns slightly. Loki's studying him like he's trying to find a lie. "Yeah."

Loki keeps watching him, silent. Thor shoves his hair back from his face again. What, does Loki think he's insulting him? But he doesn't look offended or pissed, he looks suspicious.

Before he can figure out what else to say, Loki glances at the glass door and then shrugs.

"It's fine," he says, scratching his arm briefly. "It...doesn't suck. It's just weird."

"Okay," Thor says, pretty sure he's not going to get a better concession right now. "Tell me when it's too weird."

Loki rolls his eyes and pushes out of the shower.

They dry off and get dressed without saying much else. Loki checks that the hall's empty while Thor flushes the condom. When he opens the door wider to leave, Thor grabs his wrist.

Loki glares at him over his shoulder--but his cousin's tensed up way too much for just feeling irritated.

"I said I'll believe you if you say you're okay and then ignore me," Thor tells him. "And I meant it. But, look--even when we head to college or if things change or we...break up, or--" Are they even dating? Thor has no idea what to call this. "--Or whatever. We're still family. That's never going to change, got it?"

Loki stares at him in absolute silence.

". . . Do you have any idea how fucked up that sounds?" he finally asks.

"Yeah," Thor agrees with a grimace. "But it's still true. That's not gonna change, Loki."

His cousin's face scrunches up. A breath later he starts laughing quietly, sounding like he can't believe he's doing it.

"Geez," he finally exhales. Then he twists his wrist and jerks it up, breaking out of Thor's grip. Thor's momentarily pleased to see that he's still using that trick; it was one of the first ones he taught Loki when they were kids. "Alright. All right. It's not going to change."

"Good," Thor says, feeling relieved. They'll always be family. Whatever else goes on with this not-dating, not-hook-up stuff, it can't mess things up completely while they've still got that.

" _Weird_ ," Loki repeats.

For a second it sounds like his voice cracks.

But then Loki leaves, looking mostly normal for having just had sex in the bathroom, and Thor shakes his head and rubs his face, and guesses he's being too jumpy. Loki's throat is probably just still hoarse.

He has to shake his head harder to push away the memories of how it got like that. Thor flips on the vent and leaves the bathroom as well.

The whole house is still empty. Thor checks the clock, and then heads to the kitchen and makes popcorn. Loki comes out of the sunroom at the smell, and goes back into it long enough to grab his books and bring them to the living room.

Thor takes it as a compromise. He snags a couple sodas before carrying everything into the room.

He turns on the TV but sets it to mute while Loki cracks open a soda. His cousin glances at the screen and then at him; he hesitates for a few moments before picking up the secondhand textbook.

By the time they've finished off the popcorn, Thor's found an old action movie that's just starting. Loki glances at the TV again, and then closes his book and drops it on the floor. "Turn it up."

Thor looks over. "I've seen it before, it's fine. You can read."

"I haven't," Loki replies. "And I've mostly gotten it."

Thor gives him a disbelieving look. "You've only been studying for a couple days."

Loki shrugs. "Once you figure out the pattern of the grammar, it's just memorizing individual words. Latin's the base of most Romance languages, so it's easy to guess. German was harder."

Thor would think he's making it up, except Loki's saying it like he'd say any other obvious thing that everyone knows: the sun is hot; grass is green; no, Virginia, there's not a Santa Claus. His cousin figures things out with superhuman ease--the only people Thor knows who are smarter are his parents.

 _How can you not understand Dad respects you more?_ he wants to ask.

Except that was the thing that pushed Loki past his limit last time, when he could take any of the physical pain.

So Thor bites the question down. He turns the sound back on and up instead.  
  
  
Two-thirds of the way through he gets a text from Volstagg ordering him to go over to his and Brunhilde's cabin, because his presence is required for dinner. Loki can come too.

Thor raises an eyebrow, but interrupts his cousin in the middle of ruthlessly criticizing the computer work in the movie and the planning of the heroes. He gave up trying to make Loki stop an hour ago--when Thor threw the popcorn bag at him, Loki just threw it back and continued his rant on how no goddamn moron would use a GUI to hack a system yadda yadda whatever _it's a damn action movie_ shut up and enjoy the explosions.

"I'm going to Volstagg's for dinner," Thor says, shoving out of the chair. He hesitates when Loki stays on the couch, still scowling at the screen. "You want to come? He invited you, too."

Loki doesn't immediately answer. Thor shifts on his feet, and shrugs and says, "Or, if you want to see the end of this, that's cool too."

"I'm going to guess the terrorists don't win," Loki drawls.

"Nope," Thor agrees.

Loki snorts and elbows himself off the couch. "They should. The only reason they aren't is because reality's being falsely rigged."

"Yeah yeah yeah." Thor rolls his eyes and turns off the TV.  
  
  
When they get back to the cabin, they're roped into setting up for the impromptu pig roast that isn't actually that impromptu, since Volstagg and Brunhilde had apparently been working on it for most of the day while Fandral and Hogun kept it a secret from him and Sif.

"How did you even get a whole pig?" Sif asks in impressed disbelief.

"Is that _doubt_ I hear?" Volstagg replies, looking up from the spit in mock-offense.

"It certainly is," Brunhilde agrees, shaking her head ruefully. "After we went to all this trouble for you."

"What?" Sif replies.

Fandral grins and salutes her from the table where he's openly spiking one of the jugs of lemonade. "We have to honor our servicewomen, after all."

Sif gives him an intensely suspicious look.

"Really," Hogun validates.

She looks over the backyard again, shaking her head but smiling. "...Thank you."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Thor demands as he and Loki haul more chairs out onto the patio.

"Because you are bad at lying," Volstagg informs him.

Thor scowls and rolls his eyes when he hears Loki snicker behind him.

Then he goes red as he realizes why he's snickering. Thor abandons the chairs he was carrying in front of Loki and goes to get more out of the house, and ignores his cousin cussing at his back.  
  
  
It's dark and late by the time they head out from Volstagg and Brunhilde's cabin.

Thor left his car there, so he wrangles Sif and Loki into returning along the beach instead of the sidewalks so he doesn't have to deal with them **and** traffic.

At least Brunhilde gave him a flashlight when she confiscated his car keys, _despite_ the fact that Thor was stuck drinking the regular lemonade because the guys made a big deal that only the people who'd already done tours of duty or were currently in the reserves or who, to make an exception for Sif, were days away from enlisting got to drink the spiked stuff.

"My parents are making me go to college first!" Thor retorted. He wasn't failing to enlist alongside Sif because he was a coward, dammit.

"Then in four years **you** can drink," Sif grinned as she toasted him obnoxiously.

"This is totally unfair," Thor muttered.

"Ominous," Loki said over the rim of his cup, "it looks like reality's rigged against you," and then Thor cracked up and threw a chip at his head and had to explain the joke.

Though, if Thor's being fair, Brunhilde probably wouldn't have taken his keys if it hadn't eventually become clear that Loki stole a few glasses of the spiked lemonade just to prove he could without being caught.

"Do you really want to listen to them argue over who should be shotgun for five minutes?" Brunhilde asked, her head tilted toward Sif and Loki as Fandral talked them down--or egged them on, it was hard to tell--from some argument. She held her hand out.

Thor thought about it, considered pushing them both into the backseat, dragged his mind out of the gutter long enough to consider the new set of problems _that_ would create, and finally blew his breath out through his teeth and handed the keys over.

Brunhilde patted his shoulder. "Don't feel bad," she said kindly. "I'm going to be a mom soon. You had no chance of winning."

Of course, _now_ Sif's in a good enough mood that she agrees it was completely unfair that Thor didn't get to drink either since he's going to enlist once he graduates, which is a nice show of camaraderie but not really useful anymore. She sticks her tongue out when he says as much.

"I don't know why you gave them the car," Loki grumbles. "We could've been there by now."

"I'm not driving with two drunk minors in my car," Thor answers.

"I'm not a minor," Sif says, offended.

"You can't drink yet," Thor points out.

"Neither can you."

" _Apparently_."

"Christ, you can whine," Loki says as he rolls his eyes. "The **real** point is, we're not drunk."

"Right," Sif agrees. "We're not drunk. We're...buzzed."

"Tipsy," Loki suggests.

"Inebriated," Sif one-ups.

"Dipsomaniacal."

"Bull _shit_ that's a real word," she challenges.

"It is so. It means drunk the same as yours did," Loki counters. "Lubricated."

"This isn't porn," Sif retorts. " _You're_ drunk."

Thor reminds himself to thank Brunhilde later. And to steal another box of tissues, to hell with the shopping list. It was probably Loki's handwriting anyway, now that he thinks about it. 

"Not doing it!" he repeats loudly, over Loki's snickering. Thor gives Sif a look. "This isn't home. If we got stopped by the cops, I'd actually get in trouble."

She sighs exaggeratedly. "Yeah, alright, fine."

"What's the likelihood of being pulled over?" Loki asks flatly. "It's a two minute drive."

"Reality being rigged," Thor replies; but Loki doesn't make an amused noise this time.

"Whatever," Sif shrugs. "It's not like this is gonna take that much longer."

"I'd rather be riding in a car than slogging through sand," Loki says blandly. Thor glances over at the distance that's crept into his voice.

"Sand without IEDs in it," Sif answers. "Enjoy it."

"Don't joke about that," Thor says sharply, swinging the flashlight around to look at her. "You're gonna be fine."

"I'm not scared," Sif tells him belligerently.

"You're going to be fine," Thor repeats, "and come back and hang out with the rest of us again when your tour's up."

The three of them trudge along in silence for a few moments, and then Sif shoves her hands in her pockets.

"You're right," she says quietly. "...You're right." She kicks a piece of driftwood ahead of them. "We've gotta pull out of there eventually."

"Then we'll join the National Guard and save people," Thor says. He slings an arm around her waist and gives her a quick hug. "It'll be awesome."

Sif snorts and shakes her head. "Sure," she agrees, draping an arm over his shoulders.

On his other side is complete silence. Thor glances over and sees that Loki's staring forward as he walks, his face blank in the moonlight.

Thor frowns for a few moments, and then swaps the flashlight to his other hand. He shifts it after Sif jabs his shoulder when it digs into her side, and reaches out to catch Loki's hand.

Loki stiffens sharply and glances over. Thor gives him a quick grin.

His cousin tenses more and starts to slide his hand away. But then he looks past Thor to Sif, who's dropped quiet as she keeps pace beside him.

Loki clenches his jaw, and then turns his head aside and keeps walking without a word. But he doesn't pull completely away.

By the time they reach the cabin, Sif's humming under her breath, and Loki's curled his fingers very slightly around Thor's hand.

The light's still on over the back deck. Loki tugs his hand free before they're visible in it; Thor and Sif break apart when she takes the flashlight so he can slide the porch door open.

"Ahem," his mom's voice comes from the kitchen, as he's stealthily sliding it shut again. "Come here, please.

"All three of you," she adds, when Thor gestures for Sif to sneak off since she doesn't have to pass the kitchen to get to her room.

" _How?_ " Thor asks as they file into the kitchen.

His mom taps the phone sitting on the table in front of her. "Your friend texted me that you were heading back. He said to let him know when you arrived so he could tell his wife, because stress is bad for the baby."

Thor has several responses to that, some of which he can't say to his mom, so instead he asks, "How does Volstagg have your phone number?"

"That bastard," Loki says, sounding half-impressed. He pulls Thor's phone from his pocket and unlocks it.

" **Again**?" Thor demands.

"Why haven't you changed your password yet?" Loki replies, typing.

"Give me that," Thor orders, putting him in a headlock and wrestling it away.

Frigga separates them. Thor goes to the other side of the kitchen while his mom makes Sif and Loki each drink a couple glasses of water and deletes Loki's extremely rude, half-finished message to Volstagg. Then he sends his own that tells the traitor he's arrived with Sif and Loki and he hopes the baby has colic, and asks him to tell Brunhilde thank you. "Why'd you take it? _When'd_ you take it?"

"He bet me I couldn't," Loki gripes, still grudgingly approving. "Then he said there was no way to prove it was yours unless it was unlocked. Why _haven't_ you changed your password?"

"Or you could **quit stealing my phone** ," Thor retorts.

"It's a good question," Sif agrees.

"Pick a side," Loki tells her.

Thor's mom clucks her tongue, preemptively breaking them up. "Finish your water," she orders, before giving Loki a level look. "Maybe next time if you aren't underage drinking, you'll notice quicker when someone's using your cleverness against you."

Loki mumbles something indistinguishable, but drinks his water.

While his mom looks over Sif and Loki one more time before finally telling them all to go to bed, Thor gets a text back asking if he knows what colic is. He looks it up, then feels a little bad and sends back a reply that he doesn't actually hope the baby has colic, he hopes _Volstagg_ gets colic. Then he turns his phone off to savor getting the last word for the rest of the night.

Loki's already in his room when Thor gets to the hall. His door's shut.

Thor goes over and starts to knock on it, and then hesitates.

He could tell Loki about the texts, and see if that makes him laugh this time. If they do, maybe Thor can get his cousin to open up enough that he can figure out what made Loki withdraw in the first place. He's pretty sure wasn't the stuff with Sif--Loki started pulling back while they were still joking around--but no matter how much Thor reviews the walk he can't find what made his cousin turn sullen.

There's no sound on the other side of the door, even though he's not being that quiet in the hall. There's no way Loki's already sleeping, so his demand for space is clear.

Thor leans against the frame. "I know you're not asleep," he says. "You want to be left alone? Or can we talk?"

"Alone," Loki replies through the door.

Thor breathes out through his teeth.

Then he thinks of Loki's tiny, real smile when his mom called him clever, and how things were finally starting to feel more like normal between them in the living room that afternoon. 

"All right," he agrees. "See you tomorrow."

Loki makes a wordless noise just loud enough to be heard. Thor pushes away. 

If he needs space, fine. Loki's eased up **some** , at least. He's not ignoring him anymore. Thor can try again tomorrow.


	4. 'insert comment about the cycle of abuse here'

A day later, Sif's parents come in the morning to pick her up. Thor's dad puts the videoconference he's in on hold long enough to shake her hand before disappearing back into the upstairs area where nobody else is allowed except Frigga. Loki gave her a sealed blank envelope after breakfast and then completely disappeared.

"It's a list of IEDs and how to defuse them," Sif tells Thor disbelievingly, sitting on her bed with her bags on the floor while her parents chat with his mom. She stares at one of the papers as he flips through the rest. "...I don't know whether to be creeped out, or. Thankful?" Sif looks at him. "What am I supposed to say?"

Thor scratches his head. "I think they're sincere."

"No, they're legit," Sif says. "I called my brother and described some of them, and he confirmed it. Then he got weird and asked how I knew about a couple of these, so I hung up." She drums her heels against the bed, still staring at the sheet. "But it's _weird_."

That isn't what he meant by sincere, and for a second Thor's irritated that Sif thinks that badly of his cousin. Loki's an asshole, but this wouldn't be a **prank**. If Loki were fucking around, she could die. He's not a monster.

. . . But he does have a nasty gift for finding people's weak spots.

\--Okay maybe they don't get along, but it's not like they hate each other. Loki _can't_ hate her. He hasn't even seen Sif in years.

He shrugs. "He was there when we were talking about it," Thor points out. "Maybe this was the only thing he could think of. It's not like he could buy something."

"Maybe," she agrees reluctantly. Sif stares at the paper for a few moments longer, and then stills her feet and huffs. "Still weird. All right. Is he still gone?"

"Yeah," Thor agrees, because he was five minutes ago at least. "Pretty sure he didn't want to talk about them either."

Sif snorts, but starts folding the paper back up. Thor hands her the rest, and she stuffs them into the envelope. "Okay. Tell him thanks, I guess."

"All right," he agrees.

He picks up the nearest bags when Sif pushes off the bed. She tucks the envelope into her purse before grabbing the rest, and they load the car while their parents wrap up their chat. Sif promises to email and let him know what training camp's really like; and then she leaves.  
  
  
Loki doesn't come back until late in the afternoon, some time after Thor's parents went out for dinner while he was over at Volstagg's cabin. Thor hears him in the sunroom once he gets back; his cousin must've been casing the house and waiting until they were all gone before deciding it was safe to return.

He's lucky Sif didn't open the envelope in front of Thor's mom. The instructions on the papers were all handwritten--but the diagrams were printed. And the only printer in the cabin is the one in his dad's office, and it's not networked or wireless. Loki had to have broken into the room, and then onto his dad's computer, to get them.

Plus Thor's phone is missing again.

Thor makes it to the sunroom and gets Loki in a headlock before his cousin can hide it, and proceeds to threaten to drag Loki straight out into the ocean and keep dunking him if he doesn't knock it off until Loki finally tries to kidney punch him one last time and gives it back. When Thor checks his browser history, it's been completely wiped.

"Normal people look up porn," Thor tells him irritably, changing his password.

Loki just watches him with a faint half-smirk on his face, until Thor throws one of the wicker chair cushions at him.

Later, they stake out opposite pieces of furniture in the TV room and silently declare a truce long enough to watch Mythbusters. Thor eventually says from the recliner: "Sif wanted me to tell you thanks."

"Whatever," is all Loki replies, before slouching deeper into the couch.

They don't think to clean up the sunroom before his parents arrive. Odin spots the overturned mess, comes into the room and shuts the TV off, and tells them to go fix it and start acting their age.

Thor complains but eventually gets up and trudges to the room. Loki pushes off the couch with a blank face and follows him silently. Thor's mom brings them a broom and dustpan to clean up the rubber plant they knocked over.

Loki carries his books back out of the sunroom when they're finished, but he veers away and down the hall when he sees that Thor's dad has settled in the recliner.

Thor almost turns after him. But Odin already noticed him; and in the few moments while he hesitates, he hears Loki's door shut.

Thor exhales under his breath, and then settles onto the couch and watches a couple shows with his dad until his mom comes in and mentions it's getting late. Odin agrees and leaves with her, setting the remote on the coffee table.

Thor takes it and turns the TV up a little bit louder, and tries not to think about what his parents are probably doing and then tries not to think about Loki.

Then he decides that that train of thought is just supremely fucked up for a whole lot of reasons, and turns off the TV and tosses the remote at the couch and goes to bed.  
  
  
He wakes up again in the middle of the night. When he comes back from the bathroom, his cousin's door is still shut.

Thor sits on the edge of his bed for a while, drumming the balls of his feet agitatedly against the floor. Finally, he sets his phone alarm to go off early.  
  
  
The next morning he's up and done with breakfast before Loki even comes into the kitchen. Thor tells his mom he's going to meet Volstagg and do some early fishing. She raises an eyebrow, so he adds that he lost a bet and got dragged into it. Then she looks less dubious.

He drives to the next town over only to end up sitting in the parking lot at the walk-in clinic for over an hour waiting for it to open. He leaves once, gets just far enough to buy coffee, and then comes back and drums his hands against the steering wheel until a couple people show up and it eventually opens.

The woman at the counter doesn't look particularly surprised or disapproving--or really, anything at all, except maybe like she wants more coffee--when Thor hands back the chart with his insurance card and medical information and the note that he's in to get a STD test. She says someone will be with him shortly, and Thor takes a seat and waits and forcibly makes himself sit still because when he drums his hands on the chair arms it's really loud in the empty waiting room.

He's run through the usual procedures that are practically second nature--checks on weight, blood pressure, temperature--and for a couple minutes it's familiar enough that Thor relaxes. At least this time he's not here because he's sprained or wrenched anything or because they think he has a concussion. But then the medical assistant asks, "What are we checking for today?"

"Uh," Thor replies. "Everything?"

For the second the guy pauses and looks like he wants to make a comment, but then he goes professional again. "Okay. What are your symptoms? Colored discharge, burning when you urinate, something else?"

"Nothing," Thor says. "Nothing like that. I feel fine."

"Okay," the guy says again, starting to sound confused. "So what brought you in today, then?"

Thor shifts uncomfortably, and wonders where all his embarrassment is coming from. Nobody else seems to care why he's here, except for the obvious reason of trying to figure out what to treat. "I...just started a relationship. And...."

He pauses again, because not saying 'she' is still kind of strange. For a second Thor almost thinks of saying 'they;' and then he feels disgusted with his cowardice. "He knows he's clean. But I was never tested after my last girlfriend, so he wants proof I am too. So I'm here to do that."

The guy pauses for a little longer, and briefly makes a face at the chart in his hand.

On reflection, Thor guesses there's still some weird things about what he said.

"All right," the medical assistant says. "But we usually test for something specific, not just 'everything.' You say you've had no symptoms?" When Thor shakes his head, the guy starts making notes. "Have you had multiple partners at or around the same time?"

" _No_ ," Thor answers, too vehemently.

The guy blinks. Thor exhales and shakes his head again.

"Sorry," he says. "I--anyway. No."

"Okay," the guy replies, and makes another note.

He runs Thor through a list of questions, apparently trying to figure out what to do an actual test for. Thor answers, and just keeps repeating that he wants to be tested for everything. He's eighty percent sure Loki will make him come back if he doesn't cover all his bases, just to be a jerk.

Actually, that explains the embarrassment.

These people don't care; he's just another person with a health problem. But once he gives Loki the results, his cousin is going to know Thor came here and went through all this just to get further into his pants. If Thor _wasn't_ embarrassed, Loki would probably decide he's missed the point and think up something worse.

...Okay, his cousin might legitimately be concerned about getting a STD. Loki was right about his insurance being garbage.

Thor's dad had to cover most of his hospital bills, because his aunt couldn't and still make the mortgage. Frigga even took several bags of groceries over to them after Loki was released to help out. Thor remembers it, because she parked up the block where they couldn't see the front door and made him and Balder wait in the car instead of having them help her carry everything.

When she came back her mouth was pursed and she didn't talk much for the rest of the drive home.

Thor and Balder stayed silent in the backseat. They knew how to deal with their dad being angry; but their mom showed it so rarely that it was always more disturbing. The last time Thor saw her look so coldly furious, she'd just shot a guy who'd broken into their house and was trying to steal his dad's computer.

Still, even if Loki has legitimate reasons to want test results--and despite everything Thor wants his cousin to be serious about refusing otherwise, so he can know Loki's recklessness stops at _some_ point--it's not like he's gonna pass up the opportunity to taunt Thor either.

The medical assistant finally hands him over to a doctor. Thor explains why he's there again, says it's fine when the woman warns him that his insurance might not cover a full battery of tests, and then has to go through the whole sample collection process. That Thor's used to, since he's had to prove he's not doping a few times in junior high and high school; but it never stops feeling awkward to hand someone else his pee. Loki damn well better accept this as enough.

The doctor tells him she'll call once the lab results are back, and that the paperwork and bill usually comes about a week or so afterward, depending on backlog. Thor makes a mental note to start checking the mail before everyone else and finally gets out.

He hangs around in the town for a little while, not sure how long fishing normally takes. But that gets boring fast, so he ends up texting everyone randomly.

Hogun answers back first and says he'll be free in a couple hours. Volstagg invites him over for lunch in an hour. Sif asks if he remembers she's not there anymore, you dolt, and says she'll talk to him later when she can. Loki never replies; and Fandral tells him to come to the diner, he's having brunch with a couple of absolutely delightful young ladies. Thor takes him up on it.

One of the girls is a townie that Thor's seen around, but he's never met the other before. After the girls leave, he gives Fandral a ride back to Volstagg's since the man apparently got to the diner with one or both of them. Thor doesn't bother to ask; if Fandral _were_ going to tell, he would have by now. The townie is very cute.

"We need to do something," Thor says while he's driving. "Before you guys leave."

"Like what?" Fandral agrees, and Thor shrugs. The town doesn't have many options; sometimes he wonders how the residents stand it during the winter. 

"We've seen all the decent movies," Fandral muses. "You can't get into the bar yet since you're a baby--"

"You're not that much older, jerk," Thor interrupts.

"--so that leaves roller skating or bowling," Fandral continues without comment. Thor rolls his eyes.

"I don't think I can talk Loki into either of those," he replies. "It's gotta be something good." When Fandral quirks an eyebrow, Thor explains: "All he's been doing the last few days is studying Latin."

Fandral laughs, and Thor shakes his head. "I didn't think he liked poetry _that_ much," Thor says. "Is Latin stuff that good?"

"I told him that in one of the poems Catullus threatens to screw--literally--his critics orally and anally," Fandral replies with a grin. "It seemed like something he'd like."

Thor winds up laughing so much he almost misses a stop sign. " _ **Seriously**?!_ "

"Latin's great," Fandral says cheerily. "Way better than his stuffy Greek geometers."

"Jesus," Thor whistles, still chuckling and shaking his head.

A few breaths later, he blinks and frowns.

Thor looks over at Fandral again as they hit another stop sign. "Wait, he knows Greek too?"

"Yeah," Fandral says, looking a little surprised.

"Oh," Thor replies. He starts forward again.

"You didn't know?" Fandral asks, after a few long moments.

Thor half-shrugs. "We haven't seen each other much the last few years," he mumbles.

"Ahh."

Fandral doesn't ask, and Thor doesn't offer more.

It was weird, those years, once Thor stopped being irritated over the fight. He hadn't realized how used he was to Loki being around until his cousin wasn't there.

Loki's the closest relative he's got his age. There's enough years between him and Balder that it was Loki who Thor was always in school with, Loki who he went to the pool with during summer when he wasn't at training camp or on vacation, Loki who he studied for tests with or whose house he went to when one of his parents called and said not to come home yet. The couple of years between them never mattered much, because Loki was always so sharp that Thor was never told to keep things from him, just to look out for him.

While they were driving back from their aunt's house after delivering the groceries and Frigga was silent and angry in the front seat, Balder turned to him a couple times like he was waiting for Thor to speak up. But Thor just shook his head and kept quiet, until their mom realized how odd they were acting. After that, she stopped looking so cold and went back to being a little more like herself.

Balder was a toddler when the outsider broke into their house to steal Odin's data--he doesn't remember it. After she shot the guy, Frigga sent the two of them to the TV room and gave them a box of cookies before telling Thor that they were to stay in there and shouldn't leave unless they had to go to the bathroom really bad. Hours later, she came back and said he and Balder were going to sleep at their aunt's for the night.

Thor went without arguing. It was only a couple months since his mother had died and he'd been moved into his dad's house--he still felt unsure around Frigga, even though she always smiled at him and didn't treat him any different from Balder.

His aunt kept them all home from school the next morning. He and Loki played videogames and ate peanut butter sandwiches for most of the day, until Odin picked them up that night. When they got home, the hallway had new carpet and there was new paint on its walls.

Thor never mentioned it, and neither did his parents. Later, the carpet in the whole rest of the house was replaced. By the time Balder was old enough to start remembering things and asking questions, there was nothing distinctive about the hall.

The very next time Loki came over to their house after school, he'd frowned at the hall and asked about it.

Thor shrugged. "It happened when I slept over last month."

Loki frowned at the wall for a little longer, and then he stopped frowning and just said "Huh" and dropped it, because his cousin was smart and he knew when to not ask about things. Balder was young enough that he got lied to; Thor and Loki weren't anymore.

The years that Loki was pulled out of his life were deeply and unpleasantly weird.

And heading off to college is going to do it again, after they've finally started hanging out once more. Like Thor needed another reason not to want to go.

"Tell him I've got an unexpurgated copy of Catullus's works I'll loan him," Fandral suggests, dragging Thor out of his head and reminding him that going to college and being separated from his family is going to be strange for several reasons. "That might get him to come."

Thor sniggers at the unintended--maybe?--double entendre, and then shakes both thoughts out of his head. "Thanks," he says. "I'll try it."

"Good luck," Fandral grins as they pull into Volstagg's driveway.

When Thor gets home, his mom asks him about the fishing. Thor tells her it was as boring as he expected, but Volstagg caught some good ones. Loki sits up in the recliner while Thor talks and gives him a narrow little look.

"What'd he catch?" Loki asks, propping an elbow on the chair arm and sounding way too interested. "Salmon? Shrimp? Rainbow trout?"

Thor is one hundred percent certain that this is a trap, and that if he names anything specific Loki will point out that it doesn't live in this area or it's the wrong season or ask about equipment or something else and eventually trip him up.

" _Fish_ ," he replies, tilting around enough to give him a brief scowl without his mom seeing. "I didn't ask so I wouldn't have to hear recipes for half an hour."

"Mm," Loki smirks. Thor faces forward once more and flips him off behind his back.  
  
  
The guys eventually settle on bowling so Brunhilde isn't stuck on the sidelines by herself the whole time. Fandral texts Thor to let him know.

The promise of the book is enough to get Loki to join them that evening. Whenever Fandral isn't provoking Hogun to try and make him mess up his turns, he discusses poems with Loki while he leafs through the book.

"How can you _get_ that already?" Fandral asks at one point, about some verb or piece of grammar or some other ridiculous nit-picky syntax-y thing in one of the poems. He sounds torn between disturbed and impressed. "No one's supposed to catch that turn of phrase until third semester. You're not even supposed to learn that word until second."

"It's not **that** hard," Loki replies condescendingly. Thor rolls his eyes and gets ready to bowl.

"You better hope none of your professors grade on a curve," Fandral tells him. "Your classmates'll lynch you to save themselves."

Loki snorts and goes back to the book. The next time Thor overhears them, Fandral's griping about some philosopher who wrote tedious speeches while Loki makes smartassed comments about the superiority of Greece to Rome.

"No one says 'All roads lead to Athens,'" Fandral retorts at one point.

"No one talks about the fall of Athens, either," Loki ripostes. "And the Greeks invented the Polybius checkerboard. The Romans couldn't come up with anything better than the Caesar cipher."

"What?" Fandral replies with a raised eyebrow, and Thor calls loudly over his shoulder, " _ **Nerds**_."

He gives Loki a sharp look as he does.

His cousin catches the warning a breath later. Loki drops the cryptology talk with a disparaging eye-roll in Fandral's direction.

"And no one would know anything about either of those dead cultures if a few fragments of their writing hadn't been translated into Arabic," Hogun comments, resting his arms on the back of the other bench. "Remind me again, wasn't it an Arabic encyclopedia with the first instructions on cryptanalyzing?"

Thor's ball skids down the alley, leaving him with a seven-ten split. He turns back, cursing under his breath, to see Loki giving Hogun a poisonous look. Fandral says "Huh."

He adds, "I suppose math _is_ done in Arabic numerals, not Roman."

Thor kicks Loki hard in the foot once Fandral gets up for his turn and no one else is looking over.

Loki responds by stealing his wallet at some point and buying food for the whole group. Thor barely lets him put the tray down before dragging him into a headlock and forcing him to return it.

"You suck," he scowls at Volstagg as he shoves the wallet into his front pocket. The man's setting down the other two trays and was apparently in on this.

"I didn't know it was yours," he answers, and Thor belatedly remembers that only Sif knows how broke Loki's family is since his dad was arrested. Loki always dresses like his clothes are intentionally shabby-chic now, even when Frigga took him shopping for his birthday. 

Volstagg claps him on the shoulder and grins. "But we appreciate what a good host you're being."

Thor rolls his eyes and shoves his wallet deeper in his pocket, until he's sure Loki can't get it without looking like he's giving him a hand job. He does the same thing with his phone a few seconds later, just in case his cousin takes it as a challenge.  
  
  
"Your friends are assholes," Loki tells him while they're driving back to the cabin.

"That'd be more believable if you hadn't kept that," Thor replies, nodding at Fandral's book lying on the floorboard by Loki's feet. His cousin scowls.

"You like Fandral and Volstagg, quit pretending," Thor tells him.

"Some," Loki grudgingly concedes. " _They_ have a sense of humor."

"Hogun's got a sense of humor, too," he replies. "He just has to warm up to you first."

Loki snorts dismissively and turns to stare out the window.

Thor hesitates and slows the car as they pull onto the street to the cabin.

It's not really that late. It's not much past ten, and their curfew isn't until eleven-thirty. They could still go somewhere.

Thor chatted with the girl sitting on his side of the booth that morning and found out that the cops don't usually patrol the side-road down to the beach, because it's mainly used by locals who know better than to start bonfires and it turns into private property a third of the way in. And down another side-road off it, there's an old abandoned chemical storage area that people use when they want privacy.

Thor glances over at his cousin, who's still staring out the window with his chin propped on one hand while the other keeps his hair pulled back so the wind won't blow it into his eyes.

"Do you have a flat?" Loki asks dryly. His face is still turned away.

"No," Thor replies. He presses down on the accelerator enough that the car stops coasting and judders forward again, toward the cabin.

Loki would just sneer at him if Thor suggested they go there. A place like that isn't good enough for him. A car's backseat probably isn't either, even if Thor knew of somewhere else that the cops don't patrol. If Loki thinks Thor's insulting him, he'll get even colder. He has to come up with something better.

Thor parks the car and they head into the house in silence.  
  
  
His brother comes back from wrestling camp the next day.

Thor thinks that if he remembered it was happening today, he would've asked Loki last night anyway, to hell with being sneered at.

It's not like Thor's mad to see him. But Balder's room is the last one in their side of the cabin, on the same side of the hall as the bathroom, so that obliterates the half-privacy he and Loki had. Plus, with his little brother around, suddenly this thing with his cousin starts to feel a lot more uncomfortable again with the whole 'family' aspect on top of the weird kinks.

Loki shuts himself off more after Balder joins them, too. Thor can't tell if it's because he's frustrated as well, or if it's just his normal reaction to his brother--Loki never got along with him much. He never had patience for Balder tagging around after them when they were younger.

Either way, when they go out to dinner that evening, Loki stays withdrawn for most of it until Frigga finally cajoles him into conversation.  
  
  
Something goes wrong that night.

Thor wakes up as someone runs past his room. He rolls out of bed before he's completely awake, moving on reflexes, and grabs the brass knuckles under his pillow. When he yanks open his door, he sees Frigga pulling Loki out of his room. Balder's standing in his doorway with his bat, looking barely awake.

For a second Thor feels his guts twist and his skin go cold. He follows his mom and cousin out of the hall, thinking there's no way anyone could know. They haven't been caught.

His mom's laptop is open on the coffee table. His dad's is sitting beside it and running a virus scan in safe mode, and her phone's between them and pinging with messages every few seconds. Loki takes the tablet and external keyboard Frigga pushes at him and snaps his knife shut before rubbing his eyes blearily; upstairs, Odin is yelling at someone.

Thor and Balder glance at each other and then go to stow their weapons again.

His dad stops yelling after a while. Soon Thor hears him storming down the stairs, speaking tersely on his phone. He pauses in the living room just long enough to kiss the top of Frigga's head while yanking on a suit jacket to hide the gun in his shoulder holster. She squeezes his forearm briefly and tells him to be careful, but doesn't look up from her laptop.

After his dad leaves, Thor dresses and makes coffee while Frigga and Loki work frantically. He pieces out enough of their short, terse comments to each other to get that Frigga's trying to write a new encryption and Loki's using a virtual machine to test-break it; when they drink the whole pot in less than a half-hour, Thor starts a new one. He shakes Balder awake and tells him to help make breakfast.

Balder pushes up from the table, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes as he yawns hard. "I miss camp already," he says with a rueful half-smile as he pulls the eggs out of the fridge.

Thor slides the pan onto the range with a clang. "Don't be a brat."

His mom and Loki bring their things into the kitchen when Thor tells them the food's ready. Thor asks if Frigga wants him to get his dad's laptop, but she shakes her head and says the network switchboard's been shut off until further notice and it's safe for now.

Loki stays working on the tablet until his food's cold. Balder brings their mom some aspirin when she keeps popping her back.

When the two of them drain the second pot of coffee while working on the permanent replacement code, Thor swaps out the next one he makes with decaf. It's past dawn by now; Balder keeps yawning while he washes the dishes.

Loki takes two sips of his next cup and says, "You son of a--an asshole."

"Language, young man," Thor's mom replies distractedly.

"It's decaf."

When she gives Thor a look, he says, "You need to sleep."

"We **need** to get this finished," Loki snaps.

"If you work on it when you're exhausted, it's gonna have flaws," Thor retorts. "And then this'll happen again. If the switchboard's off, it's untouchable. You need to sleep."

His mom exhales and rubs her face. "You're right," she murmurs. "There's no helping what they already got."

She pushes away from the table and picks up her phone. "The virus should have gutted their system by now. Go take a nap, Loki. We'll get back to it in two hours."

"After I finish this," he replies. Frigga nods in agreement and then goes and lays down on the couch.

Balder abandons the rest of the dishes and shuts off the water, and the cabin falls quiet except for the sound of Loki's typing and his mom's phone buzzing intermittently in the other room. When Balder stifles another yawn, Thor sends him back to his room. They both ignore Loki's muttered, indistinguishable insult.

Thor leans against the counter, waiting.

After five minutes slide past on the microwave's clock, he asks, "How long's that going to take?"

"I'm not tired," Loki replies without looking up. "Quit distracting me."

Thor exhales through his teeth, but goes to the living room. He pulls the throw blanket over his mom and then takes her phone back to the kitchen so she can nap in peace.

Loki starts switching between the tablet and the laptop, muttering under his breath and cursing about spoofing programs and cracking his knuckles and wrists occasionally. Thor sits at the table and monitors the situation on the phone, telling Loki whenever a text seems relevant.  
  
  
By the time his mom wakes up and comes back, Loki's finished and demanded a new pot of _real_ coffee. Thor makes it, but cuts it half with decaf and then slugs Loki on the upper arm after his cousin takes a sip and proceeds to punch him in the side. Frigga reviews everything on her laptop and then squeezes Loki's shoulder and plugs in a flash drive. "Wonderful. Let's get this installed."

Loki's shaking involuntarily a little from all the caffeine, but he stills at that and blinks over at her. "Don't you need to add your top layer?"

Thor's mom pauses.

She looks at him across the table with a serious expression. "Do you think we need another one? If this breaks too soon, the family's going to be at risk. My husband could die." She adds, a little quieter, "We're depending on you."

Loki stares down at his hands.

"...It should work," he says awkwardly, rubbing his fingers and not looking up. "I set up enough onetime keys that it should last about a week. ...He'll be fine."

Frigga smiles, and then squeezes his shoulder again and leans over the table to brush a kiss against his temple. "Thank you. Good work."

Loki cracks his knuckles again, fidgety, and she stands up and removes the flash drive. "I'll go install it now."

When Loki pushes away from the table and starts to follow, Frigga points a finger at him. " _You_ go sleep!"

"But--"

"Thor," she says, and heads for the living room.

Loki cusses him out when Thor hooks his arms under his cousin's armpits and starts forcibly walking him to his room. "Language!" his mom calls.

Loki tells him in Icelandic that he's a wife to trolls. Thor rolls his eyes and shoves him into the bedroom. "Just go to sleep, asshole."

" _Language_."

"You didn't yell at him for that last one!"

"Quoting the sagas will be overlooked," his mom answers. "You need to keep up with your Icelandic, Thor."

"That is a double standard," Thor grouses. Loki grins widely before shutting the door in his face.

"Please let me sleep," Balder calls in a muffled voice from his room. Thor shakes his head and pulls his brother's door shut as he passes.

After his mom finishes the installation and runs yet another virus check, she tells Thor to keep an eye on the house while she goes out. He retrieves his brass knuckles and sets the alarm after she's gone.

He was too wired from adrenaline to sleep before, but it's wearing off. Thor turns on the TV and sets it to mute so it won't wake Loki or Balder and he can hear anyone trying to break in, and makes himself drink more coffee.

Loki wanders into the living room not long after. He's pulled a pair of jeans on over his boxers without bothering to zip them; Thor tries not to stare for too long, now that he can. "Told you you needed decaf."

"Shuddup," Loki mutters as he flops on the couch.

He stares blankly at the TV, cracking his knuckles. As Thor flips through the channels he gets stuck on a pinkie, rubbing and twisting it repeatedly as he tries to get it to pop.

Thor shifts on the recliner, and finally pushes out of it and goes over to the couch. "Sit up for a sec."

"Why," Loki scowls.

"You are such a pest," Thor mutters, and hauls him up by the bicep. As Loki starts to swear at him, Thor drops onto the couch and settles Loki's head on his lap. "Don't wake up Balder," he warns before taking one of Loki's hands and starting to rub it.

Loki stares up at him narrowly, tense. Thor pushes the remote into his free hand and says, "Find something worth watching."

Loki considers him warily for a few more moments, but finally shifts onto his side toward the TV. Thor keeps massaging his hand as Loki channel surfs; and after a while, his cousin relaxes a little. Loki shifts on the couch and settles his head more comfortably on Thor's thigh.

Loki clicks through the whole cable offering three times and then abandons the TV on the station guide channel and drops the remote to the floor. Thor takes his other hand and starts rubbing it.

Loki settles further, curling up. He makes soft noises occasionally as Thor massages his palm with a thumb, and Thor closes his eyes and tries not to think about how good they sound. The last thing he needs under the circumstances is to start popping a boner.

"I wish your brother weren't here," Loki mutters, the words half-slurred with drowsiness.

"Just sleep," Thor murmurs. He keeps rubbing Loki's fingers until his cousin drifts off.

He sets Loki's hand down gently on the couch before picking up the remote again. Thor returns to clicking through the channels without paying much attention to what he sees, still listening for the sound of anyone moving in or around the house. He curls his free hand over the back of the couch to stop himself from touching Loki's hair or face. He has to let his cousin rest.

Loki stirs when his phone buzzes. Thor fishes it out of his cargo shorts and rubs Loki's arm with soothing noises until his cousin settles again. He texts Fandral that he can't hang out today--a family thing came up--but he'll get in touch when he can. Then he stuffs the phone between the couch cushions and sticks a pillow over it.

Loki drowsed back off with Thor's hand still on his bicep. Thor lets himself settle his arm over his cousin's side, and goes back to quietly flipping through the channels.

For a moment, he almost wishes they weren't family.

Then Thor shoves the thought away hard. If they weren't family, Loki wouldn't be here in the first place. And besides, his cousin's so guarded that even if they were just boyfriends, he probably still wouldn't loosen up like this with Thor unless everyone else was gone anyway. The situation would be exactly the same, except that if they broke up he'd lose Loki completely.

Loki stirs again, and Thor forces himself relax the arm he's tightened around his cousin. He waits until Loki's settled once more before he resumes clicking the remote.  
  
  
Loki jolts awake when the house alarm goes off, banging into Thor's arm and wrenching a knife out of his jeans.

"I think it's Mom," Thor says. He shoves a hand in his pocket and slips on one of the brass knuckles in case it isn't.

They hear a code being typed in, and the alarm shuts off a few seconds later. Loki zips his jeans while Thor pushes off the couch and calls, "Mom?"

"I'm back," she replies. "Come help me, please."

When he gets to the foyer, Frigga's shrugging out of the windbreaker she was wearing to conceal her shoulder holster. A bunch of plastic bags are on the floor by her feet.

Thor carries the sacks of electronics to the kitchen while she and Loki wipe down the table and ground it against static electricity. Balder comes in and finishes the last of the dishes, and then he and Thor drift back to the living room and watch some TV show marathon while Loki helps their mom build a new laptop. Thor never catches enough of it to get the plot; he keeps breaking away to pace the parameter and take apart the appliances to look for bugs.

They make sandwiches for lunch and eat them at the sink and counter. There's another table available in the sunroom, but those walls are all glass, and Thor shut and locked and barricaded the door to it long ago.  
  
  
Odin comes back late that afternoon and drops exhausted into the recliner. Balder turns the TV to mute again, and their dad soon falls asleep. Thor resets the house alarm and quadruple-checks the windows and doors as the sun starts to sink.

When Frigga and Loki finally finish the laptop and they've transferred all the backed up data onto it and installed the new security, she sends Loki to join them while she takes it to the upper area. They've started playing cards around the coffee table by the time she comes down again and settles on the couch near Odin. She's still armed.

Once they've all gravitated there--to the only windowless room in the cabin--no one really leaves again. His parents haven't indicated that things have cleared, and Thor doesn't like having his family out of his sight in times like this. He'd be happier if he knew where Loki's mom and Sif's parents are; the rest of his relatives are checking in regularly.

Sif has to be on base by now, so she's probably all right. And he hasn't known Fandral and Hogun and Volstagg and Brunhilde long enough for them to be considered immediate associates. At least, Thor hopes. But they can take care of themselves if they _are_ targeted.

Eventually they have to eat.

Balder and his mom make apple pancakes while she and his dad discuss how to handle grocery shopping and all the other errands they're going to need to run tomorrow. His dad sits at the table as they talk, going over the new laptop.

"Beautiful work as always, Frigga," his dad says, with the closest thing he's had to a smile since morning.

"Thank you," she replies. "Loki helped with most of it. He wrote the last fourth when I had to sleep."

Odin frowns slightly, and starts to speak--and Frigga gives him a sharp look over her shoulder.

Loki is crouched in front of the open fridge and writing down everything they're running low on, and Balder is focused on testing and flipping the pancakes. But Thor sees it.

"Well done, Loki," his dad says.

"It should hold up for a week," his mom adds. "That's plenty of time to build a new, long-term one. I'll start on it after dinner."

"Good," his dad says with a nod. He types and clicks through a few more things, and murmurs, "This is excellent for such rapid creation."

"Clearly you married into the right family," she says breezily, and Odin chuckles for real.

"Yes," he agrees, catching her hand and kissing it.

Still facing the fridge, Loki continues to smile from the praise. But as Thor watches from the side of his vision, it slips from his face. Loki purses his mouth and then squeezes his eyes shut hard; and when he opens them, his expression is remote again.

Thor finishes pulling plates from the cupboard and wonders why his cousin is so damn determined not to be happy for even a few minutes.  
  
  
That night, Loki sneaks into the bathroom again while Thor's showering, long after his brother's settled in his room and his parents have gone to the upper floor to work. Thor pins him against the shower wall and jerks him off rough and quick, telling Loki he's a genius and how everybody trusts him when it comes down to it because family looks out for each other, while Loki calls him a fucking idiot and claws his hands down Thor's back deep enough that it hurts and bites Thor's shoulder hard to stifle his shuddering whimper as he comes.

Once Loki's steady on his feet again, Thor rubs a hand along his cousin's side and tries to jack himself off unobtrusively, pressing his mouth to Loki's neck to make sure he stays quiet. There's a linen closet between Balder's room and the bathroom, but he doesn't know how much that's muffling anything. One person getting off in the shower isn't going to sound weird, but two sure as hell will.

Thor groans when Loki tugs his hand off his cock and starts stroking it himself instead. He bites down a louder one when Loki palms his balls with his free hand.

His cousin shushes him every time Thor starts to tell him how what he's doing feels good, to not stop, that he wishes he'd had more time to spend on him. "Quiet," Loki murmurs, sounding almost indulgently exasperated when Thor tries to tell him how damn _good_ he is.

His back keeps stinging as water hits it. Thor drops his forehead to Loki's shoulder so he can watch his cousin's hands on his cock, and isn't surprised to see blood under the fingernails. His back hurts all over; and Loki refuses to take anything at face value.

"Do you like that?" Loki asks, barely audible over the sound of the water. "Seeing your blood on my hands?"

Thor's breath hitches as Loki's grip tightens a little more and his cousin starts pressing his thumb firmer over the head of his cock as he strokes. It's just at the edge of too rough--but only the edge, and Loki doesn't push him further. Thor bites his lip hard and thrusts harsher into his cousin's hand as the pressure of his orgasm builds.

Loki bites his ear. " _ **Good**_ ," he whispers, with so much threatening promise in his voice that Thor shakes.

When he comes a few moments later, Loki laughs quietly and strokes his hair as Thor rides it out, gripping his cousin's waist for support.

"Don't make this so easy for me," Loki tells him softly, sounding almost sincere. Thor nips his shoulder in response, and then keeps it up when his cousin lets him until Loki jerks on his hair to tug his head away.

After they've dried off, Loki smears antiseptic on the scratches in his back and tapes gauze over some of them--but not all. "They're not that deep," he says when Thor argues. "Suck it up."

"Jackass," Thor tells him, "it's not _your_ back."

"Because you won't do it," Loki replies.

He presses his thumb down on one of the scrapes until Thor flinches and grabs his wrist. Loki laughs faintly and goes to wash his hands once more.

The next morning, Thor comes to breakfast wearing a black t-shirt instead of one of his tank-tops. He picked the softest one he had that was dark enough to hide blood, but he still has to fight the urge to wince every time it scrapes over some of the uncovered scratches.

It's worth it for the way Loki's eyes flick to him occasionally and then darken for a few moments before he gets a hold of himself.  
  
  
His parents leave them alone in the cabin for the day while they do errands and cleanup. Under normal circumstances the three of them would've gotten a ten minute lecture on behaving, and Thor an extra five minute one reminding him about the example that's expected of him as the oldest; but these circumstances aren't normal, and his parents don't need to iterate the risks of fucking around. His mom gives Loki the tablet with a dummy sample of the new encryption she's built.

He rips through it while Balder and Thor watch TV on mute until they're sick of it, decrypting Frigga's work and reverse-engineering her defenses with such implacable ruthlessness that Thor's glad he's on their side.

Loki's twitchy and wired afterward, too restless to just sit and watch TV, so they play cards instead until he and Thor almost get into a physical fight over his cheating because there's no goddamn way someone can have that many Wild 4 cards in their hand every fucking time. They try watching another movie instead after that, but they're all irritated and tired of each other by now.

When Thor gets a phone call from a number he doesn't recognize, he mutes the TV and answers it warily. "Yeah?"

"Thor Odinson?"

"Who's asking?"

The guy on the other end sounds a little taken aback and annoyed, and Thor recognizes his tone before he even finishes introducing himself as the medical assistant from the clinic. He takes off out of the living room in a panic, barely stopping to pull away the phone and call back "It's fine, it's nothing. Personal call," when he hears Balder and Loki shove to their feet.

"Sorry about that," Thor says, shutting himself in his room and going to check the curtains. "It's--uh, a long story. Sorry."

"Ah," the guy replies. "Anyway. I'm calling to let you know the test results were negative."

"Cool," Thor says. This sunk rapidly on his list of concerns since yesterday and he already figured as much, but it's still good to know. Plus, now--

"The bill should arrive within a week," the guy finishes. "Did you have any questions?"

"No," Thor answers, and thanks him. The guy hangs up without much else, but Thor decides that's fair considering how he answered. He shoves the phone back in his pocket and reminds himself to get the mail for the next week, and opens his door to find Balder and Loki waiting.

"What part of 'personal call' was unclear?" he asks.

Balder raises an eyebrow and gives him a doubtful look. Loki continues to slouch against the opposite wall with his arms crossed.

"The part where you ran out of the room," his cousin drawls. "What's happened?"

"Nothing," Thor promises. "Seriously." When they keep looking at him skeptically, he makes a face. "You brats were eavesdropping--did you _hear_ me say anything that sounded like something's happened?"

"No," Balder agrees unenthusiastically.

"Which just means you heard us coming down the hall first," Loki finishes.

Thor glares at him, irked at the undermining. "Knock it off."

He turns back to his brother and gives him a level look. "I **said** it was a personal call. Do I lie to you?"

"Like every day of my life 'til I was seven?" Balder replies.

Thor gives Loki a much longer, much more irritated look.

"What?" his cousin replies indifferently. "It's true. We did."

Thor growls in the back of his throat and shoves them both down the hallway. The last thirty-five hours have been bad enough--he doesn't need Loki giving him shit on top of it. Especially if he's manipulating Balder to do it. "Just get back to the living room."

"But--" Balder starts.

"I'm the damn authority in this house when Dad and Mom are out," Thor cuts him off. "Now **go** and quit arguing with me."

Balder scowls, but stomps out of the hall.

"Christ," Thor mutters. "We weren't this bad at thirteen. Quit encouraging him," he tells Loki with a scowl.

"Well," his cousin muses, " _you_ were," and then he slaps Thor hard on the back in a mock-friendly gesture.

Thor yelps in pain and sweeps Loki's legs out from under him.

Balder soon comes back and forces them apart, putting Thor into a full-nelson long enough for Loki to scrabble away and pinch his bleeding nose. His cousin is laughing.

Thor tells his brother to let go before he makes him regret it, and then--once Balder does--sends him back to the living room before dragging Loki into the kitchen to clean up his face.

"It's not broken," Thor decides after carefully prodding the cartilage while Loki presses a paper towel to his nostrils and occasionally spits curses at him between sniggering. He feels a little bit relieved at that, and a lot more aggravated now that he doesn't have to worry about it. "For fuck's sake, quit laughing, you sound like a psycho."

"So what?"

"So you're gonna creep out Balder," Thor says. "Quit it."

Loki's smirk twists to a sneer.

"What're you afraid of, Thor?" he asks nastily. "That your baby brother will figure out his relative's a freak? Or that he'll learn _your_ part in it?"

Thor grips the side of his neck hard, forcing Loki to look at him. His cousin jolts and tenses up.

"Don't, Loki," he says quietly. "Don't cross that line. Leave Balder out of this."

Loki stares at him for a long moment and then jerks his gaze away, his eyes flicking along the room over Thor's shoulder. Thor waits.

Finally, Loki shoves at his arm. "Fine. Whatever." When Thor lets go, his cousin shifts further back along the counter and snorts mirthlessly. "Is it _that_ damn important to you?"

"Yes," Thor replies, staring at him in disbelief. "He's my **brother**. Jesus, don't you care about Helblindi and Byleist?"

Loki sneers again. "Fucking cowards who cut and run and left me to deal with her."

"What?" Thor demands.

Loki's eyes widen for the briefest second.

Then he glares up at the ceiling with a snarl. "What _ever_. If I liked **them** , why would I have wasted my life following around after **you**?"

"You--" Thor snaps and then he tells himself to stop losing control.

He turns away, grabbing another handful of paper towels. "Fuck you," he mutters irritably as he douses them under the faucet.

Loki's mouth curls into another smirk. "You _wish_ I'd let you again," he taunts, low enough that Balder couldn't have heard it with the way he's turned the TV up loud to convey how irritated he is with them.

Thor cusses violently, frustrated at himself for walking into that one, frustrated at feeling like he's losing an argument with Loki yet again because they don't even seem to be talking from the same _world_ sometimes let alone the same family. He squeezes the paper towels out harshly and shoves the wad at his cousin. "Clean up. You've still got blood on your face."

Loki pushes his hand aside. "Lick it off."

Thor's fists clench. "Goddammit, Loki--"

"Do it," he interrupts. "And I'll shut up for the rest of the day. I won't even _imply_ anything around your little brother, for the whole rest of the summer." Loki pulls the blood-sodden towel away from his face and grins viciously. Some of the blood's trickled down and gotten on his lip and a couple teeth. "Doesn't that sound like a good deal?"

Thor glares at him silently, and then clenches his jaw and shuts his eyes. He hears Loki snigger flatly again.

Thor grabs his shoulder and drags him over to the entryway of the kitchen.

Loki makes a startled squawk and almost trips. Thor glances out just long enough to see that his brother's slumped deep into the sofa, his head barely visible over the back of it as he sulks. Then he yanks Loki to the side so his cousin can see Balder over his shoulder.

" _Tell me_ if he starts to move," Thor growls as Loki stares at him wide-eyed. "Don't fuck me over on this."

He grabs Loki's face and drags him another step closer, and then swipes his tongue over the skin between his cousin's nose and lip where most of the blood is. Loki sucks in a breath and grips his waist.

Thor tilts Loki's head to the side to get a better angle--probably too roughly, because Loki makes a pained sound and grabs him tighter. Thor ignores it and licks again, trying to get the blood off before it dries more. His tongue slides against one of Loki's nostrils as he does, and Thor thinks _This is weird_ and then thinks _**Obviously**_. Loki shivers.

Thor scrapes his teeth over his cousin's skin to break away a little patch of dried blood. He makes a face at the texture and taste, and wonders if he should be more grossed out. Mostly he's just pissed. Loki shivers harder, and stifles a shaky noise as he presses in close.

Thor exhales harshly when he feels Loki's cock hardening.

He pulls back to glare. His cousin's breathing shallowly, and his eyes are shut. He flutters them open after Thor moves away, and swipes his tongue over his upper lip as he stares back.

"You like this?" Thor demands. He grinds his hips against Loki, and his cousin stumbles before bracing his feet on the linoleum. He's gripping Thor's waist hard enough that it's pulling his shirt into the scratches on his back. "You like me licking away your blood, after I made you bleed in the _first_ place?"

Loki's breath hitches wetly and he shudders.

Thor grabs a handful of his hair and yanks it hard. Loki's eyes startle back open with a jerk as he bares his teeth reflexively.

"Keep your eyes open," Thor orders, struggling to hold his voice even. "You make sure Balder doesn't see."

He tilts his head to suck Loki's upper lip into his mouth, licking away the blood that dribbled over it. Loki draws in another unsteady breath, and in his peripheral vision Thor sees his eyes drift shut once more. He yanks on his hair again.

Loki flinches, and then mumbles "Okay" against his mouth. He keeps his eyes open after that.

Thor slides an arm around his waist and pulls him closer, letting Loki rock his hips against him. He runs his tongue over Loki's teeth, trying to get rid of the blood there, and then turns it into a real kiss.

Loki lets him. His cousin drives harder against his thigh with a smothered, plaintive noise, and Thor huffs out another breath before tightening his hold.

He heaves them backward until his spine hits the edge of the counter. Thor flinches when it digs into his scrapes but drags Loki forward anyway, wedging his thigh harder between his cousin's legs. Loki gasps against his mouth and then scrabbles at his shoulders, grinding down on it.

Thor grips his ass and hauls him up higher, bracing himself as he lifts his cousin off his feet. Loki chokes out a shocked moan.

For a second it's louder than the TV, and Thor thinks _Shit, Balder_.

It's fine if this is him and Loki, but he can't drag his little brother into this messed up shit. Thor tenses up and starts to let go, but Loki spits out a furious noise and grips him tighter.

Thor groans when Loki wraps his legs around his thigh and uses the hold on his shoulders to leverage himself back up. He bites down on his lip when Loki starts grinding against his thigh again with a hard, protracted slide and another strangled whine.

His cousin's leg brushes his growing erection when he repeats it. Between the fabric of his shorts and Loki's jeans, it chafes too much to feel that good--but Loki's panting harshly by his ear as he keeps working himself on his thigh, and he's making those agitated not-enough noises again, and **that's** pretty nice.

Thor wonders if he could get Loki off like this, just by kissing him and holding him up so that his cousin has to strain all his weight on his arms to drive against him.

It doesn't sound like it. Loki's making those sharp little frustrated sounds he does when he's trying to come but it's not _enough_ because Thor's not giving it to him as aggressive as he needs--but right now Thor would rather hear those. He doesn't deserve to come just yet after being such an asshole. If Thor kept him this way long enough, if he took over dragging Loki along his thigh slow and rough like this after his cousin's arms give out, he could probably even get Loki to beg, get him to apologize and ask **nice** for once instead of being such an obnoxious, mutinous shit....

\--Loki's not watching for Balder anymore. When Thor moved them, he cut off his cousin's view.

Thor grits his jaw and slides his hands to Loki's hips. Loki grunts when it drops more of his weight onto Thor's thigh, and curls his fingers tighter around his shoulders with a gutturally desperate noise.

The next time he starts to rock down, Thor drags him all the way off and pulls his leg back. Loki tries to shove closer automatically with a distressed sound--but then he catches himself and pushes away, hissing out a slow breath.

Thor's panting harder than he realized. He could just drag Loki into the bathroom, if only--god, if he could just get ten minutes where he didn't have to worry about his brother--

Thor exhales slowly, and then does it a couple more times until he thinks he sounds semi back to normal. Loki's eyes flick over his face, his pupils blown, as he licks his lips unconsciously. Thor trembles again.

He grabs Loki's shoulder and pulls him closer, and licks away the last smear of blood under his nose. His tongue hits Loki's nostrils once more, and Thor thinks vaguely of snot and nose hair and figures he really _should_ be more grossed out. But Loki makes a needy whimper and claws his way in between his legs again, and that matters more. Thor shoves a hand between them and squeezes Loki's cock through his jeans, and his cousin bites his lip hard to smother a keening moan.

Thor squeezes again and licks Loki's mouth as his cousin groans, but finally forces himself to push him back. Loki curses miserably when he does and tries to rock into Thor's hand one last time, so Thor grabs his waist and forces him still.

His cousin at last obeys. Thor watches his shoulders shake as Loki starts slowly catching his breath.

Finally, Thor drags a wrist over his mouth. Loki watches him do it, his eyes still dark.

Thor shoves the forgotten wad of damp paper towels into his cousin's hand. "Go to the bathroom," he orders shakily. "I'll keep Balder away. --Don't you ever say a goddamn thing near him, I'm fucking holding you to that."

Loki shivers faintly and reaches out. "Please...."

A violent tremor spasms up Thor's back. God, if he could just have _five_ minutes where he didn't have to worry--if he could just have hours, a whole night, a day, a weekend, more--

He grabs Loki's hand and clenches it tight in a long squeeze before letting go. Loki bites down on his lip.

"I can't," Thor says. He swallows hard and nods at the entryway, afraid to even touch Loki again--maybe even just _two_ minutes, if he does all the things his cousin likes; Loki's trembling like he's so close, Thor could at least get him off and then have Loki go back and keep Balder from wondering what's going on long enough to take care of himself-- "Just--go on."

Loki shudders again and then digs his teeth harder into his lip and leaves. Thor blows out a breath and slumps against the counter.

He shakes his head hard when the pain in his back starts to really register. Thor pushes away, shoving his bangs from his eyes, and goes to the sink to splash cold water on his face.

Balder glances up when he comes into the living room--but whatever look he sees on Thor's face, it makes him shut his mouth and then focus intensely on the TV instead. Thor smothers an exasperated, exhausted noise and drops into the recliner, dragging a leg up to hide his erection.

Loki returns several minutes later, wearing a different pair of jeans and a new shirt. He's still got a tissue pressed to his nose, but it looks like the bleeding's mostly quit.

He sits on the far end of the couch, away from Balder and even further from Thor, and doesn't say much for the rest of the afternoon. Not even when they watch action movies with stupid plots and worse computer usage.

Balder glances surreptitiously between the two of them on occasion and then sinks a little deeper into the sofa, withdrawing further into himself. Loki curls up on his side and leans his head against the back of the couch, and keeps his face tilted away from Thor.

As the afternoon drags on and Loki continues to avoid even looking _near_ him, Thor starts to suspect his cousin wouldn't have made the deal if he thought Thor would agree. If Loki even **guessed** he would take the dare, he would've picked something completely different.

It's one thing for Loki to order him to be meaner, to call him sappy and to get off on rough stuff while still being the one dictating everything. It's something else entirely to feel his cousin beg so hungrily for a good touch after being hit.

When he thinks about it now it makes Thor nauseous. He's drunk two sodas to get the taste of Loki's blood out of his mouth, but he's still sick with himself for how he started to like licking it away, for how much he liked how Loki reacted to him doing it--getting all agreeable and compliant and decent for once, totally different from his normal shit.

Thor thinks again how Loki had a broken nose when he wound up in the hospital, and he starts to wonder if he _shouldn't_ ask who did it.

At the least, he's going to have to get someone to come with him when he hunts the guy down. Maybe Hogun--Thor still loses to him at arm wrestling half the time. Or Volstagg, because he's pretty much a brick wall when he really throws himself into something. Or both, to be safe.

The both of them together should be able to stop Thor from hitting the guy before he kills him.  
  
  
They ate all the remaining chips and popsicles and macaroni and cheese over the day, so Thor orders Balder and Loki to help him cook a real meal for dinner after his mom calls and says they won't be home until closer to nine. Balder doesn't complain much; his coach is as strict as Thor's was, so he knows better than to eat too much crap for too long. Loki rolls his eyes but gets up and goes without any wisecracks.

Thor finally remembers to text Fandral and Volstagg back after he gets off the phone with Frigga. He says he can maybe hang out tomorrow, he's not sure yet. The family thing's still going.

Brunhilde calls from Volstagg's number a couple minutes later and asks if everything's okay.

"Yeah," Thor replies, a little surprised. "Why?"

"You can't get much vaguer than 'family thing,'" she retorts, and in the background Thor hears Volstagg call something. "Is someone sick? When I drove past your house earlier it looked totally locked up."

 _Damn_ , Thor thinks, they must look suspicious. He forgot that the cabin's a lot closer to neighbors than their house. He waves until he finally catches Loki's attention. "No, nobody's...we're fine. It's just some stuff that went down."

"Really?" Brunhilde replies, starting to sound annoyed. "That's the best you can do? What's _wrong?_ "

Thor points to the blinds over the kitchen window, and only has to make a few more gestures before his cousin understands. He leaves, and soon Thor can hear rungs rattling as Loki opens the curtains in some of the rooms they aren't using. "I can't--I don't really want to talk about it, okay? Some stuff happened at work for my dad, so I'm keeping an eye on the place while he and Mom take care of it. That's all."

Brunhilde makes a worried noise. "He didn't get fired, did he?" she asks.

"--No. No," Thor says, shaking his head even though she can't see it. He's not sure his dad _could_ be fired. Thor's pretty sure it doesn't work like that, where Odin gets to retire eventually and then live in peace. There'll always be someone with an old grudge. "No, it was just some...crisis thing. He didn't really spend a lot of time explaining."

"That's good, at least," she says, sounding relieved at first but then dubious again. "Well...all right. Do you need anything?"

"Nah, we're good," he promises. "Thanks, though. I'll let you guys know if I can get out tomorrow, okay?"

"All right," she repeats. Volstagg calls something else, but all she says is, "I'll talk to you later, Thor."

"Sure. See ya."

Loki comes back in while he's ending the call. "I opened the ones by the front door and pulled up the sunroom blinds."

"Good," Thor replies. "Thanks."

Loki nods once and goes to the fridge.

About ten minutes later, there's a loud rapping on the porch doors. Thor looks up sharply; Loki automatically flips the knife he's slicing bell peppers with into a striking grip. Balder rubs his arm against his eyes to wipe away the tears from the onion he's chopping.

Thor shoves the spatula at his brother and tells him not to burn the food. He slides on one of his brass knuckles as he leaves the kitchen, and Loki follows him but stops at the edge of the entryway, hidden from sight, knife ready at his side.

Thor presses the heel of his free hand against his forehead when he sees Volstagg and Brunhilde outside.

"Look," he calls, shaking the brass knuckles off inside his pocket as he goes up to the door, "I really can't let you guys in right--"

"If you force my very pregnant wife to stand out here on this hard concrete much longer, Thor Odinson, I will accuse your entire family of lacking hospitality," Volstagg booms, loud enough that it probably even reaches the neighbors down the street.

In the kitchen, Thor hears Loki's deeply exasperated " _Jesus_ ," and then the clatter of the knife being thrown in the sink, which matches how he feels at the moment. He grits his teeth but deactivates the alarm and unlocks the doors.

Volstagg pushes several still hot pans at him before he can argue again, forcing Thor to haul them to the kitchen and drop them on the counter before he gets burned.

"You can't play that card forever," he tells Volstagg irritably.

"Oh, I imagine we'll be able to play it a few more times in the future," Brunhilde says with a wide grin. Then she notices Balder.

Thor gets halfway through introducing him before he has to break off to tell Volstagg to stop clucking over the dinner they were making, they did the damn best they could with what they had. Volstagg pauses and raises an eyebrow at him.

"To be fair," Loki says, conciliatory, "he _is_ judging it by Brunhilde's cooking. We can hardly measure up to **that**."

Brunhilde shakes her head. "Flattery _will_ get you a bigger portion," she replies, and Loki laughs.

"C'mon, Thor," he says a moment later, glancing over with a smile. "They brought us dinner. The least you can do is properly say thanks. And maybe clean up the living room--your mom would be disappointed if guests saw it like that."

 _ **Shit**_ , Thor thinks.

"Right, right," he replies. "All right. Thanks. Give me a sec."

"It's fine," Brunhilde tells him with amusement. "I'm hardly scandalized to learn that three teenage boys made a mess."

"No," Thor says, waving a hand dismissively as he backs out of the room, "it's fine, just give me a sec."

"So what is this?" he hears Loki ask, which--thank god--halts Volstagg from following him.

Thor jogs to the living room and shoves the gun on the table into the back of his shorts. He hisses when it rasps against his scrapes and tries not to hear his dad's voice in the back of his head lecturing him on the dangers of carrying firearms improperly. 

He swiftly reassembles the second gun that he'd been making Balder take apart and clean to prove he still remembered how to do it fast enough after being gone all those weeks at camp, and then hesitates for a few seconds before setting the safety and shoving it into the front of his shorts. He drags his t-shirt back down over them.

Thor grabs a trashcan from the guest room on his parents' side of the cabin and sets the front gun at the bottom, and mentally breathes a sigh of relief once he's no longer running the potential risk of shooting his dick off. He puts the second one in as well, and then goes back to the living room and tosses the empty bags and wrappers and soda cans on top of them.

Volstagg steps into the hall when Thor passes by the kitchen on the way to his room. Thor angles the trashcan away from the man carefully and winces when the guns slide along the bottom anyway, clonking faintly against each other.

"Is everything all right?" Volstagg asks him seriously.

"Yeah," Thor replies, tilting the can away a fraction more. "Yes. Look--sorry for snapping at you earlier," he says, because he's figured out the link between the surprised look on Volstagg's face and his cousin stepping in a second later. "It's been kind of shitty the last couple days. I appreciate this, it's just that...."

This is pathetic. He's going to have to come up with some cover stories before he leaves for college so he doesn't end up floundering like this when he has to think of one on the fly. How is Loki so good at this?

Volstagg gives him a long, considering look, and then asks, "Should I have Brunhilde leave? Will she be safe going on her own?"

Thor draws a breath.

Then he exhales slowly and lets the trashcan hang by his side. The guns clank inside it again--but it's not like he's going to fool someone who's served in the places Volstagg has.

"I think so," Thor says. "This place has always been pretty safe. We'd be gone by now if Dad thought it was compromised. You should be fine, but--if you can find an excuse to leave soon, you probably should. Just in case. I haven't heard that everything's wrapped up yet."

Thor shifts uncomfortably on his feet, but keeps meeting Volstagg's gaze. "My dad works for the government. I can't say anything else. Please just trust me."

At least, that's what Odin's always said he does; but his dad can lie as easily as Loki when it serves his purposes.

Thor never doubted him when he younger, and he learned not to question him as he got older, since it never got him answers anyway and just got him grounded or his car taken away or his ability to play rugby threatened instead. But as Volstagg continues to eye him, Thor thinks that maybe he should ask at least one more time before he leaves. Maybe he's old enough now to be trusted to knowingly lie to people he likes and admires.

After a few more long moments, the hard look on Volstagg's face eases some.

"Understood," he says, before he nods down the hallway.

"Thanks," Thor tells him. He goes to stow the can in his room.

He comes back to the kitchen to hear Volstagg explaining what Thor said to Brunhilde. Balder gives him a horrified look as he enters.

Volstagg and Brunhilde leave after that. Thor tries to make them take some of the food with them when he learns that they just packed up their own dinner and brought it over, but they refuse. He drags a hand through his hair and watches them head back up the beach from the porch door until they're out of view, even though he knows he shouldn't stand near exposed windows for so long. He orders Balder back into the safer territory of the kitchen when his brother tries to come over to talk to him.

"Are you _crazy?_ " Balder demands when he finally comes back, dropping the container he was filling. "You _told_ him?"

"He's a soldier," Loki replies, cutting up the lasagna. "If even a fourth of the bullshit war stories he tells are true, he can be trusted."

"They're not bullshit," Thor says in impatience. He ignores Loki's disparaging snort and turns to his brother. "I didn't have a **choice** , alright? He figured out about the guns. What was I supposed to do, let him think our family's a bunch of criminals?"

"That would be terrible," Loki drawls, and Thor snarls "Shut _up_."

Loki goes back to cutting servings of the lasagna without further comment. Thor watches him transfer them to the plates silently for a few moments, and then presses the heels of his hands against his eyes and slumps against the counter.

It's not like he hasn't started to wonder.

Nothing ever happens to him and Balder in their town. At least, nothing with consequences. And after what happened with Loki's dad, it became clear that _something_ was wrong, that that stupid quote about absolute power had ended up being true and treason had slipped into their family somewhere.

The only thing he isn't sure of is whether Loki's dad was the traitor, or not.

Thor's seen how people like his mom and cousin can intercept and falsify government-level digital authentications. He's sure his parents have committed murder more often than he knows about, even if it could be argued as self-defense or fighting against home invasion. He's certain that he and Loki and Balder shouldn't have known how to kill for as many years as they have.

He never wanted to go to college after graduating. He wanted to enlist along with Sif, so he could finally be sure that he's one of the good guys.

Maybe then, once he rises high enough in the ranks or gets decorated enough times, he can bring some public credit to their family to make up for all the unknown and unrewarded work his parents do. Or maybe he'll be able to get them to rethink what they're doing, instead. At the least, he can make a way out for Balder before it's too late.

At the **very** least, if he becomes a hero, he should be able to protect them a little, whether they're criminals or just get set up to look like it.

"Look," Thor starts to tell Loki quietly, at the same time that Balder mutters, "Dad's going to lose it when he finds out."

"Then don't _tell_ him," Thor snaps.

Both Balder and Loki stare at him with that.

". . . Are you serious?" Balder finally asks. "Thor, you can't just--"

Loki bangs two plates down on the table, cutting him off. "Quit being a baby," his cousin says coldly. "If Thor had let him leave thinking we're criminals instead of civil servants the same as him, he'd go straight to the police, and then this place would be compromised and your parents--and _us_ \--at risk until it's sorted out."

Loki drops into his chair. "Finish putting away the food. Children should shut up until they're old enough to think intelligently."

"Loki," Thor says; but after he acted like a dick to him he can't really tell his cousin off for doing the exact same thing.

He looks at Balder instead. "Like he said, Volstagg's a soldier. We can trust him. But I had to tell him so he wouldn't blow our cover because he thought we're the bad guys. Just give Dad a chance to sleep once this is taken care of, all right? Then _I'll_ tell him. He doesn't need to hear it after he's barely finished fixing this last thing."

"Or do you think Thor's a traitor?" Loki asks, and Balder stiffens even further.

"All right," Thor tells his cousin, "enough. He gets it." He rests a hand on the back of his chair and looks at Balder again. "Right?"

His brother turns back to the counter and resumes packing up all the vegetables they cut for the stir-fry before Volstagg and Brunhilde arrived. "I get it," he says tightly, shoulders still hunched.

Thor exhales tersely when he doesn't say anything else, feeling exhausted with the weight of the last two days. Balder never used to backtalk him this much.

If Thor only had to deal with his brother, it wouldn't be that bad--Loki wouldn't be egging Balder on to argue. Or if it was just him and Loki, he could handle that; Loki knows when to stop his shit and be a dependable backup in a fight.

Or maybe he should stop making excuses and get his shit together and start being dependable himself.

Thor tugs his chair from the table, and then pauses and looks at Loki. "What do you want to drink?"

"Water."

"Balder?"

"Water," his brother mutters.

"You shouldn't drink any more caffeine," Loki says when Thor pulls out a soda for himself. "You're gonna get sick."

He doesn't even _want_ any more soda or coffee at this point, but that doesn't matter. "I can't fall asleep."

"You're not gonna be able to shoot if your hand's shaking, either," Loki points out with an arched brow.

Thor rolls his eyes and drops into his chair. "Then I'll go in close and punch," he replies, cracking the can open. " **You** shoot. Just don't hit me."

Loki shakes his head and tosses the water bottle back. "Fine, get me one too. I'll start revising Frigga's work after this." His cousin hesitates as he reaches for the loaf of garlic bread on the table. "When's she supposed to be back?"

Thor glances at the microwave clock. "Nine at the latest. She said she'll call if they're gonna be longer."

Loki nods once and pulls two slices free of the loaf.

Thor gets the soda and then sits down to eat. At the first bite of lasagna, he has to admit, "Yeah, we couldn't've beat this."

"Nope," Loki agrees. He swallows his mouthful of garlic bread and tells Balder, "Hurry up. It's getting cold."  
  
  
Fandral and Hogun 'drop by' a little while later.

Balder trails them distrustfully after Thor lets them in until they split up. Then his brother returns to the kitchen with Loki and Fandral as they quarrel about Catullus's girlfriend, and grudgingly agrees when Thor tells him to wash the dishes. Hogun reviews the windows and door locks with him, and commends the alarm system without saying anything else.

"I take it back," Loki says, standing beside him with his arms folded as Thor locks the door and resets the alarm after they've left. "Your friends aren't assholes. They're insane."

"Watch it," Thor replies with a half-grin. " _You're_ a friend. So what's that say?"

Loki gives him a look like Thor just said the stupidest thing he's ever heard in his life, and walks away in disgust. Thor decides it's a victory.

His mom texts rather than calls to say that they're going to run later. Thor writes back 'Okay' and then pulls Loki away from the code he's building and shows him the message.

"It sounds like her," Thor says. "Right?"

"Yes..." Loki agrees, his eyes narrowed as he stares at the phone. "But you could read through past sent messages and get a rough idea how to write it."

Thor clenches his jaw and then tells Balder to get back in the living room, and retrieves the guns from the trashcan.

Loki returns to coding, twitchy and irritable and lashing out acidly whenever he's spoken to or around until Balder and Thor stop talking at all. Thor meticulously cleans the guns and refills the magazines, and then makes Balder go through the process of disassembling and reassembling one until he's satisfied that his brother's back to his usual speed. He gets a second text from Frigga later, after Balder's fallen asleep on the couch and Loki's gutted and restarted his work twice. She says that she and Odin are on their way home and that Thor shouldn't worry that she's not calling: they're in mixed company.

Thor leaves out the second half when he relays the message, not wanting to feed his cousin's paranoia. He forces himself not to check the guns yet again in case Loki picks up on his edginess.  
  
  
When his parents return around eleven, safe and whole and sound and exhausted, Thor can't hide how pissed he is despite being relieved. His mother pats his shoulder even as she shakes her head.

"I _told_ you not to worry that I wasn't calling," she reminds him; and past her, Loki gives him a sharp look.

"If **I** had done that, you would've grounded me for the rest of the summer," Thor retaliates.

"Well," she has to agree. "But I really couldn't call under the circumstances. _You_ can't claim that yet." 

Thor sighs and lets it go because at least they're here and alive, still. "Alright, whatever."

"Thor. Don't be disrespectful," his dad orders. Thor forces a 'yessir' and then pushes Balder out of the room and off to bed.

When he comes back, his mom's reviewing Loki's logs from breaking her encryption and the new code he's built to replace it, looking torn between frustration and pride. "So much for that one," she finally murmurs. "I didn't think I was _that_ tired.... Still, I wish you hadn't used my computer for this. You know you're not supposed to be in that room."

"I didn't," Loki replies.

"Quit lying," Thor's dad says from the recliner, rubbing his temples and not bothering to open his eyes. "There aren't enough tools for that on the tablet."

Loki gives him a surprised and offended look. "I didn't!"

"He didn't," Thor backs up. "He worked on everything down here. Balder and I were with him watching TV the whole time."

His mom draws a quiet breath and drops the tablet slightly in her hand.

"You did this on here?" she asks, staring at Loki. "With that kind of distraction?"

"It was muted," Thor tells her. He's not stupid, and Loki would've chewed him out if the sound had been on anyway. Loki shifts uncomfortably and says, "I just customized the base system a little."

Thor's dad drops his hands and sits up at that.

Loki edges further away, trying to keep a neutral expression on his face to mask his clearly growing nervousness. "You never moved the development kit off that server, I thought it was okay," he tells Frigga. "I made a backup first. I can restore it."

Thor frowns and wants to warn him that he's not paying attention--he's backing himself toward the corner, and if he keeps it up he's gonna have a harder time fighting his way out.

Then he cuts that line of thought short and thinks _What the fuck is going on?_

Frigga exhales slowly, and then goes over to Loki and strokes his hair. Thor's frowns deepens when his cousin tenses up under the touch.

"Sorry," she says. "I didn't mean to sound suspicious. How did you get around my encryption?"

Loki lifts a shoulder awkwardly and barely stops himself from pulling back again. Thor takes a step closer, not sure what side he's supposed to be on or if there's even sides here. "I guessed," Loki mumbles. "--You use the same number range a lot. I just guessed. I didn't break anything."

She looks at the tablet again and pats his back. His cousin flinches slightly.

Frigga smiles at him. "Would you mind going to bed?" she asks. "I want you to get a good night's rest, so you can start working with me tomorrow. If this version is stable enough, we might develop it for our next phones, too. It's definitely time to get you a proper one, before college starts."

Loki glances past her to Odin.

"--It's late, and you've both been up too long," he concurs. He pushes out of the recliner. "Everything's been taken care of; it's time for the two of you to get some sleep. You did well today."

His mom pats Loki's shoulder once more, and then frowns and catches his chin. "What happened to your nose?"

"Balder opened the fridge door while I was turning away from the cabinets," Loki says with a shrug. "It's fine now."

His mom tsks and tells him to be careful, and then sends them both off to bed.

Thor glances over his shoulder as they head into the hall. But his parents have left the living room already, and if they're still talking he can't hear it anymore.

"You didn't tell me that part of her texts," Loki mutters irritably. He's still tense, moving uneasily.

"You didn't need to worry about it," Thor replies.

"That's not _your_ damn decision."

"Yes it is. She's **my** mom," Thor retorts.

Loki turns sharply to stare at him, his eyes a little wide, and Thor thinks _\--Dammit_.

When his cousin punches him hard a couple seconds later--right in what would've been the kidney if he hadn't shifted instinctively--Thor lets him.

Loki storms into his room and slams the door, leaving Thor cussing and holding his side in the hall. His dad calls that enough is enough and for them to go to goddamn bed.  
  
  
Later that night, there's a quiet knock on his door. Loki frowns.

He waits twenty seconds without speaking. He can hear Thor shifting outside, but he doesn't knock again or try the knob.

Loki pushes Balder's phone into the hole he cut in his mattress, and goes and opens the door.

Thor stops fidgeting and glances over at him. His hair's still wet from the shower, and he's only wearing his boxers. He's carrying his shirt slung over his shoulder, holding a tube of antiseptic.

"Will you help me with my back?" Thor asks.

Loki studies him for a few moments. Then he shrugs slightly and pulls the door open more. "Fine."

When Loki tells him to go to the bed, Thor sits on the edge at the very foot of it. Loki rolls his eyes and then slings himself over the footboard and settles on the mattress behind him. He smiles when he hears Thor draw a breath, and pushes the t-shirt off his shoulder. "No gauze?"

"I think they're pretty healed," Thor replies.

"It looks like it," Loki says eventually, and takes the tube. Thor hisses when he starts spreading antiseptic over the deepest of the remaining tears, but then forces himself to relax under his touch.

"I know you want to see test results," Thor says abruptly, and Loki pauses. "But I promise, I know I'm clean. So the...."

Thor hesitates and then gestures at his nose, blatantly uncomfortable with the scene he's referencing. "The blood. You'll be fine." He drops his hand. "I promise."

"Mm," Loki replies.

"Well, you'd probably know by now if you weren't," he adds after a while, when Thor doesn't say anything else. "Fine. Hold still."

Loki treats all the scrapes, occasionally pushing a little too hard to watch Thor fight against a flinch, but mostly not. Once he's finished, he eyes Thor's back critically as he recaps the tube.

"You should be fine in a day or two," Loki tells him. "Sleep on your stomach and don't cover them tonight."

"All right," Thor says. He shifts on the mattress, but doesn't fully push off to leave. Loki stays silent.

"Look," Thor finally says. "I'm sorry."

Loki starts flipping the tube idly in his hand. "For what?"

Thor makes another vague, agitated gesture. "For being a douchebag today," he mutters. "The stuff I said. Your nose. ...Not mentioning Mom's text."

Loki flips the tube a few more times.

"No, you're not," he replies. "I was asking for it."

Thor stiffens hard at that and curls his hands into fists. Loki tenses.

"No you weren't," Thor hisses out through his teeth.

"Yes, I was," Loki replies. He touches Thor's back with his fingertips. "I hit you right on a weak spot."

Thor clenches his fists tighter. "I shouldn't have gone off like that," he responds; and Loki relaxes a fraction as it becomes clear that the anger is at himself.

"Thor," he huffs, "I was asking for it. I hit you right on a weak spot, when I went through your brother."

Thor tenses up again, but this time Loki kisses his shoulder before he can speak.

"I promised I won't do it again," he murmurs, keeping his mouth close to Thor's skin. He doesn't move until Thor finally eases up.

"I still shouldn't've hit you," Thor mutters, sliding his hands off his legs to grip the edge of the mattress.

Loki is silent for a heartbeat. Then he rests his hands on Thor's waist and chuckles once, coolly, against his shoulder.

"Is that what this is about?" he asks. "Do I have to say it again? Is that what you want to hear?"

He drops a second kiss on Thor's shoulder, leans in and presses another one behind his ear, and whispers, "I was _begging_ for it."

Thor shudders under his palms and digs his fingers into the mattress.

Loki folds his legs under him and shifts forward until they're spread against Thor's own. As Thor draws in a breath, Loki nuzzles behind his ear and murmurs, "I know you don't want to really hurt me."

When Thor shivers again, Loki runs his palms lightly along his sides. He scoots even closer until his thighs are tight against Thor's hips, curving his spine so he doesn't hit his back. Loki hums when Thor inhales shortly. "I know that, Thor," he assures.

Loki rolls his hips against Thor's ass and hitches his breath in one of those soft, discomforted noises that made Thor hungrier before. He doesn't disappoint this time either, trembling faintly at the sound. Loki nuzzles him again.

"I know you don't want to _really_ hurt me," he murmurs, "but just a little is okay, hm? Just--" he rocks forward once more, with a sharper grunt this time "--just enough that I acknowledge your _authority_."

Thor quakes violently, crumpling the bedspread in his grip.

Loki waits. When Thor doesn't respond, he slides his hands back and presses his thumbs hard against some of the worst scratches. " **Right**?"

Thor flinches and grabs his wrists--but he doesn't pull his hands away.

". . . I don't want to be that kind of person," Thor finally whispers, his voice cracking.

Loki rests his forehead against Thor's shoulder, and keeps his chin tilted away so Thor won't feel his smile.

After several moments, he starts rubbing his fingers gently along Thor's side once more. "There's plenty of people like you out there," Loki consoles, dropping another kiss on his shoulder. "Don't take it so hard. You're no worse than me."

Thor shakes his head and lets go of his wrists. "Loki...."

"Shh," he replies, dropping a hand down to grip Thor's dick through his boxers.

Thor jerks against him at the first touch, then hisses when his back hits Loki's chest. Loki tsks.

"Hold still," he repeats, leaning back a little more. "I won't put it on a second time."

Thor exhales shortly, but straightens his shoulders and holds himself in place. Loki smiles again and kisses his nape.

He brushes brief kisses along Thor's shoulders and neck as he slides his hand under the boxers to stroke him evenly. Loki keeps doing all those little soft things Thor likes, and it isn't long before Thor's cock is hard in his hand and Thor's rocking into his touch minutely. Loki chuckles against an unscratched part of his shoulder blade and says, "There, that's more like it."

The next time he smooths his thumb over the head of Thor's cock, a dribble of precome is spilling from the slit. When Loki rubs a little more roughly to smear it over the head, Thor groans and pushes harder into his hand.

Loki keeps adding pressure after that, tightening his grip a fraction or moving a little faster with every few strokes; but he watches for a sign that he's pushing too far. He knows now that he can make Thor take it harsher than he likes and still get off--but not by much, and not without the right priming. He's still determining all the parameters.

When Thor flinches and drags his hands up to grip Loki's thighs, he relents a fraction. "Too much?" he asks, kissing the side of his neck again.

Thor's panting is raspy, but he's mostly stayed still like he was told. Loki waits, and doesn't ease back any further just yet.

Finally, Thor shakes his head once. "This is good," he swallows. "Can you stay with this, Loki? Please. I can take this."

Loki shivers before he can catch himself. Thor's breath hitches.

"Okay," Loki murmurs, and does.

Thor's hands flex against his thighs as Loki strokes him. They tighten further occasionally when Loki rubs his thumb against the slit of his dick, and he's still panting unevenly; but he doesn't ask for mercy again.

So Loki grants a smidgen. He gentles his touch slightly whenever he strokes over the head of Thor's cock, where he seems to be the most sensitive; and it isn't long before Thor's biting back groans and rocking harder into his hand again.

Loki's breath is coming faster by the time Thor swallows down a moan and tilts his head to press it against the side of his face. Thor's eyelashes quiver against Loki's cheek as he starts mumbling, "Yeah, that--that's good, stay like that Loki, please, that feels--" and then Loki presses a hand over his mouth.

"Shhh," he warns, squeezing his dick a little tighter to make Thor grunt sharply. "Or your brother might hear."

Thor clenches his jaw under his palm. Loki chuckles and rubs a thumb against his cheek, and keeps his hand in place. "That's better."

Thor's crap at keeping his mouth shut during sex, though. It's not long before he's kissing Loki's palm and making little pleased or 'ow' sounds, though he at least manages to hold back actual words. Loki takes note of what causes the satisfied noises, and finally exhales exasperatedly.

"You're the one who doesn't want him to find out," he reminds. Loki pulls his hand back enough to force two fingers into Thor's mouth. " _Quiet_."

Thor jolts and chokes briefly, clenching his hands hard around Loki's thighs again. Loki smirks.

But after a few harsh coughs, Thor gets control over himself again. He breathes in carefully through his nose, and starts to suck.

Loki inhales sharply.

He feels Thor smile in response. Before Loki can swear at him, Thor lifts a hand to catch his, holding it against his lips. He hooks another one of Loki's fingers out and slides it into his mouth as well.

"Fuck," Loki gasps out, jerking against him. He was half-up already, but his dick hardens a lot faster as Thor grunts and then begins pushing back, pressing his ass against Loki's cock. " _Fuck_. Asshole, don't promise shit you won't do."

Thor nips his fingers and sucks them a little deeper into his mouth. Loki bites his shoulder to stifle a groan and curses again.

Thor chuckles muffledly at that. Loki scowls and pushes his fingers in harder, snorting when it makes Thor choke again. Thor scrapes his teeth against his knuckles in retaliation before using his grip on Loki's thigh to try tugging him closer. Loki digs the balls of his feet into the mattress and fights back.

Thor huffs in frustration and lets go, only to sling his arm behind Loki's back and haul him forward.

Even the awkward angle of Thor's arm and being braced doesn't give Loki enough leverage against his strength. He's shoved up hard against Thor, his muted gasp at the increased pressure on his dick echoed by Thor's grunt when Loki bangs into the scratches on his back.

Loki drapes himself over his back heavily enough that it bends Thor forward, and snaps his hips hard against him. Thor stifles another pained noise at that--but instead of letting go, he tightens his arm to hold Loki in place.

Loki growls and shoves a fourth finger into his mouth, not caring about the teeth scraping his knuckles as he forces Thor's mouth wider around his hand. Thor gags and coughs, and then breathes and steadies himself and takes it.

"Fuck," Loki hisses. He bites Thor's shoulder again as he starts driving his hips roughly against him, trying to find a pace that'll give him enough friction. Thor braces his feet hard on the floor to bear up.

Thor twitches and smothers grunts as Loki's chest rubs against the scrapes along his back, but it's not until he flinches sharply and hisses that Loki realizes he's stroking him too viciously again. A second later, Thor lets go of his fingers and shoves a hand down his boxers, gripping Loki's fist and forcing him to ease up.

Loki doesn't fight it. He lets Thor curl a hand around his own and begin moving it the way he wants to be touched, because then he doesn't have to pay attention to Thor's needs and he can focus on his own. He can't get enough friction this way, can't get the right pressure between them, can't come just frotting like this--but he **wants** to, because Thor's got his hand in his mouth and his ass against his dick, because _Thor_ is choking down his fingers like they're a cock and keeping Loki pulled so tight to him as he ruts his dick along his ass that Loki can feel the muscles in Thor's arm trembling against his back. It should be more than enough, having Thor so degraded like this for him. It needs to be enough. It needs to be everything, while he's still got it.

Thor twists and tilts his head back, managing to shake Loki's fingers loose. He turns his head, trying to kiss him, and Loki tilts his face away and presses it harder to his shoulder.

Thor nuzzles his ear instead. "Just gimme a little longer Loki, then I'll take care of you, just a little more." He catches a mouthful of Loki's hair for the trouble and has to spit it out with a ridiculous noise and a brief laugh.

Loki wraps his arm around Thor's upper chest and digs spit-covered fingers into Thor's shoulder hard enough that his nails break the skin. Thor grunts and then presses a kiss to his ear. "Just a little longer, Loki, promise. Here, keep your hand like that, and I'll--"

Thor lets go of Loki's fist around his dick and pulls his hand away. He whines softly when Loki stops moving, but still reaches back and grabs Loki's hip to drag him in even closer. "Loki, please, please keep doing it, c'mon, I know this isn't enough but just gimme a little longer, c'mon, please don't stop."

"Shut up," Loki groans shakily, rocking his hips against the tighter pressure. He focuses some of his attention back on Thor's dick, and Thor smothers a groan as he starts stroking again.

"Yeah, that, good," Thor breathes, and then he bites his lip and shuts his face.

Loki wasn't paying attention to the way Thor was working his hand on his dick before, but it isn't hard to guess. He either gets back to the rhythm or finds a new one that's just as good, because soon Thor is grasping his hip and back tightly and pushing hard into his hand, his breathing growing more ragged as he gets closer and closer. Loki props his chin on Thor's shoulder, his cheek against the juddering pulse in Thor's neck, and keeps his hand steady until finally it's enough.

He pulls his hand loose of the boxers when Thor comes and curls his arm tighter around Thor's chest as he rides it out. Thor lets go of his back and grabs his forearm instead, holding on until his jerky shudders begin to trail off.

Once Thor's starting to catch his breath, he pulls Loki's forearm up and kisses it. Loki responds by driving his hips hard against his ass, making Thor hiss when his chest drags over the scratches again.

"Yeah, okay," Thor says. He shakes loose of Loki's grip like it's nothing, and then shifts around and pushes him down onto the bedspread.

Loki arches up with a barely stifled shout when Thor shoves a hand down his boxers and starts jerking him off, his grip calloused and rough and tight and _good_ and finally _**enough**_.

Thor grins and kisses the side of his neck and drops more of his weight onto him, pinning him to the bed. Loki claws his hands into Thor's shoulders and shoves his mouth against his jaw, struggling to remember to keep quiet--Thor's not going to let him threaten Balder to keep this a secret if they wake him up. He drags his legs up and digs his heels into the edge of the mattress, rutting hard into Thor's hand.

"There you go, that's good," Thor murmurs. "C'mon Loki, this is enough now, right?" He shifts a little and pushes his other hand down Loki's boxers, still keeping his chest pressed hard to Loki's to pin him. Loki bites his tongue when Thor cups his balls and squeezes, just a little too carefully. "You can get off like this."

Loki keeps his mouth against Thor's skin but bangs a fist on his shoulder. It's true, but he doesn't need to sound so fucking _certain_. Thor didn't even know what a safeword is and he's probably never given a blowjob let alone deep-throated, so where the fuck does he get off sounding like some kind of fucking expert? Asshole.

"Yet," Thor says like a promise; and Loki thinks shit, what part did he say out loud? **Asshole**.

Thor rolls his balls in his palm as he jerks him off before squeezing again, and this time he does it tight enough. Loki shoves a forearm against his mouth and bites down hard as he arches up into it.

"There you go," Thor says. He rocks up onto his knees, and Loki tries to stifle a whine at the loss of pressure on his chest. He yanks at Thor with the hand he's still got on his shoulder, but he can't move him.

Thor lets go of his balls and wrenches his boxers down his thighs, trapping his legs and leaving him exposed underneath him. Loki gasps against his arm.

"I'm gonna take you somewhere nobody's ever met us," Thor swears, staring down at him intensely. Without the boxers hampering him his hands are working Loki's dick and balls almost perfect, exactly how Loki would want if only it were a little harder, and Loki has to struggle to keep his eyes open against the feeling. Thor almost looks like he means the bullshit he's saying. "Just us, and I'm gonna find out just how loud I can make you get to make up for all this. I don't want you to still have a _voice_ when I'm done."

Loki shudders and turns his face away, biting down harder on his arm. It's stupid, because all Thor does is lean down to nuzzle hair away from his ear and press his mouth to it.

"Come on, Loki, you can do it," he murmurs. "You were awesome today. I didn't get it at first, I forgot the phones are homemade--don't tell Mom I said that--" and for a couple seconds Loki just cracks up because _why would Thor even say that right now_ , and he doesn't hear some of Thor's crap while he laughs-- "can't believe you pulled that off working with almost _nothing_ , that was all. You're a fucking genius, you just make it look so easy we forget how smart you are sometimes. That's all. They weren't mad or freaked out or anything, they just forgot how good you are at this."

Loki's breath hitches as he figures out the missing part.

He claws a hand across Thor's back, over as many of the older wounds as he can get.

Thor curses and elbows his arm away, and then grabs his wrist and shoves it to the bedspread. When Loki tries to go for him with his other hand, Thor catches it as well and pins them both above his head. Loki knees him in the side.

"Jesus," Thor mutters, shouldering his leg back. But he's kept a hand on Loki's dick, and as soon Loki stops fighting for a few seconds to plan a better attack, Thor's stroking him again, good and fast. Loki tries not to push up into it, but he can't stop himself completely.

"Come on, Loki," Thor urges, leaning harder on his wrists until the bones are digging into each other and he whimpers. "Come on. You waited long enough. Let go, I got you."

Loki kicks him in the thigh, but Thor barely even slips on the bedspread. He squeezes Loki's wrists briefly in warning. "C'mon, Loki."

Loki rolls his head to the side and shoves his face against his arm, wishing his hair hid it better. Thor's still leaning over him and staring down, but fighting's not getting him anywhere and Thor's hands feel good. Loki clenches his eyes shut and tries to block out Thor's soft encouragement, and focuses on the hand on his dick and the pressure building up in him from it--just a little more and it'll be too much, it'll snap and be done and he can let go, and then for a little while he won't have the energy to be angry about being trapped in this cage while everything he's not allowed to keep gets shoved in his face. Thor tells him he can do it, tells him he's good, tells him he's a genius, tells him come on he deserves this, and Loki presses his face harder against his arm and bites down to keep from screaming wretchedly, and comes.

Thor kisses his shoulders and chest where the antiseptic didn't smear while he drifts down from it. After a while, Thor starts rubbing his wrists; Loki stares blankly at the ceiling as he sprawls out on the bedspread and tries to remember how to breathe without sounding like he's dying.

He finally swats absently at Thor when his stubble starts tickling. Thor snorts and drops to his side, hissing when he hits some of the scratches.

He pushes to his feet eventually. Then he turns and grabs Loki's hands before trying to drag him up as well. "Come on."

"No," Loki says muzzily. Thor should just go away so he can sleep. "Why?"

"I don't want to get water all over your bed," Thor says. He hauls him onto his feet even though Loki stays limp out of reflexive stubbornness. "Jesus, you're getting scrawny. How were you still fencing like this?"

"Go fuck yourself," he yawns.

He expects Thor to make what he probably thinks is a very clever retort to that. But instead Thor pauses.

A moment later, he mumbles something before tugging Loki's boxers back up his hips. Loki blinks with a frown at that, and then scowls when the fabric starts to get damp. "Take them off."

"You can't walk naked in the hall, what if someone's in the kitchen?" Thor replies, draping one of his arms over his shoulder and guiding him toward the door.

Loki's snigger is uglier than it would've been if he were thinking straight. He stifles it as soon as he realizes that; but Thor gives him an odd look anyway.

He doesn't say anything though, and just takes them to the bathroom. Loki leans against the counter and yawns more as Thor cleans him up, and tries to remember where he was with the terminal on Balder's phone when he got interrupted. Maybe he should just sleep and check in the morning. But Balder's going to ask for it back eventually, and if he does it where Thor overhears....

He can ask for it again later. As long as Balder still feels nervous about how much closer he is to Thor, Loki can get him to do whatever he wants.

He yawns again while Thor hands him a towel and says to dry off before leaving. Loki does so and remembers that he still has to delete the malware before he gives the phone back. So he still has to work before he comes out of his room for breakfast. Maybe he should take something from the kitchen tonight, once Thor's settled in his room--wait, Thor hasn't cleaned himself off yet--where'd he go?

He's just starting to tense up when Thor returns, carrying two pairs of boxers.

"Here," he says, holding one out.

Loki blinks in surprise, and then eventually takes them. Thor shoves their stained ones in the hamper while he pulls them on.

"Night," Loki says, tossing the towel onto the sink and turning toward the door, waiting for Thor to bring up his back.

"Night," Thor replies. He starts lathering the washcloth again.

Loki gets to the door and then hesitates with his hand on the knob. He finally frowns over his shoulder. "Don't you want help with your back?"

Thor looks up. "You said you wouldn't do it a second time."

Loki eyes him suspiciously; but Thor seems sincere.

Finally, Loki huffs and turns toward him again. "That was before I made it worse," he replies. He pushes down the toilet lid and drops onto it with another yawn. "Hurry up so I can do it."

Thor looks surprised for a couple seconds, but then smiles. "Thanks."

Loki rolls his eyes and flaps a hand at the sink. "Hurry _up_."


	5. this is a story about sex and food and terrible puns

Once Loki finishes with his back, he leaves the bathroom before Thor's dressed.

Thor pulls on a new pair of boxers and stifles a yawn as he heads out. When he glances into Loki's room, he sees his cousin's thrown his bedspread on the floor and flopped across his sheets. Thor bites down a snicker and pulls the door shut further.

Balder's door is completely closed. Thor did that before knocking on Loki's.

Some of the lingering high from his orgasm drops away when he sees it, and guilt slithers into its place.

They were probably quiet enough. Right? If they weren't, Balder would be up already, asking what happened once he heard them talking in the bathroom.

Unless he got up earlier, and heard them in Loki's room, and figured it out and freaked out and went and hid.

His brother's not _that_ much of a kid anymore. He must've noticed girls by now, and heard something about sex. Thor should check up on that actually, now that he's thinking about it. He needs to make sure Balder hasn't been told any bullshit and knows how to buy the right kind of condoms for different lubes.

He needs to have some damn self-control and not risk putting his brother in a position where Balder either has to keep a nasty secret or rat them out.

Thor presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to force away the rest of his lethargy. He shoves his bangs back and scrubs his palms on his boxers, and reaches for the doorknob.

"Please tell me you're not really _that_ stupid," Loki mutters. "I'm going to worry it's catching."

Thor turns around and finds his cousin leaning heavily against his doorframe, smothering another yawn.

He makes a frustrated gesture at the door. "How'm I supposed to know if he heard us or not if I don't check?" he demands quietly.

"Look at his face at breakfast," Loki answers, yawning again.

Thor starts to call him an asshole. He only holds back because Loki looks too wiped out to be acting deliberately malicious. Maybe being a jackass is his default setting; it wouldn't really be a surprise.

"What if he **didn't** hear anything?" Loki adds. "How'll you explain waking him up then?"

Thor shrugs. "I was checking on him, just in case. After all the stuff that happened."

Loki gives him an annoyed look. "And that's normal for you?"

"Yeah," Thor answers.

His cousin stares at him for a little longer, and then rubs at his face. A moment later, he tosses his hands in the air and goes back into his room, shutting the door.

Thor exhales tiredly and thinks he should do the same. It's not cowardly to wait until he's got a plan and he's well-rested enough to execute it; that's common sense. Both he and Loki are too worn down to manage this properly right now.

He knows Loki _has_ to be too exhausted for this, because if his cousin were thinking straight he'd want to find out immediately if they were overheard. The fallout of getting caught is going to be worse for him.

If Thor's thrown out, Volstagg and Brunhilde will probably let him crash at their place until he can get his application in to the army. After he's accepted, he can try to enlist at the same base Sif's at. His life won't really be that shot, even though he's the one who started all this shit by being a voyeur.

But if his parents make Loki go home and cut him out of the family like they did Uncle Laufey, the first time Loki gets into enough shit that it costs him his scholarship, he'll lose everything.

The more Thor thinks about it, the more frustrated he gets. He should have keep his shit together. If he could've done that fucking little today, he wouldn't be worrying about Balder now.

But he didn't want to go to bed leaving things bad between him and Loki.

Thor exhales through his teeth, and then cracks Balder's door open to check on him.

His brother's still curled up under his sheet. Thor lets out the breath he's been holding, and leaves the door ajar again and goes to his room, telling himself to stop being so paranoid.

His parents can't cut Loki out of the family. His mom wouldn't let that happen. His cousin's too good at information security, and even better at hacking, for them to lose him. Even his dad would have to acknowledge that, no matter how pissed he was.

 _He'd **have** to_ , Thor thinks as he slings himself onto the bed.

But he can't forget how wary his parents' faces were earlier.  
  
  
Balder looks totally normal at breakfast.

Thor drinks too much coffee because he couldn't sleep last night. He can only make himself meet his cousin's eyes once while his parents are still in the kitchen.

Loki just arches an eyebrow like 'I told you so, listen to me more, moron.' Thor rolls his eyes and mutters into his mug.

For most of the morning, his mom shifts between working on the new encryptions with Loki and running forensics on the affected machines with Balder. His dad left before anyone else woke up and comes back only to sleep for half an hour before he's called out again. Thor covers his part by opening all the blinds and going outside, to mow the lawn and joke with the neighbors and act like they're all regular people.

Afterward, his mom shoos them out so she can finally sleep while they keep maintaining the cover story. Thor takes Loki and Balder down to the beach and texts Volstagg, saying where they are and that things are fine now. The guys meet up with them soon afterward.

Brunhilde skips out with a complaint about the heat. Loki barely wakes up to acknowledge Hogun and Fandral and Volstagg's arrival before falling back asleep under the umbrella.

His cousin's still walking around like he's half-unconscious, and it's making Thor edgy. They're all trying to get back to normal after the last fifty-five hours, yeah--but this is still a longer recovery time than Loki used to need.

Ever since he hefted his cousin up last night, Thor keeps remembering how it was easier than it should've been.

He knows he's strong, but it's more than that. The bruises Loki's hiding with a couple borrowed wristbands are darker than they should be--Thor thought he was more careful than that. His cousin's still muscled, he still mostly has his sinewy, track and field/knife-user's body, and it's not that obvious; but he's lost weight.

Loki steals and hoards food from them **all** the time.

It's not like Thor's parents are tightwads. If their family has plenty of money, then why the hell isn't more of it going to Loki and Aunt Farbauti?

Then Thor wonders if it **is** , but it's not making it down to Loki. Helblindi and Byleist never come home anymore--they haven't for years, not since Uncle Laufey was arrested. It's just his aunt and cousin in that house now.

_'Fucking cowards who cut and run and left me to deal with her,' Loki snarled back when he jabbed at him about his brothers._

Maybe that wasn't just another one of Loki's usual half-truth excuses.

Thor doesn't like thinking something so ugly about his aunt, but she hasn't been the same person since Uncle Laufey was arrested. She never talks to them anymore unless they call first, and she doesn't invite them over or accept invitations to their house. Thor vaguely remembers that there was an argument between her and Frigga about Loki even coming on their vacation at all, until his dad got involved and demanded it. His aunt slammed the phone down so hard that Thor heard it across the room; but she didn't argue again.

When they get lunch from the crab shack down the beach, Thor pays for Loki's share along with Balder's. After he and Volstagg finish hauling it back to their spot, he jabs Loki in the shin with a foot until his cousin finally swears and rolls off the sheet under the umbrella and joins them to eat.  
  
  
His brother and Volstagg hit it off once Balder gets over his suspicion, which Thor thinks is great: now there's someone else for Volstagg to call a kid besides him.

Loki falls back asleep after lunch. Hogun settles in his chair to work on his tan, and Thor and Fandral wander back to the crab shack to get ice cream in an excuse to check out the girls.

"No interest at all?" Fandral finally asks, after Thor agrees with moderate enthusiasm about the cute girl in the tankini who just went inside.

Fandral leans back against the wooden fence and shakes his head morosely. "Either you're too picky, in which case you're going to miss out on a lot of fun," he warns, " _or_ , you're not looking because you've already got someone. We can head back."

Thor snickers and then catches his ice cream before it can slide out of the cone. "Nah," he replies. "It's cool. It's just looking."

"Oho," Fandral grins, "there _is_ someone. Hogun owes me ten bucks."

Thor makes a face at him. "Seriously?"

"I know, it's amazing," he agrees. "The only way I can explain him not seeing the obvious is he thinks I think about flirting too much, so he just **had** to take the opposite bet."

Thor rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Then he starts devouring his ice cream to stave off the question he's sure is coming.

Fandral doesn't let him off the hook. "So why haven't you introduced us?"

"Gee I wonder," Thor says through a mouthful.

The man chuckles. "I know it's hard not to worry that you'd be dumped as soon as they met us, but I promise, we would spurn any advances for the sake of friendship," he vows. Thor rolls his eyes even harder and wonders if it's normal for humanities majors to talk like this. 

Fandral just grins again before raising an eyebrow. "You haven't said _any_ thing. Is it that new?"

Thor shrugs uncomfortably, almost halfway down the cone now and starting to get a headache. "I--there just isn't much I can talk about. I mean, to say about it." _Dammit_. That only makes it sound worse. How the fuck is Loki so good at lying off the cuff like this? Does he practice? Probably.

"Ahh," Fandral replies. He shrugs lightly and nods. "Well, if you promised you wouldn't say anything, then of course I won't harass you. Much. A gentleman doesn't kiss and so on."

For a few seconds Thor's surprised it worked; but then Fandral gives him a serious look.

"But if you don't want to discuss it because you're worried about something, that's usually when you need to talk to someone the most," he adds soberly.

Thor shifts away on instinct.

But Fandral looks genuinely concerned. ...And Thor's pretty sure he's the least judgmental person he knows.

And shit, he's probably heard some things that are at least _kind_ of this bad if not **as** bad. Right? Maybe he can tell Thor how to stop fucking things up.

And then he's starting to spill the story before he really lets himself think about what might happen if this is way more fucked up than anything Fandral's heard before and he completely loses his friendship over it.

It comes out in a garbled mess, because Thor conceals everything that points to his cousin. That isn't difficult name-wise--but it makes it even harder to talk about the voyeurism and the blackmail and the blood. When he gets to the violent stuff, he ends up crushing the cone because his hands keep shaking.

Fandral hands over his napkin without comment, and continues nodding and listening while Thor shreds the thin paper trying to wipe off his palms.

He's sure it doesn't make much sense at all by the time he's attempted to take out everything that has to come out. So finally, Thor quits trying to backtrack and conceal and explain around, and asks, "What do I do? I mean, how--how do I stop?"

He feels disgusting even asking that. He stops by **stopping**.

But he keeps fucking up at that. It feels like his first year of junior high all over again, only he's not on those pills anymore and all the other techniques his therapist taught him aren't working. And he can't just walk away because Loki's _family_. Where the fuck else is he supposed to go?

At this point, if there's anything Fandral knows that can stop him from losing control, Thor doesn't care if he loses him and Hogun and Volstagg as friends because he's a screwed-up would-be rapist as long as Fandral tells him first. If there's anything else out there that can help, Thor needs it, before he hurts Loki for real.

Fandral leans against heavily against the fence.

Well," he says slowly, "you're definitely in an abusive relationship."

Thor flinches and rips up the tattered napkin further.

"But I'm not sure how much of it is on your end," Fandral tells him, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. Thor looks over. "BDSM isn't my scene, but it sounds like you're mixed up with a bad dom."

Thor blinks and then thinks Christ, he told the story even worse than he thought. "No, it--I'm the one who's doing the--"

"I don't know if it's that cut and dried," Fandral interjects evenly. "At least not in this case. There's...aaaah, what'd she call it," he mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose. "--Service tops. That sounds like the case here, I think." Fandral gives him another serious look. "I'm sorry I'm not clearer. I can message a couple people and see if they can explain it better, if you don't mind me telling enough of this to explain. But," he adds, before Thor can decide whether to agree or not, "I'm pretty sure being a bottom doesn't always mean being a sub. And that being the one doing dom-associated stuff doesn't necessarily mean being the dom."

Thor stares down at the shreds of napkin, unsure what to say.

Is Fandral right? Some of those websites contradicted each other, so maybe.... Except, maybe by trying to revise everything while he explained, he ended up making things sound different than they are. "I don't. . . ."

"How about this," Fandral says. "What's _your_ safeword?"

When Thor frowns and looks at him, Fandral presses his lips together slightly and then clarifies. "What do you say when you want to make it clear you're not comfortable with how intense things are getting? When you want it to be clear that you don't want to be goaded, you want to stop and talk things over and make sure you're both on the same page?"

"I...." Thor shifts on his feet. "I didn't figure I needed one. I'm not the one getting hurt."

"That's the part about this that really pisses me off," Fandral says flatly. "He can't justify this shit. You _are_. It's just not physically. You get to have boundaries too, Thor."

He catches Thor's gaze. "The problem here isn't the hitting, or anything like that, all right?" Fandral says seriously. "The problem is that you don't know if it's really okay, and you don't have a way to ask for things to stop to confirm that. You shouldn't be worrying if this is consensual or not. This should have been worked out already."

"It's not that simple," Thor mutters uncomfortably.

Even if he told Loki it's okay to say no, how's he supposed to be sure his cousin hasn't decided that it's better to risk getting hurt, just in case Thor changes his mind? Sometimes Thor thinks he's spent his whole goddamn life trying to figure out if people are being honest with him or if they're just saying what they think he wants to hear to avoid making him mad.

Besides, they're family. Where else could Loki go?

Fandral raises a hand. "I understand what you're worried about," he promises. "I'm not making light of it. And look, if you sit down and talk about it and it turns out that that _is_ going too far--for **either** of you--then you can look for ways to manage your temper if you're still worried you'll cross a line." Fandral gives him another serious look. "But right now, that's not the immediate problem that needs to be fixed."

Thor exhales raggedly and slumps against the fence.

He still isn't sure Fandral's right--could he ever be, if he doesn't know the full story? And even if Thor **could** tell all of that, he still wouldn't be able to explain it right to an outsider.

He can't even explain some of it to himself, because he can't explain _Loki_. His cousin can be an asshole, he's selfish and reckless and shockingly shortsighted for someone so fucking smart; but he's not a monster.

But he seems to need something so bad that he keeps destroying all the stuff around him until it comes off like that to anybody looking.

Thor just can't figure out what it _is_ , because Loki fights him back on everything, and Thor isn't sure when it's because he's wrong and when it's because Loki thinks he has to for his own damn pride.

His hands are still trembling a little. Thor shoves them deep into his pockets before he turns to look at Fandral again.

"...Thanks." He shifts on his feet. "I mean it. Thank you."

Fandral smiles at him; but when it fades, he still looks concerned.

"Normally I'd tell you to get out," he says. "Walk away, run, whatever it takes. And call the cops so other people don't end up going through this in the future."

Thor shifts again and tries not to tense up, because Fandral's not knowingly insulting his family. He's trying to help.

Fandral keeps watching him for several moments, and then sighs.

"But since that's not possible," he says with a resigned shrug, "do you want me to try talking to Loki?"

Thor squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his hands into fists.

". . . Am I _that_ bad at lying?" he demands eventually, when Fandral doesn't add anything else.

"I wouldn't say you're bad at lying," Fandral muses. "But you're pretty bad at hiding your emotions. Or your affection.

"Also, he's wearing a long-sleeved shirt and you're in a t-shirt in the middle of summer and you two keep looking at each other like you're five seconds away from sucking cock, so there's that," he adds, and Thor cracks up hard enough that he almost doubles over.

"Shit," he says a couple second later, unable to stop laughing yet. "I thought we were subtler than that."

"Nooooo," Fandral drawls, and Thor presses his hands to his face.

"Shit, shit," he mutters when he's finally caught his breath again.

Something about it must sound as panicked as he feels as he thinks about his parents and his brother-- **fuck** , he's screwed up so bad just because he couldn't just fucking keep a level head and _shit_ did Sif notice because that feels kind of worse since Fandral and Hogun and Volstagg haven't known them long but she grew up with him and Loki--because Fandral grips his shoulder reassuringly again.

"Hey," he soothes. When Thor looks over again, Fandral shakes his head. "Sorry. I...all right, you two are a little obvious, but not that much. I promise. Sorry," he repeats. "I was just trying to lighten things up."

Thor sucks in a deep breath before scrubbing an arm over his face. "But you noticed."

"I guessed," Fandral replies, letting his hand drop as Thor rubs his eyes and pushes his hair back. "I wasn't sure until...."

Fandral leans against the fence, frowning slightly. "I understand what you're afraid of. But Thor--you're probably one of the most self-controlled people I know. You keep your head together better than people older than you," he says. "Why you think-- Anyway, the list of people who could get under your skin like this is pretty short. It had to be someone really close, who knows you well."

Fandral shrugs. "And you kept acting weird even after Sif left, so the list got even shorter."

Thor snorts shakily.

"Why's everyone keep thinking Sif and I are secretly dating?" he asks. "I've known her for so long she's like a sister."

Fandral's silent for a beat too long after that, and then Thor gets it and winds up breaking into laughter again.

"I wasn't going to...." Fandral coughs on a snicker and starts laughing himself.

"Ow." Thor braces an arm against his stomach and drops back against the fence again, staring up at the sky. Fandral stifles one more snerk before shaking his head.

He settles against the fence himself, looking at Thor once more. " _Do_ you want me to try talking to Loki?"

Thor pushes his hands into his pockets. "...Do you think it'll do anything?"

"No," Fandral says honestly. "I think he'll cut me out of his life without a second thought, and ruin my car too." He flashes a grin. "But I won't know until I try, right?"

Thor shifts against the fence, already uncomfortable with the prickle of jealousy that had come when Fandral asked and even more uncomfortable with the fact that it's receding now. He huffs.

"It's.... Thanks. But it's okay. I'll talk to him." Thor shrugs. "Maybe we both just aren't understanding each other."

Fandral frowns doubtfully at that; but he doesn't say anything.

Thor closes his eyes and hisses out a breath. "He's not a monster." He shouldn't have to keep telling people this.

"I'm not saying that," Fandral replies.

...It's not that he shouldn't have to keep telling people this, it's that he's getting tired of doing it. He knows where the impression's coming from.

Thor blows out a breath; and then he remembers Fandral's muttered ' _he can't justify this_.'

The prickle of jealousy comes back, stronger than before. Thor shoves his hands deeper in his pockets. "--Does he talk to you about stuff? Like, why he's so angry?"

Fandral shakes his head. "No, but he doesn't really have to."

Thor frowns. "What do you mean?"

Fandral presses his lips together again briefly.

Then he takes a long breath, and shifts the melted cone in his hand before starting to tap his fingers on one of the slats. Thor frowns deeper and rocks away from the fence, turning to face him fully.

"If I tell you something, will you promise to listen and just--think about it, even if you don't like it?" Fandral asks, watching his face.

Thor's not sure where this is going; but if he's being fair, he owes Fandral more than enough to agree. He nods and pulls his hands loose again. "Yeah."

"I don't like your dad," Fandral says. Thor stiffens.

Fandral has to see it, but after a breath he goes on. "He plays the two of you against each other. Look, maybe he believes he's doing what's best for you both," he amends. "Maybe he's trying to make you both stronger or something, and it's just coming out...bad. But we met him _twice_ , Thor, and still noticed it. And Sif said he's been doing it your whole life, but you get really touchy when anyone tries to bring it up." Fandral shrugs. "It's not hard to see where that anger's coming from."

For a moment, Thor is equal parts glad that Sif got along with the guys enough to talk to them like that--she and Fandral could really dig into each other sometimes, and Thor wasn't always sure she liked hanging out with them--and pissed that she went behind his back like this.

"I like hanging out with him, Thor. I'm not saying he's a monster," Fandral continues after a few moments. "But if you get told your whole life that you're never as good as someone else, it's not really surprising if you eventually start being way too hard on yourself or thinking you've got to endure some unreasonable burdens."

He gives Thor a significant look at that. Thor shifts a little further down the fence.

"Or if you eventually think 'fine, fuck you, why should I keep trying' instead," Fandral adds with another shrug.

Thor is silent for longer; but Fandral doesn't say any more.

Eventually, he makes himself drop back against the fence. Thor lets out a long breath, and then shuts his eyes and says, "...Maybe."

It's the best he can give to someone who's outside his family but insulting it. Fandral seems to understand, because he nods and doesn't push the matter.

"Thanks," Thor adds, after another long silence.

Fandral pats his shoulder again. "We're friends."

The start of a smile tugs on the corners of Thor's lips. He exhales, and nods slowly. "Yeah. Thank you."

"Just out of curiosity, if there are new dates in the future, should I use 'she' or 'he' when asking?" Fandral inquires. "Or just 'they' until you say which?"

"Uh," he replies. "...'They,' I guess."

"All right," Fandral agrees, and Thor wonders if it's really that simple. He never really noticed any guys before or besides his cousin--but then he wasn't exactly looking, so.... Whatever, apparently it's not that big a deal.

"I think you should look up statutory rape laws, though," Hogun says behind them. Fandral jolts and swears loudly; Thor spins on his heel and pulls his arm back.

He catches himself before he follows through on the strike. Hogun has an arm up to block, but he brings it down once Thor lets his fist drop with a muttered curse.

"Fandral's right," Hogun says, watching him. "You have a lot of control."

"You didn't need to prove it like that," Thor replies, exasperated.

Hogun smiles a little. "Then you should get better at listening to background noise."

Thor cusses again. Hogun's smile quirks up a fraction more before falling away.

"I mean it," he says. "Look up the laws."

Thor _knows_ they're trying to be good friends. He knows they're trying to look out for him. But he can't completely fight down the frustration he feels when they keep talking like this.

"He's my cousin," he says slowly, trying to keep his voice even. "I've known him longer than you guys. Will you just believe me when I say he wouldn't stab me in the back like that?"

Friends come and go--family's what sticks around and covers for you. Thor knows that whatever his uncle did, it was a betrayal on more levels than one.

Hogun and Fandral glance at each other across the fence before Fandral makes a little acknowledging nod.

"True," he agrees. "But what if you two get caught and he thinks that's the only way he can protect himself? People can do a lot of things they regret later when they're afraid," he points out.

Thor exhales through his teeth, but slumps against the fence.

"It doesn't hurt to know," Fandral adds after a bit. "It wouldn't necessarily be Loki. What if someone else tries to use the law against you? Say, he pisses someone off-- _shocking_ as that idea is--and they try to take out you to hurt him?"

Thor snorts, then makes a frustrated noise and shoves his bangs out of his face.

"Okay," he says. "Okay, I get it." He exhales a little slower. "I will. I promise. Alright?"

"All right," Fandral answers agreeably. Hogun says, "Good."

"Anyway," Fandral adds, turning to the other man before Thor can give Hogun an irritated look. "Pay up."

Hogun frowns in annoyance, but pulls out his wallet.

" **Seriously**?" Thor demands.  
  
  
When they get back to their spot, Volstagg's gone. Loki and Balder are sitting under the umbrella, Loki frowning narrowly while Balder argues something intensely. He falls silent when he sees them coming.

"Volstagg left," Loki says when they arrive. "He's taking Brunhilde to the hospital."

Fandral frowns and stops in the middle of reaching for his bag. "She's still got a month."

Loki shrugs. "It sounded like it was just the heat," he replies. "He said he'll let you know what happens."

Thor reaches for his phone automatically and finds it's missing again. He bites back an irked noise, and gives Loki a disapproving look that his cousin ignores.

Fandral checks his bag and nods. "All right. Thanks."

Loki shrugs again.

"Mom called and said dinner's in a couple hours," Balder adds.

He doesn't quite meet Thor's eyes as he says it. Thor frowns a little.

"She didn't say we had to go back yet, though," Loki adds, blasé, and Thor frowns deeper. Balder shoots their cousin a frustrated look.

It's super weird to be standing here with his friends now that they know about him and Loki. And he needs to get his cousin alone to tell him about it. 

Thor shrugs and says, "We've been here all afternoon anyway."

Loki tchs under his breath.

Thor prods his calf with a toe. "If you wanted to do something, you shouldn't have slept all day."

"Whatever," Loki replies, pushing to his feet. "I was tired."

In the very edge of his vision, Thor sees Fandral bite down a knowing smirk.

He yanks up the sheet and shakes the sand off it, hoping the heat in his face can be passed off as sunburn. Loki and Balder scatter out of the way.  
  
  
The guys leave them to head back to their cabin. Thor dumps the cooler and duffel bag on Balder since Loki's already propped the umbrella over his shoulder.

"Why do I have to haul all of it?" Balder gripes when he doesn't take anything.

"Because I paid for your lunch, brat," Thor tells him. "Stop complaining, it's just a couple things."

"It's all our stuff," Balder mutters. "You're not making Loki carry anything else. You bought his too."

Thor gives him a sharp look over his shoulder. "Don't be a dick."

"It's fine," Loki says. He reaches back for the duffel. "Don't expect so much of him. He's just a kid."

Balder tightens his grip on the strap. "I got it."

Loki rolls his eyes and keeps walking. Thor shakes his head and tells him, "Make up your mind."

He leaves Balder behind and falls in step with Loki before holding out a hand. "Gimme my phone."

His cousin smirks faintly as he tugs it free of his shorts' pocket. 

"You better not have gotten sand in it," Thor says in annoyance, grabbing it back. "What're you trying to prove?"

"That your passwords are shit."

"Your face is shit," he mutters as he goes to reset it again.

Loki gives him a long look, like he's embarrassed for both of them for hearing that. Thor scowls and retorts, "Shut up. There's only four slots."

"And four billion possibilities," Loki breezes. "You're just predictable."

Thor gives him a suspicious look. "Four point five."

Loki grins a little. "Four billion, five hundred and sixty-nine million, seven hundred and sixty-thousand."

"Are you _trying_ to make it sound pointless?" Thor says exasperatedly.

Loki grins more. "I still have to put them in manually," he points out, shifting the umbrella on his shoulder. "You're predictable."

Thor finishes reseting his password with a disgruntled noise, shoves it into one of the zippered pouches, and then hooks his thumbs in his pockets and shifts closer to Loki. "I need to talk to you."

Loki gives him a sidelong glance. Thor watches his cousin's eyes drop to his hands for a second before he answers. "Fine."

They've trudged halfway back to the cabin when Balder clears his throat.

"Shut up," Loki says before his brother can even talk. Thor elbows him in the arm and looks over his shoulder to where Balder's lagging behind them. "What?" he orders.

"When are you going to tell Dad they know about us?" Balder asks.

Loki tightens his jaw and starts taking longer strides.

Thor exhales tersely. "When I decide it's a good time, all right?" he answers. "Quit being a pest."

"I'm allowed to worry about both my parents," Balder mutters.

\--That's a weird way to put it.

Thor glances over his shoulder again. Balder's staring at the sand and looking kind of nervous, the way he does when he's trying to pick a fight. His brother's never been one to like starting them when he thinks there's a more sensible way to work things out. He's never had the kind of problems with his temper during competitions that Thor did.

It's a really weird way to put it; and then Thor stops short as he realizes why Balder's specifying both of them.

In his peripheral vision, he sees Loki pause and glance back with a frown. Thor grabs his cousin's upper arm hard.

"I need to talk to you _soon_ ," he grits out.

"I didn't tell him," Loki says.

Thor's grip tightens.

Loki tries to shift back, starting to look a little panicked. "I didn't," he repeats, and it almost sounds sincere. "Thor, I said I wouldn't--"

"Dad did," Balder interrupts, dropping their stuff and coming between them.

Thor lets go at his second shove. Loki takes several steps back and glares at Balder. "Are you kidding me?" he spits.

Balder shifts away a little, moving closer to him. Thor doesn't pull away, but he doesn't step in front of him either.

"No," his brother says, fidgeting. "A couple weeks ago, I had to sign all these papers, like with the trust and the wills and stuff, and--he told me then."

"Are you fucking kidding me," Loki says, low and furious, and then Thor does move in front of Balder.

He faces him when he does. "Fine," Thor tells his brother. "So what? You think she's not my mom just because I wasn't born to her?"

"No," Balder says, staring at him. "But quit being a jerk to me around him, if we're brothers."

"...What?" Thor replies; and Loki makes a disgusted noise and stomps off, leaving the umbrella on the sand.

Thor looks after him and sees his shoulders are shaking.

When he starts to turn aside, Balder grabs his arm.

"You have to tell him, Thor," he says when Thor starts to snap at him. Balder's hand is trembling. "You **have** to. Or." He swallows. "Or what if the same thing happens to you that happened to Uncle Laufey?"

" _Whoa_." Thor drops to a knee and grips his brother's shoulders. "Balder. No. That is **not** going to happen. That's something totally different."

"Is Dad going to think so?" Balder asks quietly.

For the first time, Thor wonders whether instead of not noticing things his brother just picked up his and Loki's habit of not asking about them a lot earlier than he realized.

He glances over his shoulder again and sees that Loki's already a good distance up the beach.

Thor exhales harshly and then squeezes his brother's arms. "Balder, look--just give me a couple minutes. I'll be right back."

"No you won't," he mutters. "You always ignore me when you're hanging out with him. _I'm_ your brother."

"Yeah, and you're tougher," Thor replies. "I'll be back."

Balder shuts his eyes tight. A second later, he sighs.

"Sure, all right," he replies, before shaking loose and turning back for the stuff he dropped. "Okay."

Thor doesn't like leaving him like this; but if he lets Loki get any farther he might not be able to catch him.

He jogs up the beach until he reaches his cousin. When he slings an arm around Loki's shoulders, his cousin lashes out, shoving his arm away. Thor wraps it tighter to pull him close and pin Loki's arms.

" _Let go_ ," he snarls.

"Tell me why you're mad and I will," Thor replies. Loki growls again and tries to drive an elbow into his kidney.

Thor blocks it and grabs his wrist, hauling his arm down. Loki fights harder.

When his cousin almost twists free, Thor hooks a foot around his ankle and yanks it to the side. Loki's thrown off-balance long enough for him to get a better hold, even as his cousin lashes out with his elbows and threatens to knife open his stomach.

" _Jesus_ ," Thor says, when he's finally got him in a lasting lock. "Loki. Come on. Is it really that surprising?"

Loki laughs, mean and bitter. "No. Of _course_ not."

He chokes on the last words, and then twists his head away so Thor can't see his face anymore.

Thor stays still, holding tight, as he feels his cousin's shoulders start shaking again.

This is clearly beyond Loki being pissed for his sake, or angry that Odin didn't bother to mention he'd told Balder about the same thing they'd always been ordered to stay quiet about.

"Loki," he says evenly. "What's wrong? I can't understand unless you talk to me."

Loki makes another ugly snort of laughter.

When he does finally straighten up and answer, what he says is, "Aren't you _mad?_ "

"Yeah," Thor answers, loosening his hold enough that Loki can roll his shoulders back. "But you seem pissed off enough for both of us."

Loki swipes his wrist across his face with a disgusted noise. " **Dependable**."

"I'm mad," Thor repeats, gutturally, before he can push it down this time.

Loki tenses and glances over sharply.

Thor drops his arm and takes a slow breath, and tries to force the anger out of his voice before continuing. He doesn't have time for it until he's finished dealing with this stuff with his brother and cousin.

"But it's not Balder's fault," Thor says carefully. "And what's the fucking point of yelling at Dad about it? All we'll do is shout at each other until Mom has to break it up, and why should she have to deal with that again?"

It feels like cheating to use the one thing Thor knows for certain is Loki's weakness. But it makes his cousin calm down a little.

Loki hisses through his teeth before swiping his hand across his face again. Thor waits until his cousin's breathing evens out before shrugging. "At least we don't have to keep lying any more."

"I didn't care," Loki mutters. "It was one thing we didn't have to keep sharing with him."

"That's not what you're mad about," Thor points out.

His cousin makes a face and mutters under his breath. "This would be easier if you were stupider."

Thor just gives him a look. But Loki pulls himself together, and then pulls away.

Thor lets him go, because they're standing in the middle of a public beach and Balder is stopped behind them, shifting the cooler and duffel and umbrella awkwardly as he watches. When Loki starts walking again, Balder readjusts their stuff and catches up.

"Sorry," he says quietly. "I didn't mean it like that."

Thor drops back to fall in step beside him, and takes the umbrella and cooler. "It's okay," he says.

"Sorry."

"It's okay," Thor promises. "I'm not mad that you're worried about Mom and Dad and the rest of the family, okay? That's the right thing to do."

Balder shifts the duffel over his shoulder nervously. "...But you are gonna tell him."

"Yeah," Thor agrees. "Once I'm sure they'll be safe if he knows."

His brother and cousin stop short and look at him.

Thor just raises an eyebrow at Loki before turning back to Balder, who's staring at him wide-eyed.

"You understand why I'm worried about that, right?" Thor asks seriously. "You remember what happened with Sif's parents."

He still isn't sure if her dad is off the no-fly list yet, actually. He should ask. His mom. Later.

Balder finally nods. "Yeah."

"They're good people," Thor swears. He shifts the cooler to squeeze his brother's shoulder briefly. "I know we can trust them. Family always comes first, but I don't want them hurt either. I _will_ tell Dad. I promise. Just trust **me** until then."

Balder nods slowly again. "Okay."

Thor gives him a quick smile and resumes walking.

Loki shakes his head and reaches for the umbrella without saying anything. Thor shrugs it over.

When they reach the cabin, he asks, "Balder, think you can get this stuff inside?"

His brother frowns in confusion as Thor looks back at him, but says, "Yeah."

"Good." Thor sets the cooler down before taking the umbrella from Loki and dropping it on top. His cousin raises an eyebrow.

"Tell Mom we're gonna catch a movie or something," Thor instructs Balder. "We'll grab dinner while we're out, so she and Dad don't have to worry."

Loki raises the eyebrow even higher, and folds his arms. "I want a shower," he says. "I'm covered in sand and suntan lotion."

"I've gotta put gas in the car," Thor replies. "Can you wash up at the station?"

Loki sneers. "Those bathrooms are filthy."

"I don't want to see Dad right now," Thor says quietly. "Please come with me."

Loki blinks and studies his face for a breath; and then he turns and heads for the car.

Thor glances back long enough to give Balder another quick smile. His brother looks extremely uncomfortable. "Thor--"

"Just say we're gonna go hang out," he interrupts. "We'll be back by curfew."

"...Okay," Balder finally agrees. Thor grins and gives him a brief wave as he turns toward the car.

He opens the locks while walking so Loki can get in. Thor slides into the driver's seat and yanks at the belt hard enough it locks up.

He pauses and makes himself take a long breath, and then exhales and tries again.

"Thanks," he tells Loki, as he's jamming it into the lock.

His cousin shrugs a little. "Where're we going?"

"I need gas first," Thor answers.

He peels out onto the road before Balder can get far enough into the house to reach one of their parents.  
  
  
While he's filling up the tank, his mom calls to ask what happened.

Thor tells her he's taking Loki somewhere to hang out alone for a while because after being crammed together for the past couple days he's back in the habit of sniping at Balder, which is technically true. He adds that they haven't picked what to do yet, which is also true, and that things are fine, which isn't a complete lie.

He's mostly fine. Really. He's got no problem with Balder being the main heir; Thor assumed that was going to happen eventually as long as Odin and Frigga stayed married, and they seem in it for the long haul.

Besides, if Balder's the one that eventually has to deal with wills and property and inheritance paperwork and lawyer stuff, it's one thing Thor _doesn't_ have to handle, so he can focus on his army career. And if Balder's going to do all that, he'd have to learn about Thor's birth mother at some point. Her name's still on the original trust paperwork for him, and he knows Odin has a note in his will marking money for her gravestone upkeep. Thor doesn't have a problem no longer keeping secrets from his brother.

Despite what he said to Loki, it was never a lie. Frigga's his mom and Balder's his brother, end of story.

But the way no one ever talked about his birth mother, like she never existed--that Thor didn't like.

He couldn't ever figure out how to explain it because he couldn't find a way to tell his parents without sounding like he thought Frigga **wasn't** his mom. But that was what made it feel like they were lying to Balder to cover up a dirty secret. That was what made Thor punch Loki for years whenever his cousin would get pissed and call him a bastard and then _smirk_ because they both knew it wasn't just a cuss word.

The part that makes Thor angry is he always believed Odin didn't think it mattered.

His parents never acted like there was a difference between him and Balder. Frigga never treated him as anything less than a son and Balder's older brother, and his dad always behaved the same. Once he got used to living with them, Thor started to assume words like blood or full- or half- or step- didn't apply: it was just his dad and his mom and his brother, end of story.

But if Odin's told Balder and then _didn't_ tell Thor that he did it, making this into something to build a wall between him and Balder instead of into something finally just acknowledged and moved past, then apparently those words do apply. Apparently Odin thinks it matters after all.

His mom is quiet for a few moments.

Finally, she says, "All right. Come back before you're too tired to drive."

No mention of the curfew. Balder must've told them everything.

Thor exhales slowly, then makes himself smile and says, "We will. I'll see you at breakfast, if we're not back before you've gone to bed."

"We'll see you then," his mom replies, before asking about Brunhilde. Thor tells her he hasn't heard anything yet, promises to text her once he does, and then says goodbye and hangs up.

By the time Loki comes out of the store drying his arms with a paper towel, Thor's finished filling the tank and started shifting restlessly on his feet, drumming his hands on the top of the car.

" _Now_ where're we going?" Loki asks, tossing the towel into the trash can.

Thor shrugs. "I dunno." He stills his hands and stares across the top of the car toward the street. " **Do** you wanna go to a movie? It'll be air-conditioned."

"Sure," Loki replies, opening his door.

While Thor's starting the car, Loki shifts in his seat and asks, "Are you okay?"

Thor's silent for a few heartbeats before shrugging. "Yeah. Close enough."

"Bullshit," Loki replies dryly. "You're the one who keeps saying I have to talk to you more."

Thor snorts mirthlessly.

"Yeah, okay," he agrees, pulling the car away from the pumps and maneuvering out into traffic more carefully now that he's not trying to get free of the cabin. "...But do we have to talk about him right now?"

"No," Loki answers, a little softer. "That's fine." He adjusts his seatbelt. "What were you _going_ to talk to me about?"

Thor breaks at the stop sign, and then props his elbows on the driver's wheel and pushes his hair back from his face.

When he tells Loki that the guys have caught onto them, his cousin kicks his dashboard and then curls up in his seat and glares out the window when Thor tells him to cut it out.

For now Thor leaves out almost everything else that he talked about with Fandral. He leaves out absolutely everything else with Hogun, except the bet. Loki snorts at that.

". . . So what'd they say?" he finally asks, still facing the window with his shoulders hunched.

Thor shrugs.

"I'm sure Fandral's known weirder stuff." He gestures vaguely. "And we're just cousins."

Loki makes a small noise. 

A while later, he sits up in his seat. "And I thought 'kissin' cousins' was no longer in vogue," he says wryly, and Thor ends up snorting so hard he coughs.

"That is the lamest thing you've ever said."

"No, the lamest thing I've ever said would be that joke about the guy who walked into a bar and hurt his leg," Loki answers with a little grin.

"Jesus," Thor moans. "If you start with the puns again I'll kick you out of the car."

"That'd be a real pun-ishment."

" _I'm serious_."  
  
  
Nothing new's come out since the last time they went to the movies, so Thor buys tickets to the horror show since it's the closest to starting. He sends Loki in to find seats while he stocks up on food.

It's already dark when he carries everything in. Loki makes their old code whistle as Thor passes the back row.

"Jeez," his cousin says when Thor pushes the tray in his lap so he can sit. "Did you leave anything at the counter?"

"Like you don't eat as much as me." Thor grabs the box of his favorite candy before Loki can swipe it and sticks it out of reach. Loki rolls his eyes and takes the popcorn bucket before pushing the tray back over to him.

The movie's okay but nothing special. When they aren't fighting over the food, Loki props his feet on the chair in front of him and rests his head on Thor's shoulder, keeping up a dry, documentary-style commentary on the plot and the characters's decisions that repeatedly makes Thor snort soda up his nose. Thor drapes his arms over the back of the seats and curls his hand around his cousin's shoulder, occasionally shifting when there's too much pressure against the healing scratches on his back.

They stay there through the credits. Thor finally pulls away once the lights start to come up, and kicks at the litter around their feet. "You still hungry?"

Loki shrugs languidly. "Nah." He sits up, and Thor stretches his arms. "Want to watch another one?"

"Sure."

Instead of heading back to the ticket counter, Loki turns down the hall. "Which looks good?"

Thor raises an eyebrow. "You wanna break in?"

"We're already in," Loki replies, rolling his eyes. "And you already spent, what, fifty bucks on this place?"

More than that; but Thor doesn't want to say so. He shrugs, and Loki gives him a significant look. "I think they've gotten their money's worth out of you. The worst that'll happen if we get caught is you have to buy them anyway."

"It's not that expensive," Thor replies. "It's the money Dad gave me anyway. I don't care if I spend it with you."

His cousin's quiet for a moment, but then waves it off. "You're eighteen, it's your money now."

Loki catches his wrist and starts to pull him down the hall. "Buy dinner later if you _have_ to spend it. Come on, this is the one with the helicopter fight."

Thor rolls his eyes and digs his heels in before twisting his arm free. He catches Loki's hand instead and tugs him back toward the ticket counter. "Mom told me to be a decent influence on you. I can do both, come on. If we hurry it won't've started yet."

Loki's quiet for a lot longer before finally letting his arm go lax. "All right."

They get to the theater while the commercials are still running, but there's more people this time. Thor picks a couple open seats at the edge of the room, and Loki slides in with an absent agreeing noise. Thor rests an arm over his shoulders as his cousin slouches into the seat and stretches his legs out in front of him.

When the lights go down completely and the previews start, Thor shifts closer, still trying to study his face in the dimming light. Loki either doesn't notice or doesn't acknowledge it, and keeps staring blankly at the screen.

He's started cracking his knuckles again. Thor rests his arm a little heavier over his shoulders.

Loki keeps popping his knuckles and wrists, tugging and twisting any fingers that don't go when he pushes, for way past the time Thor normally would've told him to knock it the hell off already. But no one else has yelled at them yet, so he lets it go. Loki doesn't even seem to be paying attention to it; Thor wonders if it's a nervous tic.

When his cousin's shoulders tremble once before Loki stiffens under his arm, Thor leans over and rests his temple against Loki's. "Tell me what's wrong already."

Loki drops his hands abruptly. "I'm fine."

" _Loki_."

"Don't you have enough on your plate?" his cousin mutters, slumping even deeper into the seat.

Thor follows, not letting Loki shake his arm off that easily. "Yeah," he murmurs. "And you helped distract me from it. So tell me, so I can help you now."

Loki keeps staring silently at the screen for a long time; but Thor waits.

Finally, the corner of his cousin's mouth quirks up in an empty rictus.

"If the best _you're_ expected to be is a 'decent' influence," Loki says, his voice so low its shakiness is almost hidden, "she must really think I'm awful."

Thor tenses up.

"No," he hisses, pressing his head closer. Loki shuts his eyes and tilts his face away. "No. Loki, those were my words, not--"

Someone in front of them sighs exaggeratedly.

The movie's too loud and not loud enough at the same time. Thor pushes to his feet and hauls Loki out of the seat. "Come on."

"What are you--" Loki grabs one of the armrests as Thor starts pulling him to the aisle. "Stop it!"

A couple people look over at that, but no one follows as Thor strong-arms his cousin out of the theater. Loki digs his heels into the hallway carpet; but when Thor's genuinely trying to make him move his cousin doesn't have a choice but to do it. Loki's quit fighting by the time Thor hip-checks the exit doors open.

The exit drops them out by the side of the building, but it's not private enough with all the cars parked nearby. Thor drags his cousin toward the back and says, "That's not what she said."

"Sure," Loki replies distantly.

That tone's even worse than Loki being slack in his grip. If he were arguing, he'd at least still be listening, still be **caring**.

When they get around the corner Thor turns to face him and cups his neck, forcing Loki to meet his gaze. His cousin gives him a vaguely annoyed look and says, "You're wasting the tickets."

"That's _not what she said_ ," Thor repeats.

Loki doesn't even bother to roll his eyes. He just looks at Thor like he's waiting for him to finish so this stupid thing will be done.

Thor's palm flexes as he tries not to tighten his grip in frustration.

"It's not what she said," he tells his cousin. "When I was talking about the party, she said it sounded like instead of not getting into trouble we just didn't get caught, and then she told me not to be a bad influence on you and to be a good one instead. Because you don't have enough good influences. Decent was my word, not hers, alright? She **didn't say that**. I didn't mean it like that either," Thor adds, when Loki closes his eyes.

Thor cups his face in his hands, refusing to let Loki pull away. "Seriously, Loki," he continues as his cousin keeps locking him out. "She would never say something like that. You're _smart_ ," Thor presses. "You're a fucking genius. You should know better. You're a third son to her. She would never think anything like that."

"You **saw** them," Loki snarls, his eyes squeezed shut tight. "They're afraid of me."

Thor rubs his thumbs against his cheekbones gently as his cousin starts to shake once more before stiffening to hide it. "Because you're so goddamn smart, and you keep turning it against yourself," Thor tells him fiercely. "She wasn't afraid of you because you broke her encryptions, that's what you were _supposed_ to do. She was afraid because if you've gotten _this_ damn smart, you could hurt yourself bad if you keep acting like you're your own enemy. She's scared **for** you."

Loki makes a strangled noise that can't pass for a laugh. "You can say whatever you want, Thor, but it's not going to turn into the truth."

"It **is** the truth."

"Bullshit," he sneers. "Odin doesn't think that."

"Fuck him," Thor snaps, and Loki's eyes startle open. Thor holds his gaze and says flatly, "This isn't about him. This is about Frigga. She would **never** think something like that, Loki. You _know_ that. I don't care about your parents, you're still her third son and she loves you and don't you ever fucking doubt that."

Loki shudders violently, so hard it almost buckles his knees. He starts clawing at Thor's hands as a sob wracks through him. "Stop it. Stop it, _**stop it**_."

Thor wraps an arm around his waist and pulls them over to the wall. Loki punches him in the stomach.

Thor grunts but doesn't let go as he slumps them against the bricks. He takes care that they're still face-to-face, and that the arm he's got around Loki is pinned between them and the wall so his cousin doesn't feel trapped.

Loki slugs him again and then balls his fists into Thor's shirt like he wants to strangle him with it. His cousin bites his lip savagely and tilts his head down as he keeps shaking.

Thor stays like that, rubbing his thumb against Loki's back, letting him get it out.

When Loki's breathing finally starts to even out again, Thor moves--cautiously. He wants to pull Loki's lip free of his teeth because it's bleeding, but he's not sure Loki's willing to be touched yet. So Thor brushes some of his hair from his face instead.

Loki flinches, but doesn't pull loose or shove him back. Thor keeps carefully tugging strands away from his wet face until his cousin's quaking subsides, and then quickly thumbs Loki's lip loose from his teeth before resting a palm against his cousin's neck. He crouches slightly until he can catch Loki's gaze again.

"That's not what she said," Thor repeats softly. "Okay?"

Loki stifles a noise that's either angry or miserable or just trying to clear snot from his throat. "Fine."

"Yes or no," Thor replies. "Do you believe me?"

Loki bares his teeth with a frustrated snarl.

"I want to," he finally mutters, when Thor just keeps waiting. "Isn't that enough for you?"

"No," Thor says. "Because this is true. Do you believe it, or not?"

Loki hisses out a long, long breath and turns his face away.

Eventually he nods, once, slightly.

"Okay," Thor says. He gives Loki a brief squeeze before pulling back. His cousin swipes his wrist across his face and then makes a disgusted noise.

"God fucking dammit," he mutters, wiping at his face again. "Go get me some paper towels."

"All right," Thor agrees. "Gimme a minute."

He goes around to the front of the theater and then heads to the nearest restroom once he's inside. Thor soaks a fistful of paper towels under the faucet and grabs a couple more handfuls of dry ones, ignoring the guy at the other sink watching him suspiciously, before heading back out the exit doors. He finally lets out his breath when he sees that Loki's still there, slumped against the wall.

Loki scrubs his face too harshly as he cleans up. But Thor's wary of pushing too far too soon, so he lets it go.

When his cousin finishes and tosses the wadded up towels on the asphalt, Thor leans against the brick again. "Do you wanna try watching the rest of the movie?"

Loki doesn't answer at first. At last he shrugs faintly. "Sure."

"What do you _want_ to do?" Thor asks.

Loki rubs the heels of his palms against his eyes.

"Nothing," he mutters tiredly, dropping his hands to his sides. "Everything feels stupid. I don't care. You pick."

Thor frowns. But then he puts that aside too and shoulders away from the wall. "Okay." 

He heads for the car, Loki falling into step beside him. "Let's get out of here first. I think the guy watching me in the bathroom was one of the people in our theater. I wanna take off before someone finally calls the police."

"What?" Loki replies, giving him a bemused look.

"I looked like I was having an argument and then hauled my reluctant boyfriend out of the building, and later I was soaking paper towels in the bathroom," Thor says. "Someone _better_ call the fucking cops."

Loki stares at him for a long moment, and finally snorts and shakes his head.

"They don't know we're dating," he replies.

"Still," Thor mutters, fishing his keys from his pocket.

Loki pulls his door open once it's unlocked. "It's probably nothing," he says, getting in. "You worry about this stuff too much."

"I have to," Thor says as he settles into the driver's seat.

"No you don't," Loki replies.

"Yes, I--" Thor cuts himself off and drops it, and starts the car.  
  
  
He drives up to the long stretch of road that winds alongside the beach. Loki fishes hand sanitizer out of the armrest and water bottles from the floorboards, draining two and tossing the empties into the backseat. "Your car has a lot of crap in it."

"My car's great," Thor retorts. "It's like the Swiss army knife of cars."

Loki pulls a regretful face. "I can't believe we're related."

"Yeah, you really oughta be more inherently awesome," Thor replies. "You should work on that."

Loki smacks him in the arm, but snorts.

Thor flashes him an oversized grin before re-focusing on the road. Loki stares out the window, gazing blankly at the flashes of ocean between dunes and houses.

Thor glances at his cousin's reflection whenever the road allows, and thinks there's definitely no way he could explain him and Loki correctly to someone else. There's no way to explain Loki's side without the full story about their family, and Thor can't tell that to outsiders.

There's no way Thor can completely explain his own side anymore, because once he became a legal adult his juvenile record was sealed and his parents sat him down and told him seriously that everything had been taken care of and he was never to talk about it again.

Thor drives them through four towns and eventually turns around when it starts getting dark. Loki shifts in his seat.

He stretches a few breaths later. "I'm hungry."

"Me too," Thor agrees. "Look for somewhere to stop."

Loki picks a kitschy little burger place on the main drag in the next town, probably because it's the first thing that comes into sight. Thor calls him a hipster anyway.

He gets a text from Volstagg and sends Loki in ahead with his wallet while he reads it: Brunhilde's fine, and then there's some medical stuff that seems to boil down to she's been prescribed more vitamins. Thor forwards it to his mom before writing back that he's glad.

Loki comes out with a paper sack as he's heading inside. Thor grins and tells him, "Brunhilde's fine."

"Ah." Loki shifts the bag, and nods after a second. "That's good."

"Yeah," Thor agrees, opening the sack to grab some fries.

"They're out of seats inside," Loki tells him. Thor shrugs cheerfully.

They eat on the trunk and fight over the last of the fries as night falls. When the streetlights start washing the parking lot in orange, the mosquitos get worse and they finally get back in the car.

Thor drums his hands on the steering wheel while Loki adjusts the air conditioning, trying to think of what else they can do. Everything around here starts shutting down at ten, but Odin won't be asleep for sure before one. He doesn't want to bug Volstagg and Brunhilde--they're probably exhausted by now--and he doesn't really want to share Loki with Fandral and Hogun or anyone again just yet.

"Anything you want to do?" Thor asks.

Loki shrugs and props a sneaker on the dashboard. Thor makes a face and smacks his calf, but Loki just snorts and shifts his foot further away.

Thor rolls his eyes and grabs his ankle, pulling his foot off the dash and back down to the floorboard. "Take your shoes off first."

He expects Loki to call him a priss the way he has about the car before. But instead his cousin asks, "Where'd you want to go the other night?"

When Thor blinks at him, Loki clarifies: "The day before your brother arrived."

Thor inhales a little sharply as he catches on.

He makes himself let go of Loki's ankle, and tries to ignore how his fingers brush over Loki's calf as he pulls his hand back. His cousin never wears shorts except to the beach--normally his legs are completely covered, not like this.

"It...." Thor shrugs. "Nowhere. It's not good enough."

Loki arches a brow. "How about you show me and let **me** decide that?"

Thor shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

Fandral couldn't give him the best advice without knowing the full story; but what he said is still important. If Thor keeps having sex with Loki without discussing this, their relationship is going to be legitimately fucked up instead of just different from normal.

"I need to talk to you first," Thor says quietly.

Loki tenses. Then he makes a disparaging noise and waves his hand. "Again? Is there a quota for today?"

"I'm serious," Thor replies intently.

Loki studies him in the streetlight coming through the windows.

Finally he sighs exaggeratedly. His cousin shifts in the seat to lean against the door. "Fine. What?"

Thor inhales slowly, and then turns off the car and pulls the keys out of the ignition.

He drops them in the gap between his seat and the door, and then hits the button to unlock all the doors. He glances past Loki at the burger place to make sure it's still open and there's plenty of people around, even though no one bothered to do anything earlier at the theater.

Loki narrows his eyes further, his gaze darting between the locks and the gap and Thor's hands and face, his expression back in the calculating mask that Thor dislikes even more now that he's seen Loki without it again. 

He shakes it off and takes another breath and thinks that he has to ask his cousin for a safeword. He has to make sure things aren't genuinely screwed up between them, that the stuff Loki said last night isn't something he really believes or that the thing with his nose and the blood--

Thor digs his fingers into the armrest, and instead he asks, "Who broke your nose?"

Loki pulls back against the door and drops a hand close to his pocket.

Thor forces his fingers loose, and then lets go of the console and folds his hands tightly in his lap. He waits.

"Just a little advice," Loki says at last, his voice neutral. "You should _try_ to be subtler about what you're thinking."

Like it would do him any good against Loki. "Do you tell eight-year-olds they should be able to do calculus, too?" he mutters.

"Why not? I could," Loki shrugs. Thor blows his bangs away from his face.

"You were ten," he retorts, but that's not really a difference or the point. "Who did it?"

"Are you jealous?" his cousin asks, tilting his head.

Thor rubs his palms hard against his shorts. Is he? It doesn't feel the same as it did when he thought Loki was talking to Fandral about things he won't tell Thor. But it doesn't feel like the protectiveness he used to have toward his cousin when they were kids getting into arguments and fights together, either.

"I don't know," he answers restlessly. "I'm too angry to tell."

"At who?" Loki replies. He pulls a leg up onto his seat and wraps an arm around it, but his voice is still calm. "At him? Or at me?"

" _Him_ ," Thor spits, because that's the stupidest thing Loki's said since thinking Frigga didn't care about him.

Loki's arm tightens a fraction. Thor clenches his hands back together and shoves them between his knees again.

"What if I was looking for trouble?" Loki points out. "Are you really gonna get pissed at him if I manipulated him to do what I wanted?"

"Yes," Thor says coldly. "Whatever the fuck you were doing, he beat you up and didn't call an ambulance or do _anything_ to fix it. He doesn't get to pull that shit and get off scot-free."

Loki swallows and shifts his leg a little closer.

"It was years ago," his cousin reminds him. "And it's not like I got a name. I wasn't supposed to be there anyway."

Thor exhales harshly through his teeth.

He grips his hands tighter, until it hurts and the nails start cutting into his knuckles, and tries to focus on that. "Then you _want_ that shit with someone who **will** take you to the ER afterward. Or won't take it that damn far in the first place. Got it?"

Loki eyes him silently before propping his forearm on his knee, concealing more of his face.

"Like who?" he asks pointedly. "You've completely freaked out about one unblocked punch, so it can't be you." Loki drops his head a little lower, still staring at him. "Or is this how you're saying you want to walk away?"

Thor jerks.

"No," he says, after a long time.

He has to press his fingers hard into the backs of his hands before he can say the next words; but Loki's right, this is about him as well as Thor.

Thor takes a deep breath. "...If that's what you need, then I'll do it. Sometimes," he qualifies. "When you really need it. But not without a safeword."

Loki's fingers are gripped tight in fabric of his shorts, but his voice is mostly steady as he retorts, "We _have_ one."

"That's yours," Thor replies, looking over. "What's mine?"

Loki's eyes widen faintly. "What?"

Thor looks at the hard-to-decipher surprise on his cousin's face, and hopes desperately that it means Loki genuinely didn't think about this any more than he did.

Let it mean that Fandral was wrong and this was just a mistake they made because his cousin was focused on what he wanted and Thor didn't know what he was doing. They can work past that. Don't let it have been intentional.

"What should I say to make it clear that I'm really concerned about what's happening to you?" Thor explains, keeping Loki's gaze. "When I want you to know it's not your job to keep goading me, or that it's not a matter of hanging onto pride or anything, but we've really gotta stop so I can find out if you're actually okay with me going that far or not."

Loki closes his eyes in exasperation. "I'm not that pathetic, Thor. I can take it."

Thor hisses out another breath and digs his toes into his sandals. "Loki, will you just _listen_ to me?"

"I **am** ," his cousin says coldly. "I'm not as weak as you think."

His parents told him to never bring it up again. But Loki was in the bleachers back then; and Thor can't make him understand otherwise.

"They took that guy off life-support a couple years ago," he says, and then he stops and has to press his palms together hard.

Loki blinks.

Then he unfolds himself and leans forward. "It was a game."

"I was angry," Thor forces out.

Loki makes a sharp, dismissive gesture. "You were _supposed_ to be, they were the other team," he replies. "It's not your fault you tackled harder than he could take. He shouldn't have been playing otherwise."

"That's not true," he says, but Loki waves it off again.

"Whatever. Look, it's not like you did it on purpose, Thor," he says insistently. "You were a kid. It was a _game_. If this is what you're freaked out about, don't be. They drugged you for years after that, and you still deal a lot better now. Right?"

" **Loki** ," Thor replies, and his cousin finally looks at him like he's listening. "You have to give me a way out. You _have_ to. I can't do this otherwise. I'd rather you hate me forever than hurt you that bad."

Loki stares at him. Thor swallows hard, and then shakes his head and says, "Please. You have to, Loki. I can't do that to you, it'd kill me too. Please. Loki, _please_."

"Okay," his cousin says. He climbs over the armrest and settles on Thor's lap, barely managing to balance on the seat alongside his thighs. Thor pulls his legs close together to give him more room. "Okay. Okay, Thor." Loki rests his hands on his shoulders and rubs his thumbs lightly above his collar. "What do you want it to be?"

Thor makes a fluttery, I-don't-fucking-know gesture with his hands. He wraps his arms around Loki's waist and presses his head to his cousin's shoulder.

"Okay," Loki murmurs again. He keeps rubbing for a few moments, and then suggests, "'Jörmungandr.'"

Thor snorts against his shirt.

"You are an _asshole_ ," he replies. Loki snickers.

"'Skarphedin,'" his cousin considers a moment later. "Or maybe 'Jokul.'"

Thor rolls his eyes. "What about 'Mjölnir'?"

"Mine were less predictable," his cousin drawls. Thor pulls his head up to roll his eyes harder.

"Yeah, no one would see Jörmungandr coming," he retorts, and Loki completely cracks up.

"Name your dick that, then," he cackles before laughing even harder.

Thor smacks him on the shoulder but can't keep from snickering himself. "Screw you!"

Loki fights down the rest of his sniggers, and at last takes a breath and shakes his head. A few moments later, he cups Thor's face.

"Is that better?" he murmurs; and Thor tightens his arms at the gentleness in his cousin's voice. "Is that what you need?"

"Yeah," he manages. "...Yeah." He leans forward and brushes a kiss to Loki's throat above the collar of his shirt. 

His cousin lets him, so Thor does it again before pausing. ". . . I don't want to hurt you to make you 'respect' me."

"Ah-ah-ah," Loki chides. "It's time for you to admit you like it."

Thor shivers.

He thinks of the way Loki murmured permission when he was splayed on his bed with the dildo in his ass and pretending to be ready to be fucked how someone else wanted; of the frightened and starving noise Loki made when Thor covered his mouth after pinning his wrists, and the little panicked sounds Loki was driven to as he swallowed around his cock after Thor asked him to stay instead of pulling back to breathe. He thinks of the way Loki went subdued and needy as he licked away the blood on his cousin's face, and of all those little discomforted grunts and soft whimpers and hitched sighs he makes during sex; and he has to swallow twice before he can make himself speak.

". . . I like it," Thor whispers.

He tightens his grip, afraid despite everything that his cousin will pull away and be disgusted by him. "It's not because I'm trying to put you down, Loki. I promise. I just...like it."

"Okay," Loki murmurs, stroking a hand over his hair. "So you like hurting me," he says, though when Thor winces he amends, "a little. And I like you hurting me."

He falls silent after that, toying with a strand of Thor's hair.

Thor wants to lift his head to see the look on his face, but then thinks Loki might be more willing to continue if he stays like he is, so his cousin doesn't have to meet his gaze as he admits what he feels.

"...If you're not doing it because you think I'm less than you," Loki finally says, so quiet it's almost inaudible. "If you're doing it because I tell you to."

Thor nods, and kisses his neck again. "Yes."

"Okay," Loki replies, relaxing a fraction. He brushes down Thor's hair before leaning in to kiss his cheek. "So this is fine, right? The things we like work out."

Thor nods again, once at first and then several times as he processes what a good point that is. Loki can get what he wants from someone who'll care about him afterward, and Thor...he doesn't have to worry so much, doesn't have to be ready to stop at the slightest sign of unease. Loki knows him; and he's okay with him being like this.

Loki hums under his breath and keeps carding his fingers through his hair. "Better now?"

Thor gives him a brief, tight hug. "Yeah."

Or so he thought. But then someone bangs a hand on the trunk of his car and calls 'Fags!' and all that roiling panic Loki was calming sharpens into fury.

Thor shoves his door open, dumping Loki across the armrest and seat with a disgruntled yelp. The assholes walking past draw back when they see him, exactly like the fucking cowards Thor took them for.

"Say that to my face, shithead," he growls, and paces toward them.

They scatter for a truck. Thor stalks them across the parking lot and only stops when Loki wraps his arms hard around his shoulders, pressing one along his throat.

"No no no," he murmurs, tightening his grip when Thor tries to throw him off. "Not worth it, Thor. You scared them enough, come on, somebody in the restaurant looks like they're calling the cops, let's go. You scared them enough."

He lets Loki drag him back to their car, but when the guys roar past them to get to the road, Thor yanks his drink off the dashboard and throws it at their truck. It splatters across the rear windshield, but they don't slow down.

"Someone's definitely calling the cops," Loki says, pushing him at the open door. "Let's go before they get your license plate."

"Fucking figures," Thor snarls--no one could be bothered to care if Loki was going to be safe at the movie theater, but sure they'll protect these assholes--but he shoves into the driver's seat. Loki grabs the keys up from the asphalt where they spilled and tosses them at him before darting around to the passenger side. Thor starts the car, and tears out onto the road before his cousin finishes getting his seatbelt on.

Thor thinks about following the guys--he can see their lights ahead. But then he grips the steering wheel harder and forces himself to breathe evenly until it sounds like the bad idea it is. He lifts his foot off the accelerator instead, dropping the car down closer to the speed limit, and tries to will away the aftereffects of the adrenaline spike.

He's tense enough that he flinches when Loki lays a hand on his forearm. His cousin rubs a palm over his skin soothingly, and Thor exhales hard and makes himself relax under it.

"Take me there," Loki whispers unsteadily. When Thor looks over, his cousin is breathing harder, his eyes dark in the last of the streetlights as they head out of the town. "Where you wanted to go. Take me there, Thor. Come on."

Thor's grip tightens around the steering wheel again as he shudders.

"Okay," he agrees, and presses down a little harder on the gas.  
  
  
He's only got the girl's instructions to go by, so they miss the turnoff twice before Loki catches it in the high-beams. As they head deeper in, Thor slows until they're barely crawling forward--this isn't a road anymore, just a couple tire ruts cutting through the overgrowth. His undercarriage is so screwed. Loki kicks off his sneakers as he stares out at the scrub and whistles lowly.

"Feels like the middle of nowhere," he murmurs, swiping his tongue over a lip absently. "How'd you find this place?"

There's the faintest undercurrent of jealousy in his voice. Thor grins.

"I had breakfast with Fandral and a couple of his hookups a few days ago," he answers. "One of them told me about here when I was asking about places the cops don't bother with."

Loki exhales and then chuckles.

When the chemical storage tanks appears in his headlights, Thor brings the car to a halt and parks. Loki gives the area a disparaging look.

"Yeah, that looks like a great place to get tetanus," he drawls.

"Told you it wasn't good enough," Thor mutters. Loki sniggers and tosses him a grin over his shoulder.

"Guess we'll have to ruin your precious upholstery instead," he says cheerily, before climbing into the backseat.

Thor cuts the headlights as Loki sprawls out across the seat, shrugging out of his long-sleeved shirt and stretching his legs. When Thor glances back at him, Loki grins again and hooks his fingers through a wristband.

He slides it off slowly before doing the same with the other one. It's too dark to see the bruises beneath, but they both know they're there. Loki stretches with an exaggerated arch, then folds his arms over his head and smiles. "Well?"

Thor swallows and says "Okay."

As he's thumbing on an interior light, he thinks about the way Loki said 'the middle of nowhere' once more.

Thor gets out of the car and goes around to the passenger side. His cousin raises an eyebrow when he opens the front door, but then draws a quiet breath and sits up when Thor folds the seat forward to make room.

He doesn't climb in when he's done. Instead, he shuts the door and goes back around to the driver's side. Loki arches an eyebrow like he's a nutcase; Thor ignores it, and hits a button on the door's armrest as he shuts it behind him before sliding over the console to kneel on the floorboard between Loki's feet.

His cousin's breath hitches again when Thor looks up at him, and waits.

Loki reaches out a hand and then stops.

He stays motionless like that for a little longer, until Thor starts to think he had the wrong idea and made things weird--but finally Loki moves again, tugging on the shoulder of his shirt. "Take it off."

His cousin swallows when Thor pulls it over his head immediately, wincing briefly as the fabric drags over the scratches. Loki lays a hand on his shoulder as Thor tosses the shirt aside and urges him forward.

It isn't far enough to reach his fly, so instead Thor leans his head against Loki's thigh as his cousin inspects his back. He rests a palm on Loki's leg above his foot.

When his cousin lets him do it, Thor starts running his hands along Loki's calves and rubbing his thumbs over his ankles and the arches of his feet. Loki shivers occasionally at the touch; and when Thor curls his fingers around his ankles, his cousin's breathing speeds up.

"Sleep on your stomach again tonight," Loki eventually says. His voice is still a little shaky, and Thor smiles. "I'll put antiseptic on it again when we get back. You should be fine tomorrow."

"Okay," he agrees, before squeezing a little tighter to hear Loki's breath catch. "Thanks."

"Have you ever sucked cock before?" his cousin asks, and Thor swallows.

He takes a breath to steady himself before raising his head. "No."

"Didn't figure," Loki says with a little shrug. "Ever eaten pussy?"

Thor's face gets hotter at that, because it's one thing to have never done something and another to have apparently sucked at it. "Once. ...Not for long, she got kind of weirded out, so I quit."

"Seriously?" Loki replies incredulously.

Thor shrugs jerkily. "She was okay when I used my hand," he adds, to redeem himself.

Loki snorts and shakes his head.

"You wasted your popularity," his cousin says in bemusement. "And everyone at your school was idiots. You can't have sucked so bad she told you to stop. Seriously?"

"She didn't say to stop," Thor replies. "She just started squirming and sounding nervous. So I quit."

Loki stares at him for a long moment. Then he buries his face in his hands and groans in disbelief.

Thor scowls and digs a knuckle into his thigh. "Knock it off."

Loki shoves his hand away. "Ow. _Christ_. You are so paranoid."

"It was my car," Thor replies quietly. "And I was a lot stronger than her. How was I supposed to know if she just wasn't saying no because she was afraid I wouldn't listen?"

Loki studies his face. After a few moments Thor shrugs uncomfortably and lets go of his ankle.

"There's a lot of assholes in sports, you know that." He shifts as his sandals begin cutting into his feet. "I'm not gonna be one of them. I **have** to worry about this stuff."

"Not with me," Loki murmurs, rubbing a foot against his calf. "You only have to listen for one word from me."

Thor closes his eyes and lets out a long breath.

"Yeah," he smiles, laying his palms on Loki's thighs. "How do you want me to suck you?"

Loki shivers once and stares at him as he licks his lips.

"One of these times, I'm going to whimper and say 'no' and flinch like it hurts the whole time, and make you fuck me through it," he says lowly.

Thor shudders sharply. Loki chuckles as he slides his foot along his calf again. "I'll **make** you get off on it, Thor, after you force _me_ to come like that."

Thor swallows harder and then does it again, his throat going dry as his cock jumps at the thought. He shakes his head. "Loki, that's not--don't do that. How am I supposed to know--I don't want to like--"

"Shh," his cousin murmurs, tapping his foot against Thor's calf. "You'll know if it's not okay if I say the safeword. And there's nothing wrong with liking it. It's fine that I like this, right?"

It's hard for Thor to grasp since it's so different from what he enjoys, but that's not the issue. He nods once automatically, then shakes his head again.

"Yeah," he says, "but that's not the same--"

"Shush," Loki orders. Thor makes an aggravated noise.

His cousin cups a hand against his face. "It's just roleplay, Thor," Loki points out. "I know you don't really want to hurt me bad. I'm just pretending to be someone who doesn't. And you're just pretending to be someone who doesn't care about what I want. Okay?"

When Thor shifts on his knees and doesn't answer, Loki forces his head up until he has to meet his eyes.

"Think of it like this," he encourages. "You don't even have to hurt me. Pfft, you probably wouldn't, you wuss." Loki smirks when Thor makes another irritated noise. " _But_. You'd just be doing something you want, instead of what I tell you to. Okay?" Loki's smile widens until it shows the edge of his teeth. "Isn't there anything you **want** to do to me?"

Thor has to close his eyes again as he imagines it.

He could put Loki on his stomach and knees so he couldn't hit or kick as well, and really take his time. If Loki meant it, he'd probably keep clenching the bedspread and shaking his head a little while Thor worked a hand steadily on his cock. Thor would drag him closer to coming even as his cousin bit his lip and whined breathily each time Thor rocked into him, long and slow and drawing it out to make **sure** Loki felt it. He could fist a hand in his cousin's hair and pin the side of his head to the mattress to keep Loki from turning away from him, so Thor could watch his face as he took it and came from it and then slumped shuddering under him as Thor kept fucking him through it, while Loki gasped hoarsely, wrung out and half-drifting, half-raw, completely there with him.

He shudders again.

"That's right," Loki promises like a threat. "You'll like it."

Then he pats Thor's face. Thor blinks his eyes open and quickly loosens his grasp as he realizes how hard he was gripping Loki's thighs. "But not this time." He rubs a thumb over Thor's cheekbone. "I liked how you sucked my fingers before. Do it like that."

Thor swallows once more and nods. "Okay."

He tilts his head enough to kiss Loki's palm, and kicks off his sandals before reaching for his cousin's fly.

Loki slides his hand up and starts running his fingers through Thor's hair, pulling his bangs away. "I would've dressed up if I'd known," he murmurs, as Thor unzips his shorts to reveal normal boxers. "Guess I'll have to do it next time."

He lifts his hips so Thor can tug his clothes down his legs. His cock spills free as Thor pulls them down his thighs; a thin string of precome stretches between his cockhead and the boxers before it snaps. 

Loki draws in a slow breath as Thor grips his dick to rub the lingering dribble into his skin. "Condom's in the back pocket."

"Boy scout," Thor manages as he forces himself to let go long enough to fish it out. His breath's coming harder.

Loki pokes him in the stomach with a toe, and then sucks in a louder, sharper breath when Thor grabs his ankle again and shoves his foot up onto the seat before biting lightly at his calf.

His cousin chuckles unsteadily when Thor lets go. Loki leans back against the seat to watch Thor open the packet, deliberately splaying his legs as wide as the car allows. "Didn't want to pass up a chance alone."

Thor grins as he pulls the condom free.

He pulls Loki's foreskin further back and starts to roll it on, but his cousin grunts.

"No--do it this way," he says, reaching down and rearranging his hands. Loki snickers a little as Thor moves slowly, trying to memorize through touch since most of the light's blocked out between his back and the way his cousin's leaning over him. "You know you're the _only_ male in our family that doesn't know how to handle foreskin, right?"

"Shuddup," Thor retorts, "it's not like I picked this."

His dad wasn't there when he was born; and apparently his birth mother was groggy enough for days afterward that her relatives handled most everything, including telling a doctor to circumcise him. She always told Thor how, when Odin got around to visiting and found out, he came down on the hospital administration like the wrath of god, talking about lawsuits and interference in religious choices and a whole bunch of other terrifying shit. Apparently the settlement paid for two years of their rent.

She always laughed and shook her head whenever she told him the story; but eventually Thor started to wonder if it was a warning, too: _Remember, this is what he's capable of_.

Not that it did him any good. By the time he thought of that, she was gone and he was living under his dad's roof and they'd already begun arguing.

He doesn't want to fucking think about it, not now. When Loki slides a leg over his shoulder and says that feels better, Thor makes himself relax and focus on the more important things in front of him.

He kisses the head of Loki's cock as soon as the condom's over it, and his cousin makes a low noise in the back of his throat and tightens his leg against his back. Thor smiles and laves his tongue against the slit as he rolls it down the shaft, and then slides the head into his mouth.

Loki rocks his hips up with another grunt, and breathes "Fuck."

Thor grins wider and starts to suck. His cousin groans.

When he gets the condom down the base of Loki's cock, he wraps a hand around it and pushes the other down on Loki's hip to stop him from rocking forward too far. His cousin hisses out a breath but accepts it, though he grips Thor's hair in retaliation.

It's not enough to hurt, so Thor keeps sucking. He stays focused on the head while he tries to get used to the taste--the damn test results better arrive soon, lubed plastic is kind of nasty--and eyes the rest of Loki's cock dubiously. It's not too thick, probably, but it looks pretty long this close up. How did Loki manage to take his own cock down all the way?

He must do something to reveal his thoughts, because Loki loosens his grip a fraction and then rubs a thumb against his scalp.

"Take what you can this time," his cousin tells him breathily. "You're doing good so far. Keep it up."

Thor snorts when Loki manages to even make praise sound a little assholish, but slides forward more anyway.

When he gets farther than Loki's fingers ever managed and the head of his cousin's cock hits the back of his throat, Thor coughs and thinks nope, he was wrong about it probably not being too thick. How the **fuck** did Loki manage this?

Loki's still rocking his hips in sharp little jerks, fighting his hold despite the weight Thor's leaning on him to take pressure off his knees. But he's also stroking Thor's head encouragingly and sounding really into it, so Thor decides it evens out. He practices breathing through his nose a few times, and then tries pushing further.

When the head of his cousin's cock slips into Thor's throat, Loki groans low and shuddery and clenches a fist in his hair again. " _Fuck_. Goddammit. Of course you'd be good at this the first time. Asshole."

 _Are you happy or not, brat?_ Thor thinks in amusement. He tries swallowing.

Loki jerks forward harder. Thor chokes and coughs hard, and pulls off.

He lets go of Loki's cock and shoves his cousin's hips back, pushing Loki tight against the seat. When Loki gasps, Thor spreads his legs wider before leaning his weight onto him hard. Loki hisses as Thor's thumbs dig into creases of his thighs, his fingers curling over the door armrest as his leg drops off Thor's shoulder to the side.

"There," Thor smirks. "Go ahead and try what you want now, that should keep you still enough."

Loki shivers and tugs his head back down.

Once Thor starts sucking on the head of his cock again, he hears a little click from the side--and then his cousin's breath hitches as Loki confirms that Thor set the childproof locks so the door won't open.

Thor pulls back again to catch Loki's gaze. His cousin's chest is flushed in the dim light, rising and falling rapidly as he stares down at him.

"Yeah," Thor says. He squeezes Loki's hips sharply. "You're not going anywhere."

Loki trembles as his eyes flutter shut.

"Good," he breathes shakily. "That's good, Thor. Keep it up."

Thor squeezes again, a little gentler.

He can think up the next words more easily than he's comfortable with. He still has to swallow and remind himself that Loki's okay with this, with Thor liking stuff like this, and that it's just roleplay and his cousin knows who he really is, before he can say them.

Thor dips his head so he doesn't have to meet Loki's eyes and kisses his thigh briefly. "Just be good for me," he murmurs, "and I'll be nice to you. It's just us out here, so you better be good."

Loki makes a little low noise before biting down on his lip. Thor hears him try the lock another time, and lets him do it twice more before he bites down on Loki's thigh and clenches his hands tighter around his hips.

His cousin swallows thickly and pulls away from the door a second later, his hands fluttering over Thor's biceps in little appeasing touches. "I will," he promises. "I will, I'll be so good to you, just be nice. Don't hurt me. Be nice."

"Good," Thor says, and kisses the spot he bit. Loki sighs out a breath and folds his legs loosely around Thor's torso.

"Be nice to me," he murmurs, running his fingertips over the muscles of Thor's arms.

"Be good," Thor replies, and takes his cock in his mouth again.

Loki controls his thrusts for maybe fifteen seconds before going back to doing what he wants, which is completely unsurprising. But Thor has a good enough hold now that Loki can't gag him, and the way his cousin pants and twists against his hands is more than worth it.

Thor figures out how far down he can take Loki's cock and still swallow without hacking, and then works out a rhythm and sticks to it as Loki goes from panting to groaning to sharp, furious, intensely focused noises that Thor hasn't heard from him before and wants to hear _all the time_ now.

His cousin stopped fighting his grip once Thor got comfortable enough to let him move a little; now Loki's wrapped his legs tight around Thor's back as he rolls his hips into the rhythm. His arms are folded behind the headrest, his throat taut as he presses his head hard against it.

Loki sounds so damn hot, so loud and pleased and _satisfied_ , and not like he's hurting at all. It's almost like the very first time Thor caught him fucking himself with the dildo, except it's even better because now he really **is** making these sounds just for him.

The only bad part is Thor can't get a hand on his own cock, and it's starting to ache like hell. He doesn't want to stop what he's doing to Loki--but he needs to jack off, needs some friction, a touch, anything. He tried rubbing against the seat, but whenever he started to get some decent pressure the sewn edge of the leather upholstery dug across his zipper and cut into his balls until it hurt more than doing nothing. The next time he sucks his cousin, he needs to pin Loki's legs with his own first or _something_ , so he can get off too.

He wants a touch on his cock so bad he'd probably be begging constantly, an incoherent mess, if his mouth weren't full of Loki's cock. And his arms and knees ache from the weird position and unforgiving floorboard; and his jaw's starting to get sore. Thor realizes the little frustrated whimpers under Loki's grunts are his own a few seconds before his cousin drops an arm heavily from the headrest and starts stroking his face.

"Almost there," Loki encourages. He has to swallow heavily to get the words out, and shit, Thor can put up with a couple aches for _hours_ when his cousin sounds so fucking hungry and well pleased like this. "That's good, Thor. Keep it up. Come on, just a little more. You're good at this."

Thor feels his skin warm more at the praise, and then he breathes in deep through his nose and gets back to sucking. He tries not to whimper again as his jaw pops.

"Don't fight it," Loki murmurs, letting his head loll against the arm still wrapped around the headrest and watching him with half-lidded eyes. He rubs a palm against Thor's jawline soothingly. "I like hearing you sound like this."

Thor's breath hitches, making Loki rock a little harder into his mouth. But then he quits trying to hold back his aching noises. At least it's one less thing to concentrate on.

When he hears Loki's breath start to catch in that way that means he's close to coming, Thor shudders in relief. Just a little longer now and then he can get a hand on his cock and get off. Loki's almost there.

Loki fists a hand his hair viciously as his thrusts grow jerkier. Thor coughs again and tries to tug free, clenching his cousin's hips hard. Loki gasps before the sound slides into a deep moan as he comes.

Thor lets go with a groan and pulls Loki's hand from his hair. He squeezes his cousin's fingers as he finally, _finally_ wrenches open his shorts and gets a hand around his cock. He clutches Loki's hand tighter as he pants and drives into his fist, _**finally**_ \--

"--Oh, no, no, Thor wait, not yet--" Loki jolts forward before it looks like he's even finished coming, pulling at his arm. "Not yet, not yet."

Thor swears violently, fighting back. "Loki, _damn it_ , **please** \--"

His cousin slides down onto his lap, cramming up the space on the floorboard and trapping his arm. When Thor snarls, Loki rubs a shaking palm along his side. "Not yet Thor, I wanna give you something, hold on, just hold on."

Loki shakes his hair from his face and presses it to Thor's neck, nuzzling the pulse juddering there. "Just--just a little longer, I just. Need to be able to stand. You can hold on, right? Just a bit. You'll like it. It'll be worth it, I'll be good to you."

Thor clenches his cousin's hand tighter, and then works his arm loose and grips the seat. "Alright," he growls, and Loki shudders against him. Thor fights down the urge to rock against him--god, even that could be enough at this point. "You fucking better be."

Loki breathes out with another little tremor and starts kissing his neck and shoulder. "I will, I will. You'll like it. I promise. I'll be good to you, so good, you'll like it."

Another shiver wracks through him, and Thor clutches the seat until his nails cut into the leather. Loki whimpers and tugs his hand loose.

His cousin pets his sides distractedly as he comes down, breathing hard against Thor's shoulder, his skin sweaty and hot where they're wedged up too tight against each other. Thor keeps his jaw clenched tight and just tries not to move.

He's about to crack and beg Loki again, or else shove his cousin back up on the seat, when Loki bangs his hand against the center armrest. "Lotion."

Thor shakes his head clear, trying to focus on something other than the ache in his balls. "What?"

"Lotion. By the hand sanitizer." Loki's still panting out the words. "Need it. I can't reach."

Thor tries to bite down a frustrated noise and fails, but slings Loki back up onto the seat. His cousin gasps and shivers as his cock slaps damply against his thigh. Thor wrenches the console open.

Loki takes the lotion from his hand before he can fully turn around. "Doors."

Thor pushes himself over the armrest just enough to smack the childproof button. Loki forces the door open and stumbles out onto the scrub brush, pulling at his clothes when they start to trip him.

Thor shoves on his sandals and crawls out himself to find Loki squeezing lotion into his hand. The condom's still hanging on his softening cock; his shorts and boxers are tangled around his bare feet.

Thor frowns and reaches for the front door. "Your shoes."

"No," Loki says, "like this."

Thor almost points out that the ground's covered in leaves and chunks of concrete and probably pieces of metal and _Loki_ was the one who made the tetanus crack--but then his cousin's smearing the lotion between his thighs.

Thor swallows hard. "Do you have another condom?" _He_ needs to buy some more if the damn results don't arrive soon.

"S'ok," Loki says, kicking the car door shut and leaning hard against it. "Don't need it." He swipes his hand across his thighs one last time and then jerks the condom off, tossing it on the ground. "Come here."

It's worth the ache in his jaw and knees and balls to hear his cousin still so shaky and breathless, so thrown out of his usual sardonic facade. Thor moves closer, and Loki licks his lips as he stares at him.

Loki leans further against the car, and says, "Pin me."

When Thor presses a hand against his chest, he feels his cousin's heartbeat spike. Loki corrects, "No. The other way."

Thor growls and grabs his arm, jerking Loki around and shoving him up hard against the door. His cousin sucks in a breath and drops the lotion as he claws for purchase, flinching when Thor grips his biceps and leans heavily against him.

"I should've guessed," Thor mutters into his ear. "'Give me something'--yeah right, this is just for you again. Selfish little shit. What're you playing at? You can't take me like this."

Loki's gasp is high and panicked. "No, no, no no no Thor no, that's not--I can't, you'd--god," Loki swears as a violent shudder wracks him. "You'd tear me apart, in half, I couldn't-- **fuck**."

His cousin convulses in want again with a little horrified sob, and Thor's skin prickles. He starts to loosen his grasp--and then he remembers how afraid he was earlier that Loki would pull away from him in disgust.

He thinks of how easy it was to stop worrying about apparently being bisexual when Fandral just took it in stride; and instead he leans in and presses his mouth to Loki's ear.

"You'd deserve it for this shit," Thor murmurs. Loki spasms again with another fearful noise, his nails scraping the glass as his hands clench. "You're lucky I promised to be nice. So _be good_."

"--Yes," Loki gasps, "yes, I--here, I--I need my arm, Thor--"

He lets go of one and Loki fumbles a hand against him, yanking on the waist of his shorts.

Thor helps his cousin shove his clothes down, hissing when Loki leaves him to finish the job and grasps Thor's cock instead. Thor tenses and grips his cousin's hips as Loki drags it forward, ready to stop him if he really does try to take him like this--but then Loki presses his cock between his thighs.

Thor grunts and thrusts forward reflexively. He groans as he slides along in the lotion.

"Yes, yes," his cousin pants. "Like that. Like that Thor, not--" He shudders and cuts off. "You can't hurt me this way, so don't worry." Loki flexes his thighs against his cock the next time Thor pushes in, and laughs shakily. "Told you you'd like it."

Thor smushes his face to Loki's shoulder to smother another groan as he thrusts forward arrhythmically, probably embarrassing himself but he doesn't _care_ , Loki's slick and warm and tight enough against him, **finally**. Loki pulls his legs closer together, bringing his thighs tighter against his cock, and grunts when Thor's next thrusts are short and sloppy and fast. But he reaches back when Thor tries to rein himself in in response.

"You can't hurt me this way," Loki murmurs, rubbing a palm over Thor's thigh. His cousin props his forearm on the window and braces himself against the door, pushing back with a slow rock of his hips. "You don't have to worry. I'll be fine whatever you do, you can't hurt me like this."

Thor shivers and leans harder into him, mouthing a sloppy kiss across Loki's shoulder.

He wraps an arm low around Loki's hips, pulling him closer so he won't get his cock scraped into the door, and fumbles along the edge of the roof until he finds a decent grip. He still tries to be cautious at first, tries to force himself to stay controlled; but the worst that happens is the head of his cock pushes into the back of Loki's balls if he rocks forward far enough, and all that does is make Loki shift with a soft noise and pant harder.

So Thor takes him at his word and trusts him, and stops worrying and trying to stay in control and instead just moves the way that feels good. Loki clutches at his thigh as he does, shivering as Thor pushes them both harder against the door. His cousin starts flexing his legs steadily when Thor thrusts, squeezing firmer around Thor's cock as he presses his forehead to the glass.

Thor moans and throws himself into it, chasing the release that's so close, so close now, the one that's been building and building until he's almost choking from it. It _has_ to be close, because he's going to split open otherwise.

The edge of the window digs into his forearm as he shoves his hips forward, driving hard between Loki's thighs to find the pressure and friction he needs to get off. Loki's hipbones dig into his arm too as Thor slams him up onto the balls of his feet, and he can hear his cousin's hand sliding along the window under his breathless gasps.

Loki squirms and whines as Thor's thrusts keep almost knocking him off his feet, forcing him up hard against the car, and if Thor weren't panting too hard to talk he'd be trying to stay quiet anyway so he could hear it. Loki finally grabs at the roof with both hands, his fingers brushing Thor's while he hangs on as Thor drives between his thighs, spurred on harder by the way Loki's shouting constantly now: "Ah, _aah_ \--ow ow **fuck _Thor_**. Nngk. _Ah!_ "

Loki writhes and keens and keeps flexing his thighs around his cock, until finally it's _**enough**_. Thor crushes up against him as he comes, wrenching Loki in tight. His cousin moans thinly and shudders.

Thor rides his orgasm out still clinging to him hard. Loki's back is sweaty against his chest as his cousin pants.

After a few more ragged gasps, Loki drops his head to the window with a thump, pressing his temple against the glass. Thor kisses his shoulder.

He lifts away once he's got his mind together enough to realize he's probably bruising Loki's hips. His cousin shivers as he does. Thor rubs a hand soothingly over his back, taking in the sight of him: Loki's face and neck are flushed again and his legs are trembling, the glass fogging up by his mouth as he pants.

Thor swallows and leans in to kiss him. Loki obliges and tilts his head up a little, moving lethargically, his eyes still closed as he lets Thor lick over his mouth and then into it. He's never felt his cousin so unwound before. Thor decides he'll learn to suck his dick until his throat's raw if it means getting him like this.

He wraps an arm around Loki's hips again and reaches down to grip his cock. Thor's surprised when it's pretty soft--did Loki come again already? Was it that good for him? But then his cousin flinches and hisses.

"Not yet," he pants, pushing at Thor's arm. "Ow. Let go."

"Huh," Thor says, but pulls away. Loki makes a halfhearted disparaging noise.

"What," he mutters. "Like you can get it up again that fast."

Thor doesn't reply; and after several seconds Loki strangles out a noise between infuriation and lust. "Oh, _fuck you_."

"Looks like that's asking too much of you right now," Thor grins, nuzzling damp strands of hair away from Loki's neck.

"Keep it up," his cousin threatens, still slumped against the car. "I'll get you back later."

Thor just snickers. Loki growls and swats at him. "I guess **something** has to make up for how fast you shoot your wad."

"Watch it," Thor says, biting his neck. Loki shivers and then smacks him again.

Thor laughs once more, and pulls away and opens the passenger door.

He gets Loki's sneakers, and then fishes around while his cousin's shoving them on until he finds a packet of tissues. Loki leans against the car, his shorts and boxers tugged up to his knees, and watches Thor crouch to clean him off. He runs his fingers idly along Thor's shoulders as he does.

Thor pushes down the urge to cup his hands behind the backs of Loki's knees and lick away the dribbles of come that've spilled on his thighs, and wonders if that's weird since it's his own. He doesn't really want to end up licking the lotion, though.

As Loki tugs his clothes back on and then resets and settles in the passenger seat, dredging up another bottle of water, Thor wipes off himself and the car as much as he can with the remaining tissues. Once he's done and dressed and dropped into the driver's seat, Loki holds out the half-full bottle.

Thor takes it, about to automatically tell Loki he better not have spit in it the way he always does when his cousin hands him an open drink--and then he stops and thinks is that really a big deal anymore? He's already licked Loki's blood and maybe snot, and plans to suck his cock without a condom as soon as his cousin lets him. Spit's vanilla at this point.

Loki gives him a weird look when Thor starts snickering and demands " _What_ ," but then he just shakes his head when Thor tells him.

"You're hopeless," he says in mock-despair. Thor tells him "Whatever" and drains the water.

He slouches when he's finished and tosses the empty bottle into the back, letting out a slow breath. Loki curls up slightly in his seat, leaning toward him.

"Do we have to head back yet?" he asks.

Thor sags a little deeper and shuts his eyes.

"I don't want to," he replies, draping an arm over the console and picking at the lock, popping it open before shutting it again, over and over.

"How tired are you?" Loki asks. "If anyone got your plates, maybe they couldn't hit you with public disturbance, but a DUI for fatigue would work."

"Heh." Thor shrugs. "Tired. I didn't sleep much last night."

Loki hums. "Better not risk driving yet then."

A smile flickers over Thor's mouth. "Guess not."

A moment later he reaches over and takes Loki's hand, tilting his head to the side and opening his eyes to smile at him. "Thanks," he says, sliding their fingers together and squeezing.

Loki's quiet for several moments before pressing back briefly with a shrug.

Thor works his phone out of his pocket and sets the alarm to go off in a couple hours. Loki lets him keep holding his hand while he does it, and while he smacks the interior light off and fumbles for the handle to drop his seat down. He pinches the skin by Thor's thumb when Thor sprawls out.

"On your side," Loki orders. "Stay off your back."

"All right, all right," Thor grumbles, rolling onto his side to face him. He adds, "Ow! Knock it off," when Loki pinches him again.

His cousin smirks and curls up a little more in his seat, and Thor tangles their hands tighter. Loki still lets him.

Thor yawns and closes his eyes, shifting more comfortably into the seat. He props his head against his arm as he lets the exhaustion he's been pushing back for hours because he couldn't afford it wash over him. "Thanks," he murmurs.

". . . Don't," Loki finally says. But Thor's already dropped off.  
  
  
Thor wakes up hours later, with only a brief moment of dozy vulnerability before he has his bearings. He blinks at Loki, and then shakes his head.

"What time is it?" he asks, sitting up with a yawn.

"About two," Loki answers, not looking up from the phone. The first thing he did after he unlocked it was turn the alarm off.

Thor exhales in unconvincing aggravation and snaps his seat up. He holds out a hand.

Loki closes out of the game he was playing and hands the phone over. Thor huffs again. "What're you trying to prove?"

"That you should stop resetting your passwords right in front of me," Loki replies. "I can see where your fingers are moving."

That makes Thor pause, and look over.

"It's just a pattern," Loki tells him, annoyed that this isn't obvious by now.

"Jesus," Thor mutters; but he sounds a little impressed.

He stares at the phone for a moment. Then he shoves it into his pocket without changing anything and starts the car instead.

Loki almost smiles and then turns his head and stares out the window instead. He curls his toes in his shitty, secondhand sneakers as Thor turns the car around and they trundle back to the road.  
  
  
Thor takes him to the diner in town instead of returning to the cabin. Loki orders coffee, because Balder hasn't asked for his phone back _yet_ but he undoubtedly will soon after this afternoon, and blueberry pie. He adds a side of bacon and eggs when Thor gets a veggie egg whites omelet instead of something worth stealing.

"And you called me a hipster," Loki disparages, his hands curled around his mug as he waits for the coffee to cool off.

"Training camp starts in a month," Thor replies. "I've gotta start eating right again."

Loki glances down at the table, and then takes a sip of coffee instead of replying even though it's still too hot.

Thor watches his face as he keeps the mug up to it. A few moments later he slumps back, looking out at the rest of the room.

He sprawls his arms over the back of the booth absently as he does. Loki lets himself glance at them now that Thor can't see it and smirk, thinking he's being ogled. He can still spot the faint marks where the edge of the car window cut into Thor's skin.

Thor shifts a little in his seat as he cases the diner. Loki feels him slide the instep of his foot over his ankle.

Part of him wants to put the cup down and tell Thor ' _Seriously?!_ ' in the most disgusted and you-sentimental-loser-I'm-ashamed-to-be-related-to-you voice he can muster--but then that thought cuts along the bone at the same time he remembers how Thor's hands felt around his ankles. Loki abruptly has to grip the mug tighter to keep it from shaking.

Thor glances over and then turns his head and smiles at him, partly preening--the fucking cocksucker--but also open and apparently genuine.

More than part of him wants to stab Thor with the nearest fork, so he'll stop looking at him like that.

 _You're fucking it all up, asshole_ , Loki wants to snarl; and he tells himself he'd be saying it to Thor.

Thor cuts the sappy shit once their order arrives. Loki demands more coffee and rips into his food with narrow-minded focus.

It's not narrowed enough that he misses the way Thor frowns at the sight. Loki scowls and prepares an insult for as soon as his mouth isn't full.

But then Thor makes that little blank look he gets whenever he's shoving down an angry thought about their family, and turns to his own meal.

Loki notes it for later and waves sharply at the waitress.

"You're not gonna be able to sleep," Thor tells him, raising an eyebrow when Loki drains his mug and orders another refill. Loki thinks about telling him it's none of his damn business and then doesn't and shrugs instead. Thor's still slumped down a little in his seat, his legs stretched out and tangled between Loki's own, warm and hard. He keeps glancing at Loki's wrists whenever he shakes the cuffs of his shirt back; Loki never replaced the wristbands to hide the yellowing bruises there.

It's fine if he doesn't feel like starting shit at the moment. It's fine if he doesn't particularly want to dig back right now and make Thor remember that even if he's got all the good things--the money, the family with power, the easy future, the friends and popularity and respect and status--he's still just a fucked-up bastard son murderer at the bottom of it, and not any better than Loki.

It's fine. Thor's the one with the car keys, and if Loki starts a fight there's a slim chance Thor will drive off and make him walk back to the cabin. All these changes in Thor since they were kids _seem_ real--but if they're not and he falls for it, he'll be right back where he started or even lower, and humiliated as well.

So it's fine if he lets Thor act like he knows best right now. It's just pragmatism. It doesn't mean he's starting to buy that shit, or giving in. He's just thinking long-term.

"I'm fine," he replies. Thor raises the eyebrow higher with a doubtful look, and Loki scowls at him.

He shakes his cuff back once more as he grabs the last piece of bacon, and Thor glances down at his wrist again and forgets to keep harassing him. Loki refrains from smirking only because it would give away the trick.  
  
  
The cabin is dark when they finally return, after Thor takes the long way back from the diner along the beach road, driving slower than the speed limit ostensibly because the police trawl this road for drunk tourists and teenagers out past curfew. They go in through the porch doors instead of the front.

Loki puts antiseptic on Thor's back in their bathroom after Thor doesn't push for it, aggravated with himself because his fingers keep shaking slightly--from the coffee, just too much caffeine, not from any memories of earlier, or the feel of the thick muscle of Thor's back beneath his fingers. Or the thought of how else it could feel against his palms, bunching and slick under his scrabbling grasp as Thor fucks him hard, fucks him to break him, unleashed like before and more than Loki can take or fight against, more than he could ever beat so it'll be okay if he doesn't try--

It's just too much coffee.

Then he remembers that that's exactly what Thor warned earlier, and gets even more aggravated and kicks Thor out of the bathroom.

Loki showers and jerks off, pressing hard against the bruises forming along his hips as he does. Then he goes back to his room and downloads his malware back onto Balder's phone.

He manages to hack into a new system that promises to let him pivot out to Odin's servers on a shorter route than last time before the caffeine he's riding on crashes. Loki reflexively deletes the program--Frigga's rules about erasing evidence are ingrained by now--and then stuffs the phone into the hole in his mattress and passes out.


	6. Thor's Poor Life Choices part I

Thor sets his alarm to wake up before his dad and then regrets the decision as he staggers out of bed. He eats breakfast at the sink and doesn't start the coffee until he's done.

He's back in his room, in the middle of a workout, when his cousin meanders past yawning widely. Loki backtracks and slouches against the doorframe, watching him.

"How's your back?" he asks.

"Good," Thor answers briefly, counting off push-ups in his head.

When he catches Loki's feet in his peripheral vision, Thor blinks and turns his head. Before he can ask what's up, Loki drops down heavily on his back.

Thor grunts as he's driven to the carpet.

He stays there, panting, for a few moments. When Loki doesn't move or speak, Thor lets out a long breath through his teeth and then pushes up again.

His cousin inhales quietly and curls a hand around his shoulder. Thor runs through three more slow, steady pushups, and then sinks back to the floor and says, "Off."

"That's all?" Loki replies disparagingly; but Thor can hear the trace of disappointment beneath it.

He ignores the bait. "Training camp starts soon. I'm not gonna risk straining anything before then," Thor tells him, because he gets to have boundaries too. "If I have to go to college, at least I'm getting to play. Off."

Loki starts to shifts onto his feet, but then he pauses and rubs a thumb against Thor's shoulder.

"Just one more," he murmurs, still touching lightly. This time he doesn't bother hiding his hunger.

Thor exhales again shortly. Loki brushes a kiss over his nape.

Thor thinks that he really needs to be firmer on these things, and then he huffs and pushes up again. Loki grips his shoulder tight as he's jostled.

Thor sinks back down carefully, and then starts to push himself up again--and then he jerks sharply to the side, spilling Loki onto the carpet. His cousin sputters in startled aggravation before Thor's on him, pinning his wrists.

" _Satisfied?_ " he growls out.

Loki just grins back wide, showing his teeth and not quite tilting his head up enough to bare his neck.

Thor glances down at his throat and thinks if he bites hard enough, **that'll** wipe the smirk off his face. That would make his smartass cousin gasp instead and fight down a moan as he arches up against him. He can cool down later, and make up for the rest of the reps this afternoon--

"Thor!" his mom calls, and Thor thinks _Oh shit fuck the door's still open_ and throws himself back. "You've got mail."

Loki scrabbles away too, his eyes a little wide as he shoves to a sitting position. Thor hisses at him for not shutting the door and grabs a shirt as he leaves.

He pulls it on in the hall before he hits the kitchen. When his mom holds out a white envelope, Thor sees the word 'medical' on the return address and curses silently.

Then he pushes it away and reminds himself that he already thought of this. Loki comes into the kitchen while he's folding it in half.

"Did you go to the doctor?" his mom asks with a concerned look.

"Yeah," Thor agrees. "My knee was bugging me, but he said it was just a pulled muscle."

"Is it better?"

Thor grins. "Yeah, I'm fine now."

He shoves the bill into his pocket. He wasn't planning for Loki to be here when he asked; but now's the best time. "Is everything definitely taken care of now? With Dad and work."

She raises an eyebrow slightly. "Yes."

"Okay," Thor nods. "So it'll be all right if I leave for the weekend?"

Loki pauses for the barest second in pouring his cereal. Frigga nods.

"That should be fine," she replies. "Where are you going?"

"Some friends of mine rented a place for the long weekend," Thor says, taking the milk from Loki. He goes to pour himself a glass, so he doesn't have to look his mom in the face while he lies. "But a couple people dropped out on them at the last moment, so they've got room for me and Loki. I figured it'll help cut the costs."

Frigga looks over at his cousin, but Loki just shrugs once. "I told him I was still working with you," he replies.

He _has_ to practice this shit. There's no way he can be so good at it otherwise.

Thor shrugs himself and hands the milk back over. "Yeah. I know that's important. I can tell them we can't make it."

His mom shakes her head and smiles at Loki. "We should be done before the weekend, if you don't mind spending some extra time on it with me."

Loki hesitates over a spoonful of cereal. "...No. That's fine."

"Good." She nods at Thor. "I'll tell your father you'll be out this weekend."

"Thanks," Thor says sincerely. He excuses himself to finish his workout before his heart rate drops further.

Loki comes back to his room later, when Thor's done and going through cool-down stretches. "What was **that**?"

Thor tugs the envelope from his pocket and hands it over.

Loki looks at the return address and then studies him again.

Thor's face feels hotter already, and the idea of just standing around while Loki reads the results is even more embarrassing. So he goes back to stretching.

His cousin eyes him for a few more moments, then pulls a knife from his pocket and slits the envelope open.

Loki sits on the floor to read through the papers, and Thor steadfastly focuses on his stretches and tries to ignore the rustling as his cousin examines them silently. But eventually he's finished and still hasn't said anything, so Thor drags a hand through his hair and looks over.

His cousin has an elbow propped on his leg, resting his chin on a fist as he scrutinizes Thor with dark eyes.

"So where are we _really_ going?" he asks.

Thor shrugs a little. "I didn't pick a hotel yet," he admits. "I was gonna ask you first."

Loki quirks his mouth. "'Ask me' through an intermediary?"

Thor makes a face. "You weren't supposed to be there," he mutters. "But I had to change the subject. And Mom was a lot more likely to say 'okay' if I asked now instead of after she's made me and Dad make up."

Loki tilts his head a little at that, but nods once in acknowledgment.

"Yes," he answers. "So. Where were you thinking of?"

Thor grins widely and shrugs again. "I figured a few hours away would be enough. But I can drive more. Is there any place you wanna go?"

"Not really," Loki replies. "Let's go over the state line."

"Okay," Thor agrees. "North or south? Or west?"

"North's closest," his cousin answers. Thor nods again and holds out his hand for the results.

"I want to keep them," Loki says with a sly little smile. He rubs a thumb against one of the papers. "I didn't think you'd really do it."

"I have to pay the bill," Thor points out.

Loki sighs but hands them over. "Give it back when you're done."

" _Hell_ no," Thor retorts once he has the papers--and all the potential blackmail his cousin could turn them into--safely in hand. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

Loki grins. "Where's your phone?"

Thor knows his cousin well enough that he keeps his eyes on Loki's hands while he shoves the papers into a zippered pocket and then feels for his phone in another. It's still where he left it.

Loki snickers and pushes to his feet, dusting off his hands. "Worth a shot.

"I'm going back to work." He starts to head out, but then pauses in the doorway and glances over his shoulder. "Find somewhere with room service."

Thor swallows and nods. Loki's smile widens for a breath before he leaves.

Once his cousin's gone, Thor belatedly checks that it's actually his phone in his pocket and not a piece of wood Loki substituted for it. Then he pays the bill.

He drops by the living room where Frigga and Loki are setting up their computers to ask where the stamps are, and if she's got any errands she wants him to run while he's out. Behind her back, Loki gives him a look and then rolls his eyes. Upstairs, his dad is pacing.

Thor grabs a stamp and drives to the post office to send the bill out directly instead of leaving it in the mailbox.

He doesn't see what Loki would get from hiding it, besides dropping his credit score. There's nothing incriminating on the remittance. But sometimes it's like if Loki sees the opening to be a jerk he can't help taking it.

Thor starts to drive off--and then he makes a U-turn and pulls back into the lot, and parks the car and thinks about that.

He eventually leaves and gets the milk and eyeglasses repair screwdriver his mom asked for, and goes home.  
  
  
Frigga and Loki finally build the new system to their ruthlessly perfectionist standards by late Wednesday evening. They spend most of Thursday sleeping.

Balder's still too young to do any deep-level forensics without their mom's oversight, so Thor takes him down to the beach again while his dad works in the upper floor.

He and Odin both know Frigga has more important things to do than mediate between them. At first they just avoided each other, while Balder played intermediary. But then Thor realized his brother might not be griping about it because he felt guilty; so he quit being a coward and started acting his age again.

His dad reciprocated, like that was what he'd been waiting for. Now they've fallen into their usual pattern: distant but civil, not talking about it.

Loki asked once after dinner if he was okay. When Thor said he was fine before asking the same of him, his cousin just rolled his eyes and wouldn't answer.

It's not that noticeable, but his cousin is avoiding Odin too.

The last few days, Loki's always been working with Frigga or else zonked out in his room or on the couch. He brought the laptop to the table during meals, running tests that gave him the excuse to reject conversation and eye contact. Balder asked about it while they were walking down to the beach, then made a tired noise when Thor shrugged and told him to let it go.

When he and Balder get back late that afternoon, Thor finds his cousin sprawled out in the recliner and staring blankly at the TV. He drops the cooler by the porch door and heads over. Behind him, Balder pulls the door shut and starts unpacking the duffel.

"Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty," Thor says, draping his forearm over the recliner. Loki just grunts. "How're you feeling?"

"Why?" Loki replies suspiciously.

"You're such a brat," Thor tells him. "The guys have to head back tomorrow, so we're going to the bar next town over tonight. Wanna come?"

Loki tilts his head back to look at him, eyebrow quirked. "I thought 'babies' couldn't go drinking yet."

"Hogun said they might as well sneak us in this once as long as we don't make asses of ourselves. Come on, it's karaoke night," Thor grins. "It's gonna be great. I bet you five bucks you can't get Volstagg to sing."

"You are so transparent," Loki drawls.

"Bet you twenty you can't get Hogun to."

 _That_ one hits the mark. Thor bites down the urge to grin wider as Loki's eyes narrow.

"Fine," his cousin deigns, stretching and sitting up. "Why not. When do we leave?"  
  
  
They head out after dinner, telling Thor's parents they're going to another movie.

They meet the guys at the bar instead of riding over, so they'll have two cars. Thor's still not convinced Loki's gotten enough sleep to be out forever, and Volstagg wants to be able to leave if he has to.

Brunhilde seems fine now with the new prescription, but Volstagg's still nervous about leaving her alone for too long without transportation. Thor can tell what happened must've hit him bad: Hogun and Fandral aren't needling him about the fretting even a little.

At the front door, Volstagg goes in first and greets the bouncer so enthusiastically, dragging him into a booming conversation, that Hogun and Fandral just hold up their IDs behind him as they walk past shaking their heads. Thor and Loki follow suit.

At the actual bar, one of the bartenders spots Fandral and immediately throws her hands in the air and goes to the farthest end of it. The other woman behind it grins and waves him over.

Loki glances back at Volstagg while Hogun leads them to a table along the wall where the lights are dimmer. "He's the size of a planet, but I didn't realize he had the gravitational pull of one too."

Thor smacks him on the shoulder. "Knock it off. This is brilliant strategy."

"Thank you," Hogun says. Loki shakes his head and calls him a nerd.

The place is ultimately just a bar. There isn't much to it beyond a pool table and the TVs playing sports channels--but it _does_ have a wider selection of alcohol than Thor's had access to before.

He starts with a sidecar because Fandral tells him he's not allowed to leave without trying one cocktail. Thor goes with one of Hogun's suggestions on imported beers for his next drink, and later follows that up with one of Volstagg's extremely vehement recommendations of craft beers for his third. In the meantime he learns a lot--maybe--about how a couple companies own most of the major global beer brands and how they've made everything taste like homogenized shit through cost-cutting in the last decade--except for what they haven't--from Hogun and Volstagg's escalating argument. Loki sticks with scotch and water.

The argument eventually becomes a pool game, leaving Fandral to get their drinks. He takes forever doing it because he keeps flirting; and the pool table's lit well enough that if Thor joined in, someone might notice he looks too young.

So he gives Fandral the cash to pay and tip for his and Loki's next round, and stays at the table with his cousin and either laughs as Loki ruthlessly butchers whoever tackles the karaoke machine or defends the ones who're decent at it.

Loki's left for the bathroom again by the time Fandral returns with their drinks. He also comes back with a girl wearing a pro-Daniel Bryan shirt; and eventually Thor's so deep in an argument over the last couple matches that he doesn't realize Loki hasn't returned.

Not until Hogun rests an arm on the booth's back and leans in to ask, "What's he doing?"

Thor glances over before looking to where Hogun's pointing subtly with his pool cue. Loki's standing by the wall close to the bar, a mean smile on his face as he talks to another guy.

The other guy looks pissed. And even though Loki's smirking, Thor can see that he's got one hand in his pocket and the other loose at his side like he's ready to block a punch.

Thor frowns and sets his mostly full glass back on the table.

"He's been provoking that guy for the past five minutes," Hogun continues, dropping his voice further. Fandral asks the girl for more information about the wrestlers she and Thor were debating, drawing her attention away. "Do you know him?"

His cousin's too close to the wall, like he's been crowded in. The other guy's definitely getting more riled the longer Loki sneers at him.

"No," Thor answers, pushing out of the booth. Loki glances over, meeting his eyes for a second before turning back to the other guy. Whatever he says next, his sneer gets more confident and nastier.

Thor stays where he is for a moment, staring at it; and then he squeezes his eyes shut briefly.

Then he looks over at Hogun.

"Hey, whatever happens," Thor says quietly, "you guys don't help out. Okay? Say you met us walking up here. I don't wanna get you in trouble."

"I can get Volstagg," Hogun replies, leaning on the pool cue and studying Loki and the other guy. "We can separate them."

Thor shakes his head as he grabs the napkins Loki was scribbling on earlier. "It'll draw too much attention. Say you met us tonight. It'll be fine," he adds with a smile.

Hogun just looks back at him seriously.

"You give him too much," he says, before shaking his head. "I'll tell Volstagg."

When Hogun glances over, Fandral makes a quick 'got it' gesture without breaking his conversation with the girl. Thor pushes his hands in his pockets and goes over to Loki.

"Is there a problem?" he asks as he comes up beside the other guy. Then he thinks geez, that was cliché. Loki better not give him shit for it later.

"No," the guy says shortly. He takes a sharp step to the side, like he's been waiting for someone to give him an excuse to walk away while keeping his pride. Thor notes the reaction, and hopes he worried for nothing--if his cousin's being a dick because he's jealous, at least the mark he picked is acting reasonable.

Then Loki gives him a tenuous grin and says, "Hey, this is the guy you were asking about."

Thor goes still.

The other guy scowls harder. He tries to back away more, but the table behind him cuts him off.

Now that Thor's standing here, it's clear that what looked like Loki being crowded against the wall is really a position that's kettling this guy. With Thor in place, the only way he can escape is by shoving over a table or wedging past Thor. It's brilliant strategy.

Thor meets his cousin's eyes. "...If you're lying--"

The guy makes an infuriated noise and pushes hard at Thor's shoulder. "Loki, I don't know what shit you're pulling, but leave me--"

Thor twists aside and grabs his wrist. He uses the momentum to wrench the guy forward, and slams an elbow into his throat.  
  
  
They barely escape: after Thor got the guy on the ground and bleeding, he tried to avoid the bouncer instead of taking him down too. Loki finally dragged him past the bathrooms and out the emergency exit.

They race away from the parking lot and across the street and further, until Loki leads them into the empty alley road behind a shopping center. As they pass a dumpster in a cinderblock enclosure, Thor grabs a fistful of his cousin's shirt.

Loki curses as he's yanked backward. Thor wrenches him into the enclosure and behind the dumpster, and then--when it's too close to the wall for them to fit--lets go long enough to wedge his back against the container and shove.

Loki's panting hard, his eyes wide as he watches. He starts to back up when Thor rocks forward on his feet. Thor seizes his shirt and slams him against the dumpster.

" _Was that really him?_ " he snarls, because the guy knew his cousin's **name** , knew his **cousin** , if it really was him Thor's going back to--

"No," Loki gasps, catching his arms. "No. No. It wasn't him." When Thor's grip tightens, Loki laughs breathlessly. "That was the dumbass who thought he could pull a knife on me and _win_."

Thor growls and bangs him against the container again. Loki sucks in a breath and stares, his eyes still wide in the shadows.

At least the guy had it coming to him, if Loki's telling the truth _this_ time.

But Thor's still furious. His hands are shaking, his heart's racing--he's too full of energy to be standing **still** like this. It's been too many years since he got in a real fight. He forgot how hard it is to come down.

He punches the dumpster because the other option is punching his cousin. Loki jolts but keeps holding his gaze.

"Don't you ever fucking do that again," Thor grits out, keeping his fist pressed hard to the metal. "Don't you fucking manipulate me again."

If Loki pushes back now Thor _will_ hit him, he will goddammit, Loki just doesn't fucking **stop** otherwise, he doesn't learn any other way--

Except his cousin's the relative closest to his age; the one he always hung out with, the one who's known him almost all his life. He's seen Thor like this before.

"I won't," Loki pacifies. He lets go of Thor's forearms and rubs his palm along one slowly. "I won't. I promise, Thor," he murmurs.

"Bullshit," Thor hisses. He grabs Loki's other wrist before he can reach his pocket.

His cousin tenses for a second as his knives are blocked off. But then he huffs his bangs from his eyes, and makes himself relax.

"I won't," Loki repeats. He tugs his wrist until Thor lets go distrustfully, and starts plucking Thor's fingers loose from his shirt. Loki keeps brushing a palm over his arm as he does. Thor grits his teeth, but lets him do it.

His cousin works his fist loose and brings it up to his lips. Thor curls his fingers as Loki kisses his knuckles softly, knowing that he's being manipulated again, that Loki's doing it at the same fucking time he's saying he'll stop--but at least now it isn't getting his friends in trouble or wreaking havoc.

"Are you proud of yourself?" he finally mutters.

"Yes," Loki smiles against his skin. Thor snarls to keep from slugging him in the throat.

Loki kisses his knuckles once more, darting his tongue over them before glancing up through his lashes. Thor clenches his jaw.

"I like seeing you like this," his cousin hums.

Loki's gaze flicks over him as he tries to push down a shiver. He nips one of Thor's knuckles again before pressing a kiss to the spot. Thor clenches his fist tighter.

"I like knowing I can force you out of it," Loki continues, smirking against his fingers as he meets his glare.

Thor draws his lips back against his teeth, torn between wanting to tell Loki what a shitty fucking asshole he is or to bang his head against the dumpster or bite that goddamn smirk off his mouth, or maybe all three. He jerks when Loki's hand grips his cock through his shorts.

Thor wrenches his fist away and surges forward, shoving Loki hard against the container as he bites his bottom lip. Loki shouts when he digs his teeth in harsh enough that it splits and he tastes blood--but then Loki's arching hard against him, his hands fumbling at Thor's fly.

Thor fists a hand in his cousin's hair and yanks his head back, making Loki curse. His whole body feels jittery with energy; he can't tell which part's from the anger and fighting and which is from the lust. They're all jumbled up and feel like the same thing.

"You little," he says gutturally, and then he bites Loki's lip harder until his cousin snarls in genuine pain and punches him, "fucking," and Thor pulls back to scrape his teeth across his cousin's adam's apple, making Loki flinch and twist against him, " _ **shit**_."

He wrenches Loki's collar to the side, making his cousin cough when it cuts into his throat, and bites down hard on the meat of his shoulder.

Loki jerks and shouts when the skin tears under Thor's teeth. He abandons Thor's fly and starts scrabbling at his back instead, his nails digging in as he ruts hard against him. When Thor bites deeper, drawing more blood, Loki shudders and whines and hooks a leg around his thigh.

"I oughta shove you in the car and take you home and never fucking touch you again," Thor rasps, and Loki inhales sharply. " _That'd_ teach you a lesson."

"--No, Thor don't," he gasps, clinging to him with one arm as he starts wrenching at Thor's fly again. "Don't do that, don't."

"Why not?" Thor growls. "You're gonna pull this shit again, don't fucking lie to me. I _know_ you, Loki."

"I won't, I won't," his cousin promises desperately, dropping his leg to squirm in his grip before stifling a cry when it twists Thor's hand in his hair painfully. He manages to turn his head enough to brush his mouth over Thor's temple and cheek. Thor exhales harshly as he feels blood smear there. "I won't, I promise. Don't do that Thor, don't leave me."

Thor shudders hard; and then Loki stiffens as his head apparently catches up to his mouth.

His cousin swallows heavily and doesn't say anything else. Thor squeezes his eyes shut, and keeps his mouth pressed to Loki's shoulder.

His cousin would do this again, and they both knew it.

No matter what he promises, he will. Maybe not like this, but he'll still do something that fucks over Thor or himself or the both of them or even more people. He always will. If he sees the opportunity to pull some assholish prank he'll take it just to show he's smart enough to manipulate things to his ends, to validate that he's that clever to _himself_ because no one else fucking doubts it. His cousin'll never stop as long as he's the one he has to prove it to.

Thor starts to blow his breath out through his teeth but halts when Loki flinches as it hits the wound. Loki's **never** going to stop, unless Thor can figure out how to get rid of all these doubts in his head. He knows that.

So he better decide if he's going to keep putting himself and his friends and the people around them at risk over it.

Loki's frozen against him, but Thor can hear the scrape of his nails as he curls his hands into fists. His heartbeat's racing hard against Thor's chest, and his arms are starting to shake. Thor doesn't have much longer before the tension in Loki snaps and he either takes off or starts fighting for real.

His cousin's an asshole. He's selfish and mean and destructive, and self-destructive, and he picks fights he can't win and cheats his way through others, and anything he's given he turns into a weapon eventually when he loses his temper. He's a liar and full of so much anger that Thor doesn't know if he'll ever be able to help Loki with it when he can barely keep a handle on his own. It's obvious his friends think he's a worse person around him.

But Thor thinks of the way Loki's head felt on his shoulder at the movie and all those endless awful puns he rattled off to distract him, how Loki was the one who kept hanging out with him at school those first few months after they took that kid to the hospital, the only one who didn't leave him feeling toxic or broken. He thinks of the way his cousin wants Frigga to be his mother so blatantly that it hurts to see; and Thor thinks he's not a monster.

He's not.

"You can't do that again, Loki," he orders shakily. "I don't want to be that kind of person. You know why. Don't do that to me."

His cousin draws in a long breath.

Finally he rests a palm against Thor's waist. "Okay," Loki says quietly. "I won't."

Thor grips his good shoulder hard. "I've gotta be able trust you about this, Loki. Don't do it just because you can."

Loki rubs his hand slowly along his side. "I promise, Thor."

Thor stays like that for a few more moments, because Loki sounds sincere and he wants to believe him. If he can't trust his cousin on this, then he can't have faith in Loki on anything.

So he decides to.

Thor swallows and makes himself nod. He pulls his head up enough to wipe the heel of his hand against his eyes.

Loki keeps running a palm along his side silently. Thor leans into it more, until even though the anger and the raw turbulent energy are still roiling in his chest they don't feel ready to overwhelm him anymore. He can recognize the fury enough to hold it back.

"Okay," he mumbles at last. He pushes away further to look Loki in the eye. It's hard to make out his cousin's expression--it's so dim back here, and Loki's face is tilted down--but Thor thinks he looks serious.

He rests a palm against his cousin's neck, rubbing where Loki's shirt's cut into his skin. "I'll trust you."

Loki nods once, head still bent. Thor watches him for a little longer, and finally closes his eyes and exhales heavily. He drops his head to rest it against Loki's, and then slumps further against him when his cousin doesn't pull away.

He wishes aggravatedly that his adrenaline rush would hurry up and wash out. He's getting sick of shaking. And he forgot how hungry he gets afterward. Where are they? Is there anywhere to eat nearby? Are the cops staking it out? Probably. Shit.

\--His car's still at the bar. Shit. He needs to text one of the guys to come get his keys so they can take it to a rendezvous spot. If they're still talking to him. He and Loki are gonna be waiting here half the night if they aren't. _Dammit_.

Fighting feels great but everything that comes after it sucks.

Loki draws in a deeper breath, and Thor squeezes his eyes tighter and reminds himself to focus. The first thing he needs to do is stop pinning his cousin. He can figure out the rest afterward.

When he starts to push away, Loki slides an arm around his waist. Thor goes still as his cousin hooks his fingers through his belt loops to keep him in place.

Loki glances up at him through his lashes. "Want me to give you a reason to?"

Thor shivers at the words and immediately wishes he hadn't.

His cousin's mouth is bleeding. Thor already hit him pretty good, probably harder than he knows, Loki always took a punch well, and the way Loki's keeping his chin tilted down makes him look cowed. It makes this whole thing feel nasty. This isn't what Thor wants.

"You don't--" he starts, and Loki tenses.

Thor cuts short and stares at him harder. His cousin's shoulders are tight, and he's glaring wide-eyed at the concrete. He's clenched his jaw to hide the way he's breathing harder.

Thor takes in the near-panic in Loki's frame and bites his tongue.

. . . His cousin barely tolerates being touched after sex if he feels too exposed from it. If he wants something now to bury what he said before, so that one piece of unchecked honesty isn't the last thing between them while they're stuck here, then....

...Then okay. Thor can handle that.

He swallows heavily and says, "Yeah."

He winces a little when his voice comes out harsh. But Loki glances up again and licks his lip, so it's probably fine.

"Okay," Loki murmurs. He tilts his chin down further to nuzzle the edge of Thor's hand.

Thor cups his cheek and then takes a few seconds to just _enjoy_ it, since Loki's letting him. He sweeps a thumb along his cousin's face, across his eyelid and cheekbone and the bridge of his nose, and Loki shivers a little and closes his eyes. Thor does it again, and realizes that for all the sex they've had he still hasn't kissed Loki as much as he wants to.

But that's probably going too far tonight. And Thor's still half-hard; right now he wants sex first. They've got time for everything else later.

When he touches the corner of his cousin's mouth, Loki sucks in his thumb obediently. Thor pushes deeper as Loki presses his tongue along the pad, but pulls back when his cousin flinches as he rubs the cut.

He cups Loki's face again instead. His cousin leans into it heavily, tilting into the touch until his hair's spilling over the back of Thor's hand.

\--All Thor has to do is move his hand a little higher to get it in his hair. Loki would probably go to his knees on his own.

His cousin's lip is bleeding, and Thor's already hit and threatened him. This isn't okay. Maybe he just can't separate what they do in sex from how they are the rest of the time as easily as Loki does, but this feels too close to real. He'll do what his cousin needs, but he's still got leeway to make it less messed up.

Thor slides his hand into Loki's hair and then tugs sharply. Loki jolts with a wince and reflexively scowls.

Thor tries for a matching one. "Since you couldn't bother to lift those hands and made me do all your dirty work before, you can put them to use now."

Loki's silent for a few harsh breaths, glaring at him. Then he snorts, curling the corner of his mouth. "Soft."

Thor yanks his hair harder until Loki grunts and he feels some come loose. Thor eases his grip as he growls, "I said move your hands, not your mouth."

Loki sneers wider. "Guess you should've found a way to shut it up, then."

Thor shoves forward for another kiss. He cushions Loki's head from banging into the dumpster, but bites his lip hard and presses his tongue against the cut until his cousin whimpers and reaches for his fly.

Loki scrapes his nails hard over his thighs while he pushes Thor's shorts and boxers down his hips. Before Thor can snarl at him, Loki wraps a hand around his cock and starts stroking it the way he likes.

Thor shoves his hand away and grabs his other wrist instead, pulling it over harshly enough that his cousin winces as his shirt drags across his bitten shoulder. "Use this one."

Loki pauses and blinks before chuckling under his breath. "Trying to prove something?"

Thor's trying to think of a good retort and considering just biting that smartassed mouth again when Loki twists his wrist free. He grins as he brings his hand up so his palm's facing Thor, fingers splayed. "Need it wet first, wuss?"

Thor gives him a narrow look. "One of these days, asshole...."

Loki inhales sharply when he grabs it. Thor belatedly remembers how important his cousin's hands are to him, and loosens his grip a little.

He presses his teeth to Loki's palm and drags down them slowly, smirking as he hears his cousin breathe faster. Loki sucks his lip into his mouth when Thor bites the fleshy heel _almost_ hard enough to break the skin.

He kisses the spot roughly, then licks his way back up Loki's palm and shoves his cousin's hand down once more.

"Now quit fucking stalling," he demands, kissing Loki before he can mouth off again. His cousin snickers, but he gets his hand back around Thor's cock and starts stroking.

It's not long before Thor's rocking sharply into his fist. He grips Loki's hips tight as he moves, but his cousin just keeps on smirking against his mouth like he's so fucking pleased with himself for tonight, until Thor hisses in aggravation.

He yanks Loki's collar aside with his teeth and bites his cousin's other shoulder, worrying it with his tongue and teeth until he knows there'll be a bruise marring his tattoo by tomorrow, marking Loki up on both sides. His cousin hums in pleasure and squeezes his cock a little tighter.

"That's it," he murmurs. Loki nips his earlobe. "If you hate your anger so much, give it to me, Thor. I'm not afraid of it."

Thor shivers sharply.

He pulls up and shakes his head. "You should be."

"I know," his cousin laughs. When Thor leans back further to stare at him, Loki grins wide, his manic amusement barely visible in the shadows around them. "But I'm not."

Thor shudders and drops his forehead back to Loki's shoulder. "Fucking lunatic."

He tries to snap the words off, but they come out like a gasp. He clenches Loki's hips as he thrusts harder into his hand, and his cousin moans lowly.

"That's it," he repeats. Loki tightens his grip and speeds up; but only enough that it makes his hand on Thor's cock feel even better, making the pressure build up inside him even quicker. "More. Come on, Thor. The worst you're gonna do is make me hit my head. More."

Another shudder runs up Thor's spine until all he can do is groan. " _Loki_."

His cousin drops a kiss to his hair and orders, "More."

Thor gasps his name again and then bites down on the fabric of Loki's shirt, because the only things he can think to say are that Loki's crazy, and that he can't trust Thor to hold back so much when Loki **knows** him, and that he loves him, and that the cops are probably still searching the area so maybe they should both shut up--and he's pretty sure his cousin won't like hearing any of those.

Loki slides an arm up his shirt and along his back, tugging him closer. Thor swallows thickly.

It's ridiculous when they're fucking fully clothed against a dumpster while hiding from the cops, but the touch feels so intimate Thor's almost shaking again from it. He can hear Loki panting hard beside his ear, can feel his cousin's chest pushing against his own with every breath. One of Loki's legs is pressed hard to the outside of his knee, and Thor can feel it jerk occasionally when he drives forward harder. When Loki splays a hand across his back and pulls him nearer, Thor chokes around the cloth and knows it isn't going to be long.

Loki tightens his arm with a grunt as he tries to brace up against Thor's increasingly stuttering thrusts, and that pushes him over the edge.

Thor bites down tighter on the damp fabric of Loki's shirt as he comes, trying to stifle his groan. Over his heartbeat he can hear Loki laughing to himself.

By the time he shakes it off, his cousin's gone back to panting as he fumbles at his fly, one hand still smeared with Thor's come. Thor presses a hard kiss to his throat and swats his hands away to take over.

It feels careless the way he jerks Loki off and plays with his balls so roughly. But it must be how his cousin wants it, because for once Loki comes easily, his arms squeezed around Thor's shoulders and his face pressed to them to smother his gasping moans. Thor makes a note of it for the future.

Loki's arms slip a little from his shoulders as he comes down, but once he steadies himself on his feet he tightens them again.

When his cousin stays that way, Thor stops trying to fish the napkins out of his pocket and wraps his arms around his waist instead. When Loki lets him, Thor slides a hand under his shirt to rub his back.

Loki stays in the hold, his head buried in his arms and his forehead against Thor's neck as his breathing evens out, for a lot longer than Thor expected.

His cousin lets him get away with it until Thor wrecks it by giving in and starting to kiss his throat and shoulder softly. But they're right there, and he wants to after hurting Loki earlier, and anyway he likes tasting sweat on Loki's skin when he knows he's caused it by getting him off--even if this time there's grime from the bar and the dumpster there too. If that's weird, then whatever, he's weird.

But that's when Loki makes a muffled grunt. A breath later, he slides his arms loose and pushes at Thor's face, and pulls away.

"You need to shave," he mutters.

"Shh," Thor replies, scrounging back in his pockets for the napkins. "The cops've gotta be looking by now."

When he gets them out, he holds them up enough that Loki can see the equations he scrawled out earlier. "Did you need these?"

His cousin shakes his head, so Thor gets to work cleaning him off. Loki slumps against the dumpster and picks at the damp patch on his shirt with a disgruntled noise as he does.

He gives Loki another napkin for his hands before wiping himself off, and then he runs out and wishes he could get the hand sanitizer from his car. Thor scrubs at his palms with the tattered remains and thinks if this shit keeps up he's gonna have to start wearing full cargo pants or else get a man-purse.

He sniggers at the last thought, making Loki raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"I'm not telling you," Thor replies. "You made fun of me last time."

"You deserved it."

"Now I'm definitely not telling you."

Loki rolls his eyes and says, "Your phone went off."

Thor blinks and looks down at his pocket. "It did?"

"Three texts," Loki replies.

Thor gives him a skeptical look as he pulls the phone out, but Loki's right. "...I didn't hear it."

"I know," his cousin says with a faint smile. He licks his thumb and rubs the blood off Thor's temple. "You were still mad."

Thor starts to pull back and then makes himself stop.

Loki brushes his hair back gently. "I won't do it again. Promise."

"...Good," Thor finally says, and turns to his phone.

Two of the messages are close together: one from Volstagg saying that the guys got out without having to speak to the cops--no thanks to him or his cousin--and then another from Fandral saying to 'Please tell Loki he's a' and then a bunch of Shakespearean-looking insults. His cousin cackles when Thor shows it to him.

The third one is later, from Hogun, and it says he and Fandral have his car and asks where they should meet. Thor frowns but sends him their location, and then double checks that his keys and wallet are still in his pockets. They are.

Hogun sends another text that they're there a few minutes later. Thor and Loki make their way cautiously out of the alley road and around to the parking lot.

When they come up to his car, Hogun's pulling a flash drive from the USB port.

Thor sees Loki start forward in his peripheral vision and elbows him hard in the side preemptively. His cousin hisses under his breath, but stands down.

"How'd you get _into_ my car to get into the console?" Thor asks.

Hogun shakes his head. "Sorry," he replies. "NDA."

"Nnn," Thor grumbles; but the guys were cool about his family before, so he makes himself let it go.

Hogun hands over the driver's seat while Fandral settles in the back with Loki. "Where's Volstagg?" Thor asks, as he starts the car cautiously. The engine catches like normal and all the screens load the way they should.

"He took our car back," Fandral answers. "I let him know as soon as we heard from you."

"Yeah, sorry," Thor replies. He leaves it at that and hopes he and Loki smell more like dumpster than sex.

Once they're on the bypass and Fandral and Loki are busy lobbing arcane insults at each other, Thor asks Hogun quietly, "How is he?"

The man looks over and studies him for a moment.

"A broken nose," he answers. "Probably a sprained ankle. He'll have multiple bruises to the chest and face, but nothing broken there."

That sounds weirdly familiar.

A few breaths later Thor's hands clench around the wheel as he realizes he repeated the same damage that outsider did to Loki years ago.

When he pulls over hard to the side of the road, Fandral and Loki fall silent. Hogun's still watching him with a frown.

Thor cuts the engine and says, "Can someone else drive?"

Loki unbuckles his seat belt and opens his door before Fandral or Hogun can reply. Thor trades off and shoves himself into the backseat, breathing hard.

"Buckle up," Loki orders. Thor snarls but yanks at the seatbelt, and then tries again more slowly until it stops locking up.

Once he's forced it in, Loki starts the car. Thor shuts his eyes and focuses on evening out his breathing.

"Do you have a license?" Fandral asks casually.

"No," Loki replies, pulling back onto the road.

"Do you know how to drive?" Hogun says.

"Of course," he denigrates.

"I taught him," Thor grits out. Hogun lets it go with another low noise while Loki starts them back along the bypass.

Thor presses his temple against the window, and stares out it blankly as Loki drives them back at a surprisingly legal speed. He's starting to feel semi-calm again when his phone pings.

Thor tugs it out and checks the new message reflexively. It's from Fandral.

He frowns and starts to look over, and then catches himself and glances at the man's reflection in his window instead. Fandral seems preoccupied with an ongoing conversation on his phone.

Thor looks back down and opens the message.

_I can ask a friend who's a domme to get in touch if you need some advice._

Thor swallows and stares out the window again.

He can't bring in outsiders any more than he already has. He has to settle this between him and Loki on their own. 

Except Thor knows that's not going to work. 

His anger management therapist was always trying to get him to talk about his family to figure out the root causes of his anger. Thor never did open up--he knew that would be a betrayal, because his parents said so--but he still listened. He knows someone outside the situation will have a clearer head and impartial opinions.

...Maybe if he has enough time to work out an explanation, instead of just diving into it in a muddled confessional mess.... Maybe then he can figure out how to put down the parts he needs help with while leaving out the things he can't say.

There has to be a point where making sure he doesn't hurt his family balances out against having to talk about them a little.

 _Yes_ , Thor writes back. _Thank you_.

Fandral flips between conversations for a moment when he gets the message, and then nods once and goes back to texting.  
  
  
Loki drops Fandral and Hogun off at their cabin and drives away before Thor can tell him to park so he can apologize to Volstagg. He rolls his eyes and texts the apology instead, before pressing his head back against the glass.

Loki slows as he comes up to their cabin.

He keeps slowing until the car crawls into the driveway. Loki parks beside Frigga's car, and then cuts the engine and stays in his seat. After a few breaths, he starts cracking his knuckles.

Thor glares at the lights on behind the foyer blinds and lets out a long breath. "Did you remember Dad keeps--no," he decides, reaching for the seatbelt. "Never mind. I don't wanna know."

"Yes," Loki mutters.

Thor makes an aggravated noise in the back of his throat. "The **whole** time?"

His cousin is silent.

Thor grunts again and shoves the door open. "Let's go."

Loki starts to speak, and then doesn't and grips the keys tighter instead.

The second he gets out of the car, Thor puts him in a headlock and gives him a scalp burn. He lets go when Loki only cusses and punches him halfheartedly, not with the fist holding the keys. "Why are you _such_ an asshole?" Thor demands as he takes them back. "You're gonna get in trouble too."

Loki just scowls and jerks his shoulders in a shrug. Thor exhales harshly, and keeps his arm draped over his cousin's shoulders as he stares at the cabin.

"How bad is the car thing?" he makes himself ask.

"BMW's the only company with decent security," Loki replies. "They ran a competition to see who could hack it."

"Right," Thor remembers. Loki had complained for weeks because he'd been too young to enter. He and Frigga both thought the winners had cheated by rolling under the proximity alarm.

Thor curls his hand into a loose fist. ". . . Alright. When I'm talking to Dad, you find Mom and tell her. About the car and me telling them about us before."

Loki gives him a disbelieving look. "One, if I keep Frigga away you and Odin'll try to kill each other again," he says flatly, and Thor wrenches his arm away.

He takes a deep breath and drops it a moment later. Thor shoves his hands into his pockets and reminds himself that he can't afford to be pissed off right now. Loki remains motionless, watching him tensely.

"Don't," Thor orders.

His cousin slides his hands into his pocket with a shrug and takes a step back before continuing. "Two, if you tell him now he's going to overreact," he continues. "You sure you want to do that to your 'friends'?"

Thor forces a snort. "Thought you didn't like them."

"They're driving out tomorrow. It doesn't take a whole night to sabotage a car," Loki replies.

Thor stiffens and gives him a sharp look. "Knock it off."

"You really don't think he'll do it?" his cousin asks.

"That's too fucking far. _Knock it off_."

Loki raises an eyebrow. "You knew Sif for years before she found out, and you and him were on better terms then," he points out evenly. "After what happened last week, do you really think he won't take the most efficient method to remove another potential threat?"

Thor shakes his head hard. "That's **murder**."

"Or a preemptive defense of both national security and his family's lives," Loki replies. "As long as he can justify it to his superiors, it doesn't matter what it really was. You can't tell him tonight, Thor."

Loki huffs out a breath. "I'll warn Frigga about the car tomorrow. If there's an NDA, it's probably military grade Stark tech. We can do forensics while Odin calls in favors to get the info. Then they'll be out of immediate reach, and he'll have pulled too many connections to deal with them remotely." He shrugs again. "You trust them, right?"

Thor rubs the heel of his hand against his forehead, and tries to figure out if the guys really are good people or if he's put his family at risk because he wants them to be.

...They can't have been running that long a con. Even if they got past him, Loki would've caught them out by now. They've gotta be trustworthy.

"Yeah," Thor agrees, dropping his hand. "Alright. You're lucky you're as good at fixing problems as you are making them," he mutters.

Loki tries to smirk, but it still comes out too edgy. Thor looks him over again, and then blows his bangs from his face.

He drags his hand from his pocket and tugs Loki's out of his. "Don't make it worse," Thor orders when his cousin scowls. "Let's go."

Loki doesn't backtalk him and just shoves the knife in his fist back into his pocket. When he drops his hands deliberately loose to his sides, Thor starts for the front door.

They're barely inside when his dad calls coldly from the living room. "Come here."

 _Fucking police scanner_ , Thor thinks as he locks the door, wishing again that he would've remembered Odin keeps it on in his office as background noise sooner. Like a couple damn hours ago sooner.

He shifts further in front of Loki as they walk to the living room. His dad's standing by the recliner with his arms folded, and his mom's sitting on the couch tapping her foot. His cousin falls another step behind him.

Thor stops a good distance away, and waits.

"What on earth do you think you were doing?" Frigga asks, pushing up from the sofa and coming over to examine them. In the corner of his vision, Thor sees Loki hitch his collar a little higher up his neck to hide the bite mark.

"He started it," Thor replies.

"Really," his dad says flatly. "Because that's not how it sounded." He lifts his chin. "Did it occur to you that this kind of attention is the _last_ thing we need after the past week?"

Yeah, it did, but not soon enough. And anyway, "He started it," Thor repeats. "He shouldn't have gotten into that knife fight."

His mom looks up from the bruises on his arm with a frown. His dad's gaze narrows.

"I won't tolerate you lying too," he says icily. "There was nothing about that on the scanner."

"Not _tonight_ ," Thor snaps, trying to force down his increasing aggravation. "Back in high school."

He looks to Loki for support; but his cousin hisses out a breath through his teeth and then takes off for the hallway, twisting loose from Frigga's grasp when she reaches for him. Odin yells after him, but Loki doesn't answer. The door to his room slams shut a few seconds later.

Thor shifts on his feet to follow, but his mom places a hand hard on his shoulder.

"Thor," she orders evenly. "What are you talking about?"

He fights down the urge to shake her off and answers, "That fight he got into back in high school."

"When was this?" Frigga asks.

Thor shoves his hands deep in his pockets and wonders just how much shit Loki's done that he doesn't know about if his parents can't even keep track of it all. "I don't know. Junior year, I think. Before he went to the hospital."

"And you didn't see fit to mention this before now?" Odin demands.

Thor blinks and looks over. "You didn't know?"

His parents exchange a glance.

His mom exhales tersely, with a curse under it. "I'll speak to him," she says, pulling away from Thor. As she heads around the couch, she mutters, "He was wasted on Laufey."

"Should I have stolen him from the hospital?" Odin replies irritably. "Stop coddling him. He's only doing this for attention."

" _Obviously_ ," Frigga bites off--and then she stops short.

They both start to glance in Thor's direction, and quit before actually looking at him.

Thor frowns again.

His mom doesn't say more. Instead, she sweeps around the couch and down the hall. Thor hears her trying the knob to Loki's room a few seconds later.

He and Odin stare at each other.

"Regardless," his dad says at last. "I expected better of you."

"I'm supposed to let people get away with attacking family now?" Thor replies.

Odin's expression goes colder.

"Don't twist my words, boy," he says flatly. "There's a vast difference between protecting family, and getting into the sort of stupid fights that only bring trouble on it. You should have shown _restraint_."

"He **started** it."

"I doubt that," Odin mutters; and Thor clenches his jaw and squeezes his fists tighter in his pockets.

Odin glances at him, and then shakes his head and starts pacing across the living room, moving around the coffee table toward the couch.

"You know your cousin as well as I," he continues, his tone a little more careful. He pauses behind the couch and rests a hand on it. "Do you _really_ think he was blameless in that fight?"

Thor looks at his dad over the barricade of the sofa, the man's dominant hand loose and ready at his side, and forces his fists to relax.

He knows he attacked his dad once, about a month after the kid went to the hospital because of him. He doesn't remember much about it.

When he woke up that evening afterward, he was lying on a cot in his parents' doctor's office and the side of his face was covered in bandages. He pulled them off in the bathroom before anyone discovered he was up; and he could tell from the mottling of the bruises around his forehead that he'd been pistol-whipped.

When Frigga took him out to the car, Odin was already sitting in the passenger seat with his arm in a cast. In the brief light while the doors were open, Thor saw fingerprint-shaped bruises on the man's neck that weren't fully hidden by his buttoned-up collar.

His parents told the school he had pneumonia and kept him out for the next three weeks. Loki brought over his homework each afternoon, explaining it with increasing frustration when Thor was slow to catch on because his head was too fuzzy--the day after the fight, his mom took him back to the doctor to put him on medication, and it was a while before they got the dosages figured out. Thor and Odin didn't speak to each other except through her or Balder or Loki for months afterward.

\--Loki spent a lot of time at their house for a while after that. Frigga was helping him study so he could test up a grade. For a few months, he and Loki were always working together at the kitchen table.

"It doesn't matter," Thor replies. "That guy wasn't family. Loki is."

His dad hisses a breath out through his teeth. "Be that as it may," he says tersely, "this was still rash, reckless, and stupid. I expected better of you, Thor. You're supposed to be an adult now." 

His mom was always there with them. Even after Loki tested up, Frigga sat at the table and taught Balder Nmap on his new laptop while Thor and Loki did their homework together. She never did that as much before; and she fell out of the habit again when Loki stopped coming over abruptly.

Back then Thor thought she was keeping an eye on him, so he and Loki wouldn't get into a fight. But Loki stopped coming over right around when his parents quit having weekly dinners with his aunt and uncle.

"Thor," his dad says sharply, and he jerks back to attention. Odin stares at him for a long moment before shaking his head again.

"It would be one thing if this were about Balder," he adds. "And to be in a bar, underage--"

"Why?" Thor interrupts.

His dad glares at him. "Because you are _under age_ ," he enunciates.

"No. Why would it be different if it were Balder?" Thor replies.

Odin looks down at him like he's an idiot. "Because he's your brother," he replies. "You know our immediate family is different from--"

"And Loki's not?" Thor says.

His dad goes very, very still.

His mom's been so damn determined to keep Loki in touch. They have so much in common; Loki actually cares about her opinion even when no one else's seems to matter. She and his aunt have fought repeatedly since his uncle was arrested. Aunt Farbauti seems to have zero use for either their family or her youngest son anymore.

 _"He was wasted on Laufey."_ It sounded like an old argument.

Thor thinks about how incredibly vicious Loki can be to Balder for no good reason, and how furious Loki got when they found out Balder had been told about Thor's birth mother, and how bad it hit Loki when he thought Frigga didn't like him anymore.

He thinks he should've figured this out sooner.

"What are you talking about?" Odin asks evenly. But he's still giving Thor a wary look.

Thor takes a step closer and then stops when Odin sets his footing. He deliberately loosens his fists again, and keeps his hands deep in his pockets before he speaks. "Isn't he Mom's kid?"

Odin blinks. Thor's scowl deepens. "Why didn't you take _him_ in when Uncle Laufey got arrested? Why couldn't she have him back then?"

"Who told you this?"

"I'm not stupid."

"You're not right, either," his dad says curtly, before exhaling and pinching the bridge of his nose. "He isn't Frigga's son."

"Bullshit," Thor says flatly.

"Watch your mouth," his dad snaps.

"Or what?" Thor retaliates, stepping closer again. Odin's hand tightens on the back of the couch. "You'll disown me?"

" **Thor** ," his brother says, and Thor tenses and jerks his head to the side. He didn't see Balder coming up beside him.

It's a bad sign. He knows that. It's a warning that he's losing control, if he's getting so focused. Thor forces his hands to unclench again, and realizes he's pulled them out of his pockets.

Balder pushes between them. "Calm down," he tells Thor, before looking at their dad. "He didn't mean it."

"Of course not," Odin says, drawn up to his full height, staring down at him imperiously. "He knows he'd have nothing and nowhere to go without my support."

"I'd go to Volstagg's," Thor says through his teeth. "And tomorrow I'd put in my application to the army."

"Thor--" his brother starts again, and Thor twists away from him. Balder grabs his arm, and manages to keep his hold when Thor tries to wrench free. "Thor, don't--"

"You've thought this out," Odin says quietly. "Is there a reason you don't want to be part of this family any more?"

" _ **Enough**_ ," Frigga orders.

She strides back into the room, her lock-pick kit in one hand and her phone in the other. "The both of you. Enough." She says something to Odin in Icelandic, low and rapid enough that Thor can't make it out, and then turns to look at him. Behind her, his dad lets out a long breath and tilts his head aside briefly with a scowl.

"Thor," she says with composure. "Calm down."

He grits his teeth--but she and Balder are both between him and Odin now, and he's not so pissed that he wants to hurt his whole family. Thor squeezes his eyes shut and tries to control his breathing.

He has to count off for longer than normal in his head until it's even. The room's fallen quiet; Thor can hear Frigga texting and murmuring something to Odin, her voice still too low to understand.

Thor shoves one hand back in his pocket and fwacks Balder's grip on his arm with the other. "Let go."

His brother does, but slowly. He shifts aside as Thor takes several steps back to put more space between himself and Odin before finally opening his eyes.

Their mom catches his gaze when he does. "Better?"

Thor nods once shortly.

"Good," she says, and, "He's not my son."

"...Really?" Thor replies; but she shakes her head.

Thor exhales through his teeth and rubs at his face.

If it's true, then the stuff that seemed connected and finally made sense isn't and doesn't again.

"Thor," their mom asks in bemusement, "why, precisely, do you think I've slept with my sister's husband?"

Balder makes a little noise like he really wants to leave the room before he has to go pour bleach on his brain. Thor snorts before he can help it.

He shrugs awkwardly a moment later. "I...didn't think that, I just...." He pushes his hands back in his pockets sheepishly. "It seemed to make sense."

"Hm," she replies, still--thank god--sounding more amused than insulted. Thor tilts his head down and tells her, "Sorry."

Fine. Maybe Loki got his math brain from his side of the family, and maybe Frigga wanted to keep close to him because of it. And maybe she fights with her sister because she just doesn't like how she's treating her nephew--but then why is their aunt acting like that in the first place, and why the hell did Loki flip out about Balder getting told the truth the way he did? It doesn't make _sense_.

Their dad lets out another breath before saying evenly, "Go to your room. You're grounded."

Thor pulls his lips back from his teeth--is he supposed to be an adult now, or is he still a kid to be ordered around, why doesn't Odin make up his fucking mind--but their mom sets a hand on his shoulder before he can retort.

"I want to talk to you further," she says firmly, leading him out of the room.

Thor forces down the urge to shake free again. He hates getting touched when he's on edge like this, it always feels like a threat. He tightens his jaw and goes.

His mom leaves him at the door to his room and she tells him to wait, that she'll be back in a few minutes. He hears her and Odin's voices in the living room again soon after, before they both head to the upper floor. Thor starts pacing.

He makes himself stop when Balder comes up to his door and then hesitates. "What?" Thor demands, trying not to sound mad at him.

Balder holds up a box of bandages. "Your hands are bleeding," he replies.

Thor looks down and sees that the rips in his knuckles from attacking that guy have reopened.

He washes his hands in the bathroom before smearing antiseptic on the cuts and struggling to put bandages over the deepest ones. Balder hovers in the hallway.

"...You didn't mean it, right?" he asks.

"Which part?" Thor replies, scowling as one of the bandages keeps peeling back up.

"You wouldn't just leave like that," Balder says. "Right? You were just mad."

Thor rips the bandage off and chucks it in the trash, and then braces his hands on the sink and tells himself to fucking calm down already. In the mirror, he sees Balder shift back a step.

Thor gets a hold on himself, then shakes his head. "No." He gives his brother a quick, reassuring smile in the mirror. "Nah. Don't worry."

"Don't provoke him like that," Balder warns, his voice low. "You could--" and then he glances to the side and stops abruptly.

Thor frowns and comes back into the hall in time to see their mom go into the kitchen. He gives Balder a questioning look; but his brother doesn't meet his gaze to see it. Then Thor's distracted by the sight of Loki's room.

Their cousin's door is open, but at this angle Thor can see he's not in it. His window is up and the screen's been ripped off.

"Are you kidding me," Thor exhales, stepping into the room.

"Mom said he told her he was fine and then turned off his phone," Balder says. Thor kicks at the screen lying on the carpet. "I told her he's got mine. I think she's tracking it."

Thor looks over his shoulder. "Why's he have yours?"

"This is not your room," their mom says dryly, coming up to the doorway behind Balder. His brother moves out of the way.

Thor leaves, but their mom catches one of his hands as he starts to pass her. She tsks, then tells Balder to go watch TV and takes Thor back into the bathroom.

She pulls off the bandages he put on sloppily and starts applying new ones over his knuckles. "Now," Frigga says, raising an eyebrow while she works, "where to begin."

Thor shifts on his feet.

"Are you still frustrated about going to college?" she asks.

He finally shrugs. His mom glances up, raising her eyebrow a little higher for a second before shaking her head.

"I thought we'd worked this out," she says. "Furthering your education will only make you a better soldier. An engineering degree, learning more languages, even studying history--those things will make you more valuable to your squad. And enlisting after you've matured further will make you better suited to look out for and command others."

Thor rubs at his eyes with his forearm, feeling tired.

"I know," he tells her, because it always makes sense when she explains it like that. "I know. I get it."

"It's only four more years," his mom tells him gently. "Maybe even three, three and a half, if you want to take summer classes instead of coming home. I know it's hard to believe when you're young, but that really isn't much time." She raises the eyebrow again. "I promise."

Thor chuckles once mirthlessly, but then makes himself nod. "I know."

"Good." His mom finishes with the last of the bandages and pats his arm.

She doesn't pull her hand away afterward; and eventually Thor looks over.

"Your father doesn't like to discuss his work," she says quietly. "And this isn't to be shared with Balder. But I want you to understand. This recent attack was done on the inside."

Thor draws himself up automatically.

She shakes her head. "We stopped it, and traced it; but two people's covers were destroyed. We haven't been able to recover one of them yet, and at this point...." She trails off, and squeezes his arm. "He's bearing a great deal of weight, Thor. I understand wanting to look out for your cousin, and so does he. And I know you can't be expected to think of things you aren't aware of in the first place. But he's right--this was rash, and reckless, and if you'd been caught there would be more consequences than just assault and battery. You don't need to know about specific circumstances to know you have to keep a low profile."

Thor closes his eyes and blows his breath out through his teeth, and nods. "I understand."

His mom squeezes his arm again, more gently. "So **next** time, find the person's car and pour salt in their gas tank instead. And remember to wipe your fingerprints off afterward."

Thor ends up laughing for real. Frigga gives him a smile.

"Remember, subtlety is best," she chides. "If you have the choice between brute strength or conniving, be conniving."

"Yes ma'am," Thor replies with a smile.

"If you see Loki before me, tell him that too," she adds. "I'm disappointed he didn't think of something slyer."

Thor chuckles briefly once more, and nods. "Where is he?"

"I don't know," she sighs. "He scrambled the GPS."

Thor snorts, unsurprised, and his mom makes an agreeing noise.

"I'm sure he's fine," she adds. "I think he's close to your friends' house."

Thor doubts that Loki would go to them, but he's not going to tell her that. "He'll be fine," he promises. "He'll probably come back once the lights are off."

His mom makes a wry expression, and then exhales tiredly.

A few moments later, she tucks a strand of hair back up into her clip. "So as I said," she repeats, sounding steadier. "I expect you to tell him that, if you two leave before breakfast."

Thor blinks in confusion before realizing what she's referring to. He'd forgotten about the weekend with everything else that happened. "--It's okay? We can still go?" 

His mom tilts her head, studying him.

"It's better for you to be out of the area until we take care of this. I wish you'd thought this through more," she tells him. "You know better than to throw the first punch in an outside situation. If you're starting to have a harder time with your temper again, then I'm worried about that. I have to agree with your father that you deserve to be grounded. _But_ ," she emphasizes, when he starts to speak. "I also think the two of you need some time apart to calm down."

She gives him a level look. "I told him as much, and he agrees. So. We're not happy about what you did--you and Loki both--but yes. You may still go."

His mom taps a thumb against her ring with a brief frown. "Tell your friends you arrived a day early but you stayed somewhere else tonight. I'll email you a backdated receipt when it's finished. And I expect you to behave better from here on out, and to tell me if you think you need to go back onto medication."

She hesitates, then brushes his bangs away from his face. "If so, we need to get it worked out before you go off to college. You're going to be far more on your own there than you've ever been before, Thor. This problem with your temper needs to be settled before that."

Thor bites down another tired noise and nods again. "Okay. I will," he promises.

"Good." She pats his arm once more and sends him to his room.

Five minutes of pacing later, Thor leaves and finds her and says he has to tell her something.

She looks increasingly concerned and disappointed and--worst of all--determined as Thor confesses to telling Volstagg and Brunhilde about their family and warns her about the software Hogun used to run his car. He explains the surrounding circumstances, and describes how Balder wanted him to warn Odin sooner and what Loki suspects the program was.

When she's silent after he finishes, Thor repeats "I think they can be trusted," one last time and then leaves it.

The more his mom deliberates, the more he's sure Loki was right: because of the circumstances, the guys are going to come off as a threat. And thanks to the shit he and his cousin pulled, his dad's not going to be in the mood to listen. It doesn't take a whole night to sabotage a car.

He doesn't think Volstagg and Brunhilde and Hogun and Fandral are running a long con; they seem honest. They've been good friends to him.

But friends come and go. Family's what sticks around and covers for you. There was no decision to make, because there's nothing to choose between.

Thor just wishes it didn't leave him feeling so shitty.

"Are you certain?" she asks; and he jerks his head up.

"--Yes," Thor swears. "Seriously. I think they're all trustworthy. I really don't think they're going to do anything. We're all on the same side."

"All right," his mom says, holding up a hand briefly.

She taps her thumb against her ring for a few breaths, and finally says, "I'll go over your car. Leave it here and take mine on your trip."

Thor nods in agreement. "Okay. Thanks."

"I'll tell your father after I've finished." His mom brushes down her skirt. "They seemed like good friends," she adds. "I hope you're right."

Thor would swear he was, if he were willing to bet his family's lives on it. So instead he nods again.

She sends him back to his room after trading keys. Thor paces more and sends Loki eight increasingly vehement and unanswered texts before eventually going to sleep.  
  
  
When the lights in the upper floor finally turn off, Loki waits another half hour and then makes his way back to the cabin.

His window's been shut and the screen replaced, so he raps on Thor's until he opens the curtains. Thor makes a face when he sees him, but then jerks his head toward the porch. "Tell Mom you're back," he orders through the glass.

"Later."

" _Now_. She was worried." Thor just stands there and stares at him, so at last Loki rolls his eyes and turns his phone back on.

He deletes all the messages on it without looking at them, and then sends the bare bones of a note that he's here and going to sleep while walking to the deck. Frigga responds before he can even put the phone away, saying she's glad he's back and that she wants to talk to him later.

Loki deletes it too and slips through the porch door when Thor opens it. Thor shuts and locks it, and then recodes the alarm. "Thanks for ditching me," he mutters.

Loki shrugs, moving toward the hallway. "You shouldn't have told them."

"How else was I supposed to explain the fight?" Thor says irritably as he joins him. "How'd you keep them from finding out, anyway?"

"Who would tell him?" Loki retorts. "Nobody had proof."

Thor makes another frustrated noise, but shakes his head. When they reach Thor's door, Thor stops him before Loki can move past.

"Are you packed?" he asks. "I want to leave early. We can eat on the road."

Loki looks over. "...We're still going?"

Thor scrubs at his hair and moves into his room. Loki follows carefully, wondering if this is a trap or just a poorly-concealed trick. "Mom talked him into not grounding me. And she wants out of town until she builds a cover."

Thor goes back to his window and tugs the curtains shut. The room turns darker, with only the dim lamp on the nightstand lighting it now. Loki hesitates another breath, then pushes the door shut behind him with his foot.

Thor turns to face him at the sound. He glances at the door behind Loki, and then rubs at his temple. His arm blocks the lamplight to shadow his face. "So yeah. If you still want to."

Loki shifts his weight before shrugging again.

Thor smiles a little at that, and Loki looks away and considers going back to his room. But then Thor's expression fades. After a breath he adds, "I told Mom about the car. And the guys."

"Ah," is all Loki says.

Of course. He should've figured Thor would crack once Frigga got involved. She's too good a manipulator.

Loki exhales shortly. Fandral told him if he goes with Latin as his foreign language requirement, he'd give Loki his old notes and textbooks. So much for that now.

He should've looked at the damn car himself so he could tell Thor it was fine. But it would've been too hard a sell; he didn't have the laptop, and Frigga's changed all her encryptions. Loki wouldn't have been able to get to the development kit before too much time was lost and Odin started actively hunting them.

"So, we're taking her car," Thor explains. Loki frowns and looks at him. "She said she'll go over mine and then tell Dad."

Loki raises an eyebrow, and then forces his face to go neutral again. He files the information away and shrugs again. "Okay.

"Don't worry about it," he adds. "It's probably fine."

"They're not bad people," Thor insists, like he's been saying it ad nauseum. "We can trust them."

"Okay," Loki agrees, to end the subject. 

Thor shoves his bangs back from his face and nods. He looks more relieved.

A few breaths later, he drops his hand and goes over to the bed, flopping onto it. "Alright," he murmurs. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Loki replies casually, waving the question off. He stays where he is for a while, looking at Thor's bandaged hands and the space Thor's left on the bed beside him, and finally takes a couple steps closer. "...You?"

"Amazingly, Dad and I fought again," Thor says dryly, and Loki snorts. Thor shoves the rumpled sheet down further beside him. "But yeah. It's fine. I'm fine."

Loki hesitates for a few more breaths, and then toes off his shoes and goes and lies down too. "Good."

Thor drapes an arm behind the pillow under his head. Loki shifts on the mattress, but doesn't take the invitation and stays near the edge.

Thor remains still for a while, a faint frown on his face as he stares at the ceiling. But all he does is eventually reach over and shut off the light.

Loki's starting to drift off in the midst of telling himself to get up and leave when Thor says, "Hey."

Loki makes a wordless grumbling noise. The mattress dips as Thor tilts toward him. "Are you Frigga's kid?"

Loki freezes up.

"--What?" he finally manages.

"Are you?" Thor repeats.

It's dark, but his eyes have adjusted. Thor's staring at him. Loki drops his eyes to his chest, then twists his head away and into the pillow, and then thinks that that's not enough either. He needs to get up and get out.

Thor wraps an arm around his shoulders. Loki starts to curl in instinctively but stops when his legs brush Thor's. Thor's closed more of the space between them; now Loki can't pull back without falling off the bed. If Thor lets him go in the first place.

The room's dark and quiet with just the sound of the wind outside to break the silence, and Thor's still looking directly at him as he waits for an answer. Loki hunches in more. "No."

Thor doesn't say anything at first.

Finally he asks, "Really?"

"No," Loki repeats--and then before he can stop himself he blurts out, "I wish she were. Then this--"

He cuts off and bites his lip hard, until he goes taut from the pain and tastes blood.

"Okay," Thor says, and pulls him in close. Loki doesn't fight and just goes, still stiff. Thor rubs a hand over his bicep. "Okay. Sorry."

"Why," Loki mutters, keeping his chin ducked down so his hair falls over his face.

"I asked her and Dad," Thor says, and Loki sucks in a breath as his heart starts thudding harder. "They both said no, but." He shrugs. "They lie when they think they need to."

Loki swallows. He tries to shift back--but Thor doesn't let go. He tightens his grip instead. Loki goes still and swallows again, coughing as the blood coats his throat.

"What the hell kind of argument did you and Odin _have?_ " he finally says. His tone isn't derisive like he was trying for, but at least he mostly sounds like this is ridiculous.

"Normal," Thor replies.

When Loki snorts in response he pulls off the derision this time. Thor moves again, shifting onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He still doesn't let go.

"When I explained about the knife fight Mom said you were wasted on Uncle Laufey," Thor finally says quietly.

Loki blinks, thrown enough to forget the fear crawling up his throat for a few seconds.

"The way she said it, I thought...and with how pissed you got about Dad telling Balder about my birth mom--" He hears the frown in Thor's voice as Thor tilts his head to look at him again. " _Why_ were you so pissed? You never said."

Loki shrugs against his grip, and swallows again, trying to get rid of the blood. "If I were Frigga's kid, we'd be brothers," he says.

He curses to himself when his voice shakes at the end. Loki pushes on before Thor can call him out on the subject change, forcing a smirk to make his tone more drawling. "That'd be kind of fucked up."

Thor shrugs, and Loki falls motionless once more.

"If we're cousins by marriage or brothers by marriage, it's not that different," Thor replies, and he sounds so completely unfazed by the idea that for a second Loki thinks _Jesus Christ, what the fuck you weirdo_ and _It's not going to work_.

Then he slams the last thought away and reminds himself harshly that Thor's talking about through **marriage**. It'll still work.

Thor gets antsy at his silence. He shifts again without really putting space between them, and loosens his grip slightly before chuckling once. "I guess if we'd grown up together, yeah. It'd be more fucked up."

"We pretty much did," Loki points out dryly. Thor squirms again.

"You're not helping," he mutters, and Loki makes himself snicker.

It will still work.

Loki draws a long, quiet breath, and then scoots in closer and settles against Thor's side. He lifts his head off Thor's arm when Thor makes a wincing noise, and waits for Thor to rearrange it before settling back down.

He reaches across Thor's stomach after he does, touching the back of his hand. "How're your hands?"

"Okay," Thor replies. "The scabs just reopened 'cause I kept clenching them."

Loki raises an eyebrow on the side of his face resting against Thor's arm. "'Normal' argument, huh."

"Yeah," Thor agrees without irony.

Loki huffs softly and closes his eyes, and feels some of the tension in him start to dissipate without conscious effort. Thor curls a hand over his upper arm.

"How's your shoulder?"

"Fine," Loki replies; but Thor starts to sit up.

"You need to put something on it," he insists.

Loki pushes him back to the mattress. "I walked down to the gas station and washed it off," he replies. "I didn't want it infected."

Thor grumbles, but sinks back down. "Okay."

He tugs at the hem of Loki's shirt a few breaths later. "It's not going to do much good if your shirt keeps rubbing it."

Loki doesn't have to fake the amusement this time. "You're gonna get the chance to strip me again tomorrow, Thor," he drawls. "I think you can hold out 'til then."

"That's not--" Thor prods a finger into his arm. " **Brat**."

Loki snickers and stretches out against him. "It's fine," he says. "If you make me get up just to stick a bandaid on it, I'm going back to my room."

Thor exhales through his teeth. "If I bring the stuff to you, will you put it on?"

Loki frowns and cracks an eye open. "I said it's fine. Quit being weird."

"I don't want you getting sick because you washed it out with gas station soap," Thor tells him, and he sounds serious. Thor props himself up on an elbow. "Bites can get screwed up if they aren't taken care of. If I get you the damn antiseptic, will you just put it on?"

Loki groans and flops onto his back, pulling away as much as he can. " _Fine_ ," he says exasperatedly. "God. You sound like a health textbook."

Then he frowns, and turns his head back toward Thor. " **Why** do you know that?"

When Thor doesn't answer, Loki purses his mouth slightly to hold down a smirk. "Wait, did you _study up_ on this stuff?"

"I took nutrition and sports medicine, jerk," Thor retorts--but it's evasive.

Loki stops holding back the smirk and props himself up on his good arm. " _Did_ you study about this?" he grins.

Thor insults him in Icelandic and grouses "Yes, asshole," before rolling out of the bed.

Loki's still laughing into the pillow when he returns.

"Shut up and take your damn shirt off already," Thor scowls, clicking on the lamp back on.

"Oh, _that's_ charming," Loki replies. He snickers again when Thor just growls and drags it over his head.

Thor makes him get off the bed and stand so he can soap and rinse his shoulder with the washcloth he brought back. He dries the spot off with another one before balling them both up and tossing them onto the nightstand. Loki rests a hand on his waist as Thor smears antiseptic over the bite and then tapes a gauze patch over it, rubbing his thumb idly along Thor's stomach.

"All right," Thor says when he's finished. He wipes his fingers off on the washcloths, and catches Loki's gaze. "You gonna head back to your room?"

"Nn," he replies, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of saying 'no' but not really feeling like leaving.

Thor snorts with a smirk, but before Loki can bother to punch him for it he reaches over and turns off the lamp.

Loki rolls his eyes, but drops back down onto the mattress.

Thor shoulders him over until there's room for them both. He ignores it when Loki jabs him in the stomach in response.

Thor pulls the sheet up around them before draping an arm across his stomach; and it all feels so comfortable and warm after he was sitting on the beach for hours waiting for the lights to go off that Loki pushes down the half-formed, niggling thoughts reminding him to get out, that this won't last, that he can't fall into this trap.

He curls up onto his side and falls asleep instead.


	7. this & 8 were originally all one chapter until I realized it was like 100 #&@^ing pages & I was insane

The alarm on Thor's phone goes off way too early for a day he doesn't have a match. Loki groans and kicks him in the shin as he reaches for it.

"C'mon, get up," Thor tells him, shoving his leg away before turning it off. He switches on the lamp. "If we hurry we can be out before Dad's up."

Loki mutters off a long string of curses in more languages than Thor recognizes, but he kicks free of the blankets and rolls himself out of bed. "Lemme get my stuff," he yawns.

Thor nods and grabs his shorts off the floor. "You want coffee?"

"Smell'll wake them up." Loki stretches and yawns again as he shoves his sneakers on. "The diner'll be open. We can eat there."

"Sounds good." Thor yanks his shorts over his hips and heads out.

When he leaves the bathroom, Loki takes it over. Thor yawns as he goes to retrieve his duffel, and then jolts and automatically falls into a defensive stance when Balder's door opens.

He drops it as his brother flips on his light and rubs at his face. Thor frowns at how tired he looks.

"Hey," he says. "Go back to sleep."

"Where're you going?" Balder demands.

"I'm gonna spend the weekend with some friends," Thor tells him. He reaches out and flips the light off again. "Get back to bed, you look like you're about to drop."

"I couldn't sleep," Balder mutters as Loki comes out of the bathroom, his backpack slung over a shoulder. His brother glances between them, and his frown deepens. "You're both leaving?"

"Yes," Loki replies, sliding the strap higher up his shoulder. "Why are you awake? You won't get any bigger if you don't get your sleep."

Balder scowls at him briefly before turning back to Thor. "Do you think that's smart?"

Thor gives him a bemused smile. "Why not?"

"What if Dad thinks you're running off?" Balder asks.

Thor shakes his head. "Mom and Dad both know we're going." He moves into his room to grab his bag. "Don't worry so much, all right? We'll be back Monday."

Thor shoves his wallet and keys and phone into his pockets, and then remembers what Balder mentioned last night. "Loki, give him his phone back."

He hears their cousin hiss out an annoyed breath but start rummaging in his pockets. Thor slings the duffel strap over his shoulder.

" _Thor_ ," Balder insists. "I mean it. I don't think you should leave like this."

When he exhales tiredly, his brother's voice moves closer as he gets more urgent. "Just, go after breakfast at least, okay?"

"It'll be **fine** ," Thor says flatly, adjusting the strap and scanning the room one last time.

Balder expels a breath in the exact same way as him except with a frustrated noise, and for a second the corner of Thor's mouth quirks up. He has to push away the instinct to order 'Stop copying me.'

"You saw how angry he was," his brother snaps. "What if he gets mad again and really does disown you?"

Under the agitation, Thor can hear his concern. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and considers sending Loki to start the car while he takes care of this--they might still make it out before his parents wake up. There's a quiet thump in the hallway and then a much louder thud, and Balder shouts in pain.

Thor shoves out of his room and finds his brother slumped against the wall with his arms blocking his face, his phone and Loki's backpack at his feet. Loki grabs a fistful of Balder's hair and yanks his head back up.

Thor gets between them and forces their cousin back. Balder bites his lip with a whimper when Loki takes some of his hair with him. "What the _fuck_ , Loki!"

Loki doesn't even look at him. He's still glaring at Balder with his lips pulled back from his teeth as he spits, "You think you're so great because you're the **real** son?"

Thor forces Loki further away while Balder pushes himself up the wall to his feet. "Back off," he commands. " _I_ told Dad that. Don't take it out on Balder because he's repeating what I said."

Loki stares at him, wide-eyed. "What?"

"You'd know that if you hadn't ditched me," Thor retorts, turning back to Balder. He flips on the hall light, then catches his brother's chin and tilts his head to check the damage. Balder breathes through his teeth, glowering past him at Loki.

"You're not bleeding," Thor determines. He turns Balder's chin so he has to meet his eyes. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," he grits out, glaring at Loki again. "I'm tougher."

"We'll see," Loki says softly.

"Jesus," Thor curses. "Is this the shit Mom has to deal with all the time?" He gives Loki a flat look over his shoulder. "Knock it off. I told you to keep him out of this. That means _leave him alone_."

Loki sneers; but Thor must've put enough coldness in his voice that their cousin gets he's serious, because he doesn't mouth off.

"Keep me out of what?" Balder challenges, twisting loose of Thor's grip and narrowing his eyes.

Thor pushes him back into his room. " _You_ go to bed like I **told** you to--"

On the other side of the cabin, he hears their parents' bedroom door open.

Thor swears lowly at the same time Loki sucks in a breath.

Thor glances over and sees the panic starting to creep onto their cousin's face, and then looks back at his brother. Balder's still rubbing his cheek, with the start of a mean, unlike-him smile on his mouth.

Thor swears again. Then he grabs Loki's backpack off the carpet and the keys from his pocket, and shoves them both at him. "Go start the damn car," he orders.

Loki goes. Thor turns back to his brother once he's out of sight. "Balder--"

"I won't tell them," he mutters, staring at the floor. That nasty smile's gone; now he just looks worn down again. "Don't worry."

Thor crouches until he can catch Balder's eyes again and rests a palm against his neck. "Hey," he says evenly. "I'm gonna make him stop this, all right?"

"He won't," Balder tells him. "He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you," Thor replies. When Balder shakes his head, he amends, "Okay, he doesn't hate you any more than he hates _every_ body."

His brother snorts at that.

Thor gives him a quick squeeze. "I'll make him stop," he says. "I promise."

"Sure," Balder replies wearily. "Okay."

When Thor blows a breath out through his teeth, his brother tilts his head toward their parents' side of the cabin. "You better go before Dad gets up."

"I'm **going** to fix this," Thor insists. He doesn't move. "Got it?"

Balder looks at him again for a long moment. Finally, he closes his eyes and draws a long breath that inadvertently turns into a yawn.

"Okay," he repeats, and this time he at least sounds like he thinks Thor's going to try.

"What's going on here?" their dad says. They look over to see him standing at the end of the hallway in his robe, arms folded.

"I tripped into Thor when I got up to go to the bathroom," Balder replies, rubbing at his eyes sleepily.

Thor frowns at how easily the lie rattles off his brother's tongue. Balder pulls his hand away enough to give him a quick look as he kicks his phone into his room.

Thor pats his neck one last time and rocks back up onto his feet. "It's my fault," he says. "I didn't have the light on. I was trying to leave without waking anyone up."

"Mm," Odin replies. "You're going now?"

"Yeah," Thor replies. He shrugs the duffel strap further up his shoulder. "I wanted to get there before lunch to match Mom's story."

Odin makes another noncommittal noise and nods once. "Remember to pay in cash until you're there. And don't speed."

"I won't," Thor replies.

Their dad glances at Balder. "Are you all right?"

"Uh-huh," his brother nods. He yawns again, and then heads for the bathroom.

"Don't leave your light on," Odin says, tilting his chin toward Thor's room.

"I won't," Thor repeats, and then his dad finally turns and leaves, no longer blocking the hall.

Thor clicks off his lamp and leaves the hall light on for Balder, and finally gets out.

Loki not only started Frigga's car, he pulled it halfway down the street. Thor heads along the sidewalk in the pre-dawn chill, and wonders if other people's families have these problems.

Loki flinches when Thor throws his duffel into the back, then tenses up and sinks deeper into the passenger seat to hide it. Thor closes his eyes briefly, but just gets into his seat and puts the car in drive.

His cousin stares out the window as Thor heads into town. They hit three stop signs and get more than halfway to the diner before he finally says, "What do you mean, you told Odin that?"

"Dad told me to shut up and I asked if he was gonna disown me if I didn't," Thor replies. "Basically."

"Christ," Loki says under his breath. "You're crazy."

"Whatever."

His cousin straightens up. "It's not a _joke_ , Thor. What do you think you'd do if he threw you out?"

"Join the army," he answers. "Like I told him."

"How?" Loki counters derisively. "If he takes your car and closes your bank account, how're you going to get there in the first place?"

Thor scowls. "I'm an adult. He can't mess with my bank account."

"He can if his name's on it too," Loki replies. "And it would be, since it was opened when you were a minor. He'll have full access to it. Did he sell you this car yet, or is his name still on the title?"

Thor hisses a breath out through his teeth. "Then I'll hitchhike and crash with friends," he retorts. "I'll pay them back once I get my first paycheck."

"And that's it?" his cousin says harshly. "You enlist, and no one ever sees you again until somebody calls and says we need to get your casket?"

"Don't be morbid," Thor snaps. "I'll still visit you and Mom and Balder when I'm on leave."

"Do you not fucking get what 'disowned' means?" Loki demands. "It means you don't exist anymore."

Thor rolls his eyes in exasperation and hits the breaks at the next stop sign harder than necessary. " **Whatever**."

"Do you think we don't visit my dad because we don't care?" his cousin asks.

Thor frowns and keeps his foot on the break pedal. "What?"

Loki stares at him, unblinking in the gloom. "He _doesn't exist_ anymore," he says lowly. "The choice was accept that, or try to find out where he's supposedly incarcerated and lose what little fucking support Odin deigns to give us. So no," Loki tells him, "you won't be visiting anyone while you're on leave. You won't even get in the _town_ before a cop pulls you over for some bullshit infraction and sends you away."

Thor pulls forward from the stop sign, and then turns into the first driveway he sees and shoves the car into neutral. He braces his elbows heavily on the steering wheel, dragging his bangs away from his face.

"What the **fuck** ," he says incredulously. "This isn't funny, Loki."

"I know," his cousin replies. "It's not a joke."

Thor bangs his palms on steering wheel and glares at him, but Loki just looks back indifferently.

"For Christ's sake," Thor bites off. "Your dad was just _arrested_. They have to tell you **where**. Mom said he was in jail in another state."

"Supposedly," his cousin replies.

"What do you fucking mean, supposedly?"

"I was under the impression they executed traitors," Loki says, and Thor goes still.

His cousin stares at him for a long time, and then turns his face away. Thor watches a faint smirk drift over his mouth, the expression barely visible.

"I can tell you for sure you lose an awful lot of money when you're related to one," he adds, stretching his arms. "They freeze bank accounts, negate deeds, take non-liquid assets.... Anything in his name."

Loki slouches back into his seat, his smirk twisting wider until it shows teeth. "Odin's deal was that he'd give us enough to not end up homeless, as long as we left Laufey for dead and didn't ask any questions," he says, "because _family looks out for each other_."

He kicks the dashboard as he sneers the words out, and then curls up in the seat with his shoulders hunched. Thor stares at him.

"Loki," he finally says quietly. "My dad's not a monster."

"No," his cousin agrees brittlely. "Or he wouldn't have stopped at Laufey. But he's not someone who wants to lose power, either."

Thor exhales harshly and presses his hands against his eyes.

". . . Guess you really didn't know," Loki murmurs, still folded in on himself.

"Do you _seriously fucking think_ I would be okay with that if I did!?" Thor snarls.

"Why not?" Loki replies dispassionately. "You'd lose everything if you went against him. The same goes for the rest of us. Why do you think Helblindi and Byleist tried to get so far away?" He shakes his head. "If you get disowned and I'm told to choose between seeing you or getting college paid for, what do you think I'm going to pick, Thor?"

When he doesn't answer, Loki eventually shrugs.

"Frigga could probably get away with visiting you," he admits. "But you'd never see me or your brother or anyone else again."

Thor presses his palms harder against his eyes and then drags his bangs from them.

"He's not a monster," he repeats hoarsely.

"Not if you're one of the interests he's protecting," Loki replies, lifting a shoulder. "But it looks different when you're on the other side."

Thor swears furiously and swipes an arm across his face. Loki finally looks over, then tilts toward him slightly.

"Do you get it now?" he asks. "Balder was right. Don't fuck around with that threat, especially if he's angry." Loki wraps his arms tighter around his legs. "He'd have a lot less to worry about without you there to potentially usurp him."

Thor thinks of his dad putting the couch between them, of the cast on his arm and the bruises on his throat years ago, the dent in his own forehead that he keeps his bangs long to hide no matter how many times his coaches have told him to cut his hair. His hands tighten convulsively around the wheel.

"Stop," Thor tells him. "Just--stop it."

Loki studies him for another moment, and then looks forward again. "All right," he says quietly. "But don't ever say anything like that to him again."

Thor hisses his breath out with a strangled, angry noise. Loki tells him "All right" once more and doesn't say anything else.

Once Thor's hands stop shaking so badly, he puts the car into reverse and backs out of the driveway. Loki slides his feet off the seat to the floorboard, and stares out the window.

When they reach the main square, Thor says, "You could come with me."

Loki looks over.

"To join the army," Thor clarifies, glancing at him. "You could come with me."

"To wear fifty pounds of armor in the desert and eat MREs," Loki says after a few moments. "I'll pass."

"You'd go wherever they put the ridiculously smart people," Thor replies. "There's negative unemployment in information security. And then you'd still get a scholarship."

"Related to an official traitor to the nation," his cousin reminds him patiently. "They're not going to let me near their systems."

Thor exhales again, and tries to find a way around the problem that doesn't involve relying on his parents' pulling strings. He still hasn't thought of one by the time they reach the diner.

He parks the car in silence and cuts the engine, slumping into his seat while Loki undoes his seatbelt and opens his door.

Thor reaches out and grips his arm, and his cousin tenses up.

"Don't touch Balder again," Thor tells him seriously, looking over. Loki doesn't move. "I mean it. I told you he was off-limits."

"That wasn't _exactly_ our deal," Loki replies, still tilted toward the door.

"It is now," Thor says.

His cousin forces a smirk. "That's not how negotiation works."

"Loki," he says evenly. "I mean it. If you're angry, take it to me, not him."

His cousin makes an ugly noise and tries to twist his arm free. Thor tightens his grip.

"Take it to me," he repeats. "You don't have to get along with him, but stay away if you can't." Thor squeezes his arm briefly and adds, "He's Frigga's only kid. Don't do that to her."

"Oh, fuck you," Loki hisses, wrenching on his arm again.

Thor guesses he's played that card out for now, and smiles faintly before letting go. "Pretty sure we're both too pissed off for that."

Loki pauses for a breath, but then stifles a snort. "Pathetic."

"I've had four hours of sleep, what do you want from me," Thor retorts, popping his door open.  
  
  
He's on his third glass of juice and trying to figure how to make fun of how fast Loki eats without sounding like he's making a sucking innuendo--Thor knows the nightshift waitresses, and he's already introduced Loki as his cousin--when Loki blows on his new cup of coffee and then hesitates while the mug's hiding his face. Thor looks up.

Loki stares down at the remains of pancakes and bacon on his plate, and eventually says, "I wasn't there. But that's what Mom and Byleist said."

When Thor frowns in confusion, Loki lifts a shoulder. "About your dad's deal."

Thor tenses before he can catch himself. His cousin takes a sip of coffee, hiding further behind the mug.

He doesn't say anything else. Thor finishes off the rest of his omelet and another sausage, and finally asks, "Do you think they were telling you all of it?"

Loki shrugs noncommittally. "She's got reasons not to like him."

Thor exhales in frustration. "Do you trust them or not?"

Loki flicks his gaze to him over the rim of his mug, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't trust anybody," he replies, looking at Thor like he's crazy. "You don't survive that way."

Thor tenses again, because it hides his flinch.

If Loki said it cruelly, or if he was acting deliberately malicious, that wouldn't matter. That'd just be him being an asshole again. But he isn't.

He's looking at Thor with amused pity. Like Thor just said something incredibly naive, or something so incompatible with reality that if his cousin bought into _it_ he'll have to believe their old aunts' talk about magic and Ragnarök while he's at it.

"They're your family," Thor says tightly.

"So what?" Loki replies.

Thor presses a hand to his face and squeezes the bridge of his nose, and then kicks him hard under the table.

Loki yelps and scowls and lashes out in response, going for his knee. Thor twists Loki's legs between his own until he pins them, glaring.

"So what," he repeats flatly, "are you trying to tell me to do the same? That I shouldn't trust anyone either?"

"Hasn't really been working well for you, has it?" Loki points out, still trying to prise his legs free. He punches Thor's shin.

Thor kicks him loose with a disgusted noise. "So I shouldn't trust you either, huh?"

Loki glances at him again, and this time his expression is absent of amusement, holding something other than pity. He picks his coffee back up.

"If you haven't figured that out by now," his cousin says, gripping the mug tighter, "I'm done telling you. You should've paid attention."

Thor growls under his breath.

"You are such a goddamn shit," he mutters, dragging his hands over his face once more. "Just shut up."

Thor watches his cousin pretend to drink his coffee, and wonders if extra sleep could've helped him deal with any of this.

He presses his thumbs against his eyes and tells himself to ignore it.

Even if Loki believes what he said, if he expects Thor to accept it then either his cousin thinks he's the biggest idiot on the planet or else it's possible to be a genius without having any kind of fucking common sense.

\--Which would explain a lot.

Thor snorts. Then he huffs and drops his hands, and reaches for his juice.

If Loki thinks he doesn't trust him, fine. Thor'll work that out with him later. Either way, it's bullshit. So he drains his juice and lets it go.

Loki's quirked an eyebrow when Thor looks at him again, but Thor just shakes his head. "You want anything else?" he asks, pulling out his wallet.

Loki blinks, then flicks his eyes over the table and out the window to the car before settling on the napkin dispenser. He pulls a wad free and starts wiping off his fingers.

"No," he replies. "I'm ready."

Thor nods and pushes out of the booth.

He watches his cousin head outside as he stands at the register, and wonders if Loki's trying to sabotage this on purpose or if it's just a force of habit.

It's like a damn compulsion with him. If his cousin sees an opening to start something, as a prank or to be an asshole or for any other reason in the range between, he just _has_ to take it, even if he knows it could screw him over. Even if he knows it will.

Thor watches Loki slouch against the passenger door, and blows out a breath and turns back to the counter.  
  
  
He trades off driving with Loki when they're a half-hour out of town, dozing in the passenger seat while his cousin takes them north. Close to eleven, his mom calls and says that his car looks clean and Odin's working on getting information about the software. She discusses technical-sounding stuff with Loki for several minutes but ends the call when she learns he's driving.

Loki calls her back after they stop for gas and food, frowning as he scribbles on napkins and debates about integration and root access. Thor calls Volstagg to ask how Brunhilde's doing, and breathes a sigh of relief when the man answers his phone and sounds healthy and uninjured.

Loki burns the napkins in the parking lot. Thor makes him go back into the diner and return the lighter to whoever he lifted it from, and dumps his soda on the mess before grinding the ashes out under his heel.

They switch out driving again afterward. His cousin falls asleep reading almost immediately. 

The directions he's scrawled are too hard for Thor to make out while driving, because apparently Loki writes in code automatically these days. Thor makes a note to harass him about it later, and pulls up a route on his phone at the next light to avoid leaving a record in Frigga's GPS. Then he reverses back along the highway twice before finally pulling over and trying to figure out why his phone thinks he's driving in the next state.

He doesn't solve that problem, but he does figure out how many longitudes the GPS is off by. Thor triple-checks that this isn't something Loki did as a prank, then reprograms the directions to counter for it and decides to have his mom look at the phone when he gets back. It's been glitching recently.

Loki blinks himself awake as Thor pulls into the motel's lot, yawning and stretching while he parks. He glances out the window before making a disdainful noise. "Was everywhere else full?"

"Yeah," Thor shrugs. "Or they had bedbugs." He gets out of the car and finally stretches with a pleased groan.

When Loki joins him, Thor adds, "They don't have room service, but they do breakfast. And there's a bunch of restaurants further down the road."

"Nn." Loki eyes the motel critically for a few moments before finally shrugging a shoulder. "It's decent."

Thor rolls his eyes and calls him a spoiled brat, and goes to check in.

Loki's already gotten their stuff out of the car when he returns, so Thor tosses him a keycard and takes his duffel. His cousin gives the cameras along the walkway one last distrustful look before combing his hair further over his face and falling in behind him as Thor heads for the stairs.

Their room's at the corner edge of the building, annoyingly close to another camera but also next to an empty room--and above the ground floor spot that looked like it was storage for housekeeping. Thor whistles silently at the good luck.

Then it finally fully hits him.

They're hours away from their family, in a town where no one knows who or what they are, and they've got the place to themselves for the whole weekend. They don't have to sneak around or worry about getting caught here.

Loki raises an eyebrow when Thor pauses in front of the door. He makes an exaggeratedly exasperated noise before pulling out his key, and shoulders Thor over to reach the lock. Thor loops an arm around his waist while Loki swipes the card.

"Cameras," his cousin reminds without looking up.

"So?" Thor smiles and pulls him closer. "Who's gonna be surprised I can't wait to have sex with my hot boyfriend? It's not like they know any different."

Loki's breath catches almost inaudibly. Thor's grin widens when his cousin licks his lips.

Loki mutters something indecipherable when the lock times out, and runs the card through again. Thor snickers under his breath until Loki calls him a smug asshole and tries to elbow him in the stomach.

As Thor kicks the door shut behind them, Loki tosses his backpack beside the TV. He flips on a couple lights after Thor tugs the curtains shut, and then they get to work. While his cousin checks the smoke alarms and outlets for devices, Thor jams the peephole and barricades the door.

In elementary school, for a science fair, Loki made a hardware device that could fit into a hotel lock's serial port to read its memory and then feed back the code to unlock it. He scrapped it when Uncle Laufey suggested something more innocuous after Loki was caught breaking and entering to test it, but Thor took away the bigger lesson. He started blockading doors whenever they traveled after that; his dad never told him to stop.

When they're finished and his cousin lingers by the king-sized bed, Thor pulls his phone out. There's no updates from his mom and nothing at all from his dad; so after a few moments Thor lets out a breath and shuts it off.

He drops it by his duffel and turns to see Loki watching him, his head tilted.

"Good enough?" Thor asks with a little smile.

Loki studies him before giving a faint shrug. "I suppose," he deigns. "If I wanted better I should've done it myself."

Thor rolls his eyes even as his smile creeps wider. "Glad you'll tolerate it," he drawls, stepping forward. "I'll keep you from having to think about it too much."

"Big words," Loki murmurs, still standing by the foot of the bed, "not backed up by anything."

Thor just keeps smiling and pacing toward him.

His cousin holds his ground until Thor's nearly on him. Loki turns away at the last second, heading for the bathroom area like that was his intent all along; Thor lengthens his strides and cuts him off.

Loki gives him an unimpressed, patronizing look as Thor herds him against the wall. His chest is rising a little faster beneath his shirt.

"Looks like you're backed up by something," Thor grins.

" _Ugh_ ," Loki replies, so legitimately disgusted that Thor cracks up. "That was _pathetic_."

"What, only you get to make bad puns?" he snickers, sliding his hands under his cousin's shirt.

Loki leans against the wall as Thor runs his palms along his sides, still reveling a tiny bit in the novelty of putting his hands up another person's shirt and _not_ feeling a bra there. His cousin huffs even as he leans into Thor's touch. " _My_ bad puns are good," he retorts. "Yours are just awful."

"Shouldn't that make them even better?"

"God," Loki mutters. "Just shut up and do something useful with your mouth."

Thor sniggers before leaning in to kiss him. Loki makes another exasperated noise but kisses back.

He pushes Loki's feet apart to get as close as he can; and eventually his cousin's distracted enough. While Loki's biting at his lip and undoing his fly, Thor slides his hands down to his thighs. Then he hauls Loki off the floor and pins him up against the wall.

His cousin's breath chokes in his throat.

He scrabbles to brace himself, grabbing Thor's shoulders and wrapping his legs around his waist. Thor grins and nuzzles his throat with his teeth.

"This what you were looking for?" he hums.

"Whatever," Loki snorts, his breath still coming short. "So you can hold up some weight for a while, big deal."

"I can hold it up a long time," Thor responds, still smiling. "You know I can." He nips at the edge of Loki's jaw. "You wanna try it like this?"

Loki shivers and tightens his legs around his waist.

Thor grins wider and bites harder, until his cousin sucks in a breath and digs his fingers into his shoulders.

Thor eases up and kisses the spot. He shifts his grasp before rolling his hips, pushing Loki hard against the wall. His cousin sucks in another sharp breath and grips him harder.

Thor kisses his throat again. "Just lemme stretch first."

He's not completely sure how to make it work--he can't remember watching any porn with anal wall sex--but it's ultimately just angles and finding the right long-term, stable grip. He can figure it out.

Loki bites his own lip as Thor rocks forward again, pushing him up the wall. It takes him a couple seconds to manage, "I should let you try. It'd be worth getting dropped on my ass to see you screw up."

"I wouldn't," Thor murmurs. "I got you. Wanna try?'

Loki swallows hard, and doesn't answer.

Thor sucks a hickey onto his neck as he waits. He keeps rolling his hips against Loki as he does, and soon his cousin braces his shoulders against the wall and starts pushing back with a soft groan.

But it's only a little, and he still hasn't told Thor yes; so Thor keeps waiting. Loki's the one who'd be folded against him with no footing and almost no leverage, relying on Thor to hold him up and not get so caught up in fucking him that he hurts Loki too bad. It's up to his cousin if he wants to give up that much control.

But if Loki says yes....

Thor swallows and rocks forward harder as he imagines what he could do then. If he could have Loki clinging to him like this with Thor's cock up his ass, sweaty and gasping and shaking but trusting Thor not to drop him, to remember to get him off, to care enough to make it good for him when Loki won't be in a position to fight back well if it isn't....

It'd be a great way to point out what Loki said in the diner is bullshit.

It isn't long before the rasp of his shorts on his erection gets uncomfortable. Thor ignores it for as long as he can, but soon every time he rubs against his cousin he's flinching.

Loki makes a low, disappointed noise when he stops. He tightens his legs around Thor's waist before rocking back harder against him. Thor winces again.

He starts making another hickey on Loki's neck near the sleeve of his tattoo to distract himself. But doesn't work for long--and Loki keeps moving against him with frustrated grunts. When it becomes clear neither of them are gonna get off like this, Thor leans his weight forward hard.

Loki whines in the back of his throat as he's pinned, his thighs flexing against Thor's waist. Thor kisses his jaw, and for a couple moments he just enjoys the feeling of Loki's chest pressed against his own as his cousin pants. But then Loki starts squirming, and Thor hisses as it scrapes the fabric back over his cock.

He squeezes Loki's legs hard until his cousin goes still with a gasp. Thor kisses him again in reassurance before saying, "Let me get my pants off, okay? And yours. I'm gonna put you down for a sec."

He expects Loki to smart off that he knew he was just bragging earlier, but instead his cousin makes another low noise. A tremor runs through him.

Thor nuzzles his throat. "It's starting to hurt, that's why," he promises. "It's cool if you say no. Or I can hold you up and just jerk you off if you want. But seriously, I gotta get these off, they're killing my dick."

Loki snorts, and relaxes slightly.

He prods at Thor's shoulders a couple breaths later. "Convenient excuse," his cousin smirks, after Thor leans back. "Obviously I can't afford to wear you out too soon."

Thor pushes down his twinge of disappointment and nods. "All right," he agrees, before squeezing Loki's thighs again. "I'll save it for when your legs aren't holding you up anymore."

Loki inhales sharply and shudders.

Then he hisses out a long breath. "Arrogant ass--"

He yelps when Thor shakes loose and sends him falling. Thor keeps a grip on his cousin's hips until he catches his footing, and lets go when Loki slugs him in the arm. "Geez. _You're welcome_. I could've dropped you," he points out.

"Not if you want to get laid at all," Loki retorts.

"Yeah, yeah," Thor replies, pulling on the hem of his shirt. "Raise your arms."

"Fuck you," Loki says, but apparently it's just habit because he obeys anyway. Thor rolls his eyes and yanks it over his head.

Loki starts pushing his hair out of his face as Thor tosses the shirt aside. When he tugs the zipper of his cousin's fly down, his fingers brush along slick mesh--and he realizes that Loki's wearing the panties again.

He chuckles when Thor swallows. "Told you I'd dress up," Loki murmurs. Then he presses a hand to Thor's head and shoves down with a grin. "Why don't you get a better look?"

Thor goes to his knees, wrenching Loki's jeans down as he does. His cousin kicks them aside and braces against the wall as Thor slides his palm over the fabric straining around his cock.

It looks like Loki's dick is about to spill free if he gets any harder. Thor rubs his thumb against the damp spot along the edge where precome's dribbled down.

His cousin grunts when he drops his hand and swipes his tongue over the mesh instead. Loki grabs a fistful of his hair as Thor mouths his cock through the panties, and tugs sharply when he slides down to trace his tongue over his cousin's balls instead of moving up to suck the head of his cock. "Quit fucking around."

Thor snickers against his balls and enjoys the little jolt it sends through Loki. "Pushy."

Loki digs his nails deeper into his scalp. Thor grunts and grinds a knuckle into his thigh. "Ow. _Geez_. All right," he says, and then he grabs one of the panties' side-ties with his teeth and wrenches it loose.

Loki licks his lips with a shiver as the panties spill open to expose his cock. Thor spits out the tie and grins up at him, hooking a finger beneath the other one to drag them slowly down his cousin's leg.

"Guess I'll have to wear you out 'til you're a little more _patient_ ," he adds, smiling wider when Loki swallows.

"Shit," Loki mutters. He yanks on one of the straps of Thor's tank top until Thor strips out of it, and gets a hand in his hair again as Thor tosses the shirt away. Loki pulls him forward until he goes.

He just licks Loki's cock at first while he gets his shorts unzipped and shoved down, making his cousin gripe and call him a cocktease and pull his hair again. Thor finally pries Loki's fingers loose and shoves his wrist against the wall before taking his dick in his mouth.

Loki holds onto his shoulders as Thor readjusts to having a cock in his mouth. Once he's comfortable with the length and gotten used to the new taste, he presses down on Loki's hip before he tries sliding down a little further and swallowing. Loki groans and grips him tighter.

Loki pants and grunts and trembles a little as Thor steadily sucks him off, but he doesn't fight the hold like the last time. Once Thor's settled into a rhythm and pretty sure that he's got Loki pinned, he lets go of his cousin's wrist and gets a hand on his own cock.

Loki shivers hard when Thor groans in relief around him as he starts stroking it. He brushes Thor's bangs back from his eyes.

"You like it that much?" Loki sneers breathily. "Getting your mouth stuffed full of my cock gets you so hard you can't even keep your hand off your dick while you're sucking. Who would've thought, Thor."

They're ugly words--nothing like the encouragement his cousin gave him last time. Loki's clearly trying to humiliate him.

But the only way Thor can think to argue is to quit jerking himself off, and like hell he's going to do that. So instead he just grunts and then swallows hard enough that his cousin's knees buckle a little.

Loki forces out another breathless chuckle after he regains his footing. He splays a hand over the top of Thor's head. "Some golden son you've turned out to be."

He swipes his thumb over the dent in Thor's temple as he says it. Thor snarls and jerks back harshly, Loki's cock spilling out of his mouth.

"Okay, okay," his cousin placates before Thor can cuss him out. He raises his palms. "I'll stop. Sheesh, your skin's thin."

Thor keeps giving him a narrow look.

Loki shakes his head and strokes the side of Thor's face. "I'll knock it off," he repeats. He shifts in Thor's grip, trying to rock closer, and Thor can't help looking at the way his cousin's flushed and slick cock bounces a little with the motion. "I promise. Just don't stop."

Loki rubs a thumb over Thor's cheek and pushes forward again. "C'mon, Thor. You're really good at this. Don't get mad."

Thor realizes he's pulled his arm back and clenched his hand into a fist. He immediately drops it and forces himself to loosen his fingers. Loki keeps touching his face lightly.

Thor exhales slowly and grips his knee.

"...You can say that crap if you want," he mutters. "If you're doing it because you like it. But keep the family stuff out of it."

His cousin chuckles and rubs his cheek again. "Okay. So we're just boyfriends?"

"No," Thor scowls. "But it's just _us_ here, so leave all that shit out of this. Got it, **Cousin**?"

He doesn't wait for an answer and swallows down Loki's cock again. He feels a little vindicated by the choked sound Loki makes.

His cousin's head thumps against the wall as Thor starts sucking him again, his tension dissolving in tangible relief. He strokes the back of Thor's neck.

"You look good like this," Loki murmurs. Thor huffs a breath through his nose and braces himself for more insults.

But Loki just runs his fingers lightly along his spine. Something about the touch--about the way Loki's still being gentle now, when he could've just dropped the appeasement--makes him shiver hard. His cousin makes a pleased noise as Thor brings his hand back to his cock.

"That's right," he prompts. "It's fine to like it. I do too." He cups his hand against the back of Thor's neck. "You sound so good like this, I can't wait to hear what you're like when I teach you to deep throat."

Thor shudders even harder, wracked forward by it until Loki's cock goes too deep and he chokes slightly. Loki pats his neck as he pulls back to cough and catch his breath.

"You'll be good at it," his cousin murmurs as Thor wipes his chin on his arm. When Thor glances at his face, Loki's staring down at him with dark eyes, his gaze slightly unfocused. He brushes a thumb over the length of his throat, and Thor shivers again. "You learn fast."

Thor swallows hard.

He likes how hungry Loki sounds at the thought. He likes how Loki sounds in general when he's getting a blowjob. The taste of cock is still kind of weird, but not enough to be a problem--Thor's pretty sure he could learn how to do it with practice.

But he hasn't forgotten the little panicked, asphyxiating sounds Loki made when he was deep-throating him in the shower. Thor knows he's strong enough to break loose of his cousin's grip to breathe if he really has to, but....

He doesn't completely trust Loki to let go of his own volition.

It's an unpleasant realization, one that sits oily and heavy in his gut, and Thor tries to shake it off by reminding himself that he already _knows_ he can't always trust Loki. His cousin turns anything he's given into a weapon eventually, from spite or self-loathing or just to prove he can. Trusting Loki completely on anything would be bad for them both--his cousin wouldn't even **want** that kind of faith in him. He'd sabotage it just to be free of the perceived burden.

It still hurts.

Thor shifts on his knees and then takes Loki's cock back in his mouth, because there's nothing to say. He can't agree; but he doesn't want to tell Loki why. His cousin will take it as proof no one's trustworthy.

For a while Loki keeps brushing his bangs away, but Thor doesn't look up at him. He shuts his eyes instead and pushes everything away until he's found his rhythm again. Loki's hand finally drifts back to his shoulder.

His cousin isn't as close as he was before. He either came down while Thor was pulled away, or else he's bothered by the lack of response.

So Thor keeps to a steady pace until he gets Loki back there again. By the time he does, Loki's low, breathy moans and the way he keeps gripping at Thor's shoulders with slick palms are enough to get Thor's hand back on his own cock.

Loki laughs at him when Thor comes before he does. His cousin digs his fingers hard into his shoulders and squirms against the forearm Thor shoved across his hips to just fucking hold him _still_ for a couple seconds so he can get his breath. He keeps up the catty little snickers and insults until Thor finally snarls and sucks the head of Loki's cock back into his mouth, and brushes his teeth across the underside in warning.

Loki jerks violently with a sharp, keening moan, banging his head against the wall as he pushes deeper into Thor's mouth. His hands scrabble to grip Thor's head as Thor coughs and pulls back to blink up at him.

Loki stares down at him wide-eyed, his chest heaving as he gasps. His fingers keep fluttering against Thor's scalp like he can't decide whether to shove Thor away or wrench him down onto his cock.

Thor studies his flushed face and neck for another long moment. Then he smiles silently, wide enough to show his teeth.

His cousin whimpers and fists his hands in his hair. When Thor leans forward, he starts trembling before Thor's even gotten his cock in his mouth.

Loki moans **loud** as Thor drags his teeth along the underside of his cock while he sucks him off, moans loud and high and hitching as he tries to swallow down enough air to just breathe. When he comes it hits him so fast and hard it takes Thor by surprise.

He chokes and hacks and winds up spitting semen down his chest and onto his shorts. He barely manages to catch Loki when his cousin's knees buckle.

Thor eases him down onto his lap, torn between kind of annoyed at how sticky his chin and chest are now and incredibly pleased with the way Loki's breath is rasping as he gasps, half-collapsed across Thor's lap as the rest of his orgasm wracks through him. Thor pets his sides until Loki stops shuddering and slumps against him.

It takes Loki even longer to finally catch his breath. Thor rubs a hand along his back and feels even more pleased; he's definitely gotten it right if his cousin's this unravelled afterward, like coming just about killed him.

Loki lets him keep holding him afterward without even a cursory grumble. For a few moments, as Loki rests against his shoulder and breathes shakily while Thor strokes his arm and back, it's hard to believe that just a few weeks ago his cousin was weirded out by the thought of even being touched affectionately after sex.

. . . It doesn't matter if it's better to be conniving than to use brute force, just ruining the car of the guy who beat up his cousin isn't going to be enough. Thor needs to think of a good cover story for when he _does_ come across him. Just in case he can't force the guy out of public or into an alley first.

"Nnn," Loki mutters, smacking a hand against his chest. Thor loosens his grip.

He disentangles them a couple moments later, before his cousin fully comes around and does it himself. Thor rocks to his feet, then shifts Loki up onto the bed before going to the sink.

He drains two cupfuls of water before bringing another one to Loki. His cousin rolls onto his side and gulps down the water while Thor spits into the sink, so Thor gets him a second glass before wiping off his chin and chest.

He tries to scrub his shorts clean too, but soon gives up. Thor chucks them and his briefs into the pile with the rest of their clothes, and makes a note to keep the other pair cleaner. He's gotta have something decent to wear when they go home.

"You should've stayed like that," Loki says. He's still sprawled limply across the corner of the bed, the cup dangling from his hand, but his eyes are sharper. "You look good smeared with come."

Thor snorts and tosses the wad of tissues into the trash.

"You can do it again later," he replies, ruffling Loki's hair as he passes. His cousin props himself up on an elbow when Thor picks up his backpack.

"Get out of my stuff," Loki orders as he sets it on the dresser and unzips it.

"Where'd you put the lube?" Thor replies. He clears his throat when the words still come out hoarse.

Loki raises an eyebrow. " _You_ didn't bring any?"

For a second Thor thinks dammit, was he supposed to take care of that too, and then he tries to remember the last convenience store they passed. Loki flops back to the bed with an exaggerated sigh and says, "The front pocket."

Thor glances skyward. "You are a **brat** ," he tells Loki as he unzips the section and rummages inside.

"' _You're welcome_ ,'" his cousin parrots. Thor flips him off without bothering to look up.

He gets revenge when he sprawls Loki onto his back on the bedspread and kneels between his legs to work him open. By the time Thor's gotten him loose enough to take three fingers, his cousin has a fist pressed to his mouth to smother his groans as he twists beneath him, digging his heels into the mattress and pressing his knees hard against Thor's sides.

Thor keeps pushing one of his legs off the bed to listen to Loki's sharp grunt as he's spread wider, staring in fascination at the way his cousin's asshole clenches and flutters around his fingers as Loki breathes harder and then drags his leg back up. He stopped kicking after Thor got the third finger in.

Thor's hard enough again that his cock's dripping onto the blanket. He's fisted a hand into the fabric to keep from touching himself.

It's rapidly feeling like the worst idea **ever** , but he doesn't want to risk waiting longer to finally get to fuck Loki like this again. Not when it's already been weeks since the first time; not when he knows how to make it better for him now, how to do it so he leaves Loki slack and mellowed out afterward. If that means he has to bite his tongue off to keep from constantly asking Loki if he's ready yet, fine. He'll survive.

It's not that his cousin isn't loosened up enough to handle him--as Loki kept sarcastically pointing out, until Thor found the right angle and pressure to make his cousin stop talking coherently at all. He just isn't sure Loki's ready to get off again yet. Even though his cock is hard against his stomach, every time Thor touches it his cousin winces slightly and then tightens his jaw like he's going to force himself to take it.

So Thor pulls away and clenches his hand back into the blanket, and tries to ignore the ache in his balls and tries even harder to wait a decent amount of time before testing again.

Finally Loki thumps a knee against his ribs. "Jerk off."

"I can wait," Thor says tightly.

"And last five seconds when you **do** finally fuck me," he replies, sounding way too goddamn condescending for someone with three fingers up to the knuckles in his ass. Thor seriously considers twisting his hand without warning. "Jerk off. Maybe then when you're ready again you'll last long enough for me to get off first."

Thor bites his hipbone because he can't let Loki get away with being such an asshole without doing _something_. But then he lets out a ragged breath and wraps a hand around his cock.

Loki props himself up on his elbows to watch. His cousin licks his mouth, his eyes lidding, as Thor starts moving his fingers into him with the same slow, heavy strokes he's working his cock with.

"Heh." Loki licks his upper lip again. "You're so eager to fuck me you're gonna come twice before you even get it in? _Sad_." He digs his hands into the bedspread and rocks down onto Thor's fingers, gasping as he bumps up against the knuckles. "No--hah. No wonder you wanted a whole weekend. You might actually manage to keep it up before the end."

Thor bites at his leg but doesn't stop. "Yeah, keep smarting off," he pants, "while you can. **You're** not gonna be able to manage it by the end."

Loki opens his mouth to sneer out something else, and Thor lets go of his cock to hook an elbow under Loki's knee and shrug his leg up onto his shoulder. When his cousin jerks at the manhandling, Thor drives his fingers into him hard. Loki's arms slip and he collapses back to the bed with a wet cry.

Thor watches his face until Loki's eyes finally flutter open again. When his cousin swipes a forearm across his mouth, Thor grins.

"Maybe I come too fast for you, brat, but _I'm_ ready to go again when **you're** still catching your breath." He bites Loki's leg once more, just hard enough that his cousin's breath hitches, and then licks the spot. "So maybe rethink how much you wanna mouth off."

Loki swallows and wipes his palm over his lips again. "Freak."

Thor snickers and leans forward, pushing Loki's thigh closer to his chest. His cousin draws a deep breath.

"Named for a fertility god," he smirks, nipping one of the tendons in Loki's neck. "Definitely more useful than a giant."

Loki growls out something indecipherable against his hair and then punches him in the neck hard enough that Thor gags.

He shoves back reflexively, making Loki spasm and shout when his fingers jerk inside him. Thor coughs one last time, rubbing his throat, and glares down at him. "You dirty--"

Loki bares his teeth and kicks awkwardly at him. Thor shoves his leg off the bed and curls his fingers sharply.

Loki's shout is a lot higher and louder this time, making Thor flinch. But his cousin arches up at the same time, digging his heel into the bed as he moves into the touch. His cock jumps against his stomach.

Thor swallows hard and straightens his fingers back out. Loki shudders.

"Fuck you," his cousin gasps, pulling his leg up and kicking Thor's arm.

"Wrong way around," Thor growls, before curling his fingers again.

Loki manages to swallow his yell even as he thrashes. Thor slams his free arm across his chest and pins him while his cousin fights back; and he keeps curling and twisting his fingers and forcing them in hard until Loki's a sweaty, quaking mess beneath him, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth and chin slick with saliva.

When Loki finally quits clawing and kicking at him and instead wraps a fist around his own cock, Thor exhales harshly. He leans down to lick at the exposed length of Loki's neck, but his cousin just snarls wordlessly and lets him do it. Thor bites kisses along his skin to distract him as he tugs his fingers out.

Except it's a trap. As soon as Thor works his hand free, Loki slams a left hook into his side.

Thor grunts and barely manages to keep from toppling off the bed. He blocks Loki's arm when his cousin tries to punch him again, before twisting it around and gripping tight. Loki heaves himself up with a wince and shoulders him hard in the chest, rocking him backwards.

They half-wrestle, half-brawl on the bed and end up spilling onto the floor. At one point Thor thinks thank _god_ there's no one else in the other rooms; at another, he thinks it's really fucking hard to fight naked with an erection. Loki bites and uses his elbows and wriggles out of every hold Thor tries to get him in.

Eventually he's frustrated enough that he quits holding back. The next time he gets an arm hooked tight under Loki's armpits, Thor shoves him into the side of the bed hard enough that Loki bounces back against his chest. "Get _down!_ "

His cousin chokes on a cough and falls still. Thor assumes it's another trap and leans heavier against him, forcing Loki's chest to the mattress.

But his cousin doesn't move. He just stays like that, shaking and panting harshly. Thor frowns, still riding on adrenaline and thrown by the change; and then he realizes how he's got Loki pinned.

His cousin clenches the bedspread as Thor leans back, but he doesn't try anything. Thor presses a hand down on his shoulder in warning anyway. He's getting tired of being punched.

Loki's bent over the bed with his knees on the floor and his chest flat to the mattress as he struggles for breath. His toes curl into the carpet as Thor looks down at him; his legs are spread enough that Thor can see the lube glistening around his asshole. He still hasn't moved, like now he's just waiting. Like Thor's finally done what he wanted.

Thor takes a slow, unsteady breath and scoots closer. "You want it like this?"

A tremor runs through his cousin. Thor lets go of his shoulder and pushes Loki's hair aside before stroking his fingertips gently across his cousin's face, wanting to be sure Loki knows it's a real question. "Tell me if this isn't okay."

Loki jerks his head once in a shake, swallowing thickly.

A shallow breath later, he peels his lips back from his teeth and sneers, " **Do** it already. If you can."

Thor presses a kiss to his temple and feels Loki shiver under him again.

He drops more kisses across his face as he reaches down and yanks his cousin's thighs wider apart. Loki jerks and then rocks hard against the mattress with a muffled curse.

"Alright," Thor murmurs, biting at his earlobe. He lines his cock up with Loki's asshole. "Since you're _begging_ for it."

Loki twists his fingers tighter into the blanket and makes another stifled noise in the back of his throat. Thor leans a hand down heavily on his shoulder once more, and his cousin presses his face to the bedspread with a long, shuddering moan as Thor pushes into him.

He takes Loki like that until he gets them both off. A while after, when Loki's still sprawled over the bedspread and half out of it, Thor tugs him back down to kneel on the floor and boxes his cousin's legs between his own, smearing lube between his thighs while Loki pants harshly and sneers and eggs him on. Thor fucks him that way as well once his cousin's no longer too sensitive to take it, losing himself in the way Loki claws at the blanket and shouts and moans and curses and rocks back against him, letting himself go with the knowledge that he can't hurt him like this. He does it again later still, as many times as his cousin lets him, until both their knees are raw from carpet burn and Loki's legs are trembling so bad that Thor's the only thing holding him steady. 

He's lost track of the day completely by the last time he drapes himself over Loki's back, shuddering down from another orgasm. Thor keeps his hands curled around his cousin's wrists while he breathes hard against Loki's shoulder, but loosens his grip and starts to rub the circulation back into them. Loki grunts and swallows.

Soon Thor feels him writhe under his weight, like he's trying to get off by rubbing against the bedspread again. Thor rolls his head enough to press a sloppy kiss to his neck, and Loki squirms more.

"Okay," Thor mumbles, before pushing himself up on his elbows. He rubs a hand over Loki's back as he pulls loose. Loki groans muffledly into the bedspread he's biting but doesn't open his eyes.

Thor's come more than him over the afternoon, usually ready to go again by the time Loki's just barely cooled off, and his cousin's thighs are slick with lube and semen. His ass is marked with bruises in the shape of Thor's fingerprints and almost the same angry red as his knees; and he's still quaking faintly, like he can't control it enough to stop. There are hickeys and bite marks all over his shoulders and arms and neck--more than Thor realized, some he doesn't even remember making anymore--and his lip split back open long ago.

He looks completely fucked out, and Thor grins in a warm flush of pleasure at the sight.

But Loki keeps on trembling even after Thor's leaned back and quit touching him; and eventually Thor bites his lip instead.

He runs his fingers along Loki's shoulders lightly, trying to ease his shaking, and pays more attention to where Loki's marked up this time around. "Hey." Thor swallows when his voice cracks hoarsely. "Loki. You okay?"

His cousin makes a thready whine in response. Thor bites his lip harder and cups Loki's upper arms, rubbing his palms along them. "What do you need?"

Loki ruts a little harder against the blanket, then spits the fabric out and drops his head to the side. " _Thor_ ," he rasps.

He doesn't say more. Thor's not surprised--if his throat's hoarse, Loki's must be scraped raw--but he's glad to hear the aggravation underneath it.

"Okay," he huffs in relief. He drops another kiss to Loki's back briefly before hooking his hands under his armpits.

His cousin whimpers when Thor hefts them both to their feet. Thor kisses his shoulder again soothingly. "I got you," he promises. "Think you can lie on your back? Or do you wanna be on your side?"

"...Back's fine," Loki manages after a few moments. Thor nods and gets him up on the bed.

His cousin's upper thighs are bruised bad where they've been slammed repeatedly into the mattress edge. Thor winces at the sight, and makes a note to be more careful.

As he shoves aside the crumpled mess of the bedspread, Thor reminds himself harshly that he'll always wind up hurting him if he lets go too much. He knows better--he can't trust Loki on some things, and his cousin's own damn safety is one of them. Loki acts like using his safeword is admitting weakness, like he's proving something by taking Thor on without crying out.

Loki stays sprawled out the way Thor lays him on the bed, though one of his hands drifts into Thor's hair as he starts sucking Loki's cock. But he doesn't tug or yank or stroke. He barely rocks his hips up while Thor works his cock deeper into his mouth.

It's weird, and makes Thor even more certain they should've taken a break sooner. But it's kind of nice, too. His sharp, obstinate, acidic cousin has gone this subdued and compliant because of what Thor's done with him: he's **made** Loki soften out like this. It feels good.

Thor tugs Loki's hand away from his hair and squeezes it, tangling their fingers together. Loki lolls his head to the side to rest against the mattress and lets him.

It always takes Thor longer to get him off with this gentler stuff, but that just means Loki's got the time to pull himself back together. After a while, his cousin starts panting harder and moving a little more energetically against him; and when he finally groans and predictably calls him a fucking tease, Thor chuckles in relief. He keeps sucking steadily until Loki clenches his hand tight and comes with a low moan.

He slumps back to the mattress almost immediately. Thor pulls away with a snicker, then pretends he was coughing instead. Loki digs his nails into the back of his hand.

Thor rubs his aching jaw and swallows heavily a couple times, and wipes his mouth and chin on his elbow before making a 'blegh' noise. He crawls up the bed to flop down next to Loki.

His cousin's eyes are already shut. Thor drops his voice. "Hey?"

Loki makes a vaguely conscious noise. Thor squeezes his hand again. "Think you can stand for a while?"

"Freak," Loki mumbles. "I'm buying you a vibrator for your birthday."

Thor laughs and shakes his head. "No, geez. I gotta clean those bites. C'mon, won't take long."

Loki groans and presses his face into his pillow. "Lemme sleep."

"Sure," Thor agrees, sliding an arm under his back and lifting. "After I clean you up."

His cousin goes limp in retaliation. Thor grunts at the sudden weight, and then huffs and rolls his eyes. He dumps Loki back to the bed and climbs over him off it.

He turns the air conditioning lower before going back to the bed. Loki startles when Thor scoops him up, then makes a disbelieving noise as he starts carrying him to the sink. "This is stupid."

"Yeah, but since I'm a generous guy, I'll forgive you," Thor smirks. Loki slugs him in the chest.

His cousin grumbles for a while when Thor puts him on his feet and starts soaping up a washcloth, but then he either stops caring or runs out of energy and just braces against the counter as Thor washes him off. He cleans out the bites as gently as he can, making Loki turn around so he can reach the ones along his lower back.

When he finishes rinsing the soap away, Thor hesitates for a moment and then crouches on his heels and starts cleaning off his cousin's legs as well. They're not as bad as they were; a bunch of the lube and come must've rubbed off on the blanket when Thor was sucking him. But there's still smears across his thighs and the insides of his knees.

Thor wonders again if it's weird to want to lick it away when it's his own semen. He's a hundred percent sure it's weird to want to lick it all the way back up to Loki's ass, although maybe kind of wanting to lick his cousin's asshole isn't _as_ weird--it's not that different from doing the same thing after biting him or giving him a hickey. Right? Loki's let Thor fuck him hard, let Thor spread him open with his fingers and cock until he was shaking from it, let him keep manhandling his ass for most of the afternoon; wanting to soothe him there afterward can't be that weird. Maybe.

Doesn't matter right now. Whether it's weird or not--whether Loki would be willing to let him do it, and Thor knew where the hell to buy barriers other than maybe just finding a sex shop and asking until someone tells him how to use them--now isn't an okay time anyway. Loki's leaning too heavily on the counter, and his legs are still trembling a little whenever he shifts.

Thor tries to be as gentle as he can as he washes his cousin off, but when he starts on the cleft of his ass Loki hisses and grips the countertop harder.

Thor pulls the coarse washcloth away and glances at him in the mirror. Loki's eyes are squeezed shut.

"Too harsh?" he asks.

Loki doesn't actually admit it, but he does blow his breath out a couple seconds later. "Just gimme a towel," he says hoarsely. "You got the bites. I'll shower later."

"Okay," Thor replies, rocking back onto his feet.

Loki drinks more water while Thor pats him dry, and flinches occasionally but doesn't say anything. He refills the cup from the faucet while Thor tosses the towel over the shower rod, and then holds it out when he returns. Thor downs it gratefully.

Loki makes his way slowly back to the bed while Thor drinks a couple more cups of water and unenthusiastically considers cleaning up himself. He feels like a gross, sweaty, congealing mess...but it's gonna be such a hassle. Screw it.

He washes off the places where Loki got enough of a handhold to gouge open his skin and then goes back to the bed.

His cousin's kicked the bedspread to the carpet and curled in around a pillow. Thor grabs another one from the floor, and crawls back up the mattress to stretch out beside him. Loki buries his face deeper in the pillow and yawns widely when Thor takes his hand again; and Thor grins and slips his fingers between his cousin's.

"So it was good for you too, huh?" he says gleefully.

Loki makes a disgusted noise and pinches him hard.

He passes out while Thor's still laughing. Thor yawns, settles his head more comfortably into the pillow, and follows suit.  
  
  
When he wakes up chilled, Loki's still asleep and he's starving.

Thor yawns hard and grunts when his stomach growls again. He scoots off of the bed and goes to shower.

When he comes out, Loki's under the sheet and dragged Thor's pillow over his head. Thor snickers and pulls on clean clothes, and then tugs it away.

Loki snarls at him and flails for it. " **Die**."

"That's a great way to treat the guy who's getting food for you," Thor grins. "What d'you want to eat?"

Loki makes a dismissive gesture. "Food."

"That was the plan," Thor agrees. "Narrow it down."

"You're too fucking-- _awake_ already." His cousin yanks his own pillow over his face. "Freak."

Thor rolls his eyes and drops his pillow onto Loki. His cousin doesn't deign to notice, or else he's trying to will Thor into nonexistence so he can go back to sleep. "How 'bout Chinese?" Thor asks. "Do you still like orange duck?"

"Duck in orange sauce," Loki corrects after a few moments. "Yes. But they're not gonna have that in a fast food place. ...If they've got chicken, that's okay."

"All right," Thor says. He grabs his wallet and keys. "I'll be back soon."

His cousin makes a muffled noise that probably isn't real words, but it at least sounds grudgingly more pleasant. Thor snorts and heads out.

He finds the Chinese place down the road, orders their meal, and flirts back with the girl behind the register while he's waiting. When he returns with it all, Loki's in the shower.

His cousin lays on his stomach on the cleaner side of the bed to eat, so Thor drags a chair over to sit beside him and comes to regret it while they argue over what to watch. "You are a _spoiled brat_ ," he finally snaps, holding the remote he's wrested away from Loki **again** up above his head.

"Yes," Loki agrees. "Because you let me be one."

Disarmed by the honesty, Thor drops his hand. He can't think of a retort, and finally just tosses the remote onto Loki's back with an aggrieved noise.

"Be **less** of one," he mutters as he slouches in the chair and steels himself to watch the stupid crime show, feeling vaguely like he's been tricked but not sure how.

Loki fishes the remote up from the bedspread and changes the channel again. "Always?" he asks. "Or just outside of sex?"

Thor pauses and looks over at him, not sure if this is a trap or--what. Loki stares back with a waiting expression that doesn't clarify anything.

Thor slouches a little further and frowns faintly. His cousin said all of this was okay just as long as he's hurting him because Loki's telling him to; he hasn't forgotten. Is this a test?

He doesn't know what answer Loki wants, so he goes with the truth. "Outside of sex," Thor replies, picking at the lid of the takeout box.

Loki props his chin on a hand and keeps studying him. Thor tugs at the lid until it starts to rip, growing restless. He never can read his cousin's face when he gets like this.

He always used to be able to read Loki, or at least he always thought he could. It's another reminder of how things have changed, that now he can't anymore.

"So you like being ordered around during sex," Loki says, and Thor inadvertently tears the flap off.

Loki smirks. "I noticed, but I like hearing you admit it." He makes a little face. "Well, obliquely."

Thor scowls automatically--but then he pauses as he realizes it's not really an insult. Loki's putting it differently, but they're saying the same thing.

"I like knowing you'll tell me what you're okay with me doing," he agrees. "If you wanna say it by giving orders, fine. As long as you always tell me." Thor catches his gaze and holds it. "This--power play?--stuff. I'm not pushing you around because I think I've got the right to. If anything ever feels weird or uncomfortable, just tell me, and we can do something else instead. It won't be a big deal."

"Hm," Loki says eventually, expression still guarded. Thor forces himself not to exhale in frustration, because that's not going to help.

"If it's not because you think you've 'got the right to,' then why **do** you like it so much?" his cousin asks, watching him.

Thor shrugs awkwardly. "I dunno. Why do you?"

"Because the release of endorphins is scientifically proven as enjoyable," Loki responds, way too smoothly to be anything but planned. Thor's _got_ to stop walking into these.

Loki taps him on the forearm with a chopstick. " **Why** , Thor?" he repeats. He doesn't look as closed off anymore, though.

Thor blows his bangs out of his eyes and spreads his hands. "I don't know."

...Except that's a lie.

His cousin's attitude doesn't bug Thor when they're having sex, because when he's following Loki's instructions, he doesn't have to worry--much--if he's going too far. And since Loki's so damn mouthy, it feels even better when Thor can **make** him shut up. When he's got his cousin wound too tight from his hands or mouth or cock for Loki to think of snarky insults or do anything but pant and moan, Thor feels pretty great.

That all makes sense; that's probably normal. It's the stuff they do that goes beyond that that Thor isn't comfortable liking.

He knows his cousin likes being pinned: Loki seems to get off on feeling coerced as much as he does on actual pain. And if Thor's got the option between being kind of a creep and physically hurting him, it's not a tough choice. Enjoying doing something Loki likes isn't weird either; it's not like Thor ever wanted to intimidate any of his old girlfriends into sex, so at least he's not _that_ kind of asshole.

Or at least he never thought he was, until he learned that hearing Loki sound pained during sex made him want to fuck him even more.

It's gross, and it's creepy, and he doesn't like knowing it about himself. If any girl ever sounded uncomfortable with what he was doing, Thor felt bad because he'd stopped making it good for them--so why the fuck does he like the opposite from Loki? What kind of asshole does **that** make him?

. . . He doesn't like hearing Loki sound flat out hurt, at least. Like when his cousin cracked his wrist on the futon that first time, or got a leg cramp earlier. Those were just mistakes to fix and soothe.

...He likes when Loki sounds a little pained but still wanting him, like it's just making him more hot for it. When Loki sounds almost overwhelmed but he's still pushing Thor for more because he wants him that damn bad, that's what feels good.

So maybe he feels differently with Loki than he did with anyone before because he knows his cousin likes this? And he knows his cousin knows **him**. Loki knows absolutely what Thor's capable of; and instead of scaring him off it turns him on.

That.... Okay. That isn't so bad. 

It still makes Thor worry about him. But it also helps him shake off his cousin's insults when they're just blatant goads. And enjoying doing something Loki likes isn't weird. So--okay. He's not secretly a rapist, and he's not subconsciously hurting his cousin because he thinks Loki's less than him. Okay. That's not so bad.

Loki raps the chopstick against his arm harder, arching an eyebrow. Thor swats his fingers, and then rubs his face. He really needs to shave soon.

"How're your legs? The bruises," he explains, gesturing at his own thigh.

"Fine," Loki replies. "Answer already."

"I mean it," Thor tells him. "How are they?"

Loki narrows his eyes slightly, starting to look offended. "I'm fine. It's just a couple bruises."

Thor half-smiles, and nods. "Yeah. I know you're tough."

He fidgets with the scrap of lid in his hands, but holds Loki's gaze. "I like this stuff because I know you like it too. And I like knowing you can take what I dish out and still be fine." He reaches out and ruffles Loki's hair. "You can shake it off. And then we're back to normal afterward, pain-in-the-ass attitude and everything. I like that," Thor smiles. "I missed you."

Loki pulls back slightly, his eyes widening for a second before he looks aside.

Thor stills, and bites the inside of his lip.

He starts to pull his hand away, but then drops it to Loki's shoulder instead and gives him a quick squeeze before drawing back.

Loki pokes his chopstick into his container. The TV isn't loud enough to make up for the awkward silence between them now.

But one of the many things Thor's learned from his dad is that _not_ talking never fixes anything. It usually only makes problems worse.

"I meant it," he adds. "If you don't feel okay with anything, just say so. I'm not gonna think less of you for using your safeword, I'm just gonna think 'okay, that's not doing it for him' and try something else. Okay?"

"Nn," Loki replies, so Thor pokes him in the hip until Loki finally smacks his wrist. " _Okay_. Okay," he mutters, quieter.

Thor lets out his breath and nods again. "Good."

He's still fishing for something else to say to change the subject when Loki glances back over his shoulder.

"Just to be clear," he says, not managing to hold down his smirk, "what you said is that you actually **want** me to keep being a pain in the ass outside of sex."

Thor looks at him for a long moment, and then presses a hand to his face and groans. Loki cackles softly.

Thor slumps deeper into the chair and stuffs a wonton into his mouth, resigned. "Just watch your dumb show, _**brat**_."

Loki smiles a little longer before finally turning back to the TV. He tosses the remote behind him on the bed, and starts in on his food again.  
  
  
Thor bought more than either of them can eat, but they make a dint. By the time the cop show's over and Loki's magnanimously switched to a zombie movie--slaughtering the characters' decisions in the bored tone of a director's commentary from the zombies' point of view, until Thor has to stop eating or else choke laughing--the food's gone cold.

In the end Thor gets up to put it away during a commercial break, because it's clear Loki's not going to and he doesn't feel like keeping up the silent war of laziness until it starts to stink. His cousin jabs a chopstick listlessly at his container of fried rice as Thor starts re-sealing everything.

"How long are you gonna keep paying for me?" Loki asks, propping his chin on a fist.

Thor glances at him in the mirror. Loki's using that casual, vaguely disinterested tone he doesn't trust at all; but his face doesn't give anything away.

Thor watches him for several moments, and finally turns back to the food with a shrug. "It's not a problem."

In the mirror, his cousin purses his lips.

But when Loki responds, his tone hasn't changed. "Quit buying so much. You'll get me fat," he drawls, looking back to the TV.

Thor tightens his jaw.

"...You lost weight," he replies. "You've gotta get back to normal before you can get fat."

He shoves at the flaps of the last container too hard, denting them, and then thinks fuck it and picks up the armful to take it to the mini-fridge. "If your mom's not feed--if you guys are having problems with groceries, say something. We can't help if we don't know about it."

Loki's silent while Thor crams the food into the fridge and then takes a breath and starts over, stacking it better so the door will actually close.

When he rolls out of his crouch and pushes the door shut, his cousin still hasn't spoken. Thor tells himself to quit being a coward and look at him--he can do _that_ much after insulting his aunt, right?

When he turns to face the bed, Loki's watching him suspiciously. "What are you playing at?"

"What?" Thor frowns, since that wasn't any of the responses he expected.

His cousin keeps eying him. Finally he snorts, and turns his attention back to the TV.

"We're fine," he says curtly. "We don't need your family's money. I lost weight when I was doing drugs."

Thor stares at him for a long, long moment, and then reaches out and grabs hold of the edge of the mini-fridge to keep himself in place. His cousin glances at his hand from the corner of his eye, but doesn't turn his head.

"What?" Thor says as evenly as he can.

"I didn't stutter," Loki replies.

Thor digs his fingers into the plastic. "How much fucking shit were you pulling--you **better** have stopped--"

"I _said_ 'was,'" Loki interrupts, his tone more placid. "Frigga caught on. She pointed out how it was making my work sloppy, and helped me get off them."

Thor hisses his breath out through his teeth and shoves his bangs from his face.

"You really didn't know," Loki muses.

"Of course not," Thor grits out. "I would have **stopped** you if I had!"

" _When_ and _how?_ " Loki retorts.

Thor refuses to take the bait. He turns aside and leans hard against the fridge.

When he's made himself calm down more, he pushes away and starts tapping his fingers agitatedly against the plastic. "I _should_ have known," he mutters. "Mom should've said something."

"I asked her not to," Loki replies.

Thor nearly throws his hands in the air. "Then why the hell did you assume I knew?!"

"She's Odin's wife, not my mom," his cousin says bluntly. "Why would I expect her to keep my secrets?"

Thor glares at him. "If you really think that, you don't know her much at all."

Loki scowls at the comment--but he doesn't retort.

A few moments later he goes back to stabbing his rice, face tilted down. Thor snorts out another breath but guesses that's as close to an agreement or apology as his cousin can bring himself.

After a while, Loki quits pretending to eat. He folds up the container and eases off the bed; Thor rocks away from the fridge and pulls the door open.

"You don't have to keep paying for everything," Loki says, not looking at him as he shoves the container in.

"I don't care if I do," Thor replies. "Is it bothering you?"

His cousin goes to push his hands in his pockets, realizes belatedly he's only wearing a pair of boxers, and leaves them hanging curved at his sides. "I don't need your charity."

Thor bites back a frustrated noise, but Loki goes on before he can argue.

"But if that's not why you're doing it...." He shrugs with studied indifference. "It's fine. It's weird, but--whatever, waste your money how you want."

Thor shakes his head, but just says, "That's not why I want to do it."

His cousin shrugs again, still staring at the fridge. Thor decides to let the matter drop before Loki gets so uncomfortable he closes off again.  
  
  
They call a truce by watching the sci-fi channel for the rest of the evening.

Except the real truce is that Loki lets Thor slide an arm across his shoulders after they've settled down in the bed. His cousin eventually shifts a fraction closer instead of pulling away.

Thor has to smile at that. He readjusts his arm so he's not pressing into the bite marks on Loki's shoulders; his cousin rolls his eyes and yawns.

He feels full and satisfied and comfortable, and Loki's half-curled up warm against his side and yawning occasionally instead of mocking the characters on the show. After the third time his eyes drift shut, Thor doesn't bother opening them again.  
  
  
He wakes groggily when a weight shifts beside him. Consciousness floods into Thor as he realizes he doesn't recognize this place.

They haven't managed to zip-tie him yet. He lashes out reflexively, and the outsider shouts when the punch lands solid. Thor shoves a hand under the pillow, tenses when he doesn't feel his brass knuckles, and throws his weight against the intruder, pinning them down by the throat. 

Loki yells his name and rabbit-punches him in the side. Thor tightens his grip automatically to choke him out, then lets go and pushes away as he finally remembers where he is and how and why.

Loki shoves himself up against the headboard, rubbing his throat and coughing. "It's just me. Calm down."

Thor shakes his head harshly and sits back on his heels. "Shit. You okay?"

"You were the _worst_ person to share a room with," Loki drawls, still hoarse. "Guess that hasn't changed."

Thor grunts and moves back a little farther. "Sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine," his cousin replies. He's still rubbing his throat.

Thor mumbles 'sorry' again and waits for his heart to calm down. 

Loki coughs one last time. "Turn on the light."

Thor crawls across the bed and fumbles along the wall until he hits the switch, squinting as his eyes adjust. At one point they just filled the ice bucket at the sink and stuck it on one of the nightstands, so he pours the remaining water into a cup and gives it to his cousin before going to refill it.

Loki drinks another half-cup slowly after he returns with the bucket, and lets Thor tilt his chin up to check his throat. It's not already bruising, so at least he didn't squeeze as hard as he could've. "You sure you're alright?"

"Yes," Loki repeats in exasperation, drawling the word out. He settles against the headboard, giving Thor an arch look. "If you're gonna be a soldier, you need to work on that. They'll dishonorably discharge you if you kill a bunkmate."

"Yeah, I know," Thor mutters, sitting back.

Loki sets the cup on the nightstand and stretches carefully. It shifts the healing bites on his shoulders and chest, leaving him still looking marked up and well-fucked hours later. Loki catches him staring and smirks.

Thor rolls his eyes. "Okay," he breathes. He shakes his hands out once before moving to the lamp.

"Since you're up," Loki comments; and then he rolls forward and pushes Thor's shoulders hard.

Thor whoofs out a breath as his back hits the mattress. He reaches up and catches Loki's hips, feeling the muscles slide against his palms as his cousin crawls up to straddle his waist. Loki braces his hands on Thor's shoulders and grins cheekily down at him.

Thor raises an eyebrow and wishes he didn't have a headache from too little sleep, because his cousin looks pretty great like this. "Weren't you calling _me_ a freak earlier?"

"We've only got another day before have to go back," Loki replies. He's still grinning; but it's not really reaching his eyes anymore.

...Yeah. Okay. He can sleep plenty when they're home again and have to hide this.

Thor brushes his cousin's hair out of his face, and then keeps his fingers tangled in it and tugs Loki down for a kiss.

Loki lets him keep it slow and nice for a little while as he works them out of their boxers. Thor plants his feet on the mattress and raises his hips when Loki pulls at his pair, and tries to kick them off without hitting his cousin or breaking the kiss, which is actually kind of hard. He manages to push them off one leg with his foot before Loki shoves his thighs apart and moves between them.

"Shit!" Thor gasps as Loki drops his weight on top of him. He flails the boxers off as his cousin rolls his hips slow and hard against him. " _Shit_. Loki."

Loki does it again. Thor sucks in a sharp breath and slings an arm across the small of his back to pull him closer. His cousin nuzzles the pulse in his throat, and Thor feels him smile as he murmurs, "There we go."

Loki drags it out long after Thor's hard and aching and begging. Thor keeps his arms wrapped tight around his back as Loki slides against him; he drags Loki's head closer to his every time his cousin rocks forward and pants for Loki to touch him, to suck him, to let Thor touch himself, **anything** \--this feels good but it's taking so _long_.

But each time Loki shakes loose and ignores him and keeps his hands fisted tight in the blanket. His cousin ruts against him in long, rough slides that don't give Thor enough friction; he only brings his hands up to slap Thor's away when he tries to work one between them.

Thor can hear Loki's ragged breaths and catches glimpses of his face through his hair as he moves. His cousin's eyes are shut tight and his jaw is clenched as he bites down sharp, frustrated noises with each hard push that isn't enough for him either.

" _Loki_ ," Thor groans as his cousin drives against him once more with a grunt. The head of his cock catches on Thor's own for a moment before rubbing past, and Thor shivers at the feeling. "Loki, come on, what are you trying to prove, _please_...."

His cousin hisses through his teeth and shoves forward again without replying. Thor bangs his head against the mattress in frustration and rocks his hips up.

He pulls Loki closer as he does, but the press of his cousin's heated, sweat-prickled skin still isn't enough pressure. Loki curses and digs his elbows deeper into the mattress.

His back shifts as he moves, the muscles sliding under Thor's arms with each slow, heavy drive, and Thor groans as he realizes this is how Loki would feel fucking him.

He remembers the press of his cousin's cock against his ass the night after Thor bloodied his nose, and shivers as Loki's forearms flex against his shoulders again. Loki's arms are taut, using the leverage to put as much force as possible into each shove; Thor swallows as he catches another flash of his grimace through his hair.

If Loki really _were_ fucking him, it'd have to do it better for him than this is. Would he moan and pant the way he does when Thor's moving in him? Would he sound harsher, like he does now?

It'd feel different from pushing a finger into himself. Loki's cock would stretch him open even more than trying to take two did. Thor thinks of the way Loki's asshole flexed around his fingers as he worked his cousin loose, of how tight it was inside as he shoved deeper. Loki's moving so deliberately, his body tense and his jaw set like this is another kind of fight to him--he'd make sure Thor felt it, every inch of all the cock he can't get down his throat yet, with each push in and tug out.

Thor shudders and digs his fingers into his cousin's sides as his cock jumps and dribbles more precome. "Loki, **please**. Come _on_ , what're you trying to fucking prove, just let me--"

He tries to get a hand between them again when Loki's rocking back, but his cousin knocks his arm away. Thor swears in frustration. "Just let me get the fucking lube and you can do it, come **on**!"

Loki jerks hard, and shoves up abruptly to stare at him. Thor swears even more at the loss of contact. "Fucking come _on_ already you little shit!"

"You'd--" Loki licks his mouth, still looking shocked. "You'd let me?"

He looks genuinely surprised. Thor makes himself take a deep breath, and tries to hold still.

"Yes," he pants. "Shit, Loki, please just c'mon, stop fucking _teasing_ me c'mon." He pulls his cousin back down against him. "Come **on** already."

Loki shudders hard, and then drops his head to Thor's shoulder, laughing.

"Fuck, Thor," he gasps. "You don't have any pride in bed, do you?"

Thor growls and digs his fingers into his cousin's back. "Loki for _**fuck's sake**_ \--"

He cuts off with a grunt when Loki bites his shoulder hard. Thor pants harshly as his cousin sucks a mean hickey into the spot, and tries not to squirm against him too much. He's got pride.

When Loki braces his hands by his head and pushes up again, Thor lets him go but squeezes his ribcage once in warning. His cousin shivers.

"C'mon," Thor orders roughly. "Quit jerking me around."

"No," Loki replies. He laughs when Thor swears at him and grabs a fistful of his hair; and he sounds so incredibly hungry and pleased and _promising_ that Thor shivers from it. "No, Thor. I won't let you write it off as sleep deprivation. You're gonna fucking beg for my dick when you're wide awake."

Thor shudders again as his stomach clenches. "You're such a goddamn shit," he manages, and hooks a leg around Loki's to drive up against him.

His cousin chuckles breathily and pants against his ear, ruffling the strands of Thor's hair sticking to his skin. "You asked for it."

He growls in the back of his throat. Loki laughs again before biting the cartilage hard.

Thor yelps in pain and then heaves himself up and to the side, rolling them over. Loki's breath is knocked out of him as his back hits the mattress with a thud. " **Fine** ," Thor snarls, scrabbling between them until he finds Loki's cock. His cousin arches up with a desperate groan as Thor starts jerking him off roughly. "Then quit fucking around."

He beats away the blanket that's tangled up around them and kicks Loki's ankle to the side just to make him jolt and twist. Loki cusses him out, and Thor bites his throat hard.

His cousin keens loudly and claws at his back, clamping his legs around Thor's thighs and driving into his hand like he's starving. It makes it hard for Thor to shift enough to get both their cocks in his grip, and Loki sounds so damn hot and close that he thinks _fine_ , he can wait a little longer. He worries Loki's throat with his teeth until his cousin sobs.

Loki's nails cut open his shoulders as he comes, but it's worth it. Thor makes himself hold back a couple seconds more and kisses his cousin's neck warmly, because Loki sounded too close to real pain at the end. Loki groans quietly and rolls his head to the side to give him room, panting hard.

Thor pets his shaking thighs as Loki lets them drop to the mattress, and reminds himself that it's his cousin's job to prod him. It's his not to react too far.

His only responsibility when they're having sex is doing whatever's best for Loki, in getting him off or reining him in. That's what his cousin's trusting him to do, no matter how he fights it.

It's simple in a way so much of Thor's life isn't. Loki can't bring himself to ask for kindness when he needs it, so Thor just has to hold to his limits for him. End of story.

He kisses the bite one last time, and then braces himself on a forearm and finally gets a hand on his cock.

Thor presses his face to Loki's neck with a moan as he strokes. His cousin swallows heavily and then shakes his head. He starts struggling to sit up a couple breaths later, and Thor curses and pushes his forehead down harder. "Loki, just hold on a second, I'm almost there."

Loki keeps squirming. Thor's wrist rubs along his cousin's cock with his next stroke, and Loki jerks and bites back a sharp hiss.

Thor belatedly, hazily remembers how sensitive to touch his cousin is after coming. He swears in frustration and pushes away, flopping onto his back next to him. At least now he's got more room to move his arm.

"Language," Loki pants in a creepily close imitation of Frigga's voice, and Thor demands " _Are you kidding?_ "

His cousin cracks up, laughing breathily as he clambers back between Thor's legs. Thor spreads them wider to give him room and shoots him a warning scowl.

Loki splays his hands over his thighs as Thor finds a good rhythm again, pushing them down to the mattress. Thor goes, and tries to keep his eyes open. Loki looks like he's barely recovered from coming: he's still flushed and his pupils are blown, his fingers flexing on his thighs as he stares down at Thor's hands on his own cock and balls like it's the best porn he's ever seen.

It looks good. But the closer he gets to coming, the harder it is to focus; so finally Thor closes his eyes and presses his head against the bed. Almost there.

Loki grabs his wrists and wrenches his hands away, pinning them to the mattress.

Thor snarls and bucks him off. "I will _throw you off the fucking bed--!_ "

"You tried to asphyxiate me in my sleep," Loki grins, catching his hands again and leaning his weight down harder. "Aren't you gonna make it up to me?"

Thor barely refrains from head-butting him. "You little **shit** ," he gasps. "I am gonna **kill you**."

"Well now I wanna do this even more." Loki's smirk widens.

Thor bangs his head against the bed and tells himself to fucking breathe. And not threaten murder. "Shit," he pants. "Loki. _Please_."

"Nope."

"You're gonna regret this."

"Better and better," Loki murmurs, dragging his tongue over his teeth. Thor groans and bangs his head into the mattress again.

He closes his eyes and takes a long, deep breath. Then he takes several more, until his first instinct is no longer to punch Loki in the diaphragm. His cousin keeps his wrists pressed to the sheets.

He was so fucking close. He's still trembling from it. But okay. It's not gonna kill him, it just feels like it. People don't die from not coming. --Probably.

"You've got five minutes," Thor grits out. "And then I'm locking you in the bathroom, asshole."

"It doesn't lock from the outside."

"Less than five minutes," he growls. Loki snickers.

He lifts his hands from Thor's wrists slightly. "Keep them here."

Thor clenches his jaw, but digs his fingers into the sheet and grips it tight. Loki makes an approving noise and lets go.

He sits back on his heels and lays a hand on Thor's thigh again. "Now," Loki muses, rubbing a thumb against his skin. "Only five minutes...."

"Less than that," Thor reminds him tersely. Loki pushes two fingers hard against his taint.

Thor shouts and bucks up, knocking Loki's hands away and wrenching the sheet off the mattress.

Loki pushes hard on his chest. "Stay _down_ , Thor."

He struggles to relax enough to lie back, panting raggedly as he finally sinks onto the bed a little and wondering why the hell he's agreeing to this. Loki makes another approving noise and pats his hip. Smug little _shit_.

"Spread your legs," he says.

Thor exhales through his teeth and does so. His cousin shivers faintly.

"Wider," Loki tells him.

Thor bites his lip. Then he takes a much deeper breath, lets it go, and spreads his legs until it starts to ache. Loki stifles a noise in the back of his throat and grips his hip tighter.

"...That's good," he says a couple breaths later, his voice unsteady. He pets Thor's hip again.

Thor tries to relax more, even though it feels impossible. At least Loki isn't using this to insult him.

Loki rubs his thighs gently. "Try to breathe, Thor," he encourages. "Once you're relaxed, I'll start counting."

"Cheater," Thor grunts, and his cousin replies, "Well, yes."

He snorts despite himself. Loki chuckles quietly, and touches his hips.

"I never thought you'd do this for me," he murmurs. It sounds sincere; Thor takes another breath. "Any of this. I want every single second I can get. Breathe, Thor. Loosen up for me, so I can wind you up even worse."

" _Shit_ ," Thor shudders. "Loki. **Please**."

Loki cups his face and rubs a thumb over his cheek. "I like hearing you beg, Thor," he says. "But it won't make me do what you want."

Thor cusses violently and then presses his head to the mattress again, and tries to ignore how painfully tight his balls still are. He was so _close_.

"Start counting," he orders tightly. "It hurts."

"Mmhm," Loki agrees. "It'll get worse."

Thor fails to fight down a shudder and grips the sheet tighter. He should probably be more pissed at what a dick his cousin's being; but he can't divert the energy to it. His balls **hurt**.

His whole body aches. His muscles are tense from needing to come and almost getting there and being wrenched back again, and he was sore to start with. He's walked out of rugby matches feeling less worked over.

He bites his lip harshly as Loki's hands drift up the inside of his thighs.

Thor jolts hard with a shaky inhale when his cousin pushes a finger against his asshole. He tries to remember where they left the lube; but Loki only rubs it for a few moments as Thor struggles not to twitch at the weird sensation. Then he drags his fingertip up Thor's taint to cup his balls instead.

"That was bad planning, Thor," Loki tells him softly. "When you got me off, that just left me sated and you still desperate." He teases Thor's balls with a gentle little roll. "I hope you didn't think doing that would make me merciful."

Thor bites back a groan and presses his face to the mattress. "Enjoy it while you can, you little shit." He pushes down against Loki's palm only to have his cousin pull away. "I'm gonna make you pay for this."

"Says the guy still playing along," Loki smiles.

Thor grunts because he can't deny it, and shuts his eyes and keeps his face tilted away.

Loki works him up until the ghosting touches on his cock and balls are almost enough, and then he pulls back and massages Thor's shaking legs until he's down from the edge and the ability to come is out of reach. And then he starts again. He quietly says the filthiest, meanest shit while he's at it, until Thor almost wonders if he's still asleep and this is some really fucked up wet dream.

At first it isn't bad. Loki tells him how he's going to fuck him, how he's going to make it feel so good, how he'll praise him and be as nice as Thor wants until he comes all over himself while Loki's dick is up his ass. His cousin tells him how he'll keep fucking him after it, how he'll keep Thor on his dick and make him come from it over and over and _over_ again, how he'll suck Thor off and keep fucking him with his hand when he needs a break. How Thor'll be a come-smeared, emptied out mess **begging** him for a rest by the time his cousin _might_ be getting a little tired.

Loki keeps his hands on his thighs as he talks, because Thor's so fucking close if Loki touches his cock at all he'll get there. "And then you'll finally realize no matter how much mercy you give me I'll _never_ return any of it to you."

" _ **Loki**_ ," Thor chokes. He wants to smart off _You kiss your mother with that mouth?_ but it just comes out as a moan.

"Yes," his cousin pants. "You're going to like it so much. By the time you understand, it'll be too late."

Slowly it turns horrible.

Thor eventually stops trying to reply to Loki at all. It's too hard to get his words coherent fast enough, and when he manages it just pisses Loki off more. When he tried to tell Loki he's not as bad as he pretends, that he's always pulled Thor back from a breaking point in the end, his cousin snarled and said it was only so Thor won't see it coming when he pushes him over.

Loki's begun trembling constantly, jumping between threats and abuse disjointedly and mixing up his words, making him angrier. He's hurting Thor wherever he touches without seeming to notice--loss of fine motor skills, increased strength. He doesn't hear Thor say his name unless he shouts it--auditory exclusion.

Thor knows adrenaline when he sees it. He concentrates as much as he can, looking for Loki to give him an opening to break free.

He doesn't force one. He should; he hasn't seen Loki lose it like this before. Thor doesn't know what his cousin's capable of.

But trying to force Loki back will provoke him more. And Thor's afraid of letting this become a real fight. They're too isolated here. If it happens again no one would arrive in time to stop him.

Loki isn't hurting him worse than he can take. Yet. His legs and chest are taking the brunt of it. He can understand enough of what his cousin's saying; he can still focus, so he can hold out. Just another minute. Another thirty seconds. Stamina wears down fast, he can ride this out. As long as he stays in control it'll be okay. One more minute.

Loki's voice breaks again as he shudders hard. He tries to brace himself and his palms skid on the bedspread. Thor seizes the opening.

He grabs Loki's elbows and yanks him forward, toppling him onto his chest. Thor ignores the pain and braces his forearms over Loki's and locks his legs around his cousin's, rolling over to pin him down. Loki bites him viciously.

He can take it. Thor doesn't let him break loose, and keeps repeating his cousin's name until it gets through.

It doesn't take so long. Loki's normal; he doesn't have Thor's blackouts. Eventually his cousin quits biting and tilts his face away, his chest heaving as he struggles to get his breath.

Thor's heart is pounding. He can barely hear over the blood rushing in his ears. It feels like he can't breathe locked this tight, he has to get out, he's gotta get on his feet the threat's right here he let it get in so close he can't breathe he has to get loose he--

Thor carefully pulls a hand away and sets it on Loki's arm. His cousin flinches.

Thor runs his hand slowly down Loki's arm, finding a steady rhythm and sticking to it until his heartbeat's calmed down and his shaking is mostly over. He stays at it even after he's centered again, until Loki shudders out a long breath and shifts.

Thor lifts away. His cousin scoots loose, curling away from him.

He can breathe okay. It's over. He's fine. It didn't happen again. He's fine. He's fine.

Is Loki?

Thor swallows until his throat isn't so dry. "Loki?"

". . . Yeah."

"You okay?"

His cousin just snorts. Thor shakes his head, and then decides to hold still for a little longer. Just in case. It's not going to happen again. Everything's fine.

\--okay that's bullshit.

He cracks up before he can help it. Loki turns his head and stares.

Thor tries to explain, but he can't stop snickering long enough to get the words together. It's not even that funny. It just feels good to be back from the edge.

"Great," Loki says. "I get to explain to your parents that I fucked your brains out. You're riding home in the trunk."

Thor presses his face to the sheets, still laughing. His cousin braces his hands against his face with a groan; but then he starts snickering.

Thor eventually begins to calm down when he realizes just how filthy the sheets he's got his nose mushed against are. He flops onto his back and stares at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath. Loki shifts to face him, crooking an arm and resting his head on it, watching.

His expression's unreadable. He's already got his walls back up, when Thor still feels half-raw.

Where did the cousin he grew up with go? Where's the Loki that had his back in countless fights, the punkass kid who locked him in the attic in the middle of summer when Thor took the last two pieces of pie and got them both in trouble when Thor broke the jamb to get free? Who the hell is this?

Thor reaches out and touches Loki's face, brushing aside his bangs and wiping away the cooling sweat along his hairline. "You okay?"

"No," Loki replies; and Thor wonders if the honesty is a gift.

He nods. "Remember anything you said?"

Loki looks away.

He shuts his eyes a breath later. Loki eventually shakes his head, not enough to dislodge Thor's hand. "No."

Could be true. Adrenaline makes short-term memory go to crap. Thor knows he's an extreme case and Loki's not, but it's reasonable.

Could be false. Loki's a liar.

Thor nods once more. "Okay."

Loki curls in a little more. "...You?"

He was watching his cousin too closely, focused more on recognizing Loki's words than processing them; Thor didn't trust himself enough to spread his concentration thinner. He picked up snarled insults about himself and his friends and Loki's brothers, abject rage toward Odin and Loki's own parents even as his cousin's voice broke speaking it. There was more.

"Not enough," he answers, knowing Loki won't take it as a gift.

His cousin lets out a slow breath, but doesn't pull away.

Eventually, Loki sits up. He gives Thor another long look, and then tells him to go take a shower before he bleeds on more of the sheets.

It doesn't look as bad in the bathroom light. The bruises are gonna suck in the morning and he'll be stiff from the tension, but nothing's broken or sprained. The gouges aren't much worse than anything Loki's done before. He should be fine before training camp starts. Thor hisses and cusses his way through the shower, and comes out to find Loki making the bed.

He's crumpled the sheets in the corner and spread a new blanket over the mattress. Loki looks up from tucking in the corner and nods at the sink. "Can you stand for a while?"

"Yeah," Thor agrees.

Loki got the first aid kit from the car while he was out. His cousin wipes off the places that've started bleeding sluggishly again and begins patching him up. He mutters when he starts to run low on antiseptic.

"We've gotta restock this before we go back," Loki says, ripping open another gauze pad's wrapper. 

Thor nods in agreement. His headache from the lack of sleep is back in full force. He's hungry--he's starving--but he'd have to stay up longer to eat.

Loki glances up, and Thor muzzily realizes he probably didn't see him. "Yeah."

His cousin looks at his hands, then drops the wrapper among the others littering the counter. He kneels back down and starts bandaging the deepest rip on Thor's thigh.

"Why didn't you stop me sooner?" Loki finally asks, not looking up.

Thor shrugs a shoulder halfheartedly. "Taken worse."

"Thor."

"For someone who lies so much you sure want the truth from me," he grumbles, and his cousin flinches.

Thor blinks, and then rubs at his eyes with a forearm before focusing down at Loki.

He didn't hear as much of what Loki said as he needed to. And half of it contradicted itself, so he doesn't know if he's remembering wrong or if Loki really said it all like that. A bunch of the insults Loki cursed him out for Thor doesn't even recall. Other ones seemed so slight he never would've imagined they could hurt his cousin like this, unless Loki's deliberately feeding his misery on them.

Thor's been an easily provoked hothead all his life. He knows how to deal with it, how to keep from getting overwhelmed anymore. He's learned how to avoid hurting the people around him, or at least how to try.

He doesn't know how to handle a rage as cold and intense as the one he's starting to glimpse in Loki.

Thor doesn't get that kind of fury at all. He's not sure how his cousin's surviving it; a chasm that deep and relentless would've sundered him long ago. At least his own anger goes _away_.

Thor redistributes his weight against the counter and reaches down to brush Loki's hair from his face. "Did it help?"

His cousin shifts uncomfortably on his feet, still not looking up. He shrugs faintly.

Thor waits, but Loki doesn't add more. Finally, Thor tucks his hair behind his ear. "Next time, you want me to stop you sooner?"

"Don't--" Loki starts, and then he swallows hard.

". . . Yeah," he finally answers, reaching for more gauze.

"Okay," Thor agrees. He leans back against the counter.

"Don't let me get away with so much, Thor," Loki warns, so quietly it's almost inaudible. "Don't think I'm decent in the end."

Thor glances back down at him, and the expression on Loki's face flickers away too fast for him to read it. His cousin tilts his head lower so his bangs hide his eyes.

Loki's furious about so _much_ stuff about their family. It's too deep to be recent. When did it start? Why didn't he understand it sooner?

Were things ever any better when they were kids? Or was he just too young and dumb and self-centered to understand the problems developing before everything grew this sour?

"Says the guy cleaning me up," Thor smiles.

Loki bites his lip harshly. Then he forces a sneer and shakes his head hard.

"You **idiot** ," he mutters. He stops talking after that, until he gets his voice under control again.  
  
  
When Loki finishes with the last bandage, he settles on his heels and cups a palm against the back of Thor's knee. "Want anything?"

Thor blinks his vision back into focus and looks at him. Loki tilts his chin up a little more.

Thor wishes his head weren't killing him and he weren't so hungry and didn't feel ready to pass out for hours, because that looks pretty nice and they've only got another day. "Sleep?" he says sheepishly.

His cousin snorts quietly, but nods. Thor helps him to his feet.

Loki makes him eat the rest of the beef out of their leftovers and take four ibuprofen. Thor washes it down with a couple cups of water from the ice bucket--which now has actual ice melting in it, Loki must feel legitimately bad--and finally drops onto the bed. The blanket is that scratchy yellow crap that only seems to exist in hotels, but at least it's clean.

"Thanks," Thor says, stretching out gingerly as Loki thumbs off the lamp.

His cousin snorts again. Thor starts to call him that horse from the myths, then can't remember the name and doesn't care enough to try. "Thor. You really shouldn't be thanking me."

"Didn't have to do this," he yawns. "Pretty decent of you."

Loki doesn't answer.

He's jostled out of his near-doze when his cousin finally stretches out on the bed, too far away. Thor reaches out and fumbles until he finds Loki's forearm, and squeezes once. "Night."

Loki pulls his arm loose but then takes his hand. Thor curls his fingers around it. "Night," he answers quietly.

He's still hungry enough and waiting for the painkillers to kick in that he hasn't fully fallen asleep before the next time Loki speaks. "You're hopeless," his cousin mumbles. "You should listen."

"'M listening," he replies, and feels Loki jolt. "Just think you're wrong."

"...You know how you want the world to be and that's the way you believe it is, no matter what," his cousin mutters.

Thor rubs at his forehead in exhaustion. "You're not a monster," he says with finality. He shifts closer with a grimace and squeezes Loki's hand again. "You wanna argue you can do it tomorrow."

He struggles to keep awake, because his cousin is tense and still next to him and Thor's not willing to leave him alone like that. "Sleep," he coaxes. "We c'n work it out in the morning."

Maybe they should do it now--Thor doesn't feel right leaving things unsaid or ignored. That never fixes anything.

But it's too damn late. They'll both have their heads together better with some sleep. Tomorrow.

It feels like it takes forever, but finally Loki blows out a breath and relaxes a fraction. "Idiot."

"Sleep or _you're_ riding back in the trunk."

His cousin chuckles once, and slowly settles down on the bed. Thor squeezes his hand one last time and finally lets himself rest.


	8. Thor's Poor Life Choices part ∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains descriptions of non-consensual violence and depression.  
> ~

When Thor wakes up, it's mid-morning and the hotel's about to stop serving breakfast.

Loki curls away and buries his face in his arms when he shakes his shoulder, so Thor leaves him in bed and limps down to the office on his own. A girl's already wiping off the tables when he gets there.

"Ah, geez," he exhales. "Am I too late?"

She glances over her shoulder, and then pauses and looks for a longer time. He knows all the bandages are hidden under his clothes, and she doesn't seem much older than him, so Thor gives her his best smile.

"Well," she hedges. "No."

"Great," he grins. "Can I take stuff out of here?"

"Yeah, that's cool."

Thor chats with her while he makes waffles--she's into surfing, and makes it sound pretty interesting--but when he starts making the third one, she raises an eyebrow.

Thor shrugs and grins over the edge of his juice. "Gotta bring back enough for both of us."

"Ahh," she answers. She makes a little 'oh well' face, and then says, "Breakfast in bed, man. Tell your girlfriend you're a great catch."

Thor half-smiles. "He wouldn't believe me."

The girl makes another face, and then shakes her head and goes back to explaining the difference in surfboards.

Thor manages to get all the food back up the stairs without the wind knocking anything over. He kicks the door until Loki opens up.

His cousin blinks and then arches an eyebrow, and takes the stacked plates of waffles and the cups of juice. "Did you pillage a diner?"

"Breakfast is free," Thor reminds him. He dumps the fruit and cereal bowls across the table. "I didn't get coffee, but if you run you could probably charm her into letting you in."

"I think running is beyond my ability for another day," Loki says dryly, hanging the 'do not disturb' sign on the doorknob.

Thor pauses in the middle of arranging the food. Loki chuckles at the look on his face as he shuts the door and replaces the barricade.

Thor hesitates and watches him, and wonders if his cousin doesn't want to talk about it at all or if he just doesn't want to talk about it _here_.

When Loki's almost finished, Thor sits down in his chair. Then he pulls his legs up and wedges his feet under his knees.

It wrenches at his healing cuts. It also feels unnatural: his parents taught him and Balder never to sit or stand in any way that makes it more difficult to respond to an attack. "Do you want to talk now?"

His cousin tenses. Thor can see him fixing a mask in place as he comes over to the table; but then Loki pauses when he sees his posture. Thor fights the urge to shift his feet loose.

Balder didn't have a problem learning this. Their parents started training him as soon as he learned to crawl. But Thor lived with his birth mother for the first seven years of his life, so Frigga and Odin had to break him of his old habits before he could learn the new ones.

He'd been confused and irritated when he found out Loki wasn't being taught carefulness by his own parents. Thor took it on himself to teach him, which--well, if it's given Loki an advantage at the start of even one fight Thor doesn't regret it, but he could've been less of an asshole about it. He at least shouldn't have backhanded Loki's legs or arms whenever his cousin forgot, the way his dad had with him.

There's a lot of things Thor would like to go back and change, now that he's starting to realize what he was doing.

He folds his hands in his lap and watches Loki as he waits.

His cousin arranges the rest of the food on the table before sitting down at last. "No."

He pushes a plate over. Thor takes it and grabs one of the plastic cups of butter. "Alright."

Loki glances up at him again, and then looks away and reaches for the juice. Thor lets his feet drop back to the floor and checks that his thighs haven't started bleeding again.

"Are you okay?" Loki asks.

Thor nods. "Yeah." Then he pauses in buttering his waffles. "...Was that what you meant to do?"

Loki scowls into his cup, but jerks his head once in a shake.

Thor's shoulders relax a little.

If Loki didn't _mean_ to hurt him that bad, then--all right. Okay. If it was an accident, they can move past it. As long as it wasn't on purpose. "Okay."

His cousin looks away again. Thor resists the urge to kick his foot under the table until Loki stops ignoring him like he used to do when they were younger, unsure if that's still all right anymore. If it ever was.

". . . You **do** only see the world the way you want it to be," his cousin mutters, his face still half-hidden in his cup.

Thor makes himself go back to spreading the butter. _Take it in stride. No big deal._

"I think you're the same obnoxious brat you've always been," he replies. "Maybe you're making bad choices more 'cause you're pissed, but unless you've committed arson or murder, you're not any **worse**." No, that's getting too serious. He pauses to grab another cup of butter. _Take it in stride._

Loki snorts. "Of course I've killed people. You were there."

"Person," Thor corrects. "And you know self-defense doesn't count."

"Mm," his cousin says into his cup. It must be some _incredible_ juice since he's taking like five minutes to savor drinking it, but Thor decides not to point that out. Right now. "Maybe in our family. But I'm pretty sure the law disagrees."

Thor just shrugs, not wanting to get derailed.

He only half-remembers it, anyway. Someone broke into their uncle's house one night through the attic, but he and Loki had been hiding up there to play cards and gamble. They'd been behind the boxes of holiday decorations so they could hastily conceal everything if Loki's brothers woke up and came looking for them; Balder was sitting at the head of the steps, keeping watch.

Balder managed to kick the wall to alert them before the guy choked him out.

Thor remembers standing up to scowl at him over the boxes because he assumed his brother had nodded off, and seeing Balder go limp in the stranger's hold. He partly remembers toppling the boxes as he vaulted them. That's all.

Nothing follows that in Thor's memories, until later when he realized his muscles were aching and his hands and arms were sticky. Loki was kneeling on his back and pinning them, repeating slowly that it was over, everything was okay now, it was all over. Balder was awake again and huddled against the wall, staring.

Thor tried to go make sure he was all right, but Balder just shrunk back further. And then Helblindi came upstairs and saw them and took charge.

Loki dragged him out of the attic and into the bathroom while Helblindi yelled for Byleist to wake up, and he made Thor shower while he took care of the cut in his own forearm. Over the water Thor could hear his older cousins hauling the body down the stairs and calling at Balder to hold doors for them.

When he got out and saw Loki's bandaged arm and asked how it happened, Loki stared at him for a long time before answering.

"He got my knife and cut me," his cousin said. "Before you pushed him into the mirror. ...Remember?"

"--Right," Thor said, starting to panic more about the blank in his memories but too proud to show what he thought might be weakness. "Yeah. I just forgot for a sec."

Loki watched him until Thor grabbed another towel and started scrubbing at his hair to hide his face. Then his cousin snorted and went back to taping the bandages around his arm.

"You broke it on his face," Loki said dryly. He opened the bathroom door and glanced out briefly when they heard Helblindi and Byleist's voices rise in argument. "Have fun with those seven years' bad luck."

Thor grunted and kept drying his hair, and tried harder to remember what'd happened.

He never did. By the time Loki's brothers were finished with the body and Byleist herded them into the kitchen while Helblindi was calling their parents, Loki had already told him and Balder what they'd missed since Balder was unconscious or groggy and Thor didn't remember "--Probably because you got hit in the head pretty hard," Loki commented. "Maybe you have a concussion."

Thor cussed under his breath and wondered how to get that past his coach. Loki glanced at Balder, curled up against the wall opposite the bathroom, and added, "At least you weren't _useless_."

"Knock it off," Thor told him reflexively; and to his surprise Loki didn't retort. He stayed quiet until Byleist showed up.

His aunt and uncle came home soon after. Aunt Farbauti argued quietly with Byleist in a corner and then went to bleach the tub while Uncle Laufey sat at the table with them and Helblindi and made them tell him the story twice.

Thor knew it couldn't be the full truth. Loki lied about why they were up there in the first place, and Thor's diaphragm hurt enough that he knew he'd been repeatedly punched even though Loki never mentioned that. But he didn't want to get in trouble over the gambling, or for being so unreliable that he couldn't even remember a fight he was **in**. Loki's parents already didn't like him or Balder much. 

Odin and Frigga cut their appointment as short as possible and drove back that night to pick them up around dawn. Thor was drowsy when he and Balder were piled into the car and taken home, but he remembers their parents praising him for doing a good job and looking out for family. His dad had been nodding in approval.

So Thor never brought up the incongruous details in Loki's story, and eventually it became what he remembered. Balder never contradicted it.

Balder kept as much distance between them as he could whenever he had to be alone with Thor, until he began junior high years later and joined the wrestling team and started getting really good at it.

Loki didn't act as weird. But Thor can pinpoint the time his cousin grew more guarded around him to that night.

Maybe if he hadn't been a coward and had told the truth and just accepted his parents' disappointment and disapproval and whatever petty punishment the gambling would've gotten, somebody could have realized what was wrong with him sooner. Maybe Odin wouldn't have written off his blank memory as a failure and looked into it deeper. Maybe his mom would have realized he and Odin's arguments were starting to eat at Thor more and more in a way he tried to hide so he wouldn't be a bad son.

Maybe things wouldn't be so broken between him and his dad now. Maybe he wouldn't have needed to switch from baseball to rugby to burn off his anger before he went home every day, and then that kid wouldn't have died just because he was on the other team.

But he had; and they were; and Thor can only change the future, not the past. Balder recovered and coped, at least.

He looks at Loki's forearm as he eats, but that old scar's obscured by the sleeve of his cousin's tattoo.

"...If you don't want to talk to me, okay," Thor says carefully. "But you oughta talk to _somebody_. It helped me," he adds.

Loki's hands tighten around his plasticware.

His cousin cuts off another piece of waffle and eats it before saying tersely, "I'm sure Odin would love to drug me into submission like he did you."

Loki cuts too hard at the waffle next time and ends up tearing the plate; but he pretends he didn't and Thor doesn't mention it. "But I don't feel like doing it for him. Are you doing his dirty work too already?" Loki adds with a half-smirk that looks more like a grimace. He's still focused on his food. "I thought you wanted **out**."

"Loki," Thor says gently. "You saw what I did to my dad. You know what I did to that outsider."

He reaches out and cups Loki's forearm, and his cousin tenses. "I needed help until I could handle it myself." When Loki's lips stay tight against his teeth, Thor shakes his head. "Doesn't being angry all the time _hurt?_ "

"So what?" Loki finally replies. "It's **mine**."

"It doesn't have to be," Thor tells him. "It can get better."

"It will ' _get better_ ,'" Loki says tightly, "when things _change_. Getting drugged is just going to make me stupid and slower and keep me mired in this shit."

"Then don't do that," Thor answers. "But try talking. That helps too."

Loki tilts his head back to glare at the ceiling, and then gives him an exasperated look. " **Thor**. You cannot seriously expect me to believe you _really_ talked to an outsider." He goes back to his waffles. "You really would be a traitor then. Your dad would've killed you."

"He's not a monster either," Thor says evenly.

Then he pulls his hand away and rubs at his face. "...No. I didn't. But I wanted to," he says. "And I've tried it when I can. It does help."

Loki makes a tching, dubious noise, but doesn't actively contradict him.

It's better than the betrayed look on his cousin's face a few moments ago. Thor thinks of how Frigga's caught Loki tangling himself up in his destructive shit before and covered for him.

"If Mom already brought this up, she didn't do it because Odin made her," Thor says, and his cousin tenses again. "You should know that. She worries about you."

"People can have more than one motivation," Loki replies, sounding tired.

"That doesn't mean they're all false."

His cousin finally drops his cutlery and presses his thumbs against the bridge of his nose.

" **No** ," he says lowly. "We don't have the money to waste on that crap, and anyone I talked to he'd buy out eventually to learn what I was saying. I _don't trust him_ , Thor. You have no idea how hard it is to outwit him."

Thor is silent for a moment, and then says, "Well, yeah. I never have."

Loki glances at him from beneath his hands. Thor raises an eyebrow.

His cousin snorts, and then almost smiles and shakes his head. He grabs an apple from the mini-pile of fruit before turning back to his food, and Thor follows suit.

They can come back to the subject later. Maybe when summer's over and they're at college. Maybe when they're finally out of their hometown and away from all its bad history, Loki will feel safer opening up. They've got time.

Thor thinks more about college and eats his food without really tasting it, and flinches occasionally when the movements pull at his scabs. He doesn't notice Loki glancing at him silently.  
  
  
When they're done with breakfast, Loki pushes out of his chair and comes around the table, and lays a hand on his shoulder to keep Thor in his. "Are you really okay, or are you just saying that to look tough?"

Thor makes a face. "I'm alright."

"Uh-huh," Loki says dryly. Then he settles over Thor's lap, knees straddling his thighs, and kisses him lightly.

He keeps his weight off Thor's legs. Thor wonders just how bad Loki feels about last night; he needs to tell his cousin he's not expecting repayment. ...In a minute. Or two.

Loki's mouth is sticky with syrup and butter and juice from the apples, and when his cousin lets him Thor spends his time licking and nipping at his lips until Loki finally leans back to breathe with a soft groan. Thor cups his hands against the back of his thighs to help support him, and wonders vaguely if Loki would stay like this until his muscles begin trembling from the strain. That'd feel nice. His cousin's got strong legs, it would take a while to wear him down.

"You were right," Loki mutters, resting his hands on his shoulders again. Thor winces as he hits a bruise, and his cousin lightens his touch before dropping his forehead to rest against Thor's own. "Should've left the family crap out of it."

He shrugs and resists the urge to tug Loki's lip between his teeth again. "We'll manage eventually."

Loki gives him a narrow look, and then shakes away the suspicion and huffs instead. Thor grins a little wider and starts to rub his thumbs against Loki's thighs.

"So hey, did I hear right?" he asks. "You finally admitted I was right? Can I get that in writing? Notarized."

"Enjoy it," Loki says drolly. "I have every certainty you'll never cause me to say it again."

"Why do you always use so many words?" he replies. "You could've just said 'Yes Thor, you were right.' See how efficient that was?"

Loki groans and shakes his head, tugging at the hem of Thor's shirt. "Just shut up."  
  
  
Loki helps him replace the bandages later. They spend most of the morning having lazier sex and dozing and watching TV; Thor practices blowjobs.

He still can't manage deep-throating yet. Most of the time he either lays the two of them on their sides on the bed or tugs Loki to the edge of it and kneels on the carpet to suck him off, to avoid putting pressure on his chest and thighs.

Thor prefers lying the bed, even though it's kind of awkward. Loki curls in around him and strokes his hair, murmuring encouragement and telling him he's getting better and better at this, still being incredibly indulgent even after Thor said he doesn't have to. But his cousin likes it more when he kneels, especially once he got the hang of finger-fucking Loki while sucking his cock. So Thor compromises.

Eventually he has to give his jaw a break. Loki's letting him take his time, letting Thor really learn the places on his body that make his cousin tremble when he touches them; but he has a harder time getting off if Thor keeps the sex too gentle. And Loki can only handle feeling that well-known for so long. Whenever his cousin starts folding his arms over his face, Thor knows he's hitting his limits.

The next time Loki does it, Thor pulls away and pushes to his feet. Loki bites back a soft whimper, and then jolts with a curse when Thor presses the bruises on his thighs.

His cousin shifts his arms away to scowl at him. Thor grins back. "Think you're up to taking my cock again?"

"Finally," Loki mutters, though he swallows first. "What, did your wrist give out? Lazy dick."

Thor gives him a look. "You seriously don't get to say that."

"Is 'worn-out dick' better?" Loki smirks. "'Limp dick'? 'Couldn't even manage a day dick'? Thought you were named for a _fertility god_."

Thor growls at him as Loki sniggers. Then he squeezes his cousin's bruised thighs harder, cutting him off as Loki shouts and jerks against his hands. Thor slings him over onto his stomach.

Loki swears violently with a heavy shudder, making the fresh ache in Thor's shoulders worth it. "Get up on the bed."

His cousin heaves himself up and crawls across the blanket. Thor accidentally knocks the lube to the floor grabbing for it, because he doesn't want to stop watching.

Loki stays on his hands and knees even when he clambers onto the bed too. His cousin shivers faintly when the mattress shifts under Thor's weight as he settles behind him, so Thor runs a hand over his back as he forces the lube open.

"It's never gonna be enough," he pants, squeezing Loki's shoulder hard before pulling away to squirt the lube on his fingers. "Going home. 'S never gonna be enough after this."

"I know," Loki grunts. He braces his forearms on the bed. "I'm stretched enough. Just do it."

Thor shivers. He drops the lube and squeezes Loki's shoulder again. "You sure? It's been a while."

"I'm fine. Do it," Loki spits. "Quit holding back on me already, do I have to fucking beg you?"

Thor ruffles his hair as he slicks his cock. "One of these days when you say that I'm gonna tell you _yes_."

Loki shudders hard and drops his head, biting his wrist to stifle a moan.

It leaves him bowed in front of Thor, his ass up and his spine curved, all Thor's do what he wants with. The punch of lust that hits him rocks Thor forward.

"Shit, you look so good like this." His cousin trembles once more, and Thor slides his hand down his spine. "It's **never** gonna be enough again."

"Thor," he gasps. "Come on. Don't make me beg, Christ, haven't I done enough already?"

Thor snorts. "You mean making up for something that was your own damn fault?"

Loki snarls under his breath but doesn't cuss him out, which is basically obedient for him. Thor's pretty sure his dick's lubed enough, so he cups a hand around the back of his cousin's neck. Loki bites down another moan.

"You're right, you've been good to me all day," Thor humors. He squeezes lightly, and Loki keens in the back of his throat, his hips jerking forward hard. "Hold on."

Loki clenches the blanket as Thor presses his cock against his asshole; but when he forces inside, he almost chokes at the pressure. His cousin curses sharply.

" _Fuck!_ Loki, shit, that's so tight." Thor swallows hard. "I'm gonna pull out and open you up, it's too--"

"No!" Loki rocks underneath him, flailing a hand out to grab the back of his thigh. "No, _no_."

"Loki," he pants, "Loki, it's gonna hurt you."

Thor swallows hard at the convulsion that wracks through his cousin. Loki swears into the mattress.

"Don't make me beg, Thor." Another shudder washes through him. "Don't. Just do it. Come on. Don't make me beg."

Thor struggles to get his breath. It's so tight it's kind of hurting _him_ , there's no way he can make it feel good enough for his cousin. "Loki. It's gonna hurt too much. Just let me--"

"Please," Loki whimpers, sounding humiliated. He clenches Thor's thigh, trying to drag him forward. "Thor, please. I want this."

\-- _Shit_. Shit, shit, he's gotta fix this. "Loki, shh, don't. It's hurting **me** , that's what I meant. Okay? Shhh. I don't want you to beg."

Loki quakes violently.

His cousin yanks his hand away like he's burnt, clenching his fists. Loki braces them over his head and buries his face in the blanket, shaking in open shame. " _ **Fuck**!_ "

That's it. Thor braces a hand on Loki's shoulder and tugs out with a hiss of relief. His cousin snarls brokenly.

He drops back onto the bed and pulls Loki against him, wrapping his arms around his cousin's chest so he can't break free. "Mjölnir," Thor pants, pushing down the pain as Loki fights him. "Loki, c'mon, c'mon. I'll get you what you need, promise, but slow down for a sec. Okay? Slow down. I've gotta know what you really want me to do. Okay? You've been so good to me all morning, I wanna be good back. I need to know what you need from me."

Loki gradually stops struggling, but he's still shaking and biting down furious noises. Thor keeps holding on tight. "You've been great to me, Loki, I'm gonna be good back. Just take a breath. Okay? When you're ready, let me know what you want me to do and we'll get back to it. No big deal."

Finally his cousin exhales through his teeth. "Okay," he grits.

He slumps against Thor's chest a few moments later, still tense. Thor gives him a brief hug and relaxes his arms.

"Alright," Loki mutters. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth, if you can manage it," he answers, aiming for levity. Loki punches him in the thigh right on one of the bandages.

Thor yelps in pain. " _Asshole!_ "

Loki's snicker is mean and still angry.

Thor forces himself take a deep breath and let it go. He knows his cousin can't handle feeling too exposed; just because it was an accident isn't gonna make it easier for him.

"Don't be a dick," he orders. "Just answer a couple questions. I don't care what the answer is as long as it's the truth, and I'm not gonna think any less of you no matter what, okay? I need to know what you really want me to do so I can make this good for you. That's all."

"Alright!" Loki snaps. "All right. God. I fucking get it."

"That's still being kind of a dick," Thor replies mildly. He catches Loki's fist when his cousin tries to slug him again.

Loki mutters several extremely nasty insults as he rubs at his face, but finally he takes a deep breath and tries to relax. Thor lets go of his fist when Loki uncurls it, and bites lightly at his cousin's shoulders until a little more tension eases out of him.

Loki takes another breath. "All right. What's the question?"

Thor kisses his shoulder one last time before running his hands along Loki's sides. "Will you be okay?" he asks seriously. "Can you handle it like that? Or is more preparation gonna make it feel better?"

"You and I have very different attitudes about pain," Loki reminds him. Then he flicks Thor's forearm before Thor can say he's serious and continues. "I...."

Loki tightens his jaw.

". . . I don't know," he finally mutters. "I've never done--" his cousin makes a vague, frustrated gesture at the room, at their bags intentionally packed for the trip, at the long hours of intimacy implied behind it all, "--this, before."

Thor fights down a shiver.

Loki draws his knees in closer and drives on tersely, trying to bury it. "But if you're gonna be too torn up to fuck me again before we've gotta go back, make the last time good."

Thor is kind of offended by the implication that the other times weren't. The little shit. "Brat," he retorts. "And you're not too sore by now? We can always try it another time."

"Get over yourself, your fingers aren't that thick," his cousin snorts. When Thor nips his shoulder hard, Loki huffs but shakes his head. "I'm not that sore," he deflects. "And _what_ other time?"

"We're gonna have other times," Thor promises. He kisses the spot he bit. "Alright. We'll try."

Loki's breath hitches faintly. Thor squeezes his sides to keep his attention.

"I meant it, though," he says. "It hurts. You think you can relax for me once I'm in? Or will that wreck it for you?"

Loki takes another steadying breath before dropping his head to rest it on Thor's shoulder, making him hiss. "I can do that." His cousin smirks a little. "If the alternative's your dick being useless."

"Brat," Thor drawls again. "Last question."

Loki rolls his eyes. "Hit me."

Thor takes a second to figure out if it's a turn of phrase or an order. Loki snickers again, not really angry anymore and only a little mean.

"Are you gonna tell me honestly if it starts to hurt more than you want?" Thor asks.

His cousin stiffens.

"If you say yes, I'll hold you to it," Thor tells him, glad his voice is staying steady. "So I won't stop or ask if you're okay, because I'm gonna trust you'll tell me if you want to slow down."

Loki shivers. Thor starts running his hands along his sides again. "Can you be honest with me?"

"...What'll you do if I say no?" he asks.

"Fuck you with my hand until you're too desperate to come to insult me anymore," Thor answers, and Loki's breath hitches once more. "However long **that** takes."

Thor drops another kiss to his shoulder. "I'm gonna get you what you need, Loki," he promises. "But I can only do it this way if you let me trust you."

"Sap," he mutters. Thor waits.

His cousin shifts, leaning forward slightly without pulling away. He rubs at his face again before finally dropping his hand. "...Yes."

"Yes, you'll tell me if it starts to hurt more than you like?" Thor prompts.

Loki nods shortly. "Yes."

Thor exhales and squeezes his shoulders. "Thank you."

He feels Loki hesitate after that. Thor holds back the order he was about to give to keep his cousin from smarting off in response, and waits instead.

"...Will it be easier on you if you stretch me first?" Loki asks quietly.

"Yeah," Thor agrees, because the answer's the same whether Loki means physically or mentally. "I'd really like it if you'd let me."

His cousin grunts and drags his legs in even closer. "You can do it a little."

"Okay," Thor agrees, smiling. He nuzzles Loki's neck one last time. "Get back on your knees."

His cousin swallows a soft noise and swipes his wrist against his mouth; but when Thor pushes on his shoulders he goes.

"That's good," Thor encourages, talking to cover his fumbling for the lube. "Get back on your forearms, you looked really good like that."

Loki snorts a little, but does it. When he bows his head again a moment later, Thor groans in pleasure and reaches out to touch him. "You're so good to me, Loki, damn. You've got no idea how hot you look like this."

"C'n guess," Loki mumbles into the blanket. Thor can see a sliver of his smirk through his hair as he smears more lube on his hand.

"Mouthy little shit," he chuffs, tossing the bottle aside. Thor ruffles his cousin's hair again before giving his neck another squeeze. Loki shivers slightly.

Then he shouts and bucks hard when Thor forces two fingers into him without warning. Thor plants a palm between his shoulders and shoves Loki's chest against the mattress as his cousin swears, and spreads his knees to drag Loki's thighs further apart as he twists his fingers in deeper. Loki thrashes against him. " _Fuck_ \-- **Thor**!"

He shivers and curls his fingers hard the way his cousin likes, but Loki chokes out a wordless yell instead of his name again. Thor swallows down the disappointment.

"That's right," he says, straightening his fingers and holding still. Loki gasps for air during the reprieve, and Thor pats his back briefly. "Yeah, that's it. Breathe. I need you to relax for me, Loki, or it's gonna hurt. Don't fight me the whole way. Keep breathing."

Loki trembles again and bites the blanket. Thor huffs as his cousin's panting is abruptly stifled. "You're so goddamn stubborn."

He sinks a hand back into Loki's hair, holding him there. "Fine, I'll give you a reason to bite down."

A hard shudder wracks up his cousin's spine. Loki's curse is muffled into the bedspread.

It feels cruel how little time he spends getting his cousin ready, how fast he makes Loki take two fingers spread and then a third. His cousin's hands are clenched around the edge of the mattress, his knuckles white, and his legs spasm whenever Thor pushes too hard into the slick, clenching tightness. But Loki's also rutting hard against the bedspread, choking down moans like he's already halfway there.

" _More_ ," he curses the next time Thor shoves his fingers in. "Thor fucking **do it** already!"

"No," Thor pants, because he's wound so tight he's not sure he'd last fifteen seconds once he gets inside and then Loki will never let him live it down for the rest of their lives ever. He's gotta get his cousin closer.

Loki slams a fist on the mattress. "Fuck you!" he snarls, trying to shove harder onto Thor's fingers. "You promised!"

Thor growls in the back of his throat--but he did. Dammit.

Like Loki would ever let him live down how fast he comes anyway. His cousin jerks and gasps as he tugs his fingers free; Thor catches another handful of his hair and pins Loki's head to the side so he can't gag himself again. " _Fine_ , you little shit. Since you're so damn greedy for it."

"Bastard," Loki wheezes, still gulping for air. "Fuck you."

"Empty promise," Thor reminds him, and his cousin laughs abruptly in shock. Thor seizes on the break in tension and pushes in.

Loki chokes hard, loud and pained enough that Thor stills reflexively. But once his cousin's gotten enough air, he moans shakily and tries to drive back further onto Thor's cock. "More. Thor. Thor, more, I need it."

"Shit," he shudders, clenching Loki's hip harder. "Loki. You don't have to beg, it's okay."

"More," Loki repeats, his breath hitching. "Thor. I need it. C'mon."

He sounds _so_ fucking good like that; and Thor's abruptly sure he's being manipulated again.

"You little **shit** ," he pants. "Are you playing me?"

Loki sniggers breathily. Thor cusses at him.

" _ **Fine**_ ," he growls. "Bite down, asshole."

Loki's laughter cracks in his throat. "Thor!"

" _Bite down._ "

Loki shakes violently under him and struggles to obey. Thor doesn't loosen the hand in his hair to help him out.

He fucks his cousin hard, with vicious thrusts that make Loki shudder desperately as his cock slaps against his belly. It's harsh enough that it's too uncomfortable for Thor to come; but that just means he can keep giving Loki his cock as long as he needs it. Loki shouts his name into the mattress like a curse, kicks and thrashes and bucks against him, until Thor's driven him forward enough that Loki has to brace his palms on the floor to keep from being slammed right off the bed. " _ **Thor**!_ "

" **Me** ," he answers, digging his fingers harder into Loki's sides. Thor'd bite his shoulders again if they weren't already bloody. "It's me you're with and don't you forget it."

"Shit," Loki whimpers, digging his fingers into the carpet. "Thor. Please."

He bites his cousin again to make Loki whine his name once more. Thor licks his shoulder, swallowing down the blood, and feels Loki shiver as he gasps convulsively.

"Never gonna be enough again," Thor pants, wrenching Loki backward. His cousin swears and then moans as he drives in deep. "First time we've got a long weekend I'm driving up and dragging you off to a hotel so I can fuck you until you're sweet again like this."

Loki groans out another curse. Thor bites his spine. "When I bring you back I'm gonna park on the other side of campus and make you limp the whole way back to your dorm with me so everybody sees you're _mine_."

His cousin inhales sharply. " _Thor!_ "

" **Mine** ," Thor snarls, because now that he's said it he doesn't want to stop, "mine, _mine_. Loki, I'm never gonna ditch you again ever, you're fucking mine cousin I'm always gonna be here for you."

"You goddamn smug--bastard--" Loki keens again when Thor snaps his hips forward on the next thrust. "Thor, oh ow god you. Bastard. Thor, _please_."

"That's it," Thor grunts, as Loki tries to stifle a hoarse sob. "There you go, Loki, c'mon."

"Fuck you," his cousin chokes, like it's the last defense he's got. "Bastard, Thor, fuck you for this--"

"C'mon," Thor encourages. "You can take it, Loki, you're doing great. C'mon."

Loki buries his face in the mattress, groaning harshly. Thor rubs his shaking shoulders and keeps urging him on; and when that isn't enough he grabs a fistful of his cousin's hair and yanks his head back.

Loki gags with it, his breath rasping as Thor bows him sharply. " _Fuck you!_ "

"How bad do I have to hurt you before you stop making it worse for yourself?" Thor growls, and his cousin shudders horribly.

"Thor," he pleads, rocking against his grip. "Please just touch me already, it hurts too much. Please."

A chill runs down Thor's spine.

He lets go of Loki's hair immediately and squirms a hand beneath him until he grips his cousin's cock. When Loki sobs in relief and drives into his fist raggedly, Thor tightens his grip a little. He stops when his cousin whimpers, afraid of making this worse.

But with a hand on his dick Loki's panting loses that distressed edge. And when Thor eases them back fully onto the bed and finds a smoother rhythm, his cousin's grunts shift to definite pleasure. Loki braces hard against the mattress to drive onto his cock and into his hand, jerking and quaking as he gets closer and closer.

"You're doing great Loki," Thor pants, giving the head of his dick a quick squeeze. "You're doing great. Come on. You can do it, you held up great, you can let go now. C'mon."

Loki's deep moan is muffled by the blanket again; but Thor can feel the tension in him finally reach the breaking point. And then Loki's coming hard in his hand, clenching so tight around his cock Thor yelps in shock. At least his cousin doesn't seem to hear it.

When Loki sags, shuddering, to the bedspread, Thor braces his fists against the mattress. He slows his thrusts until the friction feels good again, heavy and dragging and thick, pulling him closer and closer.

"So good, Loki," he praises as his cousin winces with each thrust and pants for air. "You did so good, you took it great, like a champ, just hold on a little longer."

Loki hacks out a laugh. "'Like a champ'? Christ, Thor, how'd you keep a girlfriend more'n a _day?_ "

"If you're already back-talking me I'm gonna fuck you through the bed and into the **floor** ," Thor growls. What's the tensile strength of hotel beds?

His cousin just snickers more. It'd be irritating except it's distracting him, letting Loki take each push of his cock without that little overstimulated whimper. His cousin sucks in a deeper breath and then slumps loosely, letting his arms dangle over the edge of the bed. "Your shoulders wouldn't hold up."

Thor groans and drops his head to Loki's neck. "God. I don't care anymore, laugh it up."

Loki does for a little while, his chuckles hitching each time Thor rolls his hips at the end of a thrust. Thor plants his hands in front of Loki's shoulders to keep from driving him over the bed again and nuzzles his hair from his face.

"...'Like a champ,'" Loki mumbles, with another snerk. "How'd you keep a girl for an _hour_."

Thor groans wearily. "You done yet?"

"Never," Loki grins, his voice unfocused, sated. "Never living that down. Wish I recorded it for blackmail."

A tremor runs up Thor's spine at the thought of having _video_ of Loki like this. Even just a picture, for when they're stuck at different colleges--

\--and if it were ever found or leaked they'd be beyond dead. He shakes the thought away, and squeezes Loki's side. "Whatever. Laugh it up, brat. I'll get you back later."

His cousin shivers beneath him, just a little, and curls a hand over his forearm. Thor nuzzles his neck once more before biting down as he chases his release.

Loki's so nice and pliable and mellowed out for him now, making soft sharp grunts each time Thor rocks into him, that it doesn't take long. When Thor drives in hard one last time and presses his face to Loki's shoulder with a groan as he comes, his cousin tangles his fingers in his hair to hold him there.

When he's shuddered through the last of it, Thor pulls loose and sinks down on top of him. Loki lets him, so Thor sprawls out, still dazed with the aftershocks, soaking up the feel of his cousin's back rising and falling against his chest and listening to Loki pant for breath under his weight.

But eventually the aches in his shoulders and chest and thighs push the pleasure out, and then Thor distantly remembers the hazards he read about breathplay and pushes off to the side. Loki sighs out slowly.

Thor rolls his head over to smile at him, and sees dried tear stains on his cousin's face.

He goes still. Loki doesn't notice, his eyes still closed as he drifts in his afterglow. When Thor reaches out and strokes his hair carefully, Loki lets him for a while before swatting vaguely at his hand.

Thor slides off the bed and shakes five ibuprofen out of the bottle in his duffel, dry swallowing two. He fills a cup with the coldest water he can get from the tap, and takes the rest to his cousin. Loki accepts it all with an exhale and no defensiveness, and Thor reminds himself that this is still progress.

"Are you okay?" he asks, kneeling at the side of the bed and watching Loki down the painkillers.

Loki makes an agreeing noise as he drinks the water. "'M fine."

"You're a liar is what you are," Thor replies evenly, making himself stay in place. He grips the running board down where Loki won't see his hands. "You promised to say if it hurt too much."

Loki snorts again, and Thor clutches the frame tighter. "It felt good," his cousin exhales. "You need so much praise."

Thor stays silent. Loki turns to him to hold the cup out--and then he blinks a few times and frowns.

Thor reaches out and brushes a thumb over one of the tear tracks. His cousin flinches and draws back, and he immediately pulls his hand away.

Loki recovers his poise a few heartbeats later. He draws a slow breath, and shifts a little with a grunt to face him more.

"You did a good job, Thor," he promises. "It felt good. I liked it."

"But you said--" he starts, only to cut off when Loki shrugs a shoulder jerkily.

"It just--got a little intense. That's it." Loki wipes his mouth with the back of his wrist. "You didn't hurt me."

Thor hesitates because his cousin's a shit liar when he tries too hard, but finally he takes the cup again. When he brings back more water, he kneels a little closer to where Loki's slumped. "Was it too uncomfortable after you came?" he asks. "Or was it--was it the stuff I said?"

Loki tenses to hide another flinch, which is an answer.

Thor presses the cup into his palm until his cousin finally takes it. "I don't own you," he tells Loki evenly. "I don't think I've got the right to make you do whatever I want. If you don't like something I'm saying, you can tell me to stop. I don't want to hurt you beyond what you like, in any way. All right? It's always fine to--to yellow the scene."

Loki's been staring at him, expression blank, but the corner of his mouth twitches at that. "It's weird hearing you use the lingo."

"Loki."

"Okay," his cousin answers, glancing down at the cup before bringing it up to his mouth, hiding his face. "I understand."

Thor lets out his breath. "Good. Okay."

He reaches out and brushes Loki's bangs back once more. "When you said it hurt too much--is there a level where you need a hand on your cock to keep it feeling good?"

Loki shifts faintly but doesn't pull away from the touch. "...Yeah."

"Okay," Thor nodded, making a note for the future. "If you can't get to it yourself, tell me sooner next time, okay? I wasn't holding out on you on purpose."

"Alright," Loki agrees, glancing down at the carpet.

He starts fidgeting with the cup. Thor keeps stroking his hair since Loki's letting him, and waits.

". . . It didn't 'hurt,'" he finally mumbles, still into the cup. "The talking. It just--sounded too...."

When he doesn't go on, Thor gives his upper arm an easy squeeze. "I don't need to know why something's uncomfortable." Then he amends, "Okay, no, I mean eventually I want to, so I know the stuff to avoid. But you don't have to explain anything until you're ready. All right?"

"You are incredible," Loki drawls out. "Sap. How did you _lose_ girlfriends when you're so touchy-feely?"

"You know me," Thor answers. "I can talk to you like I can't to outsiders."

His cousin blinks and glances at him again. Thor squeezes his arm gently again. "And you can do the same. You know that, right?"

"Nn."

"I mean it," Thor replies, and his cousin drains the rest of the water and mutters, "Give me strength.

"Alright," Loki says. "Fine. I got it."

Thor raises an eyebrow slightly. "You're a rotten liar."

"I get that you believe that," Loki responds quietly. "I get that you're not really thinking what you'd do if you had to make a choice between me and Odin."

Thor hesitates, dropping his hand. He remembers how he froze up when his parents were interrogating Loki about the tablet a week before, unsure what side he was supposed to pick.

"...There's not a choice to make," he says at last. "We're all family. There's not sides."

Loki gives him another long look before shaking his head. "Incredible.

"Can you get some more?" he adds, holding out the cup.

Thor gives him a frown for the blatant subject change; but his cousin's voice _is_ still rasping. "Yeah, okay."

Loki asks for colder water when he finishes the third cup, so after Thor washes out the bites in his cousin's shoulders he tugs on his shorts and goes down to the vending machines in the breezeway. By the time he's back, Loki's fallen asleep.

Thor snorts and checks that he isn't faking it, and then checks that Loki didn't send him away to take more painkillers. But the count in his bottle's the same as it was minus the last five--and he hid the one in his cousin's backpack the first time Loki dozed off after admitting to doing drugs.

Thor puts the water in the fridge and cleans up more at the sink. He trades the shorts for a pair of briefs and replaces the bandages where his scabs opened again, and finally settles into a chair instead of getting on the bed and potentially jostling Loki awake.

He sets the TV to mute, and watches about three minutes of a survivalist show before nodding off.  
  
  
Thor jerks awake when someone from housekeeping knocks. He starts to answer 'we're good' when Loki calls "One minute."

Thor shakes his head more to wake up. His cousin's lying on his stomach on the bed, staring at the TV; the 'do not disturb' sign is on their side of the door again.

Loki shrugs. "The bed's ruined."

"--Yeah, alright," Thor has to agree.

He drags himself out of the chair and rubs his sore back, and goes to put on pants and check the mirror to make sure he doesn't look too much like he just walked out of a porn audition. At the second knock, he tosses Loki's clean jeans at his head.

His cousin picks that exact moment to take a shower because he's an asshole, so Thor's left standing alone in the room and trying to stay out of the way while the woman strips the bed. Her face is politely blank as she does it, but her mouth is pursed like she's definitely thinking 'goddamn horny teenagers' even if she's too professional to show it. Thor moves a little further away and imagines wringing Loki's neck.

His cousin locked the door to the bathroom, so the woman just hands Thor some replacement towels and takes what's available before leaving. He hooks the 'do not disturb' sign on the outside knob and kicks it shut before banging on the bathroom door. "Open up already!"

Loki shuts off the water. "On a scale of one to ten, how well did you expect that to work?"

Thor scowls and whacks the door again. "You can't stay in there forever, asshole."

Loki snickers on the other side. Thor folds his arms and waits.

When Loki does finally unlock it and come out, he's naked. Thor doesn't get a chance to speak before his cousin's shoved him up against the wall and gone to his knees, tugging open his fly; and as derailment tactics go, it's pretty effective.  
  
  
By late afternoon, they're out of food and too drained to do anything but watch TV. Thor lets Loki have the remote, but eventually even channel flipping is too much effort and he leaves it on the channel guide station.

That's not really the proof that he's completely fucked out, though. The proof of _that_ is that Loki didn't fight when Thor settled behind him and dragged him into a loose hug, and that he's let Thor get away with it for almost half an hour.

Sure, his cousin dozed off for two-thirds. But it still counts.

Loki eventually stirs awake again, yawning. "What're you watching?"

"You chose it."

"You're **still** on it?"

"You're awful picky," Thor retorts. " _You're welcome_ for not waking you up just to get the remote."

"Whatever," Loki replies, yawning again. "You probably didn't want to move. Lazy dick."

That's true, but Thor's not gonna admit it. "Spoiled brat."

Loki snickers and fumbles for the remote.

But he just slumps further against Thor's chest once he gets it, letting it dangle from his fingers as he watches the options scroll by.

"When do we have to check out?" he asks after a while.

"Eleven," Thor answers. "...I can try to get a later time." He shifts, giving his cousin a little more personal space. "We've probably gotta be out before housekeeping comes."

"One," Loki says. He starts turning the remote absently in his palm.

". . . I can try to get an extra day."

Loki shakes his head. "Your parents'd get suspicious. We have to go back eventually." He pauses, and then smirks faintly. "And another day with you, and I'm not sure I'd be able to walk. Good luck explaining that one."

Thor shifts again as he tries to decide whether to be embarrassed or proud. Loki snickers. "You're buying the makeup for my neck."

Thor blinks, and then exhales sharply and pushes up on an elbow to eye the hickeys and scabbed bites marking his cousin's throat and shoulders.

"Didn't think of that one, huh?" Loki comments.

Thor blows out a breath and slumps further into one of the pillows he dragged over. "Sorry."

"I don't mind," he replies. "But I'm not facing Frigga like this. You're a crap liar."

"No I'm not. You're just too good at it," Thor mutters, and Loki grins.

Thor stays silent for a while as his cousin starts flipping through the channels.

Eventually, he reaches out and takes Loki's free hand, pulling it in against his cousin's chest as he folds an arm around Loki's torso.

"Well, start thinking of one," Thor says.

When Loki tilts his head up with a questioning noise, he clarifies: "An excuse for having a hard time walking. When we're at college, I'm gonna come see you on the weekends."

Loki snorts. "Sure," he agrees. "Except when you have games or plans with new friends."

"I'll hang out with them on weekdays," Thor replies. "And games'll only be on Saturdays. I can drive down for Sunday. It's won't be that far."

"Sure," Loki just says again. Thor knows he's rolling his eyes.

He keeps his arm loose but slides his fingers between Loki's. "I'm gonna come see you every weekend," he says quietly. "So don't start any shit there."

His cousin goes tense.

Thor knew it was coming. "I'm gonna give your roommates my number too, so don't try lying to me," he adds. "If you're an asshole to people, whatever. But don't do anything that'll get your scholarship revoked or get you kicked out or arrested or get you in a fight you can't win."

Loki's shaking faintly, his hand gripped tight around the remote. Thor waits.

Eventually his cousin snorts again. It doesn't come out as derisive as he probably wanted.

"You sure think a lot of yourself," Loki mutters. "What if I feel like screwing someone else? Somebody I _don't_ have to choose between introducing as a fuckbuddy or a relative?"

Thor knew that would be one of his arguments, but he still tightens his grip before he can stop himself.

"Fine," he says evenly, loosening it. "If we break up and you date someone else, I'm still gonna come hang out on the weekends to make sure you aren't doing any destructive shit. I told you before, we'll still be family and that's not gonna change."

Loki exhales harshly through his teeth. "What if I don't _want_ you there?"

"That doesn't change us being family either," Thor replies.

"Hilarious," his cousin says curtly. "So, what? You get to decide everything because you know so much better than me?"

"No," Thor answers. "But I'm deciding this, so you can get back to where you're supposed to be." He squeezes Loki's fingers lightly, but his cousin's still rigid and unmoving. "I don't want you wrecking this like you did high school."

" _I'm_ not the one who ruined things," Loki hisses.

"Getting in fights and doing drugs and pissing off your teachers didn't help you any," Thor points out. "If you keep your grades up and your professors impressed enough to ignore your attitude, when your record's sealed you can apply to better schools. Get the core stuff out of the way and transfer to one of them to finish your degree."

Loki sneers out a laugh. "Sure," he replies. "I'm sure that'd work just fine in a perfect world. Or am I supposed to come crawling to Odin for help pulling that off, too?"

"No," Thor tells him. "You're smart. You know how to make people do what you want. You can get recommendations easy if you just try." He squeezes Loki's hand again. "But you can't screw yourself over this time."

Loki lets out another ugly laugh.

"Right," he mutters. "Sure. So smile and agree with people stupider with me, and be _nice_ to whoever's an asshole, on the _slight chance_ that a different school will deign to take me in." His sneer widens. "You **really** think I'm gonna do that, Odinson?"

"Yes, _Cousin_ ," Thor says steadily. "Because it won't be up to you. No matter what you do during the week, you'll know I'll be there on the weekend and I'll find out if you were fucking around. People like to talk to me."

Loki stiffens more. Thor closes his eyes briefly and lets out a short breath.

"You don't have to choose to be decent to people or not," he says, quieter. "It won't be your responsibility. You'll just **have** to."

Loki shudders and makes a quiet noise.

Then he finally tries to break loose.

Thor tightens his grip sharply and rolls them over, pinning him down. His cousin snarls and twists in his grasp to ram an elbow into his side.

Thor grunts and curses as he's jerked to the side. He manages to catch Loki's forearm before the next strike, but nearly gets thrown off when he leans up so Loki can't slam his head into his nose. Thor swears more and digs his toes into the bed, wrenching his cousin backward even as he keeps his weight forced down, folding in to trap Loki between his chest and the bed.

Loki thrashes violently, but doesn't have enough leverage to get out. "Let go of me!!"

"No," Thor grits.

" _Let **go**!_ " Loki tries to break his nose again, and manages to hit his jaw hard enough that Thor's teeth clack. "Who the **fuck** do you _think you are?!_ "

"Family," Thor tells him. "That means I'm here for you."

His cousin shudders violently. " _ **Fuck you**!_ "

His scream chokes out on a sob at the end, and a second later he starts fighting even harder.

Thor rides it out. He's panting and most of his wounds have reopened by the time Loki finally slumps, shaking, against the bed. Thor waits longer to make sure it isn't a trap.

But his cousin doesn't try to twist free. His shoulders jerk as he gulps for air; Thor's forearm is wet where Loki's face is pressed beside it.

Thor eases them onto their sides. Loki snarls when he brings him back close, but his breath is still hitching too much to get an insult out.

"All of you think you know best," his cousin finally hisses. "Your whole fucking upstart family. You're the only ones who can do anything right, except we all know you're fucking lying, cheating interloper garbage--"

"You deserve a better college," Thor interrupts, throat still hoarse from exertion. "I'm not letting you wreck that chance."

"There is no **chance** ," Loki spits.

"You don't know that until you try," he says. "If you can't make yourself do it, I will."

Loki laughs at him until his voice cracks. "You're not that strong," he sneers. "I'll break you first."

"I won't know until I try," Thor replies. He tightens his arms briefly, and shuts his eyes when Loki flinches at the hug. "And I want to try."

His cousin is silent for a long, long time, before finally strangling out, " _Why?_ "

"Because family looks out for each other," Thor tells him. "If he's doing it wrong, I'll make it right."

Loki makes another choked, not-insulting-enough noise. "You're fucking sick."

"I know," he replies, and his cousin goes still. Thor doesn't say any more.

Eventually Loki drops his head back, thumping it hard against his shoulder. Thor grunts.

" **God** ," Loki curses, hissing out a breath. He twists in Thor's hold. "Loosen up. You're bruising my ribs."

Thor hesitates for a couple seconds, but obeys.

Loki doesn't seize the advantage. He only squirms to a more comfortable position before slumping against Thor's chest with an infuriated growl. When Thor untangles their legs a while after that, his cousin stretches his own gingerly.

"You okay?" Thor asks.

"What do you fucking think," Loki replies.

Thor grits his teeth, and then stops when it makes his jaw ache more.

He drops his hand to Loki's thigh and starts rubbing it lightly. Loki tenses up again; but once Thor's certain he won't try breaking away he keeps it up. "You want more aspirin?" he asks.

Loki stares forward blankly. "No."

"Okay," Thor replies. "Let me know if you do."

Loki rubs his forearm against his face. "I want water."

Thor gets it from the bucket on the nightstand so he doesn't have to move far. His cousin drains the cup, and then refills it himself. Thor finds the remote where it fell in the blanket when Loki punched him and toys with it.

Loki gets a third drink of water before dropping the cup. He jams one of the pillows between himself and the headboard, settling on his back. When Thor starts to move closer to him, Loki props his feet hard on his legs.

Thor pauses, and then exhales harshly and lies back down. He tilts enough to see Loki in his peripheral vision.

"...'Fine,'" Loki eventually murmurs, after Thor's flipped through several stations without paying attention to them. "Really?"

"What?"

"If I drop you for someone else," Loki replies, staring forward. "You're really going to be 'fine' with that."

Thor shifts uncomfortably and shrugs a shoulder.

"Really," Loki repeats, in a passible imitation of his usual drawl. "Even though you know what they'll be doing to me."

Thor shifts again, and Loki presses his heels down on his calves until he stills.

"--I don't own you," Thor says roughly. "I can't make you keep having sex with me if you don't want to. If you want to break up and date someone else, you know you can."

He fidgets with the remote. "...I'm gonna scare the shit out of them to make sure they don't go too far, no matter what you say," he adds.

Loki snorts.

"But you'll be fine with it," he murmurs, "even if they hit me?"

Thor tightens his grip.

He sits up to look at Loki; but his cousin is still staring at the screen, and his face doesn't give anything away. Thor lets out a tired breath.

". . . If they can prove to me they're a professional dom and they'll know what they're doing, yes," he mutters.

Loki shifts his legs slightly. Thor resists the urge to kick free and go hold him again. "Otherwise, no." He swallows. "If you want that, you tell me."

His cousin is quiet for a few moments before laughing softly under his breath. "Don't wanna give that up to anyone else, huh?"

"I don't like doing it," Thor growls. "I don't--"

He cuts short, but then swallows hard and finishes it. "...I don't like how I like it."

His cousin makes a near inaudible noise. Thor starts fidgeting edgily with the remote again.

Loki doesn't say anything for a little while. But then he pulls his feet off Thor's legs and gestures for him to move closer.

Thor scoots across the bed to lean against the headboard, and then thinks looming over him isn't going to make this any better and shifts onto his back instead.

Loki props himself higher with a wince before settling a hand on Thor's head. "Why _do_ you like it?" he asks, pushing his bangs away to rub a thumb against his forehead.

Thor fights the urge to squirm in discomfort for multiple reasons. Loki's rubbing way too close to the dent there. "...It makes you...."

Every adjective he can think of would make Loki stab him in the kidneys. But if he takes too long to answer these questions, his cousin goes from gentle to hurting. "You knock off your usual shit," he mutters. "All the smart-aleck crap, so you're just . . . nicer."

Loki hums softly. "It makes me submit to your authority properly?"

Thor hisses out a low breath. "You're never letting me live that down, are you."

"You know what they say," his cousin chuckles mirthlessly. "There's more honesty in anger."

Thor glances up at him; but if Loki recognizes the double-sidedness of the comment, it doesn't show on his face.

"It's fine to like it," his cousin adds, tapping his thumb against Thor's forehead before reaching down to take the remote. "Why does that make you uncomfortable?"

"I don't want to _make_ you do that," Thor mutters. "That's not what this is."

His cousin is silent for a few beats before drawling, "Thor, not to call you a hypocrite, but when ten minutes ago you were telling me you **were** gonna make me do something, that's _pretty fucking hypocritical_." He changes the channel. "Just saying."

Thor makes a frustrated noise. "That's--" Except that's not any different, and pretending it is will make him sound worse.

". . . I'm okay with intimidating you into doing something for your own good," Thor grits out. "If you can't make yourself stop wrecking your chances, fine, do it because I'm threatening you. But I don't--I don't want to beat you into having sex, I don't want to _like_ that. That's fucked up, Loki," Thor hisses, voice shaking. "You know that's fucked up. I'm not doing that to you."

His cousin doesn't answer for a long, long, horribly long time. He keeps clicking silently through the channels until Thor bites his lip hard.

"It's only fucked up if you're doing it to someone who doesn't like it," Loki says at last.

Thor blinks several times.

He shakes his head sharply and scrubs at his eyes, and tilts his head again to look at his cousin's face. Loki shifts the remote and takes Thor's hand.

"You've always been told you have to be careful, you can't hurt other people," he murmurs. He sweeps a thumb over the back of Thor's hand, pressing against the bones there. "You can't get angry, because then you're too dangerous. Like some bruises are the end of the world."

Thor thinks of the cast on his dad's arm, the way that kid in junior high was so still as they carried him away in the stretcher, how he repeated Loki's injuries on the guy at the bar without thinking. "It's not just bruises."

"It's not always something worse, either," Loki retorts.

He flicks a finger at the back of Thor's hand. "It's fine to like it," Loki repeats quietly. "You're too honest."

Thor snorts despite himself. "No, I'm not."

His cousin just shakes his head and begins flipping through channels again.

But it's not like before. Loki's still sitting above him, his back straighter; he's holding himself at attention instead of sprawling out naturally. He's back on his guard.

Thor stares at the ceiling, and then slides Loki's fingers between his own. His cousin lets him, but doesn't look away from the TV.

"I'm not just doing it for you," Thor says slowly. "It's not because I think I know better than you. I need you, Loki."

His cousin draws a quiet little breath but otherwise doesn't move.

Thor watches him for a few moments. When Loki doesn't speak, he glances down at their hands.

"...You said if I was afraid of my anger, I could give it to you," Thor reminds him, very quietly. "Did you mean it?"

". . . Again," Loki says eventually, his tone unreadable, "I have to point out you're the one who told me I should be afraid of you."

Thor swallows, but nods. "You should. But." Thor tightens his grip. "Sometimes it's like...I think you're the only one who isn't, Loki."

He swallows again. "I can't make you stay with me like this, but please don't act like we're not family. We _are_. We'll always be." He grips his cousin's hand tighter despite himself. "I don't wanna lose you again."

Loki is silent for a while, and at last pinches the bridge of his nose.

"So, what, in fifteen years at another family reunion you'll be there with your latest girlfriend and we'll spot each other and just pretend it _isn't_ incredibly weird?" he retorts.

Thor exhales harshly and thumps his head against the pillow. "We'll figure something out," he insists, though he's not sure what it could be right now.

Loki drops his hand and shakes his head, laughing faintly. "You're hopeless.

"I can't believe you said you're **not** too honest," he adds, scooting closer and dragging Thor's arm above his head.

"I'm not _too_ honest," Thor mutters, wrapping it around Loki's shoulders.

"You're either too honest or a fool," Loki replies dryly. "You should know better than to tell me this stuff. So which is it?"

"I didn't say you don't abuse my trust sometimes," Thor says lowly. "I said I need you."

A tremor runs through Loki.

His cousin fishes for the blanket and drags it over their legs a few moments later, silently brushing it off as a chill. Thor goes along with it.

He can feel Loki waiting for him to say something. When Thor doesn't, he finally shakes his head again.

Loki catches his hand again and brushes a kiss over his knuckles, and then keeps holding it as he goes back to channel flipping. Thor gives him a brief hug before settling further into the pillows.

Loki doesn't say anything to that, but Thor's about eighty percent sure he still rolls his eyes.   
  
  
Leaving the hotel for dinner is more effort than either of them want to expend. Thor orders two pizzas from the place listed on the room's keycards.

He finally checks his messages again afterward. His mom's sent the falsified hotel receipt and also left an email saying that they're still negotiating for the software, but even with more forensics his car seems clean. Balder's sent him a text saying roughly the same thing. There's still nothing from his dad. 

He's got another message from a woman he doesn't know, who says Fandral asked her to get in touch.

She includes Fandral's email to her at the bottom. Thor bites down a heavy frown, growing increasingly pissed as he reads the man's description of his cousin: intensely grudge-holding, vindictive, incredibly witty and clever, cagey, possessive, extremely insecure and needing to be admired, almost unnervingly intelligent, casually cruel and remorseless about it--at least as far as others can see, though Fandral adds that Loki can apparently behave differently when it's just him and Thor. Sometimes. _He doesn't meet all the criteria for a charming sociopath as far as I've checked, but I'm certain he's a clinical narcissist._

Thor puts the phone on the desk before he damages it, and goes to rinse his face.

As he's drying off, he tells himself that Fandral isn't deliberately being an asshole. He was just being honest; and it's not like Thor doesn't agree with most of what he wrote. He doesn't like hearing someone else say it, but he reminds himself that Fandral's just trying to give his friend as much information as possible so she can help Thor, because he's trying to help him too.

Then he pauses, and wonders: if this is how Fandral--who's openly said he likes hanging out with Loki, who gets along with him best of the guys--thinks about his cousin, then what do Hogun and Volstagg believe?

When he goes back for his phone, Thor hesitates for a few moments but finally turns it off again.

He'll write back later, when he's had more time to think about what to say. When he's figured out how to explain the sides of his cousin that other people don't get to see, without giving away anything about their family.

Thor grudgingly pulls his shorts on at the knock on the door, but when he checks the peephole and sees it's a guy delivering the pizza he skips a shirt. Loki refuses to put on more than his boxers and stays sprawled on his stomach on the bed, watching the Man vs. Food marathon.

When he's paid and tipped, Thor shuts the door with his heel and holds up the boxes. "Hungry?"

"Nooooo," Loki drawls.

Thor shrugs and sets the pizzas and soda on the table. "I'll eat yours then."

"Just try it," his cousin threatens, sliding off the bed to come defend his share.  
  
  
Loki wakes at some point that night, groggy from a perpetuated irregular sleeping pattern and still sore. He fumbles for the bedside clock before realizing that Thor's sitting at the table, looking at his phone.

The light from the corner lamp must've woken him. Loki rolls onto his side and orders, "Turn that damn thing off."

There's no response.

After a while, Loki frowns and looks over his shoulder. Thor hasn't moved. His head's still bowed as he stares at his phone.

Loki feels a prickle of tension between his shoulder blades.

He slides a hand under the pillow automatically before remembering all his knives are in his backpack or jeans. Shit--he got complacent.

The movement finally makes Thor look over. Loki can't read his expression.

He stretches his arms further like that was his intent all along, and then props himself up on an elbow and raises an eyebrow. "What?"

Thor just studies him without responding. Loki arches the brow higher to hide his disquiet.

Eventually Thor pushes away from the table, leaving his phone there. But he doesn't go to the lamp. He just keeps standing, looking at the clock.

He's only wearing a pair of briefs that ride low on his hips. They reveal all the gouges and bites Loki left along his chest and upper arms and thighs; and despite everything Loki can't help admiring his handiwork. Who knows when he'll have the chance again--he didn't mark anywhere that Thor won't be able to hide with shorts and an oversized t-shirt. He'll probably be healing before the next time Loki sees him like this.

As sore and tired as he is, a tiny frisson of want slides down his spine. Thor looks exactly like he's come out of a marathon fucking session, chewed up and worn obedient, his hair stringy from dried sweat. The way he's standing with his hands curled at his sides highlights the muscles in his arms and thighs.

The implicit danger in his posture and the fact that Loki doesn't have any weapons at hand only makes him want to be fucked by Thor more, in a way he hates.

A stranger wouldn't matter. Loki would have tricked and riled them into fucking him the way he wanted anyway, so he'd still be the one controlling it in the end. But Thor--

Thor shuts his eyes briefly and finally says, "Nothing."

"Sure," Loki drawls. When Thor looks over, he shifts aside to make more room on the bed.

"You'd just lie if I asked you," Thor says, staring down at him. "So it's nothing."

The tension snaps back. All his weapons are too far away, Thor's between him and both phones, and nobody's taken the room next door. It's too late for anyone to be outside. Loki pushes himself into a sitting position, turning his wince into a frown, and says, "What are you talk--"

Thor shoves him down on the mattress.

Loki wrenches at his arms--uselessly. Thor braces a knee on the bed and pushes his chest harder until the pressure on his ribs really hurts. His face is still blank, his eyes cold.

Fuck, _fuck_. Is he angry? This isn't what he looks like angry--but Loki was away from him for years, there's gaps in his data. This could be something worse.

He releases Thor's arm and brushes his fingertips over it instead, because whenever Thor's pissed a hard grasp just sets him off more. Loki forces a smile. "I don't _always_ lie," he points out. "Won't know until you try asking, right?"

"Shut up," Thor says emotionlessly. Loki stills his hand. "You always lie."

What's gone **wrong**? Nothing happened to set Thor off between when they ate dinner and fell asleep watching that crappy 80s movie and now. Thor would've done something earlier if it had.

He doesn't bottle his anger up. That **can't** have changed. Thor can never contain it for long; that's what makes him so dangerous and so easy to manipulate. Any rage bursts over him and then dissipates just as quickly, with the right words and jokes and touches. It always has.

That can't have changed. Loki didn't plan for that.

He makes his smile go wider, softer. "I'm not lying right now. So it can't be _always_ \--"

"I said shut up," Thor interrupts, squeezing his throat.

Loki hacks and lashes out, trying to break loose. Uselessly.

One of his punches grazes Thor's eye, making him pull back. Loki kicks free, gripping his throat as he scrabbles across the bed and tries to escape off the other side. If he can get to the sink he can wrench the iron from the wall or smash the coffee pot for a weapon.

Thor catches him again and slams his skull into the headboard.

It's just a piece of fake wood mounted to the wall, and Loki's temple cracks against it unforgivingly. The pain jars him enough that it wrecks his defense, affecting his sight and slowing his reactions. Thor's soon got him dragged back over and down on the mattress again.

Loki manages one more good punch, nearly getting Thor's kidney. Thor grabs his wrist and yanks, almost dislocating his shoulder.

Loki shudders and goes still. 

If Thor's being this careless with his strength, he's almost gone. If Loki keeps fighting, it'll push him over--and he can't beat Thor then. He never could. He has to salvage this the smart way.

Thor twists his arm up, pinning him harder to the mattress. Loki shudders again, and swallows hard.

"Okay," he pants, in the low, half-broken way Thor likes to hear.

Thor goes motionless. Loki hopes that means he's listening, and not that Thor's getting more pissed that he still isn't being quiet. He can't see Thor's expression well through the bangs fallen over his eyes.

"Okay," Loki repeats, even softer. Just in case. "What do you want?"

Thor huffs out a short laugh. It almost sounds tired.

"That's better," he says. His tone is still cold. Loki stays still as Thor pushes his hair from his face. "You're almost worth all the shit you cause me when you're nice."

His expression is still harsh. Loki should have known better--he's outside Thor's family in the end, always has been, always will be. He let himself get careless, believing Thor's crap. He's only tolerated as long as he gives something in return.

"I'll be nice," he promises, leaning into Thor's palm. He needs to pacify Thor enough to get the advantage before he suffers worse than a head injury. He can still drive for now--but first he has to get Thor's phone and keys and wallet. Before that he has to get Thor unconscious and injured enough that he can't follow but Frigga will still forgive it. Cutting his tendons is probably too far. If he can make Thor let go he can walk to his backpack and get a knife under the pretense of getting lube. "I'll be good to you. What do you want?"

"Nothing you can give," he mutters. "You fucked up son of a bitch."

Loki stiffens. Thor shifts above him, his expression disgusted. 

"What'd you think I'd do when I found out?" he asks harshly; and Loki's eyes go wide.

Fuck, **fuck** \-- _ **the phone**_.

He should have realized sooner. He should have realized at the start. He should have slashed a hole in the mattress and hid a knife when Thor was showering. He got so fucking complacent. He fell in the fucking trap.

"Thor," he says, and then his voice breaks. Loki forces himself to pet at Thor's arm lightly again; he absolutely can't rile him any further, he'll never stand a chance if Thor snaps on him. "It was an accident. I didn't mean to--"

"Shut up, _**Brother**_ ," Thor snarls, his lips pulled back from his teeth with the word.

Loki sucks in a breath and freezes.

It's the last air he gets before Thor clenches his hands around his neck.

Loki fights viciously and recklessly and uselessly, ignoring the harm his actions cause him and wasting his breath until his lungs are burning and his body no longer cooperates. He keeps clawing at Thor's arms even as the edges of his vision go spotty with colors.

The last thing he sees before it goes dark is Thor's face staring down at him, blank and implacable the way it always is when he kills outsiders.  
  
  
Loki wakes up gasping for air, kicking and clawing his way free of the sheets and Thor's arm around his waist. He barely makes it to the bathroom before he starts throwing up.

He shudders when he hears Thor following, calling his name. Loki's hands flutter weakly at the base of the toilet as Thor steps into the bathroom. He mentally screams at himself for not getting a knife from his bag as Thor touches his scalp, for not dragging the backpack in here with him, for being so fucking stupidly complacent that he dropped his guard.

Thor pulls his hair from his face and rubs his back as Loki's sick again.

Eventually there's nothing left in him but bile. Loki flails at the toilet handle to flush it before the smell can make him vomit further, and then flinches away at the spray and hacks and spits up more.

"Man," Thor whistles lowly. He gives Loki's back a gentle pat. "What'd you have that I didn't?"

Another convulsion wracks through him, and Thor immediately pulls his hand away. Loki gags and coughs up more bile. His throat feels as raw now as it did in the dream, but he manages " _Stop_."

"Right," Thor murmurs. "Sorry."

He tucks Loki's hair carefully behind his ears and leaves the bathroom.

Loki can hear him dragging the leftover pizza box out of the mini-fridge. The door opens a few moments later.

Loki spits again as it shuts, and then braces his forearms on the rim of the toilet bowl and hisses out ugly laughter.

He drops his head to his arms and thinks he could pretend he doesn't know.

It wouldn't be hard. No one's ever going to tell Thor. Balder may think he's guessed, but no one's going to **tell** him. That would mean _acknowledging_ Loki, and Odin will never do that. Laufey must be dead by now, his brothers won't set foot in their town for money, and his mother and the rest of the family's been cowed into submission. All Loki has to do is start being careful so they won't get caught, and in a few more weeks this interminable vacation will be over and then he'll be out of that town and into a place where no one will know Thor as anything but what Loki says he is. He could do it easily.

Except he would tell Thor eventually.

He would. He knew it. One day he would be angry, or Thor would be full of himself, or it would seem like a good idea because the opportunity to hurt was there, and Loki would tell him.

And then he would lose this and not even have revenge to show for it.

Loki gags on another vicious laugh and spits in the toilet again.

By the time Thor returns, he's standing at the sink blowing his nose and wanting someone else to suffer for how shitty he feels. Thor raises an eyebrow and gives him a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, that's the worst part, when it gets in your nose," he says. Loki grunts.

Thor leans a shoulder against the doorway. "You feeling any better?"

"No," he says tersely.

Thor just nods and holds out a 7-Up. "Here," he says. "It's not as good as ginger ale, but it should help. But get the puke out of your nose first or you're gonna be tasting it."

Loki gags a little again reflexively, and then spits in the sink and grabs another fistful of tissues. " _ **Ugh**_. Why the fuck do you know that?"

"I drank too much at a party a couple months ago," Thor replies. "They had a keg, and this dick on the baseball team challenged me."

Loki snorts and then immediately regrets it. "And you proved rugby was better by drinking until you barfed?"

"Pretty much," Thor replies with a grin. Then he shrugs. "Sif said I made a total dipshit of myself, but I think she was just mad she dropped out before me."

Loki shakes his head. "Good job."

"Yeah, but I beat him," Thor smiles.

Loki looks at him in the mirror, and then tilts his face down and presses the tissues harder to his nose.

He shakes his head once more later, when he realizes there's been too much silence. Loki turns away and lets more of his hair fall over his face and doesn't look up again.

It must be so _easy_ to be Thor: every insult forgotten or losing its sting in time, every enemy made into a friend with a few conversations. Every thing wanted either handed over or quickly gained with just a little work, every want so simple. Every smile so warm and genuine.

Every insult Loki hears festers in him, every person he meets becomes an enemy sooner or later when they annoy him or disappoint him or can't handle a few sarcastic comments. He never knows what he wants--everything he gets turns out to be worthless once he has it, and everything he doesn't have is impossible to get his hands on no matter what he does. Every smile lately feels like a gash ripped into his face or a lie so obvious he doesn't know how he's not being called out for it.

If he could gut Thor, turn him inside out and find out how he does what he does, if Loki could pull Thor's skin over him and wear it until he became Thor and all this rot putrefying in him was boiled out and he became the admired and respected and best son, he would do it without a second thought.

But that's impossible, just like everything else he can't have. All he gets to do is _look_.

For a second as his eyes get hot Loki thinks he's about vomit again. Then he realizes with fury that he's crying.

He snarls and turns sharply toward the bathroom.

Thor gets there before he can slam the door shut behind him, wedging a shoulder into the doorway. Loki kicks the door furiously. " _ **Fuck off**!_ "

Thor plants himself more firmly in the doorway, but doesn't shove inside like Loki expected. Instead, he looks at him seriously. "Will you feel better if you hit me?"

Loki stares at him, his hand dropping slightly.

Thor shifts his weight. He shrugs a shoulder uncomfortably but keeps Loki's gaze as he says, "I'll stop you sooner this time."

Loki shudders and realizes he's trapped. The opened butterfly knife he shoved into one of the remaining towels isn't going to help when he feels this sick. Not in close quarters with obstacles like the toilet and tub.

He makes a hoarse, scornful noise. "You couldn't handle it." Loki presses the messy wad of tissues back against his nose and adds, "Not for long."

"No," Thor agrees, and Loki fights down a shudder at the visceral memory of his face in the dream, in the attic, during last night as he pushed Thor closer and closer to finally losing it on him. "But I can for a little while." He shifts on his feet once more and keeps his arms by his sides as he asks again: "Will it help?"

It must be _so easy_ to be Thor--to be so certain in his strength that he can even make the offer. To be so fucking sure Loki will have to reconcile with him eventually or else lose even more than he already has, so Thor doesn't need to worry about the consequences of offering. To be so confident in his family's sovereignty that he knows Loki won't ruin him permanently no matter how much he wants to.

Loki spits yet more bile into the tissues with a disgusted noise. He closes his eyes as he scrapes the residue off his tongue, and tries to remind himself that this offer can't be easy.

It wouldn't be like last night, when Thor didn't know what was coming until he was in too deep. They both know how Thor reacts to threats: if he submitted to this knowingly, if he **let** Loki hurt him until he was satisfied, the sheer amount of willpower Thor would have to exert to keep in control would exhaust him. Thor would be torn apart mentally and physically by the time Loki was done with him.

It isn't an easy offer. If he thinks that, he's cheapening this. It's taken him a lot of work to get to this point, a lot of risks and gambles. He's **earned** it.

But feeling Thor break under his hands--

"No," Loki mutters, spitting out a stray piece of tissue. "Bruises heal too fast."

Thor's brows draw in slightly at that, and Loki thinks god fucking dammit why is he being so stupid tonight and thinks again about how trapped he is.

"Move," he orders, waving the wad of tissues like he's going to throw it at Thor if Thor doesn't get out from between him and the trashcan.

Thor steps aside, shifting back to the doorway between the main part of the room and the sink. Loki flings the wad into the trash and goes to wash his face.

He glances at Thor in the mirror through his hair as he does, and tenses when he sees Thor's pushed his hands into his pockets. He's still watching him.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Thor always hampers his fists when he starts feeling edgy. He has to quit giving so much away. He knows better than this.

Loki exhales slowly before rinsing his face off. He sucks a mouthful of water from his hands and gargles as he fumbles for his toothbrush.

When he's finished, Thor asks, "So what's wrong?"

Loki checks him in the mirror warily.

Thor's slouching against the doorway. He's watching Loki with an expression that Loki would take as genuine concern--if he were a naïve fool. But he's pulled his hands free again. That's a good sign. ...Maybe.

"Nothing," he replies, scrubbing at his mouth with the back of his hand. "How do you _expect_ me to feel after puking?"

"Liar," Thor says.

Loki tenses in conditioned response. Thor keeps holding his gaze, but he doesn't move from the doorway.

Not that it matters--he doesn't have to block the exit completely for Loki to have no way out. Loki's normally just a little faster than him, just enough to have an edge, but not tonight.

"What happened?" Thor asks.

Loki makes a 'you've been here the whole time' gesture and hopes that his shakiness looks like agitation. "Nothing," he enunciates slowly. "I got sick. You picked a shitty place to eat."

"I'm fine," Thor points out.

"So you've got a garbage truck for a stomach," Loki retorts. "Quit being weird already."

Thor doesn't take the bait. Just a few years ago he would have automatically without even realizing. Damn it--he's been working with so much flawed data it's a fucking miracle he hasn't been caught yet.

"I can't read minds, Loki," Thor says evenly, still watching him. "I can't understand if you won't talk to me."

Fury slams into him again, overwhelming the knowledge that everything he's trying for is still so delicate it could shatter in his face if he doesn't move carefully. " _ **Why**?!_ " Loki snarls, lips peeling back from his teeth--and Thor jolts, his eyes widening.

 **Good**. "Why do I _always have to tell you_ what's so fucking obvious you'd see it if you just **tried**?" Loki hurls the toothbrush at him without thinking. Thor shifts on his feet as it bounces off his chest, frowning as he watches him.

"Because you figure things out faster than me," he replies. Thor tilts his head as he studies him, his frown deepening. "I'm not making you talk to humiliate you, Loki. But I can't always keep up if you don't give me a hand."

How has he already recovered?

When did _Thor_ learn to keep a hold on himself? When did he become the one who was in control while Loki was losing it?

He was supposed to be the one who could be counted on to keep Thor manageable. If that's not necessary anymore--

\--he's being phased out of this family completely. Soon there'll be no role left for him.

 **No**. He's not doing Odin's work for him.

Loki grits his teeth as he tries to come up with something biting or witty or disarming to say. But he can't think of anything--and the longer his silence stretches out the more pathetic he looks. This endless, exhausting rage in him is blocking up his throat and taking away even the one thing he thought he could always rely on.

He turns around sharply and spits the remnants of the toothpaste into the sink.

"Loki--" Thor starts to say, and Loki slams a fist down on the counter.

"You're so fucking presumptuous," he sneers. "Who said I want you to keep up with me? Don't you have enough _already?_ "

Thor makes a frustrated, troubled noise. "What _happened_ , Loki?"

Loki bangs his palms against the edge of the sink and then tells himself to get a grip before he gives everything away. Or is he going to let Thor beat him at this too?

He curls his fingers against the countertop as he squeezes his eyes shut and draws in a long breath. Slowly, he forces himself to relax.

"Nothing," Loki repeats. He feels a flash of pleasure when it comes out evenly, and the rest turns out natural-sounding too. "I got sick, and I feel like crap, and you're making it worse by being so weird." He shakes his head. "I know it's hard for you to believe, but you can't fix everything. Especially not normal biological processes."

". . . That's all?" Thor asks slowly.

Idiot. "Yes," Loki huffs. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "So quit hulking in the doorway and trying to look threatening already."

"I'm not." Thor shifts back slightly.

"So you do it naturally," Loki drawls, and Thor moves away. _Finally_.

That's the way to manage things: cleverness and calm, a smirk and a dry comment to cut through to weak spots. Loki exhales slowly and rubs his face again.

His anger never does him any good. It just ruins all his plans before they can succeed. He knows better. If he could just get rid of it he could _win_.

If he got rid of it he still wouldn't be happy. He'd want it back, just to spite himself. Nothing he wants is ever good enough once he's gotten it.

Loki exhales through his teeth and drags his hair from his face.

He keeps holding it back for a while, letting the stretch burn its way through his muscles. Loki pops his neck, and then stretches his arms over his head and bites down a wince as his aches make themselves more known.

...If even _this_ \--almost two days of Thor fucking him practically senseless, of not having to do anything but let Thor hold him down and wring him out until Loki doesn't have the energy left to push Thor's sweaty, panting face off his chest let alone give a shit about all the things that've been robbed from him--isn't enough to core out his rage for long, he'll never be rid of it. If there's nothing that can hold it back, it'll consume him sooner or later.

All the more reason not to ruin this plan before then.

There's a faint noise behind him. Loki opens his eyes and sees that Thor hasn't moved much farther back: he's leaning against the mini-fridge, thumbs hooked in his pockets and watching him. But now that stupid concerned look is mostly gone; the pleased smile that's replacing it is something Loki can buy as real.

Loki thinks briefly that maybe there's something to that fertility god comment, and then he stretches further until his body's a long line of taut muscle, all the bruises and bite marks clear in the florescent light. He catches Thor's gaze in the mirror with a smirk. "Admiring your work?"

Thor's smile falters for a moment, and Loki notes his lingering wariness.

But then it returns. Thor pushes away from the fridge and comes back toward him. "Yeah."

He stops behind Loki and rests a hand on his hip--but then he hesitates once more, and looks him back in the eyes. "Do you want to be touched?"

Loki shuts his eyes and tries to force down a scowl. He can't fall into the trap of wanting Thor to be concerned and soothing and gentle the way he always gets after rough sex--this aftercare bullshit is sappy and false and won't last, and anyway he doesn't fucking _need_ it.

Anyone who thinks they care about him is obviously so stupid and fucked up they deserve whatever he does to them.

Loki exhales in exasperation instead and hooks his arms behind Thor's neck, tugging him closer. "Whatever."

He can practically hear Thor roll his eyes in frustration--but he shifts up against Loki and starts running his palms along his sides. Thor strokes his thumbs over the bruises on his thighs for a few moments before poking him lightly in the side. "Drink that before it gets hot."

Loki sighs again with infinitely more exaggeration, but reaches for the bottle. Thor just shakes his head.

Loki sips at the soda gingerly, the carbonation harsh against his throat. Thor lightens his touch a little more, his fingers ghosting over Loki's skin as he tries to avoid any injured areas.

Eventually Thor makes a pleased noise for some reason in the back of his throat. He pulls a hand away to smooth Loki's hair from his face. Loki can see him moving in the mirror, and doesn't flinch when Thor's fingers brush his neck.

Thor tucks more of his hair behind his ear. "I wish I'd put you in front of the mirror," he murmurs a little ruefully.

Loki pauses in the middle of another sip and raises an eyebrow. "I am in front of a mirror."

"No, that one," Thor replies, nodding behind him slightly. Loki realizes he means the full-length one by the TV as Thor wraps his arms above his hips in a loose hug. "Then I could see all of you while you got off."

Loki shivers at the thought.

The longer this goes on, the more he's learned it's better to be fucked from behind by Thor. With his head bent and his hair hanging over his face, Thor can't see him. Loki doesn't have to keep any attention on his expression, doesn't have to focus on whatever facade he's running; he doesn't have to care if he lets go more than he should. Thor won't see.

It was bad enough earlier, when he thought Thor really was going to fuck him beyond what he could handle. When Thor had him arched so sharply Loki thought he'd be snapped in half and Thor wouldn't even **notice** because that's just how strong he is, for several gut-wrenching moments Loki thought he and Thor were going discover together how much worse Thor could hurt him than he could take.

It was bad enough that he only came harder for it in the end, when Thor didn't push him that far even though they both knew he _could_. When Thor said--

A stranger would be different. An outsider he could kill afterward, once he recovered. But Thor....

Loki fights down a shudder and takes another sip of soda. "You'd have to clean it off afterward."

Thor kisses his shoulder. "Worth it," he replies, smiling at him in the mirror.

Loki swallows and glances away, shaking his hair loose so his face is shielded once more.  
  
  
When Thor starts yawning, Loki pushes him back to the bed and then cajoles Thor into giving him his phone.

"You could just break into it again," Thor grumbles as he slings himself back up to retrieve it from the desk.

"Is that _permission?_ " Loki asks guilelessly. Thor scowls at him over his shoulder.

Loki props himself up on most of the bed's pillows while Thor stretches out beside him. He kills time playing a game, occasionally sipping at the soda, until Thor falls back asleep.

Then Loki re-downloads his malware program to get root access to the phone and starts methodically erasing his work.

When he's done everything short of removing the original malware from the server it's stored on, he deletes the program and wipes his history. He drops the phone onto the mattress and sinks into the pillows in exhaustion; Thor grunts slightly and shifts, but doesn't wake.

He should have backed off sooner. He should've done it as soon as he found out that Odin's switched to solid-state drives--Loki hasn't figured out how to avoid leaving ghosts on those yet when he's copying data. He can break Frigga's encryptions, but she's still better than him at coding.

At least the gap wasn't traced back to him. He destroyed that evidence when he spotted it; and from what Frigga's implied they already caught the person who exploited it and apparently decided that was the end of the matter. He was lucky.

This time.

Loki rubs his hands against his face and exhales harshly. Eventually, he turns over and falls into a fitful sleep.


	9. this is also a story about blowjobs; you may have picked that up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains descriptions of dubious consent scenes.  
> ~

When Thor wakes up, he snickers reflexively at the sight of Loki half-buried in a fortification of all the pillows he stole.

But then he studies his cousin's curled in, hidden form for a while longer, frowning.

Thor makes an effort not to be too loud about getting up. But when he's only halfway ready, Loki rolls out of the bed with a lot of disgruntled noises. Thor takes it as a good sign--apparently he's feeling better.

Loki doesn't have his usual imperious obnoxiousness, though, so he's still hiding something. Thor turns the bathroom over to him and runs through stretches and some ginger push-ups while his cousin dresses.

The same girl is at the desk this morning. She arches an eyebrow high when she sees Loki: he's wearing one of Thor's tank tops, exposing his tattoo sleeves and most of the bite marks and bruises on his arms. Thor realizes belatedly how it probably looks, especially since his bandages are all still hidden by his clothes.

He slides an arm carefully over Loki's shoulders and smiles at her. She snorts and goes back to her phone; and Loki looks at him like he's crazy and tries to shrug it off. Thor rolls his eyes but pulls back.

"What's _her_ problem?" his cousin mutters later, shooting an irritated glare at the desk while waiting for his waffle to cook.

Thor shrugs and swallows a bite of apple. "I guess she figured my boyfriend was going to be another jock. At least she didn't call the cops."

Loki looks at him. "You told her about me?"

"Yeah," Thor agrees.

"Nothing specific," he adds, when Loki keeps frowning. "Sheesh. It just came up when I was asking about bringing food back to the room."

His cousin keeps staring. Then he makes a tired face and presses a thumb to the bridge of his nose.

"What?" Thor replies, raising an eyebrow.

Loki exhales and turns back to the waffle maker when it starts beeping. Thor kicks his shoe and goes to get coffee and orange juice.

While Loki watches the news, Thor checks his messages and freaks out at the sudden realization that his cousin could have seen Fandral's email last night. But it doesn't look like Loki's been in his mail.

For a few moments, Thor wonders what exactly Loki _does_ with his phone when he lifts it. There's no new apps or saved games on it. Then he sees the message from Balder.

"Dad's gone," Thor says.

"Work again," he adds when his cousin looks over. Thor tilts the phone so Loki can see Balder's text.

Loki narrows his eyes for a second before his expression goes blank. "How long?" he asks, scraping butter over his second waffle.

Thor thumbs through the rest of the messages and shakes his head. "Doesn't say."

"Shouldn't he have sent you instructions?"

"I guess we're still not talking," Thor replies evenly.

Loki glances over. Thor shrugs and puts the phone away.

"Ah," his cousin says.

He starts to bite his lip before stopping with a hiss. Thor watches him in his peripheral vision, but Loki turns back to the TV and resumes eating with a distant expression.  
  
  
It's still a few hours before checkout when they return.

Thor scrubs at his hair as he surveys their stuff scattered around the wrecked bed. They should probably pack so it's out of the way; but he'd rather suck Loki's cock again. His cousin's a lot louder and more into it when they don't have to worry about being caught.

At least now that Thor knows his dad's gone, he's not dreading returning to the cabin as much. 

When he turns to ask if Loki wants a blowjob, his cousin's hanging the 'do not disturb' sign outside the door. Loki glances over before jerking his head to the side. "Strip."

Thor stills.

Loki locks the door, studying him. When Thor doesn't move at first, he raises an eyebrow. "Change your mind?"

Thor glances at the clock and rubs his stubble.

"Loki," he says, feeling nervous and kind of stupid as his throat gets drier, "we've only got a couple hours. I've gotta reserve the room another day first."

His cousin draws a low breath.

"Either you don't think I was serious," he murmurs, and Thor feels better when his voice is shakier too, "or you really think you can take a lot."

"I know I can," he replies.

The challenge is probably dumb, but it's worth it to see the way Loki presses his tongue against his teeth.

His cousin shakes his head a moment later. "I won't push you that far this time," he promises. He tilts his chin again. "Strip."

Loki rebuilds the barricade while Thor does, and then scowls when Thor points out it's sloppy-looking. "Not everyone's built like a battering ram."

"They don't need to be, they just need to undo the lock," he retorts.

Loki blows his bangs away from his face and snaps the upper latch shut.

"There," he drawls. "If someone gets it open the most they'll see is your ass being pounded by my dick."

"Jesus," Thor says, embarrassed that his face is getting hotter. "You kiss your mom with that mouth?"

"No," Loki replies, and Thor belatedly thinks maybe he should've kept that one to himself. But his cousin just moves to the bed, thumbing open his jeans.

He brushes a palm over Thor's back as he passes. Then Loki shoves hard on his shoulder blade, knocking him into the mirror.

"Hey!" Thor retorts, catching himself against the wall with a forearm. "Asshole--"

Loki clucks his tongue. "Close," he says, fishing the lube from the sheets. "But put your hands on the wall."

Thor blinks, and then glances at the mirror and swears under his breath.

Loki laughs quietly as he pushes out of his jeans. "It was a good idea," he half-grins. He gives Thor an expectant look as he kicks free. "Hands against the wall, Thor."

Thor glances down at his cousin's cock, already hardening a lot between his legs, and watches Loki pop open the cap of the lube.

"I would've asked first if you were okay with it," Thor tells him, because this is clearly a lesson. "I was just talking."

Loki pauses briefly while squeezing lube onto his fingers.

"I know," he says. "But it **is** a nice idea." Loki gives him a long, deliberate look, and Thor's cock twitches at the expression on his face. "And this should be easier on you. Won't put any pressure on your chest or legs."

"Pretty sure this is gonna strain my shoulders," Thor says flatly.

Loki doesn't even pretend to hide his smirk. Thor exhales through his teeth.

"...You're driving us back," he mutters. Then he takes a deep breath, and turns around and braces his palms against the wall.

Loki makes a low, involuntary sound. Thor feels a little better.

He watches in the mirror as his cousin comes up beside him, tossing the tube on the cabinet before laying a hand on his arm. "You're all right with this?" Loki asks, rubbing a thumb over his forearm.

Loki lets him get away with not answering for a long time. Eventually Thor huffs out a breath, leaning slightly into his hand. "I can handle some pressure," he says. "If they reopen I'll just tape them up again."

Loki shivers faintly and slides a hand up to brush the edge of one of the bandages.

"Careful, Thor," he warns. "You push your limits too hard."

Thor swallows and glances at his face again.

But Loki's not meeting his eyes anymore. Thor takes another deep breath and flexes his hands against the wall. "Do you like this?"

 _He'd_ like it, if they were reversed. He'd like watching Loki's arms strain as he braced against his thrusts, seeing the mirror fog with his cousin's harsh pants. He'd like hearing Loki cuss every time his arms almost gave out; he'd want to push until Loki finally couldn't hold up against him.

If his cousin's not keeping him distant to deliberately be cruel, but just because he wants to do it like this or because he needs the sense of control to get off this way, then...all right. Fine. He'd like to be able to touch Loki more, but they'll have other times. It's not the end of the world.

"Hmm," Loki drawls, way too fucking smug. Thor scowls reflexively. "Do I **like** watching you bend over for me," he murmurs, moving behind him and setting his hands on Thor's hips. "Do I **like** seeing the perfect jock make himself submissive and vulnerable for me, ready to be fucked helpless by my dick." Loki bites his spine lightly. "Yes, Thor, I think I do."

" _Christ_ ," Thor breathes. "How do you just **say** this shit?"

Loki smirks at him in the mirror. "I don't have your hangups."

Thor makes an annoyed noise in the back of his throat and then takes yet another long breath, trying to will himself to feel more turned on and less kinda freaked out.

Loki pets his sides and kisses his shoulder. "Let me do it, Thor," he says lowly. "I can't believe you even let me go this far. Let me do this. Please let me."

Thor shivers as Loki runs his hands gently along his stomach and hips and chest, still mouthing his shoulder--like he really is amazed, like he really wants it this way just because it's hot for him.

All right. It's not the end of the world. He can handle it. Thor tries to stop being so tense, and nods. "Okay."

Loki breathes out slowly, squeezing his hips briefly before taking a step back. Thor keeps his breathing steady and sets his feet better while his cousin gets the lube again.

He's not actually sure it's okay. Loki was right; he feels vulnerable.

It's just them here, he knows that. But he's got his back to the room, and his skin's prickling from the heat of someone standing too close behind him. His arms aren't pinned, he can still move and pivot fine--but he could also be slammed hard against the wall before he could get around to strike back. It's a bad position. He's vulnerable.

Loki props his chin on his shoulder and slides his hands around to grip his cock and balls. Thor groans quietly as his cousin starts to stroke him.

"Feels uncomfortable, doesn't it," Loki murmurs. "A guy could get stabbed in the back like this before he knew it."

"Why are you such an asshole?" Thor asks in exasperation. Loki snickers.

He keeps stroking Thor's cock steadily even as he leans more weight on him. Thor grunts and braces his palms harder against the wall.

"Relax, Thor," he murmurs. "Tilt your head down and watch me jerk you off."

Thor takes another deep breath and lets it out slowly, trying again to will the tension out of his body. Then he does it.

Loki keeps playing deliberately with his balls and his dick, but he makes it feel good instead of taunting. Soon it's hard for Thor to keep his eyes open he rocks into his cousin's hands; he groans whenever Loki thumbs the head of his cock.

Then Loki's foot pushes against his instep. Thor jerks and tenses.

His cousin kisses his shoulder blade and keeps pressing. "Spread them wider, Thor."

Thor shivers at the breathiness in his voice. He tries to catch Loki's expression in the mirror, but his cousin's head is still tilted down, obscuring his face.

Thor licks his lips and shifts his feet further apart. When he starts to settle his footing, Loki raps his instep again. "Wider."

Thor hisses out a breath as he curls his fingers against the wall. "Loki...."

"Just a little," his cousin compromises. He pulls away from his balls and palms the cheek of his ass before squeezing hard. Thor swallows thickly. "Let me see better. I want to watch you take my dick."

Thor exhales with a shudder and then spreads his feet as wide as he can while staying steady. His knees still might buckle if Loki pushes too hard. He feels so fucking vulnerable.

Loki kisses him again. He trails more kisses along his spine, kneading Thor's ass lightly before he starts stroking his cock again, making encouraging noises. Eventually Thor closes his eyes as he rocks into the warm, slick touch.

He's panting and starting to feel close despite everything when Loki shifts behind him, triggering his reflexes. Thor digs his fingers against the wall as he forces himself not to react.

His cousin pinches his hip lightly. "Still okay?"

How many times has he pinned Loki under him during sex? Not just over this weekend, but during the last few weeks? And his cousin handled it fine. Thor just needs to get his shit together and quit freaking out. He wanted this.

Loki stops jerking him off and pinches a lot harder. Thor jolts and then grits his teeth. "Yes."

"You _are_ a bad liar," his cousin drawls.

Thor growls at him. Loki sniggers, his breath puffing against Thor's back.

"Watch me in the mirror," his cousin suggests. "It'll be easier if you can see where I'm moving."

It's not bad advice; but still. Thor breathes out slowly and wonders if Loki will be willing to compromise more. "Do you really need to do it like this?" he asks. "Will another way still feel okay?"

Loki tilts his head, sliding his bangs to the side so Thor can see his face a little better. Thor holds his gaze.

"You...." His cousin huffs and shakes his head again. Loki slips his hand down to cup his balls again, palming them with a light, idle touch. It's not enough, but it feels nice for now.

"I don't mind putting you on your back on the bed," he says carefully. Loki touches one of the bandages on Thor's thigh. "If you think you'll be okay."

Thor frowns--if he's on his back it's not gonna put that much pressure on his chest or thighs--and then he realizes that's not what his cousin means.

"I should be," Thor says. He's never really had flashbacks before. He had bad dreams for a while after someone cut the breaks in his dad's car and it flipped over into a ditch, but they went away eventually. He was able to crawl free and wrench his dad's door open, after all. It could've been worse. And the scars from the glass obscured the old bullet wound in his side afterward, so he could finally go shirtless in the locker room again.

The closest he came to panicking was when he blew a tire on the highway a year later, but he managed to hold it down until he pulled to the side and saw it was just a flat and not a sniper. Balder had been riding with him; so Thor couldn't afford to freak out.

Loki would be here with him, so he'd just have to keep it together this time too. 

His cousin gives him a long look, but his voice is still serious and not insulting. "Are you sure?"

_'You push your limits too hard.'_

Maybe Loki really thinks that? Maybe he's really concerned, for Thor as well as himself.

_'Bruises heal too fast,' Loki muttered, after staring at him for so long with that expression that went from loathing to unreadable._

A chill runs up Thor's spine before he can hide it. His cousin makes a dubious noise.

Thor glances at him in the mirror again. Loki's raised an eyebrow a little, but he still looks pretty sincere.

...He really, really doesn't like having someone at his back in unfamiliar, insecure territory. He doesn't like having his balance off with his feet this wide. Having it go on so long is starting to get nerve-wracking.

But as long as he's on his feet, he's got better leverage. He could get slammed into the wall pretty badly, but he can hit back harder. It probably won't come to that. It's gonna be okay.

Loki combs a hand through his hair, rubbing a thumb against the back of his neck. Thor makes a face and says, "Don't get lube in my hair."

His cousin snickers behind him and does it for another second before dropping his hand. Thor rolls his eyes, and then takes another breath. "Alright. This way's okay."

"If I were a decent person like you think," Loki murmurs, "I wouldn't take you at your word."

Then he tugs Thor's balls loosely. "I'll tell you what I'm doing beforehand. Will that help?"

Thor nods. "Probably."

"Okay." Loki catches his gaze in the mirror again and grins brightly. "I'm gonna stick a finger up your ass now."

"Seriously, when did you get so filthy-mouthed, this is--" Thor jumps as a lubed fingertip presses against his asshole. Then he braces back against the wall and breathes out slowly.

"Relax," Loki says, and Thor thinks aggravatedly _I'm **trying** , asshole_.

Then his cousin goes on: "What do evil chickens lay?"

"Are you fucking kidding me," Thor replies.

"Not even close," Loki answers cheerily. "Deviled eggs. What do you get if you cut a tuba in half?"

"Two one-bas," Thor says dryly. "You've told that one before."

"I have not," Loki retorts, piqued.

"How do I know it, then?"

"You probably heard it somewhere else."

"Suuuure," Thor smirks. "Sure. Whatever saves you from admitting your jokes are getting stale."

"Dick," Loki grumbles. Thor sniggers and then sucks in a breath and tenses when Loki pushes a finger into him.

"Relax," his cousin murmurs, resting a hand on Thor's hip and rubbing it lightly. "You have to relax."

Thor exhales through his teeth and tries.

"...You **have** told that one before," he finally says. He snerks at Loki's annoyed noise.

"Whatever," his cousin dismisses. "I'm going to push in further."

It's easier, knowing what's coming. Thor focuses on breathing evenly as Loki slides into him, and notices it feels different from when he did it to himself. Loki's finger is slimmer: the knuckle isn't as thick when it's pushed past his asshole.

Loki works in all the way, and Thor notes that his finger's a little longer, too. He shifts his hands on the wall and wishes his palms weren't sweating. It makes the plaster stick to them uncomfortably.

"Feels strange?" Loki asks.

Thor draws another breath as his cousin starts to pull it back. He nods with a swallow as he sets his feet again. "'S not the same."

Loki's silent for a while as he moves, keeping his motions steady and slow, making it easier to relax. It still feels kind of weird, but Thor's getting used to it.

"For someone who didn't have sex much before, you got creative," Loki eventually comments. "I'm surprised there weren't any rumors about you."

Thor blinks. Then he turns his head and shifts slightly to see him better.

"Hold still," Loki says, looking up. "--What?"

"Nothing," Thor replies, still grinning at the jealousy in his voice. "Nobody else did this with me."

"Did you _fall_ on something, then?" Loki drawls. Thor inhales through his nose when he pushes in a little harder. "That must've been a fun hospital trip. Turn back around."

"No, brat," Thor replies, rolling his eyes as he obeys. "I did it myself when I was first thinking about having sex with you."

Loki's rhythm stutters for a moment. Thor flinches and bites his lip as his cousin's grip tightens and his finger curls without warning; and then he grins despite it as Loki pauses long enough to take a breath.

"...It _would_ feel different, then," he murmurs, the jealousy dissipated. "Your hands are big."

Thor inhales again when Loki touches a second finger to his asshole. "How many'd you take?" he asks.

Thor swallows and goes back to focusing on his breathing. "Two," he admits when Loki doesn't move. "...Not for long."

"It stings at first," Loki agrees. "What were you using for lube?"

"Just soap," Thor says with a faint shrug.

Loki makes a disbelieving noise and starts sniggering quietly behind him. Thor scowls into the mirror. "Shut up, I was in the shower."

"Geeeeez," his cousin replies, dragging out the vowel way more than is fucking necessary, and Thor's scowl deepens. He's in the middle of calling him an asshole again when Loki pushes the second finger in hard.

Thor braces heavily against the wall with a grimace. " _Son of a--_ "

He cuts off with a snarl, panting, and Loki nuzzles his neck.

His cousin pushes in all the way up to his knuckles before he stills, finally letting Thor adjust. Thor leans his forehead against the mirror and closes his eyes, and tells himself to get it together. He's not going to let Loki call him a wuss for not being able to handle this little. It's just two fucking fingers. He can take it.

"Still okay?" Loki smiles.

"I'm going to remember this," Thor hisses.

Loki makes a low, pleased noise and brushes his mouth over Thor's nape. "I hope so."

A few moments later, he pulls back slightly and squeezes Thor's hip reassuringly. "I'll ease up."

"Sure," Thor mutters. "Lying shit."

"Do you want to stop?" Loki asks.

Thor blinks and lifts his head. His cousin watches his face in the mirror and doesn't move.

After a few heartbeats, Thor swallows and shakes his head. Loki lets out his breath and squeezes his hip again gently.

"You know better," he murmurs, and Thor tenses. "But you still keep trusting me."

Loki kisses his nape. "Relax for me, Thor. I'll ease up on you. This time."

Thor thinks about pointing out that saying shit like that isn't helping, but Loki probably already knows it.

His cousin nips his spine. "Put a hand on your dick, Thor. I'm going to start stretching you open for me. You're going to jerk yourself off while I do." 

Thor swallows hard but his mouth stays dry. He pulls a hand away from the wall and follows the order.

"That's good," Loki tells him. "You're going to do it until you come, just like this."

"You need to start writing porn scripts," Thor mutters. "You'd be great at it."

His cousin snerks behind him. Then he curls his fingers up, just enough that Thor chokes on his own saliva.

Loki makes him tell him how it feels as he stretches him, twisting his fingers harshly whenever he thinks Thor is lying, and makes him keep jacking off as he does. Other than that, he backs off like he promised: he slows down a lot when Thor can't bite back a pained whimper at the third finger fast enough. But he doesn't stop.

Thor shudders out a gasp when Loki pushes three fingers in deep once more and then presses a fourth to his asshole. "Don't, Loki, don't, that's too much." He doesn't care anymore if his cousin calls him a wuss. "Don't."

"Then hurry up and come," Loki demands hoarsely.

He's kept his hands on Thor's balls and in his ass, not touching himself. Thor's told him it's okay, to just go ahead and do it, but Loki won't listen. If Thor tries to reach back and jerk him off, his cousin gets rougher until he has to brace against the wall again.

"I'm trying," Thor pants. "Don't, Loki. I'm _trying_."

He's trying hard. But he can never get close enough, no matter how he works his cock or how good and strung-out Loki sounds as he pants harshly behind him. He'll start to, sometimes--but then his asshole will sting again as it's stretched around Loki's knuckles, or his footing will falter if Loki pushes when he's too distracted and then his stomach will lurch with the awful sense of vulnerability again. He's not even sure Loki's doing it on purpose anymore.

"Well try **harder**." Loki bites the cartilage of his ear. Thor flinches and then licks his lips when the move drags Loki's cock against his ass, making his cousin shudder and groan. "Before I run out of fingers. If you still haven't come by the time I've got my whole fist in you, I'll have to get _creative_."

Thor shudders hard as his stomach clenches. "Loki, no. I can't take that much yet, don't."

"'Yet,'" Loki repeats breathlessly, and Thor shivers again at the thrilled tone in his voice. "So you'll let me fist you _some_ day, huh?"

_"Don't let me get away with so much."_

When Thor doesn't answer, Loki laughs under his breath and squeezes his hip again. "Hurry **up**."

Thor groans and drops his head to his arm as he struggles to obey. He's _**trying**_. " **Loki**. What're you trying to prove, just do it already." Thor swallows thickly. "I'm begging you to fuck me like you wanted, asshole, what do you fucking _want?_ "

"For you to come, Thor," his cousin says softly, pulling the fourth finger back to Thor's relief. "Like I told you to."

Thor hisses his breath out and then quits arguing, because it's just a distraction.

Loki eases up on him more as Thor works his cock desperately. He slows down further, and doesn't spread his fingers again or threaten to add any more. After a while, it doesn't even sting when Loki slides inside him; it feels less strange and more good. Thor feels himself finally getting closer for real.

Loki reads it and starts petting his hip. "That's right," he praises. "That's good, Thor. You can do it." Loki drops a kiss onto his shoulder. "Come on, Thor. Come with my fingers up your ass, so I can pull them out and fuck you."

Thor squeezes his eyes shut tighter and tries. He clenches a fist against the wall when Loki shifts his fingers around inside him--but he's careful about it, moving slow, and it's okay. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't even feel that weird anymore, it's okay. He can do this.

"That's good, Thor," his cousin murmurs as he starts sliding his fingers inside him again, lightly, like he's looking for something. Loki pets his hip distractedly as Thor shifts his footing and tries to ignore it long enough to come. "Now...."

A few breaths later he presses his fingers down **hard** , and Thor's knees buckle. " _ **Shit**!_ "

" _There_ we go," Loki grins.

"Loki--!" Thor chokes off with a gasp as his cousin does it again. He bangs his forehead against the mirror as he scrabbles for a grip on the wall.

Loki reaches around and starts jerking him off roughly, keeping up the vicious pressure on his prostate as he does. Thor leans heavily on his forearms, struggling in sudden panic to breathe as his body jerks from the sensations; his orgasm hits before he realizes it's coming. He locks his knees to keep from collapsing.

He's still slumped against the wall, gasping and shaking and braced hard, when Loki tugs his fingers out. Thor doesn't have enough time to find the gaping feeling weird before his cousin grabs his hips and digs his thumbs into his ass cheeks to spread them.

Thor jolts and stiffens as he feels Loki's cock press against his asshole--he's not ready yet, he's still too keyed up, too tense-- "Loki, wait--"

"You can take it," he promises.

Thor's pretty sure he **can't** yet, Loki needs to give him a couple seconds. He shifts on his feet to shove his cousin back, shaking his head.

"Relax," Loki orders, and slaps his hip hard.

Thor jerks in surprise before insulted pride washes out his tension and the remaining aftershocks. " _Fucker_ , you--"

He cuts off with a hard swallow as Loki pushes into him.

Thor braces his weight back on his arms and tries to breathe evenly as his cousin slides in deeper. It's--not as bad as he thought it would be. Loki might've been a douchebag about it, but he stretched him well.

The problem is Loki's cock is longer than his fingers were. Thor tries to fight down his reflexive shaking as he's stretched deep enough up his ass that it's uncomfortable again, and then he realizes that's just making him tense up more and quits.

Loki groans low and quiet and desperate once he works all the way in, dropping his forehead to his shoulder.

It's not enough to balance how weird and kind of unpleasant right now it feels to have a cock up his ass, but it still sounds pretty good. Thor swallows and shifts his weight to one side, making Loki grip his hips tighter. He reaches back to bury a hand awkwardly in his cousin's hair.

"Feel good?" he asks, wishing his voice didn't have a tremor in it. He's back to caring if Loki thinks he's a wuss again.

"Mmm," Loki sighs raggedly, his breath puffing against Thor's skin. "Been a while."

...It's not like he doesn't know that Loki's screwed around with more people than him, but Thor wishes his cousin wouldn't be such an asshole that he brings it up at times like this. It makes him even more sure he's embarrassing himself.

It makes him--even thought he doesn't want to--wonder who else it was. Thor never noticed _any_ body hanging around his cousin suspiciously often, so it could've been anyone.

Did he ever run into them around town or at games and not know it? Has he been at a party with some smug shithead who already knew how his cousin sounds during sex and never realized it? Did they get to see Loki mellowed out and pleasant and teasing too, before his cousin came down enough from his orgasm to kick them out of bed?

"Ow," Loki says.

He reaches up and tugs on Thor's wrist. Thor loosens his grip and lets go, and Loki shakes his bangs back from his face.

"I like how handsy you get when you're jealous," Loki half-smirks as he brushes his lips over Thor's knuckles, "but don't pull my hair, dick."

Thor makes a vague noise in the back of his throat. "Who actually says 'handsy' anymore?" he mutters. "You read too many detective novels."

"Cram it," Loki retorts. "Nero Wolfe's cool."

Thor snorts deliberately, but before he can call Loki a hipster his cousin pushes his hand back against the wall.

He keeps his own splayed over it, and threads his fingers between Thor's. "Ready for me to move?"

Thor licks his dry lips and automatically tries to set his footing again. It still feels weird--but so did Loki's fingers before, and he got used to that too, so. He nods. "I think so."

Loki breathes out with a relieved noise, and Thor licks his lips again.

He curls his hand, twining Loki's fingers further with his, and then catches his cousin's gaze in the mirror. "C'mon," Thor grins. "You gonna show me what you got? Or are **you** the big talker not backed up by anything?"

"That was still the worst pun," Loki grouses under his breath.

Thor's snigger turns to a slow exhale as Loki pulls back. The drag feels so strange. Even if he tries to focus on something else, he can't. It's as intense as getting shot, except it doesn't **stop**.

"Breathe, Thor," his cousin says softly, rubbing a hand along his side again. "Let me do this. Please let me."

Thor makes himself breathe until he doesn't sound about to hyperventilate anymore. Loki kisses his neck and tells him he's doing really good, and pushes back in. Thor braces against the wall and tries not to shake.

It never really stops feeling weird, even though he can tell his cousin's taking it easy on him. Loki moves with slow, even strokes, not pushing too hard or too deep; Thor can feel Loki's arm tremble against his own occasionally as his cousin forces himself to hold to that rhythm.

The fact that _Loki's_ making that effort, and doing it for him, makes it feel kind of good despite the weirdness. Thor rubs a thumb along his cousin's hand as Loki pants against his neck, until he's as used to the feeling as he thinks he's gonna get.

Loki groans thickly when Thor rocks back against him the next time he pushes in. His cousin shudders and bites his spine when Thor clenches his ass around his cock. " _Fuck_."

"C'mon, Loki," Thor urges. "You held out long enough. Come on, I'm okay, you can move faster."

Loki groans again into his neck and rocks forward harder. His grip tightens when Thor's breath hitches.

Thor sets his feet a little better and takes a steadying breath. "C'mon, Loki. You can let go. I got you."

His cousin bites down harder and growls against his skin, and then whimpers shakily when Thor clenches around his cock once more.

Thor braces himself against the wall when Loki takes him at his word a few heartbeats later. He focuses on finding a rhythm as Loki's thrusts get more forceful, figuring out the way to let the motion rock him forward on the balls of his feet as Loki pushes in and then to roll back onto his heels as his cousin pulls out. He doesn't try to bite down his grunts whenever Loki gets into him deeper than before, since Loki's said he likes hearing it.

His cousin's panting hard now, his forehead pressed to Thor's neck. Thor can't see his face, but from the way his head's angled it looks like Loki's watching himself fuck him. When he pulls his hand loose from Thor's own and cups it around Thor's bicep instead, Thor exhales but flattens his palm on the wall.

"That's good, Thor," Loki says breathlessly, letting go of his hip and cupping his balls again. He plays with them a little too roughly as he drives in, until Thor feels like he's being shoved and yanked apart and he realizes he's making little panicked sounds in the back of his throat. "You're doing well. Just hold on a little longer. You're taking it really well."

Thor shakes his head hard, and then bites his lip and tries to focus on anything else. He clenches down hard around Loki's cock each time his cousin pushes into him, until Loki's shivering and swearing and his breath keeps catching sharply. It doesn't sound the same as the little cries Loki makes when he's about to come from being fucked, but Thor guesses they mean the same thing. He can't help his shudder of relief.

"That's it, Thor," Loki pants, squeezing his balls. Thor bites back another whimper. "You're doing so good. Keep holding on."

"Loki," he gasps, and his voice sounds broken to his own ears. His cousin shudders. "Loki please, please, come on you can do it, please. Come on. Come on, Loki. Please."

Loki quakes hard against him and snaps his hips forward. Thor gives up and braces himself on his forearms.

His cousin bites his ear again, tugging the lobe in his teeth. "Beg me, Thor. Beg me to make it end."

"You little shit," Thor says hoarsely. "I'm gonna fucking kill you for this. Loki, please, _please_."

His cousin chokes down a whimper and then slams into him harder than before. Thor grunts and bites his lip again, and then stops when it splits under his teeth. He keeps pleading.

Loki trembles and groans as he does, sounding closer and closer. _Finally_ , he drives into Thor hard one last time and then leans heavily against him with a shudder as he comes. Thor slumps against the mirror, breathing hard, intensely aware of Loki's cock twitching inside his ass.

He soon braces himself better to bear up his cousin's weight while Loki drifts down from it. Thor bites back a grimace at the extremely weird feeling of semen up his ass. He definitely needs to be good to Loki after his cousin manages to take this from him, no matter how much Loki scowls over the sap.

After a while Loki comes back to himself, exhaling slowly and humming under his breath, rubbing Thor's hip. When he slides his hand back to Thor's cock, Thor clenches his jaw.

"Mmn," Loki mumbles as he folds his hand around Thor's mostly soft cock. His cousin shakes his hair back from his face and kisses his nape. "Think you could get off with my dick in you?"

Thor shakes his head with a sharp jerk.

Loki doesn't make fun of him, which is a surprising kindness. Maybe he's still too pleased from coming to bother. "Really didn't like it, huh?"

Thor shifts uncomfortably, wishing Loki would pull out. "It wasn't bad--"

"Oh, _that's_ a compliment," he interrupts with a drawl.

Thor huffs and gives him a look in the mirror. Loki isn't fazed. "'But'?" he prompts.

Thor jerks a shoulder halfheartedly. "Feels weird."

"Mm," Loki agrees, pulling his hand away to pet Thor's sides again. "Of course it does. You're getting something shoved up a place that shit's supposed to come **out** of."

Thor snorts despite himself. "Wow," he deadpans, "your pillow talk's the best, 'silvertongue.'"

"I know," Loki grins. "Wanna hear a joke about pizza?"

"Are you _kidding_ ," Thor replies. When Loki just waits, he drops his head and shakes it. "Fine. What?"

"Nah," Loki says, grinning wider, "you wouldn't like it. It's too cheesy."

Thor thumps his forehead against the mirror with a groan. He jolts and shivers when Loki tugs out of him.

His cousin pulls him away from the wall and rubs his arms soothingly. Thor breathes out slowly and leans into it, closing his eyes.

Loki brushes a kiss against his shoulder. "You were good, Thor. You did really well."

Thor licks his lips and shifts around to touch him. Loki's heart is still beating fast in his chest, and his eyes are still dark, pupils blown from coming. He's probably not lying. It's not like his cousin to lie to make him feel _better_. "...Okay."

Loki smiles and kisses his chest. "I'll make sure you get off on it next time."

Thor shakes his head and then wraps an arm around Loki's waist. "Smug brat. All right."

Loki presses his tongue against his teeth again as he looks Thor over deliberately with half-lidded eyes, and Thor feels his cock stir a little again.

Then something else passes over his cousin's face.

It's gone almost before Thor catches it. He starts to frown as Loki shifts away; but then his cousin grabs his arm and tugs him toward the bathroom. "C'mon. We've gotta check out soon."

Thor glances at the clock, huffs, and follows.

Loki sucks him off deep and smooth in the shower. He grins once Thor's cock is hard in his mouth, and pats his thigh condescendingly in a way that would probably piss Thor off if he weren't too busy feeling good. He flinches badly when Thor starts to brush his wet hair away from his face and neck.

Thor frowns and wonders if he pushed any into Loki's eyes. Before he can ask, Loki grabs one of his hands and pulls it to the side, tangling their fingers together as he does.

He lets Thor keep holding onto his hand the whole time he sucks his cock. He even lets him keep doing it after he comes; Loki rubs his thumb absently against the back of Thor's hand as he rests on his haunches, waiting for Thor to sink down from it again. Thor squeezes back and thinks this is definitely worth the weird feeling of being fucked.

Loki only pulls free when he goes to clean him up. Thor turns around when he's told to, and folds his arms against the tile and rests his head on them while Loki washes his legs and ass, finally starting to realize how unpleasant the car trip's going to be. He's about fifty percent sure Loki waited until now for that exact reason. Okay, more than fifty.

He winces and swallows down a whine when Loki slides two fingers into his asshole, and then chokes on it when his cousin spreads them. "Loki!"

"Want me to eat you out?" he asks casually.

Thor swears violently and twists around to stare, flinching when it jerks Loki's fingers inside him. His cousin quirks an eyebrow.

"You're not as subtle as you think you are," he says with a little smirk. "Or had you only thought about doing it to me?"

At least now he knows it's not too weird. "Yeah," Thor answers, trying to hold still until Loki gets around to moving his damn hand. 

"Hm," Loki replies, his smirk widening a little because he's a goddamn smug jackass. Thor grabs his wrist and tugs on it, but his cousin just flicks his thigh. "Hold still."

Thor cusses him out and hisses a breath through his teeth, and rests his temple back on his arm. "So how's it work with barriers?" he asks.

"I've never rimmed anyone," Loki snorts derisively.

Thor blinks and tilts his head back to look at him again.

Loki wipes a drip of come from his asshole, and Thor swallows when his fingertip brushes the gap Loki's _still_ holding open. His cousin's smirk curves up a little more. "Could be interesting to try, though," he adds.

Thor lays a hand against his forehead when Loki starts to lean forward. "No," he says firmly. "I don't have that stuff with me."

Loki rolls his eyes, and Thor frowns and pushes harder. "I said no, Loki. Wait until I can get barriers. Shit's not sterile."

"Christ," Loki mutters in irritation. But he finally pulls his fingers out and sits back on his heels. Thor lets out a long breath and eases his grip. "You should go into pre-med with all this tedious crap you quote."

"That's why I learned it," he replies. "So you don't have to think about it."

Loki glances up at him again.

He leans back further a few seconds later, and Thor drops his hand. His cousin licks his lips and almost says something, but then stops himself and raps Thor's leg again. "Turn around."

Loki doesn't say anything else as he finishes cleaning him up. When Thor reaches back and rests a hand carefully on his head again, smoothing Loki's wet bangs back from his face, his cousin lets him get away with it for a long time before finally making an exasperated noise and biting his wrist.  
  
  
They barely make the checkout time. Thor turns over the keycards while Loki dumps their stuff in the car, and then joins him and winces as he settles into the passenger's seat. He scowls when he sees Loki watching him with a little smirk.

"It'll feel better if you rest on your side," his cousin offers, and for a second Thor thinks he's being decent before Loki adds sweetly, "easier on your no-longer-virgin ass."

"Seriously," he replies, " _why are you such an asshole_."

Loki snickers as he starts the car and heads for the exit.  
  
  
Thor's GPS is working like it should again, so the drive back to the cabin is easier. They get there before supper.

The driveway is empty, and so's the house. Loki shrugs back out of the long-sleeved shirt he pulled on when they hit the edge of town and ties it around his waist. Thor finds the note his mom left on the kitchen table, saying she and Balder are out shopping.

"Why are you frowning?" Loki asks in bemusement as Thor rereads it.

He makes a frustrated noise. "I don't like coming back to the place empty."

Loki looks at the note again and says it's not forged. "You're paranoid."

"No I'm not," Thor mutters, because even if he _is_ he's got good reasons to be.

"Could be worse," Loki answers with a shrug. "Odin could've come back."

"Nnn," is all Thor says.

He reminds himself that it's just a few weeks before college starts. He and his dad won't have to deal with each other for months after that. He can hang on until then.

When Frigga and Balder return, she has the two of them help unpack the groceries and start dinner. Thor leaves Loki to invent most of the story about their weekend while he makes the salad, and then regrets it when Loki starts talking about a girl who rejected Thor in front of everybody at the party Saturday night. His cousin just grins brightly when Thor scowls at him over his shoulder.

"What?" Loki asks. "It's not your fault she had no taste."

"Cram it," Thor warns. He sulks and goes back to the salad when his mom tries to reassure him that time heals all wounds, to pride or otherwise.

Loki keeps snickering under his breath. Thor kicks him in the ankle when he goes to get the salad dressing.

Balder comes over to his side when he returns from the fridge. "Sounds like it was fun," he offers. "I mean, the rest of it."

Thor blows his bangs out of his eyes but then grins. "Pretty fun."

Balder snorts and mock-punches him on the wrist. "So when're you gonna start taking me, too?"

Thor frowns briefly. Then he forces the expression away and slides his hand into his pocket.

"Maybe when you grow up more," he says. Further down the counter, Loki rolls his eyes derisively as he keeps chopping vegetables; but he doesn't add any insults since Frigga's in hearing. "You know you can't drink yet, brat."

"A- _hem_ ," their mom says, and Thor adds belatedly: "Like we can't, too."

"Hrm," she replies, giving him a doubting look over her shoulder.

"We mostly drank the non-alcoholic stuff," Loki placates. "Thor was a designated driver for some of the people that drove over."

"Good," his mom says with a nod, and goes back to the rice.

"He's right, though," she tells Balder a moment later. "You're too young to be going to parties with people in high school or college."

"Yes ma'am," his brother says with a little sigh as he turns away. 

Thor excuses himself soon after, and goes to the bathroom and pulls the note Balder slipped him out of his pocket. _I need to talk to you._

He stares at it with a long frown, and then shreds and flushes it.

Later--when Loki leaves the kitchen for a little while--Thor looks over at Balder with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah?"

His brother glances up from the rolls he's laying out on the cooking sheet. "Hm?"

Thor gives him an expectant look, but Balder just tilts his head quizzically. He flicks his eyes toward the stove.

Thor glances over at their mom checking on the rice and salmon, and starts to frown again.

He pushes it away and shrugs. "Thought you said something."

"Uh-uh," Balder answers casually. "Do you think this is enough?"

"Ehh," Thor hedges. "I'm hungry. Mom, do we have more rolls?"

"In the fridge," she agrees.

Thor pulls out another can and wonders what the fuck his cousin managed to pull on Balder, while he wasn't even **here** , that was so bad his brother doesn't want to say it in front of _Frigga_.

When she leaves to go wash up for dinner, Thor doesn't try asking again. Loki's still in the kitchen, playing with her tablet while he leans against the counter.  
  
  
He doesn't get a chance to talk to Balder alone until after dinner. His brother heads out onto the porch with a popsicle; and a couple minutes later, after Loki's settled in front of the TV, Thor grabs one himself and joins him.

"Alright," he says, coming up beside Balder at the end of the deck. "What's wrong?"

Balder checks the porch door over his shoulder. "Where's Loki?"

Thor starts ripping open the wrapper as he answers, "Watching TV. What happened? We weren't even _here_."

Balder chews on his bottom lip. "Can we head down to the beach?"

Thor stares at him for several moments, and then nods.

They walk down the beach until they're out of sight of the cabin. Thor pushes away the urge to wince as the bandages on his thighs pull with the pace. Finally, Balder dredges his phone from his pocket.

"I found this yesterday," his brother tells him quietly, fiddling with it briefly before handing it over. Thor shoves the decimated popsicle stick in his mouth and takes it with a frown.

He raises both eyebrows at the mess of command lines on the screen. "What's this?"

"I don't know," Balder answers.

Thor starts scrolling through it. "Did you ask Mom?"

"No," Balder says, even quieter. "Don't you recognize that IP address?"

Thor frowns and drags the screen back up to it, and begins to frown deeper.

"...Dad's work," he says eventually. "You sure this isn't Mom? It wouldn't be the first time she's used our stuff as routers without saying anything."

"Loki's the one who's had my phone, not her," Balder says, tucking his hands into his pockets.

Thor stops walking. Balder does the same, turning toward him but not looking up.

Thor looks back at the phone and starts scrolling through the text, trying with increasing frustration to decipher what the hell it is. "...You've never given it to her?" he prompts, even though he knows he's getting desperate.

"No," Balder answers, shaking his head. "And it didn't start acting weird until I loaned it to him."

The sinking feeling in Thor's gut settles hard.

He spits out the popsicle stick and finds his way out of the terminal and back to the regular screens. Thor pulls up the map and programs in directions.

It thinks they're in the ocean, not the next state over, but it's the same number of longitudes in difference even if it's in the opposite direction. Thor curses low and furious under his breath.

Balder nods and bites his lip again. ". . . That's why I didn't show Mom."

"What?" Thor says, distracted with trying to remember how many times Loki swiped his phone before the attack on their dad's system happened.

Balder jerks his head up.

"--Should I have?" he asks, his voice shaking.

Thor blinks and focuses on him, frowning at the edge of fear in his brother's voice. Balder takes a step back. "I thought--but I didn't want to--I wanted to ask you first. I--" Balder bites his lip again and clenches his fists in his pockets. "I don't like it when he's a dick to me, but I didn't want to kill him."

Thor drops his arm to his side and crouches until they're at eye level. "Slow down," he says evenly. "What are you talking about?"

Balder searches his face.

"I know they didn't arrest Uncle Laufey," he finally says. "It shouldn't've been so hard to find something about it if they did."

Thor clenches his jaw. "That's not the same--"

Then he cuts off short, and drags his bangs back from his face as he realizes that his brother's right. This **is** the same thing. Their mom--

\--their mom said they still couldn't find one of the people whose cover was blown. And at this point....

Balder shifts on his feet and tugs at his phone. Thor makes himself loosen his grip and hands it over.

His brother stuffs it back in his pocket before sliding his hands into them again. "...I don't think they've found that agent yet," he whispers. "Unless Dad got called to ID the body. He's been worse all weekend."

Thor blinks sharply and wonders if he talked out loud. "How did you--?" He cuts off again and shakes his head. "Mom said you weren't supposed to know that, okay?"

"Everybody thinks I'm not supposed to know a lot of things," Balder says lowly. "Loki's the only one who ever tells me anything."

Thor narrows his eyes. "He told you that?" _How?_ Unless he did it before he took off that night, which meant he knew the whole time they were at--

Balder shakes his head.

"No. I'm the good son," his brother says with a stilted smile. "So if I'm told to go watch TV, nobody thinks I might just be turning it on and then standing in the hallway to listen."

For a second everything about the current situation gets washed out of Thor's mind in the wake of the awful, awful thought that Balder might've seen him and Loki in the kitchen. Maybe his brother just kept _acting_ normal when really--

Thor shoves the thought down and makes himself focus. Maybe Balder did--but as incredibly bad as that would be, this is still worse. So this is what he needs to deal with right now.

". . . Should I've?" Balder asks again, biting at his lip. "Told her?"

Thor drags a hand through his hair again and tries to figure out what to answer.

If Loki really did what this looks like, it's treason.

\--But if everyone's right about what happened to his uncle, then goddammit how the fuck can he be expected to be okay with putting Loki on the chopping block, no matter whether--

\--but if someone else had done this, he wouldn't flinch over their punishment. So is he failing to look out for the rest of his family like he's supposed to if he tries to cover for Loki? His dad would say he's letting personal feelings override his responsibilities.

...If it were an _outsider_ , he wouldn't flinch over their punishment. But even if it wasn't Loki, if it was one of his other relatives or even any his friends....

He hears Balder fidget, and drops his hands.

"Telling me was fine," Thor promises. "I'll take care of it."

Balder studies his face for a long time. Thor smiles and squeezes his shoulder. "I promise. You did fine."

"...Okay," Balder mumbles. "That's what I.... He's family. Right?"

"Yeah," Thor agrees. "You did the right thing. I'll take care of this."

"Okay," Balder repeats with a nod.

"Anything else?" Thor prompts.

Balder shakes his head, but he hesitates before doing it. Thor narrows his gaze slightly.

"Hey," he says. "Balder. You don't have to keep secrets. Is there anything else?"

"No," Balder says this time; and Thor thinks of the way his brother lied so easily in the hall before he and Loki left for the weekend.

Balder gives him another lukewarm smile. "It was just this. And this isn't keeping secrets. It's just...not talking about stuff that's going to be a problem. And that's normal. Right?"

Thor tenses his jaw again, disliking the way this feels. He doesn't want to divide their family or make Balder pick between him and their parents--but he doesn't want Loki to disappear, either.

He shoves his hands back into his pockets and rocks out of his crouch. "I'll take care of it," he promises, since there's nothing else he can say.

Balder shifts on his feet again and scratches at his shoulder. ". . . Dad didn't used to be this bad, did he?"

Thor pulls a hand free and rubs at the dent in his forehead.

"I think so," he agrees at last. "I think it used to be better."

There's always been a distance between him and their dad since that first year in junior high; but he still used to smile or joke occasionally. But after Loki's dad was arrested, even that quit. Now the only person Odin ever smiles for anymore is their mom.

Thor shoves his bangs out of his eyes and exhales. "...Laufey betraying him really hurt him," he mutters.

"Uncle Laufey wasn't the traitor," Balder says, and Thor goes still and stares at him. "Odin's the outsider who came in and took everything away from the rest of the family."

". . . What?" Thor replies, because if Balder really believes that then Thor doesn't understand anything about his family anymore and maybe never did in the first place.

"That's what Loki says they think," he responds.

Thor feels his shoulders relax at the realization that his brother isn't crazy after all. Then he remembers what Loki said yesterday: _your whole fucking upstart family_ and _interloper garbage_.

He'd written it off as Loki being pissed--but he should've paid more attention. Loki never conceals himself well when he's angry.

"...You don't actually believe that crap," Thor finally says, carefully.

"No," Balder answers. "But it explains why they hate me so much."

Thor frowns again. "Us."

Balder smiles faintly.

"They don't like you much either," he agrees. "'Cause you're Odin's berserker. But you're not the traitoress's son, so you get sort've forgiven."

"Who the fuck's said that to you?" Thor demands.

Balder shakes his head. "It's okay, Thor," he replies. "I want to know what I'm gonna be facing."

"It's not ' _ **okay**_ '--" he snarls, but Balder shakes his head harder.

"We should head back," he says, picking up their litter. "Loki'll get suspicious soon. You never spend this much time with me when he's around."

Thor starts to correct him again reflexively. And then he stops, and wonders if that's true.

This summer, yeah, of course it's been true--but before that.... Thor frowns deeper.

Balder starts walking back to the cabin slowly, glancing at him over his shoulder. Thor shakes his head and pushes his hands deeper into his pockets, and then catches up and falls in step beside him.

"Balder--" he starts; but his brother shakes his head again.

"It's okay, Thor," he says. "You're not a bad brother. It's not weird that you like him more because you've hung out with him more, you know?"

Thor stares at him for a while, but Balder doesn't speak further. Finally, he asks: "When'd you grow up so much?"

Balder tries to smile again.

"...I know you want out," he says quietly. "I didn't want to drag you in deeper." He fidgets and yanks on his sleeve. "I didn't wanna be like Dad. I can look out for myself."

"You **never** have to," Thor says forcefully. "Do you understand that? I'll always have your back."

Balder nods. "I know." He gives Thor a serious look. "But I _can_. So you don't have to worry about leaving. I'll still be alright."

Thor growls wearily under his breath and then slings an arm over his brother's shoulders.

"You can always join me," he promises. "If it gets to be too much. I'll make sure of it."

The smile that flickers across Balder's mouth looks genuine this time. "Thanks."  
  
  
When they get back to the cabin, Thor can see lights on in the upper floor as well as from the den. Balder breaks away before they come in view of the porch.

Thor waits until Balder's safely out of view in the kitchen, throwing away the trash, and then he goes into the den and wrenches Loki out of the recliner.

"What the fuck--" his cousin demands, and Thor snarls " _Shut up_ " and drags him out onto the deck.

Loki pulls away as soon as Thor lets go of his shirt, his expression wary. Thor yanks his phone out of his shorts and shoves it at him. "Show me what you did to this."

Loki backs up immediately, stumbling into the railing, his eyes wide.

Then he catches a hold of himself and frowns. "What are you--?"

" **Don't lie to me** ," Thor spits, and his cousin goes still again.

Loki's silent for a long, long time, staring at his face. Finally he says, "I deleted it."

Thor sucks in a breath and hisses it out through his teeth. "...You goddamn...."

"At least it's gone now," Loki replies.

Thor thinks of Balder's phone and thinks _You fucking liar_ and growls. "Someone's **dead** because of your shit!"

Loki's shoulders loosen a fraction. His fingers flex around the railing. 

"That was an accident," he mutters. "I didn't know it was leaving gaps. Someone exploited them before I caught it." He makes an effort at a half-smile. "So in a way I helped catch a traitor."

Thor growls in the back of his throat again. Loki shifts further away along the railing.

Thor grabs his wrist before he can make a break for it, and then tightens his grip harshly when Loki tries to wrench free. "Why should I believe you? All you _**ever**_ do is lie!"

That raw panic returns abruptly to his cousin. Loki wrenches hard on his arm and kicks him in the side of the knee. Thor swears and slams him up against the railing, trapping him.

Loki leans as far back over it as he can to put space between them, his breath short and his eyes wide, darting between Thor's face and the area behind him.

His cousin's blatantly terrified--and Thor almost pushes away reflexively.

Then he stops himself. Thor tightens his grip on Loki's wrists when he tries to jerk loose again, pinning them harder to the railing until his cousin flinches and stills. He holds himself back from leaning in further, catches Loki's gaze again and demands lowly: "Was this the only thing you used?"

Loki looks away and yanks on his wrists once more, but doesn't really fight again. Thor holds his breath and waits.

His cousin keeps casing the area behind him, trying to find an escape route, until he finally glares down at the deck. His fingers curl tighter against the railing as he bares his teeth, panting shallowly and still drawn as far back from Thor as he can manage.

Thor clenches his jaw and thinks _Loki, **please**_.

At long last his cousin jerks the corner of his mouth up. "You kept noticing it was gone too much."

" _Was it the only one._ "

"No," Loki grits, and Thor lets out a breath as his chest stops feeling so tight.

He loosens his grip on Loki's wrists, but not enough that he can break free. His cousin twists and tries it, and then goes still again with another grimace.

"How many?" Thor asks.

Loki keeps glaring past him at the wooden slats. "One."

"Where?"

"Here."

"We're going to go get it," Thor says evenly. "I'm going to borrow it, and you're going to delete everything, and then I'll give it back and we're not going to tell anyone about it. And you're never going to fucking do this again."

Loki is silent for a long time, staring at the deck.

Eventually he says, "And you were on such a running streak."

Thor narrows his eyes, and his cousin twists his mouth up in a rictus of a grin. "Of **course** I'm going to do this again."

Thor clenches his wrists. Loki tries to knee him in the balls.

Thor manages to twist enough to take the hit in the thigh instead. He slams his foot down on Loki's instep, and his cousin yelps in pain. " _God **dammit** , Loki--_"

"I will **never** stop," his cousin hisses. "If you want that to happen, you'll have to kill me."

"What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?!" Thor demands.

Loki keeps giving him that ugly, false grin. "You told me not to lie."

Thor lets go of his cousin's wrists before he breaks them and bangs his fists on the railing instead. When Loki tries to shove himself up over it, Thor leans in heavily to keep him pinned. "Why are you doing this?!"

"To prove I'm the same as my father," Loki says, and he chokes on the words.

Thor glares at him. "Will you fucking--you _aren't Laufey_. Make your own choices instead of listening to your parents, we don't have to keep repeating this fucked up shit!"

"Hypocrite," Loki sneers. Then he adds, "Who said anything about Laufey?"

Thor stills and stares at him. "--What?"

"You got pretty close," Loki replies. His breath's still coming short, his eyes still wide and his face pale in the late sunlight. He looks like he's about to throw up again. "But your parents were right. I'm not _Frigga's_ son."

Thor pushes away and clenches the railing until it cuts into his hands. Loki doesn't move.

 _Should I have stolen him from the hospital?_ his dad muttered, when Frigga said Loki was wasted on Laufey.

His dad paid all the bills when Loki ended up in the hospital. He made the school write Loki recommendations for college after Loki pissed off all his teachers; he's covering the chunk of his tuition that Loki's scholarship doesn't. If Aunt Farbauti asks for money he loans it over.

Frigga and Aunt Farbauti fight **all** the time. It's worse now, but even before his uncle disappeared they were distant. At family reunions they always stayed in opposite areas. Thor noticed, but didn't think it was strange because no one in the family really talks to Frigga for long except a few of their crazy religious aunts.

\--His parents were **married** when Loki was born. They weren't yet when Thor was, but by the time Loki . . . his _dad_. His fucking slut dad.

Thor closes his eyes and says, "How long have you known."

"Obviously longer than this," Loki replies.

When Thor bares his teeth, Loki finally mumbles, "Since Laufey was arrested."

Thor makes a disgusted noise and decides he never wants to talk to his aunt again. "And _this_ is what you're trusting her on?"

"--The father's side of my birth certificate is blank," Loki says lowly. Thor blinks his eyes open. "Laufey wouldn't put his name on it. He told Mom to name me this because she should've known what Odin was trying to do, and it was obvious who I'd side with in the end." Loki shoves his hands into his pockets. "Can't blame him, since _your dad's_ the one who turned him in."

Loki peels his lips back from his teeth in another grin. "So if I'm nobody's kin, then I guess I'll be everyone's enemy."

"Loki--" Thor squeezes his eyes shut again as he exhales slowly through his teeth. He tries to figure out where to even start untangling how fucked up this is.

He shoves a hand away from the railing and drags his bangs out of his eyes. Thor stares at his brother and asks, "Did you ever give a shit about me at all, or did you just do this to get at Dad?"

Loki's eyes widen, and for a second he looks thrown.

Then he tries to hide it. Loki sneers and leans back further as he retorts, "I **never** cared about you."

" _Liar_ ," Thor growls.

Loki sucks in a breath. Then he clenches his jaw and wrenches his hand out of his pocket.

Thor throws himself back reflexively, and the knife slices across his side. He grunts and doubles over at the sharp streak of pain, and then drives forward and tackles Loki when he tries to vault the railing.

Loki punches him viciously in the wound. Thor snarls and flings them both down onto the deck before trying to twist the knife out of Loki's hand.

He swears when he gets a better view of it. It's one of Loki's favorites: tricornered and brass, the blade less than three inches long, able to be hidden in a hand. Thor's parents gave Loki a whole set of them for his twelfth birthday. If he gets stabbed by it, he's going to have an infected wound that'll take more than twice as long to heal.

One of Loki's attacks nearly sideswipes his eye, and Thor rocks back to dodge it. Loki seizes the advantage and kicks him in the chest to shove him back further, and then kicks him in his wounded side. When Thor doubles over, Loki slams him to his back on the deck to kneel over him.

Thor brings an arm up to block his next strike, and Loki jerks his head to the side. He starts to twist around before he's knocked off Thor.

Thor wrenches himself up and then grimaces and folds in around his side again. Past him, Balder's struggling to put Loki in a sleeper hold.

Thor braces a hand against his side and forces himself to his feet. As he's turning to go help Balder, there's another movement to his side.

He looks over in time to get a faceful of cold water as their mother throws a pitcher of it at the three of them.

" _ **Enough**!_ " she orders, dropping the pitcher on the deck as she strides over to separate Balder and Loki. Balder lets go and backs off; Loki twists around reflexively to attack the new threat, and then sees who it is and drops the knife instead. Balder kicks it behind him and picks it up.

"Inside," Frigga tells them. "Now."

Thor wipes at his face with one hand and subtly tries to stanch the bleeding with the other, and waits until Balder and Loki are both in before obeying. He follows close enough behind Loki that he can't make a break for the front door, even when Loki snarls at him under his breath.

"Do not ever fight where outsiders can see it again," Frigga says as she locks the porch door. "Do you understand?"

When they agree, she gives Thor's side another look and herds them into the kitchen.

Once she determines that Balder didn't have a part in the fight until the last seconds, and Thor confirms that he was only trying to help, she sends him out. They hear the TV turn on quietly in the living room.

Loki stalks to the corner of the counter closest to the knife set, pacing in short, agitated little steps. Thor sits down in one of the chairs and tilts so his side's hidden by the table.

"What happened?" his mom asks.

"We got in an argument," Thor answers immediately, before Loki can fuck himself over any further. "It was stupid, and I let it get out of hand. I'm sorry."

His mom is silent for a long moment, and then looks over at Loki. He shifts farther away along the cabinets.

"Hm," she says, and tells Loki to go get bandages and antiseptic.

Frigga pulls a bottle of hydrogen peroxide from under the sink once Loki's gone. "Pull up your shirt," she orders.

"I'm fine," he mutters. "He just kicked me a couple times."

"Thor," his mom says dryly, "if you plan to start lying to me, you're going to need to do a much better job. I _saw_ his knife. You know you can't let brass get in a blood wound. Now pull up your shirt."

Thor hisses his breath out through his teeth, and then shifts away from the table and peels it up.

He tries to conceal all the bandages as he does. His mom makes an exasperated noise and tugs his shirt up further before he realizes to stop her, and then raises an eyebrow high.

Thor grits his jaw and says nothing, terrified that when he needs to lie believably the most he won't be able to pull it off.

"...I take it this wasn't your first argument this weekend," Frigga finally says.

"No," Thor replies, and leaves it at that.

"I see. Bring them here, please," she says as she starts soaking a paper towel under the water. Thor twists around enough to see Loki hesitating in the doorway.

His mom washes out the cut with soap and water while Loki pulls the gauze pads free of their wrapping. Then she has Thor bite down on the handle of a wooden spoon and starts cleaning it throughly with the hydrogen peroxide.

Thor snarls and cusses and bites harder when he has to as she works. Loki begins tearing the plastic wrapping into pieces. 

His mom's phone pings afterward, while she's frowning at the cut. She reads the text with a furrowed brow before tucking it back into her skirt. "I don't think you'll need stitches," she determines. "Does it feel deep enough that--"

Her phone pings again. She reads the text with a harder frown and then exhales shortly.

"I need to--" she starts, and the phone pings again.

"It's fine," Thor tells her. "I don't need stitches. Loki can put these on. Go take care of it."

Loki tenses up, but doesn't look over. Frigga glances between them.

"That..." she begins carefully, and then the phone rings.

His mom mutters a brutal curse in Icelandic and says, "I'll be right back."

"Okay," Thor agrees, patting his side dry. "We'll quit acting up, I promise."

She still looks like she knows something's off, but when the phone rings again she answers it and starts out of the kitchen. "I haven't read them all yet."

"You--" Loki starts to mutter, and Thor orders "Shut up" and tilts his head to listen.

When he hears his mom start up the stairs to the upper floor instead of going into the master bedroom, Thor glares at Loki and orders, "Go get the other device and bring it back here **now**. You're deleting everything in front of me."

Loki swallows hard. "...You can't be--"

"I said now," Thor growls. Loki shuts up and goes.

He soon comes back with Balder's phone, already typing. Thor eyes it long enough to hopefully clear Balder of suspicion, and then snorts mirthlessly and starts taping on the gauze.

"I warned you," Loki mumbles, not looking up from the screen.

"Did you think you could pull this shit without hurting Frigga as well as Odin?" Thor snaps.

Loki tightens his jaw. "I didn't care."

"Liar," Thor says coldly.

Loki grits his teeth tighter and glares at the phone, and keeps working in silence.

Eventually he stabs the screen a little harder for a few moments before finally muttering, "I told myself I didn't care, so I wouldn't think about it."

 _That_ , Thor's willing to believe.

He pushes one last piece of tape over the gauze, and then scowls at the bloody shirt tucked under his armpit. He wishes there was an option besides having all his marks visible if he strips it off or having to let Loki out of his sight to go change into a clean one.

Thor exhales shortly and then tugs the shirt back down over his stomach. He leans heavily against the sink and starts tapping his hand against it agitatedly, listening for the creak of the stairs. "How long's this going to take?"

"I already deleted everything last time," Loki replies, still typing. "I just have to check for traces."

Thor grunts and pats the pocket his phone's in. "Check this one again when you're finished."

"I obviously missed something, if you noticed it," Loki says tersely. He glances over. " _How_ did you notice it?"

"None of your fucking business," Thor evades. "Keep working."

Loki drops his hands instead and stares at him directly. "This is treason, Thor."

"Protecting family isn't treason," he says flatly.

Loki's hand tightens around the phone. He forces another ugly smile as he retorts, "It is when the _family_ you're protecting is the one poisoning the rest of it."

Thor narrows his gaze, and then says, "If you really wanted to hurt Dad you would have stabbed Frigga when you had the shot."

Loki jerks back.

A moment later he licks his lips. "Balder was too--"

"Shut up," Thor says flatly. "You didn't even think about it. Quit trying to dig yourself deeper, do what I fucking told you, and _wipe_ it."

Loki peels his lips back from his teeth again. Thor shoves away from the sink.

He grabs Loki's neck and jerks him closer, tightening his grasp when Loki tries to jerk free. "No," Thor says quietly. "I'm not letting you do this to yourself. I don't care anymore whether Dad or Laufey was the traitor, it's not going to fix the past. You're not going to make things better for your mom or brothers or anybody else by getting killed over this."

"I didn't do it for those assholes," Loki grits out.

"Then why **did** you?" Thor demands. "What exactly was the plan, Loki?"

Loki snarls and glares past him, and doesn't answer.

Thor waits, and waits, and finally mutters, "I thought so."

"Fuck you," Loki snaps. "I had to have the data before I could decide what to do with it."

"Sure," Thor agrees derogatorily.

Loki tries to jerk loose again, ready to sneer out another retort. The stairs creak.

Loki sucks in a breath and freezes up. Thor curses violently and then grabs the phone from him and breaks it.

He goes out to the den and finds Balder curled up on the sofa, staring at the TV.

"Don't sit like that, you know better," Thor says. He leans on the back of the couch while Balder's unfolding himself and holds out the cracked phone. "It must've gotten busted when you were wrestling," he says as their mom comes out of the hallway, typing on her phone. "Sorry. I'll buy you a new frame."

"Okay," Balder says, taking it with a frustrated noise.

Their mom pauses by the couch and frowns down at the phone. "It's broken?"

Balder nods. "I thought Thor or Loki could get it right again, but...." He shrugs.

She tchs under her breath and says, "Thor, may I borrow yours?"

"Sure," he replies, and hands it over.

Frigga shifts her own phone back to her ear and starts typing on his as she heads past them to the kitchen. Loki steps out of her way, moving closer to the porch doors. "I'm still working on it. I borrowed Thor's so I can keep talking."

 _I am surrounded by liars_ , Thor thinks.

Maybe he really never **did** understand anything about his family. Maybe he just thought he did because he assumed they were telling him the truth.

Loki may have a point calling him a hypocrite.

...His trust issues make a hell of a lot more sense now.

Thor glares at Loki when he shifts a little closer to the porch after Frigga falls silent in the kitchen. Loki stares back at him levelly, but stays where he is.

Balder picks at a piece of broken glass on his phone's screen with a resigned expression.

"...Sorry," Thor repeats. "I'll get you a new one. You had your stuff backed up, right?"

"Yeah, before I went to camp," Balder nods.

"Good," Thor mumbles, leaning back against the couch gingerly.

"You really should've put that tattoo on your right arm," Balder says almost inaudibly, before looking over with a tiny smile.

Thor snorts and then laughs. Balder grins wider.

"Brat," Thor says, shaking his head. He straightens when their mom comes back out of the kitchen.

"I'll keep running it," she replies into her phone as she holds Thor's out. When he takes it, she says "Thank you" to him and "One moment" to her phone.

"Give that to me later for recycling," she tells Balder as he starts to tuck his phone away. Frigga tilts her own into her shoulder and looks over at Thor and Loki. "I still want to speak with you two."

"Okay," Thor agrees.

She nods at the hallway to the master bedroom. "Come with me, please."

"Okay," Thor says again. "Lemme change first."

She nods and then gestures to Loki, and brings her phone back up. "I have to go for now. I'll call when I find anything."

Loki shifts on his feet, tilting slightly toward the porch door again.

But then he starts to follow her. Thor pushes away from the couch.

As he heads for his room, he hears his mom smile as she says, "Yes, things are fine. I'm just surrounded by teenage boys. There's always _some_ thing."

"Come on!" Balder calls, injured, as he turns the TV down more.

Thor snorts again without much humor, and kicks the door to his room open.

He manages to get his shirt off without pulling at the wound too much. Thor scowls in his closet as he tries to find one to replace it; but he took the last of his clean dark t-shirts to the hotel in case Loki drew blood again. He's got tank tops, but they'll show too much of his shoulders and chest.

Thor pokes at the dirty laundry for a few moments, and then thinks fuck it and grabs the nearest light t-shirt.

He keeps staring blankly at the closet as he works it on, frustrated by the niggling feeling that he needs to hurry up and get upstairs to make sure his mom's okay. Balder turned down the TV to hear better, but she's still alone up there with--

. . . Loki could have stabbed her, if he'd wanted to.

Thor was too far away to stop him. Balder was closer and about to tackle him again; but Loki's fast. Balder probably wouldn't have succeeded. At best, the wound wouldn't have been fatal--but if Loki got away afterward, in the time it took Thor and Balder to get her to the ER god only knows how much damage Loki could've done to Odin's system and all their lives. There wouldn't have been anyone good enough left to stop him.

But as soon as Loki recognized her, he pulled back.

If he cares about even just _one_ person, that has to mean there's still something decent in him. Loki didn't used to be this bad when they were kids--there has to be something in him at least a little like the person Thor used to know, even if it's buried under layers and layers of hate and lies and self-destruction.

There **has** to be.

Thor scrubs hard at his eyes and grimaces again when the motion pulls on his wounds.

He swipes the ibuprofen from the bathroom and dry swallows four as he heads to the living room. Balder glances at him over the back of the couch.

"Hey," Thor says. "I need you to do me a favor."

"Okay," Balder replies.

Thor gives him a twenty and says, "Can you go down to the hardware store and get me a lock? The privacy kind. You know, the horseshoe shaped ones."

"Can't be picked from the outside?" Balder asks, and Thor nods. "Okay."

His brother pushes off the couch and then hesitates, folding the bill up. "...Just one?"

Thor tightens his jaw and pushes his bangs out of his eyes. The heel of his hand brushes the dent in his forehead.

"Three," he says.

Balder nods again. "Want me to wait until it's finished?" he asks, pointing up at the ceiling.

"No, move it while it's still light," Thor replies, because the hardware store's on the same main drag as the restaurants and bar. "I don't want some drunk dumbass hitting you. I got this."

"Okay," Balder repeats, and goes. Thor slides his hands in his pockets and heads for the stairs.

When he toes open the door to the upper floor, Frigga stops talking and she and Loki both turn to look at him. Thor gets the twitchy feeling, not for the first time, that he's interrupting them.

"Are you all right?" Frigga--his mom, asks.

"Yeah," Thor replies, sitting on top of the short filing cabinet since she and Loki are in the only chairs. "I just got some aspirin."

She frowns deeper. "Is it that bad?"

"I feel pain," Thor says shortly. "I just don't show it much."

His mom blinks and draws back slightly, and Thor feels a little like an asshole.

"Sorry," he says. "It's fine. I'm fine now."

"Hm," she replies. He shifts on the metal cabinet and tries not to scowl. Loki stares out the windows.

Frigga folds her hands on her knee and says, "What _happened?_

"And the truth this time, please," she adds, before either he or Loki can reply.

Loki doesn't speak or move, so finally Thor says, "We got in an argument."

"How unusual," his mom says dryly. "But normally you both have the sense not to take it that far."

"Not really," Loki comments without looking over. Frigga shoots him an exasperated glance.

"Pretty much," Thor has to agree after another moment, and his mom lifts her eyes skyward.

"Normally you both have the sense not to take it that far _in public_ ," she qualifies, and Thor watches the barest hint of amusement tug at Loki's lips.

Thor rubs the back of his wrist against his mouth and says, "Sorry."

"I'm glad you're feeling regret if that means you understand the trouble you could have caused, to each other and for our family," Frigga says calmly. "Especially if it means you'll think twice before fighting again in the future. But I'd still like to know what caused it in the _first_ place."

"We were fighting about my dad," Loki says without inflection.

He keeps staring out the window even when Frigga drops her hands and stares at him for a long moment. When she glances at Thor, he shifts on the cabinet again and shrugs briefly. "...Yeah."

His mom lets out a quiet breath and folds her hands again. "Boys--"

"I know he's a traitor," Loki grits out.

"Shut. Up," Thor bites off.

" _Boys_."

Loki hisses through his teeth. "I **know** Laufey betrayed Odin," he mutters. "I **get** it."

Frigga presses her hands a little tighter against her knees and says levelly, "It's more complicated than that."

Thor blinks, and Loki finally looks over again. Frigga tilts her head and keeps watching him. "The truth always is."

The corner of Loki's mouth jerks a moment later. He finally manages a shaky half-grin.

"That's why no one likes it," he rejoins. "A lie always goes down better. Or at least it would if we'd all just _accept_ it."

"I'm well aware that Odin is a better husband than he is a father," Frigga says quietly. Loki jerks back slightly. "And that he's a better leader than he is either of those."

"That--" Loki starts, before swallowing hard and clenching his jaw.

Maybe the two of them are working up to what they all need to discuss in some roundabout, subtle way, but Thor's had enough of secrets and half-truths. "Aunt Farbauti told him about his birth dad after Uncle Laufey was arrested."

Loki shoves out of his chair furiously--but Thor picked his seat on the filing cabinet because it lets him block the door.

Loki glares at him, teeth bared, and Thor stares back impassively and shifts further off the cabinet.

"Boys," Frigga says wearily. "Please."

Loki kicks his chair and then storms after it as it rolls across the floor and bangs into the wall. He drops into it and curls up, glaring. Thor settles back down on top of the cabinet.

Frigga exhales slowly and slumps back into her seat, draping her forearms on the armrests. "Thank you," she tells Thor a moment later.

"Fucker," Loki growls.

"Language," his mom chides automatically.

"Laufey didn't betray Odin any more than I betrayed the rest of the family by marrying him," she adds after a breath.

Thor blinks and frowns, straightening. Loki lifts his head slightly.

"It's a matter of relativity," Frigga continues. "I'm aware that many people believe Odin is tearing apart our dynasty and trying to take it over for himself, and that I'm supporting him because I'm greedy for power."

Thor scowls and tries to remember the old family barbecues before Loki's family moved away. Why didn't he pay more attention, instead of thinking everybody was being boring adults talking politics and economics? --Because he was a _kid_ , why the hell would he have done otherwise.

"So **why** are you doing it?" Loki demands.

"Because it was corrupt before then," she replies, folding her hands on her lap. "We were getting complacent. If nothing changed, we would have--I _thought_ we would have gone too far one day and lost everything anyway."

His mom rubs a thumb against her wedding ring with a small sigh. "I might have been wrong, and this was worse. But even Tammany Hall couldn't last forever."

Loki folds his arms on his knees and slouches deeper into the chair, but he looks like he's at least thinking about it.

". . . Why'd you leave me there?" he finally says quietly.

"We couldn't find a way to adopt you," she replies. "As long as Farbauti was your legal guardian, and she refused to relinquish her rights and was alive and of sound mental health, we had little recourse even with Laufey gone."

"There are ways around that," Loki mutters into his knees.

"...Yes," Frigga agrees evenly. "But she's still my sister."

Loki looks away.

Thor shifts on the cabinet. "Couldn't you claim it's an abusive household?" he asks. "There had to be an argument for that back when he was doing drugs."

Frigga raises an eyebrow briefly. Loki bares his teeth again.

"Not without telling Odin about it," she answers after a moment, giving Thor a significant look.

"I know," he says, and Loki glares back out the window.

His mom nods. "Good. --And I wanted to solve this within the family," she says, with another tired expression. "If CPS were brought in, there's a lot of cold cases on both our sides that aren't buried as deeply as I'd like."

Thor scowls and starts to jiggle his leg, then stops when it pulls at the bandages. "What about getting him declared an emancipated minor?"

"I'm right here," Loki says harshly. "Quit trying to decide my life without my input."

"Your input's been shitty so far," Thor retorts.

" _Language_ ," his mom says. "Honestly.

"I thought of that," she adds, before looking at Loki. "If you complete a semester with excellent grades and no filed complaints, between that and your earlier test scores I'm sure we can find an argument that you're responsible enough and it's in your best interest." She makes a small gesture. "Even if we don't get the actual paperwork filed, it should be enough that Farbauti will unofficially release you to our care on holidays and summer breaks."

"She won't agree," Loki mutters.

"She will if there's enough evidence that I can prove a judge would move in favor of it," Frigga answers. "She won't want to drag our family's business out in the open, either."

Loki stares out the window, pulling his legs closer to his chest and starting to crack his knuckles.

"She won't agree," he finally repeats dully. "She's terrified of what's going to happen once she loses me as a hostage."

Frigga exhales slowly and tenses her jaw.

"I'll speak to her," she promises. "Things shouldn't have been allowed to get this bad. If I can take care of that end, will you work out your part?"

Loki's gaze flicks to Thor involuntarily.

Thor looks back at him steadily. Loki jerks his head aside and grits his teeth; Frigga waits.

". . . I'll try," he finally mutters.

"Thank you," Frigga answers. Loki shifts in the chair. "I'll do my best on my end, too."

Loki swallows and doesn't look over.

"Is there anything else?" his mom asks, looking between them.

Thor shakes his head, and then frowns slightly when his mom keeps looking at Loki. He glances over in his peripheral vision and finally notices that the foundation Loki put on to cover up all the marks on his neck was partially rinsed off when Frigga doused them.

Thor's stomach bottoms out.

Then he forces down the panic and tells himself to calm down. His mom probably thinks Loki was screwing around with someone while they were staying with Thor's friends, and maybe that that was part of the other fight. There's no reason she'd think they were lying about the whole weekend, especially now that she knows they both know about Loki's birth dad. He needs to stop fucking freaking out because he feels guilty or else she **will** catch on.

. . . If his parents ever stop trusting him to be alone around Balder, that's when he'll know they figured it out.

Thor swallows and straightens his shoulders. "No," he tells his mom. Loki is still for several more moments before finally shaking his head once.

Frigga nods. "All right," she murmurs. "...Don't fight like that again. Please."

"Okay," Thor agrees. Loki exhales through his teeth but nods curtly.

"Thank you," she repeats.

After another stretch of silence, his mom straightens in her chair. "You're both grounded for the rest of the evening," she says. "I may be up here for a while; I'll need you three to keep an eye on the perimeter."

"Understood," Thor replies. "Do you need help?"

"No," she answers, shaking her head. "--I don't know yet. I'll let you know if I do," she adds, looking at Loki.

He nods again, without giving anything away.

Frigga dismisses them after that, and tugs out her phone as they go. She tells Thor he can keep the door open when he starts to pull it shut behind him.

Thor nods and leaves, and catches up with Loki at the bottom of the stairs. When he tries to duck away, Thor grips the back of his neck.

"We're going to talk," he says lowly. "Come to my room later."

Loki yanks on his wrist, his nails breaking Thor's skin. "Fuck you."

Thor doesn't bother with the argument and walks away.

Balder's still gone, so Thor casts about for _something_ to do to burn off his agitated energy, and then goes and gets his laundry. By the time he's got it all lumped into a pile he can carry, Loki's locked himself in his room.

Thor chucks his clothes into the washer and stays in the laundry room after he's started running it.

As he leans against the dryer and listens to the lulling thrum, he pieces his idea out more and wonders if it's going to work at all, or if it'll just fuck up further something that's already pretty fucked up to start with.

Is there even a point where this _can't_ get more fucked up? How's he know when they hit that threshold?

Thor snorts tiredly and thinks of that morning and shoves his hands back in his pockets so he won't punch the machine.

He stays in the laundry room longer than he intended. Balder finds him there.

Thor frowns and straightens away from the dryer. "When'd you get back?"

"Just now," his brother answers, before holding out a paper bag and some change.

"Thanks," Thor says as he takes them. He frowns again when he goes to pull out one of the locks and finds there's only two. "I said get three."

"I don't need one," Balder answers. "Nothing'll happen to me."

"Don't get cocky," Thor tells him in frustration. "You know better than that."

Balder shakes his head. "I'll be fine. And...."

He shifts uncomfortably and scratches his arm. "...I know it's not cool, but if it looks like it's just you and Loki doing this, it makes it look like I'm not connected to it, and that'll help me. Dad'll be less suspicious of me. I know it's not cool."

Thor drops the bag to his side and stares at him.

"Seriously," he asks eventually, "when did you grow up so much?"

Balder gives him a little smile.

"You like to believe in people, Thor," he says. "You're usually right, but. I didn't know how much I could trust you."

"Jesus Christ," Thor curses with a mutter, slumping against the dryer.

"Sorry," Balder says.

Thor drags his hair back from his eyes and then thinks _Fine_. It's not like this is much different from when Balder would just stay quiet or go hide whenever he and his dad were yelling at each other. On a scale of reasons to be pissed at being manipulated, Balder doing it to protect himself ranks way lower than Loki doing it in ugly act of revenge.

Thor thinks maybe his scale is screwed up, and then thinks no shit. "Alright. Fine. But don't pull this again without telling me first."

"I won't," Balder promises.

"Good," Thor says. He pushes away from the dryer. "You're _sure_ you'll be okay?"

"Yeah," he replies. "Dad's probably not gonna risk his legal heir. He'd have to change all the wills and trusts and paperwork then. And Loki won't really hurt me," he adds as they head out of the laundry room. "He won't have anyone to push around if he does."

"Okay, **no** ," Thor says, grabbing his shoulder. His brother blinks and looks up at him. "Balder, that is screwed up. You should've told me if he's been worse than--"

Thor cuts off as he realizes he's about to say _worse than I've seen_.

Balder **shouldn't** have told him, because Thor was right fucking there and saw it. He just didn't ever say anything because half the time Loki was immediately lashing out at Balder after Thor was a dick to _him_ , and Thor had no moral ground to lecture him from.

"It helps me," his brother says in the silence. Thor frowns. "If he's telling me stuff to be a jerk, he's still telling me. Nobody else ever will."

Thor curses agitatedly and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Jesus _Christ_."

Balder shrugs, and Thor lets his hand fall away. "Don't worry about it. Things are okay this way."

"Like **hell** they are," he growls.

"You can't change it, Thor," his brother says seriously. "Dad'll kill you if you try. Really."

Thor stills and stares down at him.

Balder looks back gravely. "He didn't used to be this bad," he says, "but he is now. Especially with these last attacks."

Thor drags his hair from his face and tries to figure out how to keep his promise to Loki _and_ come home enough to make sure Balder's okay _and_ not completely flunk out of his classes. Shit. "Look, call me if it gets worse. I'll come back."

"It's okay," Balder promises again. "Honest, Thor. It's okay. He feels threatened by you and Loki way more than me. I think it'll get kinda better again when you're both at college."

"Still--"

His brother nods. "I will," he agrees. "But I mean it, I think between me and Mom, it'll be okay. But I'll call if it really starts to suck. Promise."

"Good," Thor says forcefully.

"Things'll get better," Balder tells him, as he heads for the living room again. Thor falls in step beside him. "...I think I can reconcile everyone eventually. I just need a lot of time."

Thor growls out a long breath as he drapes the arm on his good side over the back of the recliner. "Don't get in over your head," he orders. "Tell me when you need backup."

"I will," Balder promises with another nod. "I'm not Loki."

Thor straightens and watches him while Balder gets the remote.

When his brother sits down on the couch, Thor asks, "Did Dad tell you about him? When he told you about my birth mom?"

Balder shakes his head. "Loki did."

Thor decides that he's going to wring Loki's goddamn neck. "Are you fucking _kidding_ me?!"

"Okay," Balder hedges, "he didn't **tell** me. But when I asked him he cut me, so it was kinda easy to guess."

Thor stares a little longer, and then pinches the bridge of his nose again.

"...Why'd you think he was Dad's kid and not Mom's?" he asks instead, because right now if he makes Balder tell him everything Loki's done to him, there's no way he's going to be able to keep his cool tonight like he has to. He'll talk to Balder about it later. Soon. But later.

"Mom and Uncle Laufey didn't get along," Balder replies with a shrug. "And you and him are the only people I've ever seen Dad proud of, besides Mom."

Thor exhales and slumps back over the recliner.

"He's proud of you, too," he says after a while.

"Nuh-uh," Balder disagrees, flipping through the channels. "He's never been proud of me. That's why he's not jealous of me."

" _Jesus_ ," Thor mutters under his breath. "Just how fucked up is our family?"

"We could totally be a soap opera," Balder suggests, and Thor snorts.  
  
  
They don't see Loki again for the rest of the evening.

Their mom eventually sends Balder to bed. Thor finishes the laundry and screws the lock into his door, and comes to the realization that Loki's probably hoarded enough food in his room to live in there for a couple days if he's sneaky about getting to the bathroom. Assuming he hasn't just ripped the screen off his window and fucking fled again. It didn't look like it when Thor went out on the deck and found Balder had already retrieved the forgotten pitcher, but that was a couple hours ago. He could check again, but....

...He can only do so much. Loki has to make an effort too, or ultimately nothing Thor does is going to matter. Loki has to take some of the steps himself.

Thor emails Fandral's friend to tell her that he's not ignoring her on purpose, he's just trying to figure out everything he needs to write so he can explain things. She responds a little later saying it's okay, Fandral warned her Thor's family works for the government--she understands if there are aspects of the situation he can't disclose.

Thor wonders if Fandral mentioned they were related in a separate email, and tells her thanks and says he'll get a real reply back as soon as he can. He watches TV on mute for a while after his mom goes to bed. Loki never comes out of his room.  
  
  
Thor wakes up when someone kicks the bottom of his door once, reaching instinctively for his brass knuckles.

He hangs onto them just in case it's someone else doing a shitty job of breaking in. Thor checks his phone and exhales when he sees the time.

 _Asshole_ , he thinks, because Loki knows how to use sleep deprivation the same as him. Thor shoves the brass knuckles into one pocket and checks that the zip-tie he swiped from the false-bottomed cabinet in the kitchen hasn't fallen out of the other.

When he opens the door Loki's already started back toward his room.

"You're not getting off that easy," Thor says in a low voice, so he won't wake Balder. "Get back here."

"Took you long enough," Loki retorts quietly, turning around with a half-sneer.

"Look who's talking," Thor replies. He steps out of the doorway and slides a hand into his pocket.

When Loki finally deigns to enter, Thor shoves the door shut with a foot and grabs his hands. Loki doesn't have time to twist free before Thor's got his arms pulled behind his back and the zip-tie around his wrists.

Loki goes still, his shoulders tense. "You've got a funny idea of 'talking.'"

Thor double-checks that the zip-tie's just loose enough that Loki can wriggle free without dislocating anything if he seriously tries. Then he throws the deadbolt before reaching up and flipping the new lock closed. Loki jerks around at the sound.

He tests the zip-tie subtly a breath later. Thor shakes his head and moves away from the door.

"We'll talk afterward," he replies. "First, you need to be punished."

Loki sucks in a sharp breath before snarling at him. "Who the fuck do you think you _are?!_ "

Thor tenses his jaw. He closes his eyes briefly and draws a deep breath, and then turns around and looks Loki in the eyes.

"I think I'm the guy you tried to stab in the back for your revenge," he replies. Loki steps back, and Thor reaches out and grips the side of his neck to stop him.

He wanted to say more, about how he's sick of everyone in their family not talking about problems or burying secrets or using them to divide so-called threats, and how what Loki did has to have consequences so he'll actually acknowledge it was horrible, so they can deal and move on. But he couldn't ever string the words together without sounding like an abusive asshole.

So instead Thor swallows hard and finishes, "I think I'm your older brother, so it's my responsibility to do something about it when you start acting like such a goddamn shit."

Loki shudders hard and tries to pull away again. Thor doesn't let him.

"You're fucking sick," Loki spits shakily.

"So what?" Thor replies. Loki's eyes widen.

Thor holds his gaze until Loki finally twists his face away. Loki forces his mouth up in an empty sneer as he glares past him at the wall.

"You think beating me up's gonna make me change?" he derides. Thor can feel the tension in him beneath his palm. "Fine. Hurry up. I'm tired."

Thor shakes his head again and pulls his hand away.

"No," he says quietly. He turns around and walks to his bed.

He has to stop at the side of it because he still hasn't managed to get his shorts undone. His hands are trembling so he keeps fumbling the button.

Thor finally gets them open, and shoves them and his briefs off and kicks them aside. He sits down on the edge of the bed with a faint grimace before pushing it away and looking at Loki again. "Come here."

Loki jerks back and hits the door.

He yanks at the zip-tie a lot harder this time. Thor curls his hands around the edge of the mattress and thinks shit shit shit as the deadbolt flips.

He thinks, involuntarily, of the way Loki seized the first opportunity to open the bathroom door and give himself an escape route the night Thor beat that intruder to death all those years ago, when Loki figured out--before any of the rest of them--just how dangerous he really was. Thor clenches the mattress tighter.

With his hands bound Loki can't reach the new lock near the top of the door. And he doesn't go to the lengths necessary to twist free. Thor wonders if he should have made the zip-tie looser--maybe Loki's less willing to skin up his wrists and hands since he started programming. Shit.

He forces himself to keep a steady expression when Loki jerks his head around to glower at him again, almost more furious than he is freaked out. "You fucking--" he spits out, "you son of a bitch, you fucking arrogant bastard _cunt_."

"Get it all out," Thor tells him, "while you still can."

Loki shudders again and wrenches his arms until he winces. " _ **Bastard**_." 

_Don't pin my hands and mouth at the same time_ was the very first rule Loki ever set. Thor never forgot it, or the nervous look on Loki's face when he said it.

By deliberately breaking it, maybe he can force Loki to understand how betrayed he feels.

Loki cusses him out viciously, spitting out a half-incomprehensible string of insults and slurs and curses and proofs of what trash Thor's family and Thor himself is. Thor digs his fingers hard into the mattress and struggles to keep his face straight as he listens.

Not all of it's the same stuff Loki said in the hotel room. And Thor still can't remember half the things he's bringing up. Did he forget those slights because Loki's right, and they never even registered to him because Thor always assumed he and his family have every right to what they've got? Or are they lies Loki's parents fed him that he's taken for true because the other insults and old nastiness that Thor **does** remember convinced Loki it all must be real? Or are they lies Loki's told himself to make it easier to live with what he did, to make it feel like he's in the right? Does he even remember if they're lies or not anymore?

Thor makes himself stay quiet and listen, because even if Loki's knows it's lies he's telling he's still using them as justification. Thor wants to know what he's going to be facing.

So he waits it out; and finally Loki's voice cracks and he trails off on an unfinished curse, panting harshly as he glares at him. Thor stares back steadily.

"Bastard," Loki spits yet again, twisting in the zip-tie one last time before falling still.

His shoulders sag as he glowers at the carpet, his chest heaving and his face flushed with anger, lips peeled back from his teeth. Thor watches Loki squeeze his eyes shut with a deeper sneer before swallowing hard and finally taking a step forward.

Thor grips the mattress until he feels the fabric start to give, and thinks vaguely that Fandral was right. He was probably never the dom in this relationship. This situation, right now, is a thousand miles away from anything he did at Loki's order or from picking up on his cues.

Loki drags his feet across the carpet as he comes forward, his mouth still fixed in a sneer even though his eyes are wide, and the sheer weight of what he's doing almost chokes Thor. It mixes together with his terror of fucking this up and damaging Loki worse than he already is until his chest is so tight he can barely breathe. He lets go of the mattress before it splits and curls his hands at his sides instead, and then thinks no that looks too threatening and splays them flat on the bedspread instead.

Loki's mouth pulls back further on one side as he stops in front of him, even though he won't lift his head to look at Thor's face. "Must be pretty pleased with yourself right now," he mutters. "Fucking whore."

"Knock that crap off already," Thor says. "You're not even making sense anymore."

"You like 'cocksucking illegitimate naive asshole' better?" Loki asks with a brilliant smirk, still not meeting his eyes.

"Are you done?" Thor replies. Loki tenses to hide a shudder.

He bites out one more insult in Icelandic, and Thor translates enough of the lampoon that he doesn't bother trying to interpret the rest. Ten to one it boils down to Loki calling him a whore again.

Loki's shaking more than he can hide despite how hard he's trying.

The sick feeling in Thor's stomach gets worse, and he struggles to force it down and keep his face expressionless. This thing between them is already so fucked up that he can't really make it more rancid with this. He might make Loki hate him forever, but Loki apparently felt like that half the time already, so--

\--Justifying this is unacceptable. If he's going to do it, he needs to fucking own up to it.

Loki's **supposed** to be scared. That's the whole point of this. Even if his cousin--his brother takes off the second he gets out of this room, he's freaked out enough that he's not going to forget it any time soon.

One of their people is probably **dead** , and Loki was willing to take out more in order to burn Thor's immediate family; and he has no goddamn qualms he'll ever admit about using Thor at the same fucking time he was doing it. It's just dumb luck Frigga didn't triangulate the attacks sooner, and Odin didn't find enough evidence to confirm the treason that he's apparently not been that paranoid about expecting--because then Loki would be dead too.

So he **better** be scared of Thor right now, because then maybe he'll fucking think twice before being so blithely remorseless about destroying lives that they're ultimately responsible for or before putting everyone Thor cares about at risk, including his own fucking asshole self.

Even if Loki never talks to or even looks at him again after this, even if Loki hates him forever, if it makes him rein in his destructive actions, then Thor's still done what he has to.

 _Please don't let me fuck this up_ he thinks as he watches Loki tug his wrists against the zip-tie one more time, gritting his teeth.

Thor doesn't move and keeps waiting. At last, Loki clenches his jaw tight for a long moment and then gets down on his knees.

Thor shifts his legs farther apart so there's more room for him, and ignores Loki's mirthless snort. He reaches out and starts pulling Loki's hair back from his face.

Now that he's kneeling, Thor can see Loki's wrists are chafed almost to bleeding where the zip-tie's cut them. _**Shit**_. Was it not as loose as he thought? Loki was supposed to have that out if he really fought this. Shit, shit, **shit**. He should've triple-checked.

Loki's breath hitches when Thor finishes gathering his hair away from his face and pulls it back before cupping his head.

Thor tucks a few stray strands beneath his palm. He tightens his fingers briefly against Loki's scalp when a muscle in his brother's jaw jumps.

"Hey," Thor says lowly. "Remember: when my dick's in your mouth, I'm at _your_ mercy."

Loki jolts faintly.

He glances up sharply at Thor a breath later, studying him warily through his lashes. Thor keeps trying to maintain his expressionless face.

Loki looks down again a few breaths later and makes a shaky noise that was probably supposed to be a snort. "You're bad at this," he mutters.

"Fine," Thor replies, "as long as I'm good enough at it for you."

Loki hisses his breath out through his teeth. "Naive _idiot_."

Thor tugs his head forward until Loki's chin bumps against his cock. "That's enough out of you."

Loki barks out an ugly little laugh, and his hands clench into fists behind his back again. But he's not shaking like he was before. Thor keeps his hand pressed hard against the back of his head, but doesn't pull him forward further.

Loki still doesn't move for a while. At last he draws a long breath, and then he leans forward and takes the head of Thor's cock into his mouth.

He makes Loki work at it harder than he intended, because his visceral discomfort with the situation keeps his cock softened long enough that it almost gets embarrassing. Loki has to put real effort into what he's doing with his tongue and throat before it finally begins to take. He makes an exasperated, 'about time' grunt once Thor starts getting hard in his mouth, and Thor tells him to shut up and then curves forward with a low groan when Loki swallows his cock down a little deeper.

He lets Loki pull back to breathe when he really needs it, but doesn't let him fake him out when he just wants a break. When Loki works his cock down enough to start deep-throating him, Thor makes him stay there until his panicked whimpers sound real and he starts yanking at the restraints again.

When he loosens his grip, Loki slides off his cock and gasps for air. Thor fights the urge to tug him back onto it and clenches his free hand harder around the mattress instead, trying not to think about the loss of all that tight, wet warmth.

Loki must see him do it, because he whimpers again. "Wait." He coughs hoarsely and shakes his head. "Give me a minute."

"You don't deserve it," Thor replies, and Loki shivers.

He leans the side of his face against Thor's thigh with a soft noise. "Please. It's hard, Thor. You know that. Give me a minute."

Thor exhales harshly, and thinks about how well Loki's always known how to manipulate him. Loki bites his swollen lip and presses his face harder against his thigh.

"Fine," Thor agrees at last, and Loki slumps with a relieved breath. "But you're going to listen to me."

Thor wipes away the drool that's dripped over Loki's chin and jaw while he catches his breath. After a little while, Loki licks his lips and murmurs, "Can I have some water?"

Thor nods. "Some."

He leans to the side and grabs one of the bottles sitting on his nightstand, next to the container of ibuprofen and the washcloth. Thor opens it and then tilts Loki's chin up and sets it against his lips. Loki makes a faint disparaging noise but doesn't actually mouth off, and sips.

When Loki's drunk a third of the water, Thor pulls it away and sets it back on the table. He wipes off the trickle that ran down Loki's chin before sliding a hand back into his hair.

Thor tugs his head back, forcing Loki to look up at him. "Don't ever do that again." 

Loki starts to retort, and Thor jerks hard on his hair until his brother shuts his mouth with a grimace. "I said you're gonna listen to me," he orders. "Don't you **ever** pull shit like that again. Do you understand? Even if someone else exploited those gaps, you still created them. That death's half on you. Got it?"

Loki sneers but spits out, "Yes."

Thor tightens his fingers in Loki's hair as he stares at him levelly. "If you ever decide to act like you're not a part of this family and pull another stunt like this, I'll track you down. Got it?"

"I'm **not** a part of this ' _family_ ,'" Loki hisses.

"You are now," Thor snaps. "Balder already knows, and Dad can't pretend anymore. If you ever try any shit like this again, I don't care how far you go or how well you hide, I _will_ find you. Do you understand?"

Loki doesn't answer.

Thor pulls until Loki's head is tilted all the way back and his brother's clenching his jaw. "If you want to get away from me you better put that knife in my fucking throat instead of my side, because I'll **keep** finding you. You don't get to pretend you're not one of us anymore, Brother. Now _do you fucking understand me?_ "

When Loki still doesn't reply, Thor yanks his hair until Loki makes a pained noise despite himself.

"You fucked up freak," Loki pants, his eyes clenched shut.

"Yes or no, Brother," Thor replies evenly.

Loki squeezes his eyes closed tighter. " **Stop** it."

"No," Thor answers. "Do you understand me, _Brother_ , yes or no?"

"Yes," Loki grits out.

"Good," Thor says, and lets go. Loki jerks his head forward so his neck's no longer so exposed, his lips peeled back from his teeth.

They pull back wider when Thor cups his face, but Thor doesn't give him the chance to snarl out more insults. "You fucking moron, you could have _died_."

Loki makes a sneering, dismissive noise.

Thor growls and jerks his head up again, forcing Loki to stare at him. "Don't you dare act like that's nothing."

"Comparatively, it is," Loki smartasses. He hisses as Thor's grip tightens reflexively.

Loki glowers. "What do you want, Thor?" he spits. "Do you _really_ think this is going to change anything? Do you think you're teaching me anything except that you'll cover for me if I let you fuck me for it?"

Thor stares at him for a long, long time; but Loki just looks back at him coldly.

At last Thor's shoulders slump as he swears wearily under his breath.

But when Loki starts to smirk, Thor lifts his head and catches his eyes again. "Yes," he replies, as his brother's superior look evaporates. "I think I'm gonna teach you to think twice before the next time you try this.

"It's not 'nothing' to me if you disappear," Thor says harshly. "It's not 'nothing' if you try to screw over me or the rest of the family. So the next time you think about trying that crap, you **remember** this first."

"I will," Loki says softly. "Just like I'll remember how you told me it'll take a knife in the throat to stop you."

Thor hisses out a long, angry breath and drops his head to press his forehead to Loki's. His brother jerks and tries to lean away, but Thor doesn't let him.

"You're not a monster, Loki," he replies quietly, and his brother tenses further. "No matter how much you pretend to be one, I'll still see through you. Remember **that** , too."

Loki struggles harder to get free, making Thor tighten his grip more. " _Idiot_. I'll **never** change."

"Now _that's_ bullshit," Thor replies with a wan smile. "You're the most changeable jerk I know."

Loki coughs on a startled snort. "--Better than being constant in my _stupidity_ , like you."

"Yeah, well," Thor mutters, "it's not like being smart's been doing you any favors."

"Fuck you," Loki scowls.

The corner of Thor's mouth tugs up as he retorts, "You _wish_ I'd let you again."

"--Asshole, get your own words," Loki snaps, and for a second he sounds so legitimately **insulted** that Thor can't help his snerk.

It starts as one and then keeps going as Loki makes a peeved noise. "Plagiaristic jackass," his brother mutters, still piqued, and Thor gives up and lets himself laugh.

Loki rolls his eyes and huffs exaggeratedly as Thor's snickering trails off. He tenses up again when Thor lets his hands slide down to rest on his shoulder and cup his neck.

"Things change, Loki," Thor murmurs, his eyes sliding shut because it's late and he's weary and strung out and tired of the effortless way Loki can just shut himself behind his walls whenever he doesn't want to listen to what Thor's saying. "Everything changes. It's not gonna be like this forever."

Loki snorts cynically. "Don't **you** try to convince me to 'wait and hope.' That's not your style, either."

"Things won't be this way forever," Thor repeats urgently. " _Everything_ changes. It'll change even if you don't try forcing it like this. And for the better."

"You don't know that."

"It'll be for the better because it won't be putting your life or ours at risk, moron," he replies.

Loki is silent for a long time.

"Careful, Thor," he murmurs at last. "If _everything_ changes, then us always being family has to eventually, too. You can't have it both ways."

"That will," Thor says. Loki stiffens faintly beneath his palms. "At college we'd obviously have to say we're just boyfriends, so there, does that meet your criteria?"

"Christ," Loki mutters in disbelief. "--You _know_ what I mean, dumbass."

"You're the one being the deliberately obtuse dick here," Thor retorts.

"Better than an acute one," Loki smirks.

Thor pulls back just enough to stare at him.

"...If you start making geometry puns I'm shoving you in the closet," he warns, and Loki asks "What exactly is the angle of that plan?"

" _It's too late for this shit_ ," Thor growls at him. Loki finally cracks up.

Thor drags a hand over his face with an exhausted groan as his brother sniggers to himself. Then he shoves his hair back from his eyes and watches him.

When Loki's amusement dissipates, Thor squeezes his neck before he can withdraw behind his aloofness once more. "Things will change."

"Sure," Loki replies, and Thor's not certain it's a victory that he sounds more worn down than hostile now. "But not for the better."

" **You** don't know that," Thor replies.

"It hasn't so far," Loki points out bluntly. "Why am I supposed to believe all of a sudden things'll magically get better?"

"They can't get much worse."

The corner of Loki's mouth curls back in another sneer. "You don't know anything."

"In the last several hours I have been stabbed," Thor says flatly, "had a brother barely be prevented from committing fratricide and suicide, learned everybody in my damn family lies better than me, learned I'm committing a way higher level of incest than I thought, and got obligated to pay for a new phone. They're gonna be _pretty fucking hard-pressed_ to get worse."

Loki ends up snickering involuntarily again.

Thor pushes back his brother's bangs when the action spills them over his face. Loki falls silent with a swallow.

"Things will change," he promises forcefully. "If you'll work with me we can make them change for the better." He waits for a moment, and then pushes Loki's bangs back further and tips his head so Loki's looking at him again. "Got it?"

"I get that you believe that," he replies. "But that doesn't make it true."

Thor exhales slowly.

"Why do you make this so hard?" he asks tiredly.

"It'd be easier on you if you'd accept lies," Loki tells him quietly. "The truth's never going to make you happy."

Thor struggles not to growl again and says, "I'd listen to you if the truth were something you ever had anything to do with except as your polar opposite."

Loki quirks a disparaging eyebrow. "That's a terrible metaphor."

"It's late," Thor says in frustration. He mutters when Loki snorts disdainfully.

"Fine," Thor says flatly. "If all you can do right now is believe that I believe we can make things better, then just _believe_ that and I'll **make** it true. All right?"

Loki tilts his head with a vexed, tired look. "You're wasting your time, Thor."

"That's not for you to decide," Thor tells him. He cups the back of Loki's head again. "You've had more than a minute."

Loki's shoulders tighten. He licks his dry lips as he glances down at Thor's cock, gone softer again while they argued.

"...Really making me work this time, huh?" Loki says with a half-smirk.

"You fucked up bad," Thor says evenly, and Loki tenses further between his legs. "So take your punishment, so we can move past this and start fixing things."

Loki hisses a breath out through his teeth. "It's always so simple for you, isn't it?"

"Being cynical doesn't make you right any more than being optimistic makes me wrong," Thor replies.

He pushes Loki's head forward slightly. Loki growls in the back of his throat, but after a few deep breaths he bends and takes Thor's cock back in his mouth. Thor pulls his hair from his face again as Loki works his way down it.

He's closer this time than before, but it feels like it's getting harder for Loki to fight his gag reflex. Thor clenches his jaw tighter each time he lets Loki pull back to gasp for air, because it keeps happening every time he starts to feel ready to come. He can't help wondering if, despite everything, Loki's still got the upper hand over him somehow. It feels like he's being edged again.

The next time he lets Loki pull away, Thor keeps his hand gripped tight in his hair while Loki pants raggedly. "Get what you need," he grits. "Next time you're staying on my cock until I come."

Loki forces a rasping snicker. "Thought you were close. Like hearing me choke on your dick that much, huh?"

"...You know I do," Thor makes himself admit, and Loki shudders.

He swallows hard and glances up at Thor through his lashes. "...You like liking it?"

"Not this way," Thor answers. "You know that, too."

Loki searches his face for a few moments, and then glances down with another swallow and makes a faint nod. Thor keeps a hand in his hair, but holds it steady and waits until Loki decides he has enough air and leans forward to suck his cock again of his own volition.

He doesn't like how good it sounds to hear Loki whimper and inhale sharply through his nose as he works Thor's cock back down his throat, or how good it looks to see Loki's neck and back tense when Thor pushes him back down every time he tries to pull away again. Thor keeps shaking off the urge to reach out and feel Loki's cheeks hollow out as he sucks, or to trace his lips where Loki's got them stretched around his cock; and he tries to force away the thought that at least while he's got Loki choking on the dick in his mouth he's too distracted to think up any more of his nasty plans. The fact that it feels nice when Loki's shoulders brush his thighs as he starts to struggle in his grip, and even better when Loki's throat tightens around his cock as he makes a panicked noise, makes Thor half-disgusted with himself. He wishes he could know if it's an act, that Loki's playing him to get this over with, so it wouldn't feel so horrible.

He tries to shove it all aside and focus on how liking it means it's gonna be easier to come soon. He told Loki he's not going to let him up again until then, and his brother needs to learn that Thor's serious about not always giving in to him. But he's also got to finish this before Loki gets really hurt. So if he's fucked up, fine, he'll deal with that later. Now's not the time to think about anything else except Loki.

Thor grips his free hand around the back of Loki's neck when his brother fights harder to pull loose, and then groans thickly and curls in more above him when Loki makes another high, apprehensive noise.

"No," Thor says roughly, tightening his hold on Loki's head and neck. Loki twists violently against his hands with a spasming whine, and then gags when Thor thrusts in deeper reflexively.

Thor breathes through his teeth and struggles to hold still. "No," he croaks, and then he swallows until his voice isn't so gruff. He squeezes the back of Loki's neck until his brother falls still, trembling.

"You can take it, Loki," he promises. "I'm almost there. Just--swallow. It's almost over, and then you'll be done. You can take it."

Loki tries to shake his head and chokes out another whimper as more saliva dribbles from the corners of his lips.

Thor gives his neck another brief, reassuring squeeze. He brings his legs in to hold Loki in place. "You **have** to take it," he says lowly. "So you can."

Loki shudders hard and almost gags again. Thor slides his hand down to rub his back soothingly and murmurs "Just swallow" once more; and after a few sharp inhales Loki makes a muffled noise and follows the order.

Thor closes his eyes and keeps rubbing his brother's back as Loki works to swallow rhythmically around his cock. He groans again when Loki manages to do it all the way down, and curls in further and tightens his knees against Loki's shoulders with a low moan when Loki starts repeating it.

"That's it, Loki," Thor grunts the next time his brother makes another choking noise. He gives up trying to keep rubbing Loki's back and just wraps an arm around him, and doesn't concentrate on anything except restraining his thrusts so he won't suffocate Loki. "Almost done. Just keep doing that, you're almost done."

Loki keens weakly around his cock, but obeys.

Thor's legs tighten further unconsciously as Loki keeps swallowing thickly around his cock. The defeated little muffled sounds he makes as he does it cause Thor's stomach to twist, because he wants to keep hearing them, he wants this proof that Loki can't always fucking shutter himself away from him, that _this_ time at least Loki's had to stay right here with him.

Loki gags again when Thor's control slips and he drives his cock in rougher. Then he makes a desperate, pleading noise and tries to swallow harder. Thor moans harshly and quits thinking about anything except pushing those last few breaths closer to coming, until finally he's there.

Loki tries to pull away as he comes, and makes a stifled wail when Thor forces him to stay pressed tight against the base of his cock. He sags in Thor's grip and keeps swallowing convulsively.

Only he can't do it well enough anymore at this point. When Thor feels semen start to dribble from the corners of his mouth, he grits his teeth and makes himself let go.

Loki jerks loose from his cock with a raw cry and collapses against his leg. Thor grips his thighs and pants while Loki spits out come and sobs for breath.

After he's ridden out the last of his orgasm, Thor's earlier uncertainty starts to slither back in.

Loki's still slumped heavily against his thigh with his eyes squeezed shut, breathing harshly, and Thor's not sure how to treat him. He wants to comfort Loki after how hard this was on him, and it's always easier to leave this mindset when Loki lets him take care of him afterward. But he doesn't want to risk undoing the point of punishing him by being kind in the follow-up like usual. But he can't just abandon aftercare, not with what they've done. He's not sure how to end this.

Finally, Loki draws another long, ragged breath and then thumps his temple lightly against Thor's thigh.

"If that wasn't good enough for you, you're gonna have to wait 'til tomorrow for a redo," he mumbles.

Thor exhales quietly and wipes the sweat away from his face. He shifts one of his legs aside so Loki isn't pinned anymore, but leaves the one he's leaning against in place.

"I'm still pissed at you," he mutters. Loki stiffens, and Thor reaches out and brushes his hair off his face. "But yeah. That was good. You did good."

When his brother relaxes again, Thor tucks his hair behind his ears and drops a kiss to the top of his head.

The washcloth's mostly dried out by this point, so Thor grabs a handful of tissues from the nightstand instead and starts cleaning up Loki's mouth and chin. Loki leans his face into his palm and lets him do it without comment.

"...You took it really well," Thor murmurs, wiping off Loki's throat where the spit and come have trickled down. "Did you learn your lesson?"

" _God_ ," Loki replies. Then he whimpers when Thor grips his hair again.

"If you didn't yet you're going to stay here until you do," he warns.

Loki snorts and flutters his eyes open long enough to give his cock a deliberate look. "You can't keep it up long enough to teach me."

"I don't need to," Thor replies. "I've just gotta find where you're hiding that dildo."

Loki shivers and bites his lip briefly. "...You wouldn't."

"I'll do whatever I have to for you to take me seriously," Thor says quietly. "Should I go get it?"

His brother trembles more and shakes his head. "Don't."

"You sure?" Thor asks. "A piece of plastic's going to stay hard no matter what tricks you pull. You'd really have to think about what I said then. I probably should."

Loki shakes his head sharply, his chest heaving as he breathes faster. " **No**. Thor, don't. Please. My throat hurts too much, I can't do this again."

"You sure?" Thor repeats, and Loki squeezes his eyes shut and says " _ **Please**_."

Thor rubs a thumb against the back of his head. "So you learned your lesson?"

"Yes," Loki gasps.

"Then say it," Thor orders. Loki snarls under his breath but cuts off when Thor grips the back of his head tighter.

". . . I won't do this again," he finally says.

"And?" Thor prompts.

"And you'll find me if I try," Loki mutters.

"And?"

Loki glares up at him and gives an aggravated shrug; and Thor feels it cut into his heart when he sees the genuine confusion and frustration on his face.

He closes his eyes until he can make his voice steady. "And it **matters** if you disappear," Thor forces out. "Because I love you. Say it."

Loki freezes up against him. Thor clenches his jaw and stares at him. "Say it, Loki."

"God," his brother repeats in horrified disbelief. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I see you better than you see yourself," Thor tells him shortly. "You only see the worst parts, but I see all of it. **It matters** if you pull some fucked up shit that'll get yourself killed. _Say it_ , Loki."

His brother keeps staring at him in shock until Thor yanks on his hair again.

Loki clenches his eyes shut and grinds his teeth against the pain, and finally says, "It matters whether I disappear or not."

"And?"

"And you love me," his brother finishes, "because you're a fucked up, idiot moron who doesn't know how to cut away a rotting branch you fucking **fool**."

"That was the most pathetic insult I've ever heard from you," Thor replies with a twitch of his lips, and Loki snarls and says "Fuck you, _it's late_."

"That's your fault," Thor reminds him. He rolls his eyes when Loki growls again. "Now repeat it."

"Fuck _**you**!_ " Loki retorts, his voice cracking.

"Repeat it," Thor says implacably.

Loki bares his teeth and pants harshly and tries to wait Thor out, but eventually he shuts his eyes and obeys.

"Good," Thor says gently at the end. He kisses the top of his head again, and Loki makes a halfhearted effort to hiss at him.

Thor wipes away the tears at the edge of Loki's eyes before hooking his hands under his armpits. "C'mon."

He makes a disbelieving noise without thinking when he sees how hard Loki's cock is in his jeans, then regrets it when his brother flinches.

"Shut up," Loki says hoarsely, his eyes still closed. "I hate it."

Thor's eyes flick to his face.

He pushes off the bed with another grunt. Thor wipes down his cock and pulls on his shorts before shaking one ibuprofen out of the bottle. Loki takes it when he pushes it into his mouth, and he drinks the rest of the water when Thor holds the bottle up for him. Once it's empty and Thor pulls it away, Loki licks his lips and says, "Just one?"

"I don't want you to forget this too soon," Thor replies.

Loki studies him through his eyelashes, and then finally snorts and looks aside. He tugs his wrists against the zip-tie. "How long're you gonna make me wear this?"

"A little longer," Thor answers, as he lays a hand against Loki's chest and pushes. Loki sucks in a breath as he stumbles backward.

He inhales sharper and wrenches at his wrists when Thor herds him into the corner. Thor presses up hard against him until Loki's pinned, and then leans down and bites his neck lightly as he kicks Loki's feet apart.

Loki jerks against him and twists harder in the restraints. "Stop it!"

"Your mouth's free again," Thor reminds him quietly, kissing the spot he bit.

Loki sucks in another breath and goes still, and then whimpers when Thor bites him harder before pushing a hand into his jeans.

Loki curses and thrashes against his restraints as Thor undoes his fly enough that he can get a hand in his boxers to jerk Loki off. Thor kisses him again before pressing his mouth to Loki's ear.

"It's okay," he promises, as he squeezes Loki's cock hard enough that his brother sobs and jerks into his touch. "It doesn't mean you wanted to like it. I know," Thor says, squeezing again. "I promise."

Thor works his cock rough and mean, and Loki bites his lip and bites him and bangs his head against the corner as he comes hard from it, quaking violently even as he slumps against the wall. Thor wraps an arm around his waist to steady him, and kisses Loki's neck and shoulders gently until he's finally got his breath back.

When it's evened out, Thor zips his fly and pulls him away from the wall. Loki makes an exhausted noise but follows, still sagged against him.

Thor kisses his shoulder above his collar one last time and says, "We need to start planning what to do if they find out, but that's gonna be tomorrow after we've slept. Right now, I'm gonna take you to the bathroom. I'll cut off the zip-tie and wash your wrists, and then you can decide if you want to sleep in my room, or yours. Okay?"

"Okay," Loki mumbles. Thor kisses his jaw and guides him to the bathroom.

Loki chafed his wrists to bleeding with that last round of fighting. Thor checks the give in the zip-tie again as he hews the plastic with scissors, and frowns when he confirms that it _was_ looser like he thought.

He thinks of the first time in the storage room, when Loki kept his hands above his head after Thor was too distracted to keep pinning them even though it meant he couldn't jerk off, and starts to frown deeper before making himself stop.

"What," Loki says as Thor throws the zip-tie in the trash.

"I thought it was tighter than I meant," Thor replies. He turns on the faucet and starts washing out Loki's scraped wrists. His brother flinches and hisses at the sting, but puts up with it. "But it wasn't."

Loki tries to tug away again. Thor wraps a hand heavily around his forearm and closes his grip slightly, and doesn't say anything. Loki hisses under his breath but goes still.

"So?" Loki finally mutters, glaring at the water. "How'm I supposed to explain to Frigga that my hands are all chewed up in the morning? It was just a taunt."

Thor shakes his head. "No. I should've thought of that sooner. It was supposed to be an out."

Loki blows his hair out of his face. "You really _are_ bad at this," he says conversationally.

"If being forced gets you off, whatever," Thor tells him, switching wrists. "Like I've got room to talk. But you're still safe. No matter what I do, you can break out of the game or take over control of it whenever you need."

Loki tilts his head away but not far enough to hide how he's rolling his eyes. Thor continues.

"I'm only going to take that away if you pull shit like this," he warns lowly.

Loki tenses up against a shiver.

He recovers better this time. Loki starts tapping his free hand on the countertop, shaking his head a breath later.

"If you were really going to coerce me, you wouldn't've left it loose," he points out. "And you wouldn't have stayed here. You would've taken me somewhere nobody'd hear me scream for help."

Thor shudders at the casual pragmatism in his voice.

"...There's only so far I want to go," he finally bites out. "Don't fucking push me."

Loki shakes his head again. He leans heavily against the counter and rests his temple against the mirror.

"This is why Odin hates you," his brother tells him, watching Thor with something bordering on pity. "Because you can do the same shit as us and still act like you're a good person." Loki tilts his head a little further, studying his face. "Don't you get _tired_ of being so dependable?"

Thor finishes cleaning and drying his wrist, and then rubs wearily at his eyes with a forearm before tugging open the medicine cabinet.

"Sometimes," he mutters, as he pulls out the gauze and antiseptic. "But doing anything else makes me feel worse."

"Weird," Loki replies, more contemplative than insulting.

Thor wraps up his wrists and rubs the circulation back into his hands while Loki stays leaning heavily against the sink.

His brother winces occasionally when Thor comes too close to the raw skin. Finally, he curves the corner of his mouth up. "You sure you only want to give me one aspirin?"

"Yes," Thor says steadily, forcing away everything else he feels at the sight of Loki's red wrists and swollen mouth. "I want you to know I'm serious. I took all the others, so don't bother looking."

Loki exhales through his teeth, but doesn't push again. Thor keeps rubbing his hands and wrists lightly until he finally says, "They're okay."

"Okay," Thor agrees, and straightens up. "Where do you want to sleep?"

Loki rubs at his face. "...I want a shower first."

Thor almost says _You should've told me that before I put the bandages on_ but refrains. Loki's just stalling.

"Alright," he agrees. "Let me know if you want help with the new bandages."

He fishes in one of his pockets and pulls out the second lock. "If you pick your room, install this. I had Balder buy them for all of us while we were talking to Mom."

Loki gives him a long look as he takes the lock. Thor says "The screwdriver's in the kitchen drawer" and leaves him alone.

He goes out to his car and roots around under the seats until he finds the maps and atlas his parents gave him when he got it, in case the GPS's satellite was ever taken out while he was on the road. He drains a bottle of water when he returns to his room, but still feels kind of sick. Thor collapses onto his bed and wonders if he's just done something hopefully helpful, or irreparably awful.

He curls in slightly, and listens to the sound of the shower running down the hall, and waits.  
  
  
Loki leaves his clothes in the bathroom when he's done. He ignores the invitation in the half-open door to Thor's room and goes straight to his own, and then tenses when he shoves the door in and sees Balder sitting on his bed.

Loki curses mentally at himself for getting so lax while Balder looks down at the computer in his lap. Then he makes his face go blank and walks into the room. "Give me my knife back."

"You've got more," Balder says.

"I don't care," Loki retorts sharply as he yanks a pair of boxers out of his bag. "It's not **yours**."

He jerks the boxers on and watches Balder pull the knife out of his pocket in his peripheral vision. But when Loki turns back to him, Balder holds out the laptop instead. "I need you to check something for me."

Loki snorts derisively. "Ask Frigga."

"You don't want me to do that," Balder says quietly.

Loki pauses and looks down at him.

He raises an eyebrow and regrets letting Balder pull out the knife as he moves back to the bed. "So you're a liar now too?" Loki asks contemptuously as he tugs the laptop out of his hands from a safe distance. "You didn't last as long as I expected."

"I didn't lie," Balder replies.

"Yes you--" and then Loki figures out the trick.

Balder looks over when he falls silent and opens the laptop. "All Thor asked was if I backed it up. He didn't ask if I downloaded anything."

"Lying by omission," Loki replies, brows drawn as he frowns at the log-in screen. He starts typing in possible passwords. "That's still lying."

"No, that's formal semantics," Balder replies.

"Hmm," Loki drawls, and makes a note of the response for the future. "What'd you do?"

"Once I found the webserver, I put it on here to see what I could do with it," Balder answers. "I deleted it, but you need to make sure it's all really gone."

Loki notes also that Balder's gotten better at digital forensics than he's let Frigga or Thor know. "Did you use Dumpit or Volatility?"

"Both," Balder answers. "It was really hard to scrape."

Loki smirks a little, and then tells himself not to be proud of outdoing a kid. The fourth password he tries works, so he waves a hand. "Get off my bed."

Balder goes. Loki stretches out on his stomach and tilts the laptop away from him before loading the first program. The position's going to start hurting his shoulders before he's done and it's already a bitch to his knees since the mattress is too hard, but it's better than sitting.

Loki remembers Thor's faint grimace as he settled on the edge of his bed, and then makes himself stop thinking about it and focuses on his work.

Balder slides his hands into his pockets and paces a stretch of the carpet in short, awkward little strides as he types. Loki ignores him.

"...I meant it," he says eventually.

Loki raises an eyebrow without looking up from the screen.

"I won't lie to you," Balder continues, looking over. "I'll keep my promise."

Loki's hands pause on the keyboard for a breath before he continues typing.

"Thank god I was spared the imbecility you two inherited," he murmurs, and leaves it at that.

"You expect more from other people than you do from yourself," Balder mutters, and then he shoves his hands deeper in his pockets when Loki bares his teeth in warning. He kicks at the carpet. "As long as you keep your end of the deal and tell me stuff, I'll keep my end."

"Fair enough," Loki agrees. "Shut up, you're distracting me."

He's finished checking the laptop when Balder finally gets tired of pacing stupidly and just leans against the wall. Loki yawns against the back of his hand and wonders if Thor's fallen asleep yet.

He logs onto the server and finds Balder erased his malware but didn't find the backup copy. Loki selects the file, and hesitates.

If he leaves it here--renamed, buried on a random Apache server no one would trace to him, safely waiting until he's no longer under suspicion and can download it again--it'll be so much simpler than writing a new one. It might be months or even most of a year before he can start again, but it'll still be easier this way.

Loki covers his expression with a deep yawn, and then winces when his throat stings.

He drops his head forward until his hair hides his face from Balder and sneers at the laptop, and starts to log off.

...But if he leaves it and then Thor discovers he has too soon, he might feel so betrayed this time that he finally gives up on him. And without Thor he won't--

\--without Thor he'll have a lot harder time pulling off what he needs to. That's all.

It'll be harder to start from scratch, but he can do it. The next program will even be better, because he'll have learned from this. It _doesn't mean_ he's giving in, or starting to buy the shit Thor wants him to believe. It just means he's thinking long-term.

It's just pragmatism. That's all.

Loki erases the backup from the server and obliterates any sign he was there, and then yawns heavily again. Balder shakes himself alert and shoves away from the wall by his shoulders.

He soon starts fidgeting with an object in his pocket that's obviously his phone. Once Loki's completely finished and just wiping any indicators that he used the computer, he says, "You told Thor, didn't you?"

"Yes," Balder replies.

"You little shit," Loki says without inflection or looking over.

"It was him, or Mom," Balder replies, and Loki forces himself not to pause again. "And that would've meant telling Dad."

He doesn't say more. Finally, Loki arches an eyebrow again. "Are you expecting thanks?"

The corner of Balder's mouth lifts briefly. "That'd be kind of dumb."

"Hm," Loki says again consideringly.

At least that means he wiped Thor's phone successfully. Frigga wasn't just trying to lull him into a false sense of security by not saying anything after finding any traces.

...She'd have to expect him to be asleep by now. Unless she started to come down the hall and then heard Balder. Unless she's waiting for Odin's return.

Loki pushes those thoughts away too, because paranoia is only useful when it helps him stay on his guard.

He shuts the computer down, wipes away his fingerprints and closes the laptop with the back of his hand. "Give me your phone."

"I already broke it," Balder replies.

Loki snorts. "You're a kid. Give it."

Balder huffs out an annoyed breath, but hands it over and takes his laptop back.

Loki examines the casing. It's slightly lopsided, and therefore clearly been opened and tampered with. "You're a dumb kid. You'll be caught. What were you planning to tell Frigga?"

"That I gave it to you one last time in case you could fix it," Balder answers. "I wore gloves. You and Thor and I all have our fingerprints on the case."

"Throwing me under the bus to cover up your own actions," Loki says after a pause. "You're getting an early start on being like your dad."

"It's better to look like a petty jerk than a traitor," Balder replies.

Loki looks over at him narrowly. "That's not for you to decide."

"Not yet," Balder agrees with a shrug. "But it will be one day."

 _We'll see about that_ , Loki thinks, and lobs the phone at him. Balder catches it and then fumbles with it for a couple seconds, trying not to cut his palms on the splintered glass. "Beat it."

As Balder tucks the laptop further under his arm and pushes his phone back in his pocket, Loki frowns and looks at the wall separating his room and Thor's.

He starts to ask _How long were you in here?_ and then stops and presses his lips together instead.

The walls aren't that thick. Last month, at the start of this, if he was very quiet and Thor wasn't Loki could hear Thor jerking off sometimes. And the corner Thor herded him into was one on that wall. If Balder was in here....

It's dangerous not to get the information. He should ask. But if Balder **wasn't** here--if he didn't come in until he heard them in the bathroom--and Loki clues him in, Balder's going to know why his voice keeps rasping and why he's lying on his stomach. It's going to make him look weak.

There'll be time to ask in the future. He can set up a situation with Thor where he's the one with power and interrogate Balder about it afterward. That's a much smarter plan.

Balder should have asked about his wrists by now. If he was watching Loki's fight with Thor, he knows Thor didn't do anything to his arms.

But if he was watching before that, he could've seen Thor pinning his hands. Maybe he thinks the gauze is covering bruises or splinters from the deck railing. There's not much visible blood on the fresh ones. If Loki inadvertently clues him in, Balder's going to figure out just how much control over him Thor had. Even if he doesn't work out all the details of it, he's still going to know they're fucking.

And Loki is so damn sick of having to share things that are supposed to be his with Balder.

"Give me back my knife," he orders again.

Balder sets the knife on the dresser because he isn't stupid, and leaves. Loki checks that the one hidden in his mattress is still there before grabbing it, shoving the blade into his jeans' pocket as he pulls them on.

Loki picks up a fragment of glass that fell from Balder's phone and pushes it into his pocket too. He slides his hands into them and stays on his feet, jiggling the knife distractedly as he scowls at the carpet.

...There's nothing wrong with picking Thor's room over his.

Now that Balder's been in here, Loki doesn't want to stay. And it's stupid to isolate himself when he still doesn't know for certain if Odin and Frigga have smoked him out.

They might be waiting until the end of summer, to keep Thor from catching on.

If Loki were planning it, he'd make sure his mom was gone the morning before they got back. When she isn't there to pick him up and doesn't answer her phone, one of them would offer to drive him back to his house--and then that would be it. Thor wouldn't find out until it was too late.

And even if this bullshit somehow _worked_ and he hasn't been caught, Thor.... Thor makes friends so easily. If Loki pushes away from him for too long he'll lose his place in Thor's life again, crowded back out by the endless other people Thor gets along with. The risk is even greater when Thor's mad at him. He's got **proof** of that, he just spent the last month having to hang out with it. There's nothing wrong with protecting his investments.

If he keeps dragging his feet he's going to give Balder the opportunity to get to Thor first.

Loki scowls deeper and then grabs his sneakers and phone, and stalks out of his room.

Balder's door is shut, but Thor's is still half-open. When Loki slips inside and pulls it shut behind him, he sees Thor stiffen faintly and slide his hand under his pillow as he wakes up.

Thor sits up and recognizes him, and lets the brass knuckles slide off again. "Hey," he says as he pushes them back under the pillow. The relief in his voice is audible.

"...Nn," Loki manages.

"Throw the locks," Thor reminds.

Loki does so, resisting the urge to swallow as he reaches up to flip the new one. He fidgets with the knife again as he drops his shoes beside the bed.

Loki throws the glass shard into Thor's trashcan and shoves his phone into his pocket, and then decides he's starting to look pathetic and climbs onto the bed. Thor doesn't comment on his jeans.

Thor hauls him over to the opposite side, so Loki's by the window and Thor's between him and the door. For the first time, it doesn't feel like a threat or like he's being caged in: Thor's not blocking the door to him, he's blocking sight of him from the door.

For the first time in a long time, Loki's enemies are Thor's too, even if Thor won't admit it outright.

"How're your wrists?" Thor asks, after he's put Loki's shoes on that side as well. He reaches across Loki's stomach to pick up his hand.

"Hurt," Loki says tersely.

Thor nods once, and doesn't look like he regrets it but doesn't say 'Good' either. "You can take more painkillers tomorrow."

"Tomorrow as in later this morning, or tomorrow as in actually tomorrow?" Loki replies.

"Ask me again after you've smarted off a few more times," Thor says, giving him a look. Loki snickers.

Thor shakes his head, and then twines their fingers and lets their hands drop. The gesture rests his arm across Loki's torso.

"You're not subtle," Loki comments.

"No," Thor replies. "What's the point?"

Loki snorts once quietly.

He pillows his head on his free arm and goes still, and waits Thor out until he finally falls asleep before him. Once he does, Loki still doesn't pull his hand free.

 _Idiot_ , he thinks as he studies Thor's face in the gloom. _It's hours to sunrise. I could kill you, take your shit, and be two states over before anyone realizes you weren't just sleeping in. If I forged a note and took your phone no one would look until dark._

If it were Loki, he'd be faking sleep. But Thor isn't.

"You can't make people better by believing in them," Loki mutters, reaching out to brush Thor's bangs from his face.

He shifts faintly on the bed until he's curved in a fraction more towards Thor, and tucks his head into his elbow before finally closing his eyes.  
  
  
They wake up before dawn, when the smell of the coffee Frigga's making drifts into the hall.

They sit on the bed and pencil possible escape routes on paper maps to avoid leaving digital traces. Loki tries to calculate how many favors Odin would have pulled to get data on the tech used on Thor's car, and how many he might still have left to call on to hunt him down; Thor scrubs at his hair and tries to remember the names of his birth mother's family, in case one of them can be convinced to let Loki lie low at their house for a couple days. Odin probably wouldn't think of looking at her people.

They don't discuss why they're doing it. Loki considers it better to treat this as a practice game or a thought exercise, to avoid reminding Thor how deeply he's been betrayed. Thor can only make himself plot rationally if he doesn't admit to himself that the enemy he's countering for are his parents, even as he takes apart their weaknesses and strengths and works them into the plans.

Later they change each other's bandages in the bathroom. Thor lends Loki his wristbands to hide the gauze, and they head to breakfast.  
  
  
Frigga lectures Loki for lying to Balder and breaking his phone, and grounds him for another three days. She doesn't act like she found anything incriminating on it or Thor's.

Odin returns later that morning in a black mood and locks himself in the upper floor, occasionally yelling at people on the phone or via video conference loud enough that they can hear it in the living room. Thor, Balder, and Loki watch the TV on mute and try not to draw attention to themselves; Frigga continues on as if this is a normal aspect of marriage. She and Odin manage to argue about budgets and security without shouting at each other more than twice.

"If one of us faked being sick maybe we could go home early," Balder finally mutters that night, after they've moved to the kitchen because it's farther away from the upper floor. He's washing the dishes; Thor and Loki are playing cards. "Then we could at least sleep over with friends."

"Aren't you a little young for that?" Loki replies dryly, palming a jack of hearts from under his wristband.

"That's not what I mean," Balder retorts over Thor's amused snort. "I'm not dating anybody."

"Good," Loki replies. "That's the only way to avoid repeating this shit yourself. Sleep around and never commit to anyone."

"--Um. You don't really, I mean that's not a good...." Balder starts to look to Thor for help, and then apparently changes his mind as he remembers Thor's track record with girlfriends. He turns back to the sink and tackles the dishes with excessive vigor, ignoring them.

Once Balder's turned his back, Thor makes an obscene gesture and mouths an even more obscene promise. Loki smiles widely and swaps a three with the jack while he's distracted.  
  
  
It takes a week, but slowly Loki starts to think he might have gotten away with it.

The tension in the house never eases, and Frigga and Odin have figured out that both sets of exploited gaps were caused by a third person. But Frigga's begun asking Loki to help with her and Balder's forensics work, and Odin's tolerating it, which means he's cleared of suspicion.

Maybe.

Loki almost sets up a midlevel agent to take the fall, but then decides Thor would take that as a violation of some moral code or another and get pissed again. Plus, developing the cover sufficiently would require more equipment than he's got access to. Frigga won't let him take the tablet out of her sight, and Thor's started turning to defensive attacks if he even _thinks_ Loki's getting too close to his phone. Balder hasn't gone that far yet, but Thor's given him permission to.

Thor keeps the map with their routes in a pocket of his cargo shorts and checks traffic patterns along them every few hours using a spoofing program to hide what he's doing. He helped Loki rearrange his room so his bed's against their shared wall, so Loki can bang on it to wake him up faster. There are emergency bags for them both hidden in the cubby underneath the trunk bottom of Thor's car; they've started sleeping in their clothes just in case. Loki no longer takes his shoes off except in the shower.

If they stayed in the cabin too long the suspicious behavior would undoubtedly be noticed, so once Loki's no longer grounded they don't. Except for when he and Balder are working with Frigga, the three of them stay away for hours at a time. And once the long, frustrating, painstakingly slow forensic procedures have yielded nothing and she tells the two of them to go enjoy the rest of their vacation instead of being cooped up inside, Loki and Thor and Balder barely remain in the place except to eat breakfast and sleep.

The fact that she couldn't find anything doesn't mean it's over. They could still subpoena the phone company. If this has been a trap and they _do_ suspect him, they may've already done it and this farce has just been to get him to let down his guard. 

Loki sleeps in Thor's room more often than not now. Thor gripes about the grit his sneakers get on the sheets, but doesn't make him take them off.

Thor doesn't wear his own shoes to bed.

The longer they go without being called out, the more Thor acts like things are going to be okay, because he just can't _understand_ the lengths Odin will go to to preserve his power.

Loki can comprehend those depths easily. It's no less than what he'd do, if their positions were reversed.

Every night that Thor falls asleep next to him barefoot, Loki reminds himself that he can't trust anyone. He's outside this family in the end, always has been, always will be. Thor's not going to pick him over them; Thor's not stupid.  
  
  
During the rest of the vacation, they spend so many days on the beach that all of Loki's clothes and books have sand in them.

They used to kill evenings at the movies or bowling, but once Thor opened a new bank account and slowly starting siphoning money into it, he got more frugal. After that, they just begin crashing beach barbecues. 

The strangers at them never stay that way for long. People love to hang out with Thor, and everyone seems to get along with Balder; and when Loki gets tired of storytelling or coin tricks or realizes someone's catching on to his backhanded compliments, he finds the people that like to gamble. He's made a decent haul in winnings so far, and would've made more if Thor would quit telling him to moderate it so he's not caught cheating.

Despite everything, it's better than the summer's been so far.

Loki keeps being surprised at how much he's enjoying it. It's absurd--everything has a price, and between the three of them he's the one most likely to end up paying it. If he doesn't keep his guard up, he'll be blindsided when payment comes due, unable to foist it off on someone else. He has to be prepared. It'll all go to hell eventually.

Except it never does.

Balder makes friends with a group of townies and starts hanging out with them on his own at Thor's urging. Left to themselves, Thor and Loki fall in with the rotating groups of tourists. Thor wins admirers by being unstoppable at volleyball games, and Loki hones his skills by charming their way into group meals where he practices card tricks and coin tricks and the other languages he knows. Combined, their talents are pretty much invincible. They've always been.

No one blinks if Thor slings an arm around Loki's shoulders while laughing or after a game. They still call themselves cousins so no townies overhear the change and gossip.  
  
  
It takes a month, but slowly Loki and Thor and Balder all start to believe they've gotten away with it.

Loki's mom isn't there to pick him up when they return to their hometown, but she answers the phone when he calls. Thor drives him back when Loki asks him to; neither Odin or Frigga argue.

Thor parks in the driveway and scowls at the front door. "...You could probably stay with us until you've gotta head to college."

"I will be _glad_ to get a break from Odin," Loki replies dryly.

"Nnn," Thor mutters. He jostles the transmission bar agitatedly, still glaring at the house.

Loki hauls his backpack out of the back seat and settles it on his lap before arching an eyebrow. "Why're you so touchy lately?"

"I'm not touchy," Thor replies. Loki rolls his eyes exaggeratedly.

"You've been twitchy since yesterday," he says. "What is it?"

Thor jiggles the transmission again. "Sif texted me. She thinks they're moving up her deployment date, to make up for a manpower shortage."

"...Ah," Loki replies.

Thor keeps fiddling with the bar, so Loki adds, "She'll be fine. She's tough." He makes a face. "Speaking as someone who's been punched by her before."

"You kinda deserved it," Thor says reflexively. He lets go of the transmission and folds his hands and shoves them between his knees. Loki shifts the bag on his lap so it's not blocking the pocket with his knife anymore.

"It's not gonna do her any good if someone sends a drone into their unit," Thor mutters. He clenches his hands tighter. "Nobody fights fair anymore."

"You really weren't meant for modern warfare," Loki comments.

Thor makes an irritated noise, and Loki shrugs.

"If you were there, you'd just get killed in a drone attack too," he points out. "Honor doesn't have a place in war, except as a reason to manipulate people into fighting."

"Could you **not** sound like Dad?" Thor growls. "That shit needs to die out already."

"He's not wrong," Loki replies. He hooks an arm through one of the straps of his backpack and opens the door. Thor grabs his arm.

"Maybe he's not wrong for what he has to do," Thor says when Loki looks back at him. "But that means what he's doing is wrong. It should change."

"How many burdens are you planning to take on, Thor?" Loki asks. "At this point, life itself is going to break you before I can."

Thor snorts but doesn't let go. "Whatever, brat. I'm stronger than you."

When Loki hums in consideration under his breath, Thor just shakes his head. "Hey, tell me when you know your dorm number. I'll help you move in."

"So you can strong-arm my roommate into being your spy?" Loki replies dryly. "You're not subtle."

Thor rolls his eyes. "Fine, brat. Fine." He lets go and leans back in his seat, still tilted toward Loki. "You can move your own obnoxious ass in. I'll just go to your campus later and ask around until someone tells me where you live."

"And look like a stalker," Loki points out. "Good luck with that."

"I'll say I lost my phone, so I don't have your email and can't call to ask," he replies, smiling. "Everyone loses their phone."

Thor shrugs. "Of course, you **could** keep a low profile and not annoy people so no one knows who I'm talking about, but I'm kiiiiinda guessing that's not gonna happen."

"Asshole."

"Sure," Thor grins. "Tell me when you know your dorm."

It's fine if Loki lets Thor act like he knows best. It _doesn't mean_ he's giving in, or giving up what little he's still got of his own over to his half-brother, who's already got so much he spends money and affection and concern like he'll never run out.

It's just protecting his interests. He's just thinking long-term.

"Yeah, fine," Loki says. He shoulders his backpack higher and moves to slide out of the car. Thor catches his hand again.

Loki exhales and gives him an exasperated look over his shoulder, but Thor ignores it. "Hey," he says, quieter. "Call me if you don't want to stay here."

"I do," Loki replies. "If I'm with her, I'm safer. Odin won't kill us both, Frigga wouldn't let him."

"He's not a monster."

"I'd do it." A gas leak is fairly efficient and usually written off. They haven't bothered to get a new oven yet since the range on the old one still works.

Thor just glances skyward. "No you wouldn't, not if you had the opportunity. Call me if you don't want to stay here anymore. We can figure something out."

"Like what?" Loki asks patiently. "You can't pull that 'staying with friends' trick for two weeks. And I'm pretty sure if we got a hotel for that long we'd kill each other." He smirks. "One way or another."

"I'll think of _something_ ," Thor insists, still not rising to the bait. "Call me."

Loki blows his bangs out of his face. " **Fine** ," he says, because it's easier to lie than to try making Thor see how he's being stupid. "If it gets irritating I'll call. Now are you gonna let me out of the car this time, or should I just make plans to sleep in the seat?"

"You are such a dick," Thor mutters, but when he shakes his head it's indulgently. He lets go. "Alright. I'll talk to you later."

"Later," Loki replies, and gets out.

Thor stays in the driveway until he unlocks the door and goes inside and finally waves obnoxiously from the side window. As Loki watches him back out onto the road and drive away, he thinks that this level of sappy stupidity is embarrassing to be related to and tries aggravatedly to make himself stop smiling.  
  
  
A couple weeks later, when a hacker who's just good enough that he can be feasibly be blamed is arrested, Frigga calls her sister and makes her send Loki over for the afternoon.

Her nephew slouches up the driveway when Farbauti drops him off at the street, his hands in his pockets. He keeps them there when Balder lets him in; he finally pulls them out when Frigga comes down the stairs to greet him.

She sends Balder out on errands for his own safety and tells Loki she needs his help with some authentication work. Loki follows her to the study, shifting his feet occasionally whenever he steps on the frayed cuffs of his jeans. The clothes don't suit him; they never have. He's the only teenager she knows who feels more comfortable wearing a suit than a t-shirt.

But he won't let her buy him decent clothing these days. He won't accept anything as a gift anymore; he always expects a string attached.

Frigga describes the situation, gives him samples of the hacker's other work as a template, and gestures him to the laptop before settling at her own machine. Less than a minute has passed when she hears Loki's chair creak as he goes completely still.

The traces and program that they're tampering to more closely resemble the hacker's handiwork is blatantly his own. Frigga had no intention of hiding it.

It's difficult, shifting between him and Thor sometimes. Thor wants things spoken and acknowledged, clearly defined, structured; they've taught him to fear his blackouts and anger so much that it's led him to reject all kinds of chaos. His cousin seems to be the only exception.

But Loki despises anything made too plain, too obvious. There's no room in him for absolutes, only ambiguities. If something is too clear-cut he lies to himself that it's otherwise, unable to accept it any other way: like his cousin's affection, like her own.

Frigga makes herself keep typing, even as tension creeps down her back while the silence behind her stretches out. Fear drives people to do things they never would otherwise; her sister is no longer the person she grew up with.

At long, long last, her nephew begins typing. Frigga exhales slowly and silently, and shifts so the knife in her holster lays more comfortably along her forearm.  
  
  
They take a break an hour later and go to the kitchen. Loki types on the new phone she gave him last week while she makes coffee; soon after, her phone pings.

Frigga set it to give her man-in-the-middle alerts at a tone a fraction higher than her normal ones. She checks it and notes that Loki's using the router she set up to look like the neighbors' wifi rather than their own or the cellular data plan. He's contacting Thor.

Frigga taps out the rest of the coffee into the filter to steel herself before opening the message.

It's a--fairly--innocuous one, asking if Thor's gotten his brains knocked out at training camp yet.

It could still be a code. The difficulty with Loki is that when she underestimates him the consequences are deep; but when she plans and counters his actions seriously he falls into the traps so easily it's painful to see, reminding her that in the end her opponent is a teenage boy desperately craving approval from his elders. She hasn't yet found the balance between the two poles.

Frigga routes the message on to Thor and resumes making the coffee.

Her son's response arrives shortly, jocular and teasing and sounding like his usual self. She begins to suspect less that this is a code. She frowns at her phone and excuses herself, saying she needs to take this, and sends it along once she's out of the room.

Loki's answer is dry and sardonic. Frigga shakes her head and routes it forward, too.

Their conversation rapidly devolves, until the last three texts between them almost convince her that not only is this not a code but also that they clearly think proxy accounts are sufficient protection. Frigga deletes the latest message immediately after sending it on and decides that the next time she speaks to Thor, she's going to mention hearing a news program about sexting and tell him she _hopes_ he's sensible enough to realize no digital network is safe.

Honestly, why does no one take Polaroids anymore? You could burn those.

It could still be a trick.

The difficulty with Loki is that he'll take reckless risks in his counter moves, because sometimes they work. He might have noticed the lag time between their messages and suspected that they're being intercepted; this might be a gamble to see if it's her or Odin doing it.

He might be a typical teenage boy still in the early stages of a relationship, prompted to think about sex by nearly anything and missing his boyfriend, and worried about what could happen during the forced distance between them. Thor has always been popular.

It could be both.

It could be a conversation initiated by a child who thinks he's about to be killed for treason and who feels he has nothing left to lose, except not talking to the person he loves one last time beforehand.

Frigga starts to skim another message and then forces herself to go back and read through it properly, looking for signs of code or information exchange, and reminds herself that she has to examine these as a professional and not a mother.

It doesn't help much.

She soon returns to the kitchen after forwarding Thor's last message. Loki hands her a mug silently.

He sends a note to Thor that he has to get back to work and then puts the phone away, but lingers in the kitchen while she finishes her coffee: the study door is locked, like always. She never leaves it accessible.

Frigga types in the password to the deadman switch when the alert pops up on her phone and rinses out her mug. "Back to work."

Loki nods once, still not meeting her eyes.  
  
  
When they've finished, he stays in his chair, cracking his knuckles, while she compresses the data and sends it off. Frigga types in the password for the switch once again and then stretches gratefully. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"...Stop it," Loki says, his voice probably not as steady as he wanted. "This is stupid."

It's one thing to be clinically aware that a traitor is behaving in a way that indicates he expects to die after being caught out. It's another to hear confirmation of it spoken by her nephew, in the room where they've worked together for nearly a third of his life.

This, too, could be a trap. Loki was always gifted at manipulation.

He looks so young hunched in his chair staring at the monitor; she remembers walking him through the basics of coding here, using compiling errors as a--failed--lesson in the value of calm and patience. It's hard to look at him and truly comprehend he's the same person responsible for two peoples' deaths and the gutting and rebuilding of half a server farm.

He looked just as panicked and desperate the night he called and asked her to come to a shoddy apartment in a part of town their family never should have lingered in, to help him get rid of the body of the man who'd sent him to the hospital.

That hadn't been a trick; she'd had to point out basic mistakes and traces he was leaving that he'd never done before. He'd been so shaken for the next few days that Farbauti had actually called her and tried to find out what happened.

Loki cracks his thumbs and then drops his hands abruptly, perhaps finally noticing the tic. "Let's just go."

Frigga lets out a very, very slow breath, and reaches out to brush back his hair. Loki flinches away from her touch.

"That is not what I intended with this," she tells him.

It would be so much easier if he were more like Thor. Then, she could speak directly and know her words would be acknowledged instead of twisted away from. But they are different boys; they have to be reached out to in different ways.

He lets her tuck his bangs behind his ear the second time, but he's still immobile in the chair, staring past her at the door. Her sleeves are loose; the holster is probably visible. "It was possible to clean it up this time," Frigga says evenly. "Please never do anything like that again. If you're angry or unhappy, Loki, come talk to me. That will solve problems the way acts like this never can. We might have been able to save our agents in time."

The corner of his mouth twists up. "You and Odin, you mean."

It's another flag that that's what he's latched onto, rather than the statement about people's lives. Frigga notes it along with the others and keeps any sign of discomfort out of her voice. "Me."

"Marriage is a package deal," her nephew mutters. "--And if he hadn't been so obvious they wouldn't have lost their covers. They were fine before that." _I didn't do that part. That wasn't **my** fault._

Delayed recognition of what should be causing guilt. Frigga notes that at least the recognition is still occurring. It's still possible this is a combination of depression hampering normative emotional responses, and of being taught too young to think of anyone outside their family as probable enemies and ultimately expendable for a greater cause. She should have started trying to reverse that thinking sooner.

It's still possible that this is just pragmatism that needs to be tempered with logical kindness and mercy. There's still reason to hope.

She wants, very badly, for there to still be reason to hope.

"If one person uses a knife to cut pockets without harming their victims, and then someone else takes it and is too stupid to use it for anything but stabbing, the person who lost track of their knife is still somewhat complicit," Frigga answers. "They should have already known most other people don't have any sense of finesse."

". . . Still," Loki mutters, in an evasion that isn't quite a rejection. It's a starting point. "You'd tell him eventually."

"Yes," Frigga agrees, because a good wife always has her husband's back, except when he's making poor decisions. "In time. All partnerships are like that. But I have other relationships too, and you're one of them. I'm going to do the best I can for all of them."

Loki makes a noise in his throat and hunches his shoulders in more.

"...So he knows," he says, staring back at the blank monitor.

"Yes," Frigga agrees.

An echo of the earlier sneer tugs at his mouth, weaker now. "He must be _so_ disappointed."

"We both were," she answers, "but not in the way you're thinking. You could have come to me sooner, Loki. You always can."

For a few moments, her words reach through. She can see it.

But then Loki clenches his jaw, and digs in his heels, and barricades himself back in with his anger and misery, because it's easier than taking a risk and trusting. She can see that, too.

There's no point in saying more tonight. Her words will be ignored at best, twisted at worst. Frigga pats his shoulder and says, "Thank you for your help today. And I do want to talk to you again."

"Sure," Loki mumbles sullenly. Frigga nods and pushes out of her chair, and asks, "What do you want for dinner?"

They make hamburgers. She texts Balder to stay out for a few more hours, and types in the password to the deadman's switch--the program that's continually resetting the post time of all the data she's collected on Loki over the years, and the sending of an email alert that it's available to Odin and a few backup parties, and the recorded phone call to her brother in Iceland to come back and get Balder and Thor and take them out of the country--once more.

She doesn't disable it. Not yet.

The difficulty with Loki that he takes such reckless risks; he's calculating to a level outsiders would call soulless, and he's paid attention to her lessons on how to play the long game. The only thing that stops him from being the greatest threat she's known is that so far, he still sabotages himself before he hits that point.

The difficulty with Loki is that she still has to choose between overestimating and underestimating him, and both options have their consequences.  
  
  
Thor, unsurprisingly, comes home that weekend.

He doesn't stay in the house long--just enough to decimate the leftovers that were supposed to be dinner, _teenage boys_ \--before heading out again. Frigga sighs and revises her meal plans and goes grocery shopping.

She's pulling into the store parking lot when Loki texts her. _I didn't tell him to come. I didn't tell him anything._

The last half of that statement is an obvious lie. It makes her wonder: who is Loki trying to protect? Thor? Himself? Both of them?

Partnerships are a package deal, after all.

She sends back a message acknowledging his words and tells them to come home for lunch, and not to get in trouble before then.

The other half might not be a lie. The shakiness and fatalism in Loki's texts the other day were clear to Frigga, since she knew his normal method of writing and the circumstances. If Thor recognized that something was off, it's no surprise he returned as soon as he could. Her son takes his responsibilities as a protector seriously.

Loki never replies; but he and Thor arrive for lunch on time.  
  
  
Thor volunteers to do the dishes afterward, which is such a blatant attempt to speak to her alone that Frigga sympathizes with Loki's disbelieving scowl. She still makes him and Balder leave.

"What did Dad say?" Thor asks as soon as he turns the water on.

The lack of subtlety is, in many ways, a relief. It's not that her son is incapable of subterfuge; he just hates it. He especially rejects it with the people he believes he can trust.

There are still things here she can save.

"He's angry, and concerned, and disappointed," she answers, taking the plate he holds out and wiping it dry. "We'll recover."

"He won't do it again," Thor says, with a finality that makes Frigga think for a very uncomfortable and awkward moment about the contents of some of those messages between him and his brother. "I'll make sure of it."

"You are not responsible for his behavior, Thor," she replies. "He makes his own choices. We can only encourage them to be good ones."

Her son frowns down at the pan as he scrubs it. "...Alright."

"Next time, please tell me sooner," she adds evenly. "I can't protect us on my end without information."

Thor doesn't answer at first. Frigga takes the pan from him and then lays a hand on his arm.

"I understand your motivations," she says. "I know there's things your father and I have done to damage your faith in us. But please believe me that no matter how upset we are, you can still trust us. Family looks out for each other, always."

Thor starts to lift a hand to the dent in his forehead unconsciously; and then he stops, and picks up another plate instead.

Frigga expects him to ask if Laufey is alive or not. She expects him to ask where he's been incarcerated, if she and Odin really work for the government, why they're so frequently the target of potentially lethal attacks. She expects Thor to ask any of the questions he's slowly been biting back over the years, all the questions he's never been given answers to before.

But instead her son nods, and says "Okay," and gives her a brief smile.

That's when she realizes Thor came back because he's already made his choice.

There are some things here she can't salvage.

Frigga is still with the loss for a few moments. She thinks about her sister again, about playing in the creek during the summer when they were still too young to know what kind of family they were in. She hasn't seen Farbauti smile except in photographs for years.

Then she starts drying the pan and reminds herself that all parents lose their children for a while.

She was a terror herself in college, taking off to the other side of the country and moving in with a man who pretty much deserved the reputation he had. The loss doesn't last forever.

People always come home again. It just takes time.

And she has no problem sacrificing time. She's always believed in playing the long game. Odin was the first person she met who could see as far out as she aimed for, who could see even farther; planning for the long term made it possible for them to do all they have so far.

It just takes time, and patience, and effort.

People always come home again, as long as the home deserves them.  
  
  
Once Thor says he's going to drive Loki back to her sister's house, it isn't long before Balder calls a few of his friends and then leaves for the afternoon. When she's seen him off, Frigga makes her way to Odin's study.

"There's two options," she says as she enters, drawing her husband out of his work. Odin looks up from the monitor. "We can simply let it go this time, and keep an eye out so we catch the signs if something similar starts again."

"...Or?" Odin asks eventually, after she's settled herself in the other chair.

"Or we can lose all our sons at once," Frigga replies, smoothing her skirt over her knees as she watches him. "I hope this isn't a difficult decision."

Odin makes an irked noise under his breath. "'If,'" he mutters. "It _will_ happen again. He needs to be stopped."

"Do you no longer trust me?" Frigga asks.

Odin looks over at her with a furrowed brow, and the surprise in his voice is genuine. "You're the only trustworthy person in the world."

Frigga feels her chest ease. She smiles faintly as she says, "Then **trust** me. I'll take care of this."

"You could have been hurt," he reminds her lowly. He taps his fingers against the chair's armrest in agitation.

"But I wasn't," she replies gently. "Trust me.

"Unhappy people do terrible things," she adds. "I think my sister has been clear proof of that."

Odin looks back at the computer.

"I'll take care of things at home," Frigga promises. "You focus on our country."

Her husband exhales slowly. Then he pushes his chair over and takes her hand. "How do you keep this ugly world at bay?"

"I don't know," she tells him honestly. "If I did, I would share it with you."

Odin chuckles under his breath and rests his forehead against her own for a few moments.

Then he pulls back and nods once. ". . . Very well. If you think he can be saved, I'll leave it to you. But--"

"Don't worry," Frigga says with a small smile. "A good wife keeps her husband's secrets."

Odin raises an eyebrow briefly. "And a few of her own."

Frigga thinks of the depths Loki sunk to chasing after a fleeting sense of peace, of the horrified look on Thor's face when he realized the hickeys he left on his brother's neck were visible, of the fact that their sons are so afraid of them they all felt the need to lie like this to protect each other in the first place. She shrugs her shoulders very faintly.

"Only those you don't need to worry about," she replies. "I'll manage the situation at home, so you can focus on what you have to outside it."

Odin gives her a small, rueful smile, but at last nods again. "Very well."

He raises her hand to his mouth and kisses it. "What would I be without you?"

"Oh, you would still be something grand," Frigga replies, smiling. "But perhaps a bit less so."

Odin chuckles, and turns back to his computer.

He keeps holding her hand as he deletes the files he was reviewing, and the final copy of the nasty little program Frigga replicated from the traces she found on Thor's phone.  
  
  
At breakfast, Thor swears insistently that he knows better than to ever sext when she mentions it, and flees the table soon after. Balder's already excused himself. Frigga decides firmly that she **does not** want to check the phones until they've had an hour to destroy the evidence; some things a mother should not have to deal with. Also, she needs to learn when Balder got a girlfriend.

Odin gives her a disbelieving look over the paper. "Whatever happened to regular photos?" he asks. "You could burn those."

" _Thank you_ ," Frigga replies.


	10. Epilogue. (Volstagg & Brunhilde's kid is just fine & totally spoiled)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious thanks to Latitans and elvey for their beta work on this, and to Johnny Xmas for sitting down with me after his GenCon panel and giving me so much information on tech and hacking that I had to vague it down some so I didn't hit the NSA's radar for this. All CSI-level technology fails and general grammar screw-ups are my own doing.  
> ~

"Your dorm is crap," Thor says bluntly, eying the room.

"My dorm is normal," Loki replies, dumping another box on his bed. "You're spoiled because they put you in the fancy athletes' dorm."

"Nah, yours' is still crap," Thor says decisively. "Right?"

"Absolutely not," Fandral answers, leaning in through the door briefly. "It's _co-ed_."

"So?" Loki replies dryly.

"What a waste," Fandral says with real regret, eying the hallway. "Why didn't they have this at my alma mater?"

"For the same reason no one has a fox guard a henhouse," Hogun comments as he moves past him. He sets the three boxes he's carrying onto the floor. "That's the last of them."

"Cool," Thor grins. "Thanks, guys."

"Not a problem," Fandral answers, still leaning out into the hallway and watching the other first-years move in.

"As long as you're still buying dinner," Hogun adds.

"Yeah, yeah," Thor answers. "I got it, don't worry."

He turns to Loki's roommate, who's mainly stayed safe at his desk in the corner once the four of them descended on the room. "Hey, do you know any good places to eat?"

"Uh...." The guy nods. "Yeah, a couple."

"Awesome," Thor grins. "Wanna join us?"

"Not subtle," Loki mumbles under his breath. Thor elbows him in the side and keeps grinning.  
  
  
Loki's roommate apparently lives in the town. He directs them to a good hamburger place, and gets involved in telling urban legends about the university while they're walking back across the campus. Thor catches Hogun's eyes briefly as they're meandering, and then he and Loki break away and head back to the dorm.

"I guess it's not bad," Thor concedes, eyeing the room.

"Don't strain yourself," Loki replies. Thor snorts.

"You don't have to share a bathroom with the whole floor," he points out, slinging an arm around Loki's waist. "That's pretty sweet."

"I guess," Loki says grudgingly. He glances at the room critically again. "I wanted a single."

"Maybe next year," Thor shrugs. He pulls Loki closer. "Don't drive your roommate off."

Loki gives him a sidelong look.

"He seems cool," Thor argues. "He's probably not going to bug you."

"He seems stupid," Loki replies flatly. "He probably got in because of relatives."

"So maybe he'll flunk out and you'll get the room to yourself in a couple months anyway," Thor replies. "Don't push it to happen, got it?"

Loki rolls his eyes, and Thor digs a thumb into his side.

He makes an annoyed noise. "Whatever. As long as he leaves me alone."

"Good," Thor smiles.

Loki gives him a knowing look. "You're going to interrogate him the next time you show up, aren't you."

"Absolutely," Thor says, grinning wider. "So don't be too much of a dick."

"What about the guys next door?" Loki asks casually.

They met his suitemates in the shared bathroom when he was shoving the soap he'd brought under the sink. One of them had been bonding with Thor over sports right up until Thor shook his hand and introduced himself as Loki's boyfriend. The guy made a disgusted face after that, and then flinched when Thor squeezed his hand way too hard while still smiling.

Thor's face goes cold.

"Don't talk to him," he replies. "And put a lock on that door. If he's a dick, take it to the RA, and if they don't do anything let me know. I'll think of something."

Loki raises an eyebrow. "How weak do you think I am?"

"I'm worried about what you'll do to _him_ ," Thor replies bluntly.

"Nothing he doesn't deserve."

"Don't fuck up your chances over a piece of shit like that," Thor orders. "He's not worth it."

Loki raises the brow higher. "Why do you assume I'd get caught?" he asks, and Thor slides his arm up around Loki's ribs and tightens it in warning.

"I said no," Thor tells him lowly.

His brother draws a slow breath.

"Hm," Loki answers, before looking down at Thor's arm. "...Whatever. Fine."

He kicks at his bed a few seconds later. "This thing's a piece of shit. A few good screws and it's going to break."

Thor snerks. "Are you kidding?" he replies. "These walls are way too thin. Ask around about hotels here."

"Oh yes, that won't be obvious at all," Loki agrees.

Thor rolls his eyes. "Fine, I will."

Loki sniggers and leans a little further into him.

"Still, we should break it in once," he comments. "I'll find out about a party before you come up again."

When Thor looks over, Loki continues: "College campuses are hotbeds of date rape. When we go, I'll have a couple drinks there. Just enough that I can't really fight you."

Thor's hand tightens against his hip as he shivers. "--Loki. That's not--"

"Shush," Loki interrupts calmly. "You said a couple guys on your team are douchebags. What better way to know you're not like them than to try the same thing and see how it feels?"

Thor keeps staring down at him with a furrowed brow. "...I don't know how trustworthy your logic is."

Loki snickers before rolling his head back to grin at him. "Thor," he replies. "It's **me**."

Thor ends up laughing.

Loki curls a hand over his forearm, and then slides it up to cup Thor's bicep as he trails off. He rubs his thumb over Thor's tattoo as he murmurs, "I'll only have two drinks. You'll know it's just pretend. Okay?"

Thor swallows and hesitates, but finally nods. "All right."

"Good," Loki hums. "Put me on my back and hold me by the ankles while you fuck me, no matter what I say."

Thor shivers and pulls him closer. "Okay."

" **You** only get to have one drink," Loki adds with a little grin. "So I can be sure you'll actually get it up to do it."

"Brat," Thor growls in offense, before kissing him hard. Loki laughs into it, then jolts and gasps as Thor bites his upper lip.

Thor pulls back from the kiss sooner than usual with a low exhale. Loki studies his face for a few moments, then says, "What is it already?"

"Yeah, all right," Thor mutters; and for a few heartbeats Loki stays still as his stomach drops, a dozen possibilities behind those words opening up in front of him and all of them ending with Thor walking out the door. "I know you're gonna get insulted, but just--try not to take it the wrong way."

"That's a great opener," Loki remarks. Thor grumbles under his breath and works a flat box out of the distended pocket Loki noticed when he arrived but never got enough time alone to ask about.

"Seriously?" Loki says automatically when he sees the jeweler's name on it. " **Seriously**. Did you not have better things to spend your money on?"

"No," Thor replies. He waves the box with one hand, scrubbing at his hair with the other. "Quit being a jerk. Just open it."

Anything that makes Thor so uncomfortable will be worth it one way or another, so Loki abandons the handful of other insults he was choosing from and takes it. Thor drops his hand back to his side.

He lets the other one fall from his hair when Loki opens the box and stares at the heavy gold necklace inside. As the silence stretches out, Thor hooks his thumbs in his pockets.

"Tell me," Loki finally says, raising an eyebrow faintly, "what exactly is the 'right way' for me to take you wanting to collar me?"

Thor exhales and shakes his head. "That's not what it is," he replies patiently.

Loki raises the eyebrow a fraction higher. "Really."

"Yes," Thor answers.

He hesitates for a moment, then slides his hands into his pockets for lack of knowing what else to do with them. Loki's expression doesn't change, but he can see his brother's eyes flick to the movement briefly.

"I'm not gonna be around here enough," Thor tells him. "And we've gotta keep low profiles anyway. So that--" he jerks an elbow at the box. "It's pre-emptive. If you piss somebody off while you're wearing it, they'll think twice about retaliating because they'll see you're protected, you've got people. You've got money and power they'd have to take on too."

"I'm pretty sure if it came down to that Odin would disagree on the expenditure," Loki comments.

"So don't piss anybody off that bad," Thor replies, and Loki snorts before he can help himself.

He tilts the box so the chain slithers faintly to the side, but otherwise doesn't move. Thor shifts on his feet.

"It's not a collar. You're not property. It's not to tell you I own you," Thor says forcefully. "It's so other people know if they want to fuck with you they have to go through me first."

"...Mn," is all his brother replies; but Thor knows how to see the cracks in his facade.

Loki reaches for the necklace. But when he picks it up it becomes too obvious his hand is shaking, so he drops it back to the satin.

He holds the box out casually with a shrug. "Well, put it on then."

Thor bites the inside of his lip and nods, taking it. "Can you pull your hair up?"

Loki turns around as he does. His fingers are still trembling slightly despite the fist he's got his hair shoved into, but Thor pretends not to see it as he slides the chain around his neck and hooks it at Loki's nape.

"Did you pick the heaviest one you could find?" Loki asks as he plucks at the necklace, trying to make it lie more comfortably on his collarbones, still not quite hitting the note of mocking he was going for.

"Yeah," Thor agrees.

Loki holds down a shiver and tugs at the chain again. "I guess I could always try to garrote someone with it in a pinch."

"Yeah," Thor says again pragmatically, "but make sure you get in close." He hooks a finger underneath, beside the clasp. "The link looks kinda weak here, I didn't catch it until this morning."

"For shame, you know better," Loki manages to deadpan.

"Yeah, I know," he answers, sounding like he genuinely regrets that he failed to get Loki a necklace he could kill his enemies with. Loki finally cracks up.

"You are _hopeless_ ," he gasps through the laughter. "Shit, we're never gonna make it outside that fucking town."

"We'll be **fine** ," Thor replies, even though he's snickering himself. He wraps an arm around Loki's shoulders and shifts around to face him. "We'll be fine. Just, you know, don't kill anyone who's not trying to kill you first. That's normal, it can't be that hard."

Loki snorts against the back of his hand. "Let me know how 'normal' works out for you, then I'll try it."

"Nggh," Thor mutters, rubbing the heel of his hand against the bridge of his nose. "I didn't even think about the fact I was checking for bugs until my roommate came in and asked why I was prying out the baseboards. He thought I meant literal bugs, now I'm the clean freak of the floor."

Loki curls in laughing again.

Thor shakes his head before dragging his hair away from his eyes. "...It can't be _that_ hard," he says. "We'll be fine."

"You're screwed," Loki replies, fighting down another snigger. "You can't lie off the cuff for shit."

"Yeah, help me come up with some before I get nicknamed Lysol or something," Thor says. "I knew I should've asked sooner."

Loki shakes his head in mock-despair, and tries to ignore the unfamiliar way the necklace slides against his skin as he does. "Yes. You should have. Now I can never set foot on your campus or I'll be known as 'the guy dating Lysol.' Truly, you are a credit to the family."

"Oh, shut up," Thor mutters, pressing a hand back to his face.

"Make me," Loki grins. His smirk widens as Thor pulls his hand down enough to give him a narrow, predatory look.

They're still kissing against the wall when Loki's roommate returns with Fandral and Hogun and then shuts the door again immediately. There's a rap on it while they're pulling apart.

"Since you're still fully clothed, can I assume we can interrupt?" Fandral calls through the door.

Loki hisses under his breath, but Thor just shakes his head with a snerk. He draws back further and calls "Yeah, yeah."  
  
  
Loki doesn't have enough stuff to really unpack, so once he's dumped his clothes in the closet and his new laptop and supplies on the desk, there's no reason for Thor and his friends to keep hanging around other than the fact that Fandral's successfully started chatting up the girls in the room across the hall.

"You're too old for this," Hogun interrupts him to point out, at the same time Loki's roommate says, "So uh, you know how the RA was talking about a signal?"

"I'm not getting my socks stolen because I hung them on the door," Loki replies, and Thor laughs aloud.

"Don't worry about it," he promises, slinging an arm over the guy's shoulders. "We probably won't hang around here."

"Uh," the guy replies. "Okay."

When they're about to leave, Thor pulls Loki's roommate off to the side, not so far that Loki can't hear what he's saying.

"Listen," Thor says seriously, draping an arm over the guy's shoulders again. "I know he can be kind of a jerk. Don't let it get to you, okay?" He fishes in his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper with his contact info, and hands it over. "Here, if you really have a problem, let me know. I'll take care of it."

The stress on the 'I'll' is almost indistinguishable. Almost.

Loki's roommate looks at the paper, and then looks at Thor's bare arm slung casually over his shoulder, and then looks back at the paper or maybe the carpet. "Okay."

"Cool," Thor smiles, and slaps him cheerfully on the back.  
  
  
When Hogun's successfully separated Fandral and the girls, they get ready to go. Fandral gives Loki's roommate a regretful look as he shakes his hand. "You have my sympathies."

"Rude," Loki drawls, and Thor argues, "Hey."

"Incorrect," Hogun replies. "He should have said you have all our sympathies."

Loki's roommate looks both unsure what to say and also increasingly concerned. Loki ends up snickering. Thor glances at him before shaking his head.

"Anyway," he says, pausing in the doorway after Fandral and Hogun have already headed out. "I'll see you next week."

Loki rolls his eyes more from habit than anything. "Yes, yes. See you then."

Thor smiles brightly at him, and only then turns to leave. Loki huffs under his breath and forces away his smile.  
  
  
  


I just couldn't breathe with your throne on my chest.


End file.
